* * *

Between my three caretakers, I was kept too preoccupied to worry. I met with the shrink once a day and I’d had a couple interviews with the same two cops who’d come by that first time.

Today I was getting the test that would prove if I’d been assaulted. It had taken me this long to submit, fear of hearing something I didn’t want to had held me back.

Brandon was the one who talked me into doing it for my own piece of mind, but I wasn’t dumb enough not to know that it meant as much to him as it did me.

I held my breath the whole time as mom held my hand and when the female doctor announced that I was indeed still a virgin I felt that last bit of fear leave me.

Needless to say daddy was proud as a peacock when mom told him and later that night when we were all alone and I shared the news with Brandon I saw the relief. He kissed me harder than ever before and his hug was so tight I thought he might crack a rib.

It didn’t matter though, a weight had been lifted and no matter what we found at the end of this road, I knew I could live with it.

The shrink was right. Once I learned that I hadn’t been robbed of my innocence it was like a light went on in my head, shining deep into the darkness and erasing it bit by bit.

I felt lighter, freer and ready to take on the world. When I left the shrink’s office that last day I was a different girl.

She still wanted me to join a support group, but I knew with my family and Brandon at my side I didn’t need it; though I still agreed.

The world looked and felt different when I stepped outside for the first time. Daddy was kind enough to let Brandon drive me home while he and mom followed behind.

I wanted to do everything at once and only had one small moment of panic at the thought of seeing anyone else.

I’d been so cocooned for the past week and a half the three most important people in my life had been the only ones I saw. How would it be with others? Will they look at me strangely now?

Brandon reached for my hand and squeezed. “What is it?” He lifted my fingers to his lips and my tummy settled a little. I looked out the window at the town I knew so well but now seemed so foreign.

I realized then that I was a different person, I felt different. Though it was the same face that looked back at me in the glass. I ran my hand around my throat under the new silk scarf Brandon had bought me.

“What’s everyone saying?”

“It doesn’t matter what anyone says or thinks, how do you feel?” I loved that he felt that way now, but I knew it wasn’t realistic.

One of the things the shrink had taught me was that I shouldn’t hide what I was feeling. That it would only take me back to that dark place again.

“I feel fine. I’m just a little bit nervous about going back to school. Daddy said I didn’t need to go back, but I think I have to.”

I knew he didn’t agree from the way he pursed his lips and his nostrils flared. But I also knew that if he thought I needed this he wouldn’t deny me.

“I’ll be with you every step of the way.” He squeezed my hand and I knew the guilt of his treatment was going to take him a while to get over.

I wish I could say or do something to take that from him, but a small part of me spitefully thought it was just desserts for making me feel like shit.

Maybe I’d lost more than a little oxygen to the brain in that closet, because in the last few days, as the hurt and pain receded this new anger was doing its best to take over my mind and heart.

“That’s all I need.” I looked at him as he drove and opened myself, searching my inner mind for the truth.

There was no doubt that I still loved him, but the innocence that had hung over us was no longer there.

I didn’t see him through rose tinted glasses any longer. The world was no longer that shiny bright paradise I’d once believed it to be. There was a whole lot of grey mixed in with the colors of the rainbow.

As to Brandon, there was no longer an eighteen- year old boy sitting beside me, but a man. How had I missed it before?

Everything about him screamed complete male. His body was that of a man and now this new attitude, I’ve only ever seen daddy act that way when someone had dared cross his wife or daughter.

Even my feelings were no longer innocent… “What are you staring at?” He took his eyes off the road for a few seconds to look at me and my heart grew to twice its size and my body got hot.

I had to squeeze my legs together as I looked away in embarrassment. What the hell? I was turned on. Had I lost my mind? Oh shit!

My mind was preoccupied with this new turn of events the rest of the way home. I found myself watching his every move when he helped me out of the car.

Had he always kept his hand in the small of my back as walked before? Nope. He was a hand holder.

When he scooped me up in his arms at the bottom of the stairs and took me up to my room I looked back at my parents. Daddy didn’t even seem to notice but mom had this goofy look on her face.

In my room he laid me on the bed and fluffed my pillows behind me. “What’s all this?” I pointed to the row of stuffed animals now lining my bedroom wall. They were all huge and the colors bright.

“I got you those and I don’t want to hear any of your crap.” Oh shit, who is this caveman? He stood back and folded his arms as he gave me a look that dared me to say anything about the girly bears.

Okay so, since he’s been back we’d kinda fell back into our old routine, and even though we were now a couple, nothing much had changed, well except for the kissing and stuff.

But we still just hung out together and played video games. All the things we did when we were kids.

I was only a girly girl with my friends and I became that way after he left at fourteen. Since he was my first real boyfriend and I was so comfortable with him the way we were, not much had changed. I might have said at some point how much I hated girly girls and PDAs.

The truth is, those things just made me uncomfortable to watch. But I think he may have got the wrong idea.

“Why would I say anything?” I got off the bed and walked over to my new friends, choosing a three-foot bright yellow bear with a satin bow around his neck.

“Do I need to take that shit off?”

“What?” I looked from the bear to him in confusion.

“The shit around his neck.” My mouth fell open. Okay, I’m guessing we’re not going to play pretend to spare my feelings. All I could do is shake my head no.

“Good, cause the plan is to pass these on to our daughter some day so you just remember that shit.” Oh dear, I know what’s going on.

I’m still stuck in a dream and my subconscious mind has brought me this new yummy Brandon. Not that my guy isn’t yummy, he’s just a little less alpha than this dream version.

“What are you doing now?” I was pinching myself to wake up. “I thought I was dreaming because, who are you again?”

“Cute! Now get back in bed.”

“But I’ve been in bed for a week can’t I just go…”

“No, it’s the price you pay for being stupid. I’ll take you for a drive this evening when it’s not so hot.” Just then mom walked in with her arms loaded down with shopping bags. “Look honey I went shopping and got you some stuff.”

“There’re no belts in there are they?” We both looked at him but he was serious. “What? We’re not going to pretend that you didn’t take a belt and wrap it around your damn neck.”

“I’ll take the blame for my part in this and so are you. It’s the only way you’ll be able to face everyone else out there because trust me they’re gonna be talking about it.”

“Unless you want that to be the only thing you’re known for, you’ll accept your part and deal with it.”

I could see mom pondering over his words and though I found them a bit harsh there was a ring of truth in what he was saying. It just seemed so odd coming from my gentle giant.

Mom hurried back out of the room, probably hurrying to tell dad about this new development. Somehow I got the feeling that they weren’t going to be able to get rid of this new Brandon.

When neither one of them returned, in essence leaving the two of us alone together, in my bedroom, with a bed, I knew something was going on.

And then I got it. A certified doctor had just told them that their daughter who had been dating for a year and a half was still a virgin.