“Addy?” Ben called from behind me.

I kept walking, biting down on my lip to divert my attention from the pain in my ankle.

“Addy! Wait!” He caught up to me when I reached the passenger’s side of his truck.

I couldn’t face him. Not even when he stepped right in front of me. Instead, I stared at his chest.

“Do you want to talk about what just happened?”

The tears bit at the inside of my eyes. I focused on the second button of his shirt. The top one was undone, giving him a casually inviting look. But there was nothing casual or inviting about this conversation. “What do you want me to say, Ben? You weren’t supposed to know any of that. I didn’t want you to look at me like you are right now.”

“I’m not…”

“Like you pity me.”

“I don’t pity you. And how would you even know how I look? You haven’t made eye contact with me for the past 20 minutes.”

“I don’t need to look at you to know how you’re looking at me.”

“You’re ridiculous. You do realize that.”

“I didn’t want you to know.” My voice sounded so small. It took me back to that moment I found out I had lost my baby. I put my hand on my stomach, instantly remembering how it felt to no longer have something to protect.

“We would have had to have that conversation eventually. Better to get everything out there.”

What on earth was he talking about? I was never going to tell him about that. About any of it. “I asked you to leave a bajillion times.”

“Only a bajillion? You should have made it two bajillion and I would have listened.”

“Ben!” His stupid comment was what finally made me look up at him. He hadn’t been lying. It didn’t look like he pitied me at all. He just looked concerned. And slightly agitated. I sighed. “It’s embarrassing for me to talk about stuff like that. Is that what you want to hear? I’m old. With old people problems. And I don’t understand why you’re being so nice to me. I haven’t been that nice to you. Or nice at all really. You should be hanging out with some 23 year old girl that…”

“Now why would I do that when I could have you?”

Maybe it wasn’t agitation in his eyes so much as it was affection. And concern. And…lust? Possibly? I didn’t understand it. Why was he staring at me like that? He was supposed to pity my existence. I was a pathetic woman pining over someone seven years younger. “You can’t…you can’t have me, Ben.” It was time to tell him the truth.

I didn’t even have time to react. In a blink of an eye his fingers were tangled in my hair, arching my neck back.

“Ben…”

His lips crashed against mine, silencing me. How long had I been waiting for this moment? I parted my lips for him with the slightest nudge from his tongue. It was pure perfection. He tasted like heaven. And I had lost all control. My dreams had been only of him for so long. My thoughts only of him. No one would have had enough self-control to resist this temptation. Especially me.

I gripped the back of his neck, drawing him closer. His other hand slid down the curve of my hip to grip my ass as he pushed me back against his truck. A completely brazen display of affection. I should have felt shame. I know that I should have. But all I could feel was him. All I could focus on was him. And I wanted more. I wanted all of him.

He groaned into my mouth and I swallowed down the air he breathed. It was like he was breathing life into me.

Take me. That’s what I wanted to say. I wanted to scream it from the rooftops. I wanted him to have me right against his car. I wanted to remember what it felt like to truly live. My body melted into his, fusing us together. I let his fingers wander down the side of my neck. His touch lit my skin on fire. The anticipation was too much. It felt like my heart was beating in my throat. I needed him.

His fingers dipped to my clavicle.

And then I was back in hell, the pain from my hurt shoulder searing through me. It was so much harder to fall back when I had tasted heaven.

I put my hand on his chest and turned my face away from him. I tried to catch my breath, but my words still came out airy. “We can’t do this.”

He let his hands fall from my body. “You have two seconds, Addy. Two seconds to stop me from proving that we most certainly can." He put his hands on either side of me, sandwiching me between him and the car.

I knew what he wanted to do. My libido wasn’t dead even if it felt like the rest of me was. I had no desire to stop him. I wanted to say, “Then prove it.” I so badly wanted the words to fall from my lips. There was a hotel a few blocks back. I could ask him to take me to it. I could make my fantasies a reality.

But fear had gripped my heart. And not just for my own safety, but for his. We were too exposed in the parking lot. “Please take me home.” I found the door handle behind me and pulled it, but nothing happened.

“It’s locked,” Ben said.

“Then unlock it.”

He didn’t move.

“If you’re not going to take me home, I’ll call a cab.”

He sighed and stepped back. I wasn’t sure I had ever felt so cold. The car beeped as it unlocked. I scurried into the passenger’s seat to get away from him. But the scent in the car just made him feel even closer.

I kept my eyes glued on the window the whole ride home.

“Thanks for the ride to the clinic,” I said as he pulled into my driveway. I cringed when he cut the engine in my driveway. He grabbed my hand before I could reach for the door handle.

“You can’t pretend you didn’t enjoy that as much as I did.” His voice sounded heavy like he was trying to hide his emotion.

“It was a mistake. We can’t do this.” But God, it feels so nice to have my hand in his.

“Give me one reason why.”

I laughed. “You’re 23, Ben.”

He moved his hand to the side of my face. “Adeline Bell, I think you’re beautiful and…”

“Stop.”

His lips parted like he was about to say something else.

“Don't be fooled by what you see. It's the things you don't that really matter."

His lips closed. He was staring at me too intently. As if he was staring into my soul.

I took the opportunity to distance myself further and climbed out of his truck.

“Addy, I think we should talk about this.” He sounded determined. Like he had just seen the worst and he didn’t care. If only he knew what demons I was hiding.

“There’s nothing to talk about. I thought we were friends. And clearly, we’re not. And there’s no undoing what happened. So just…don’t come back here. Please stay away from me. Please.” I slammed the door closed.