I emptied the dustpan into the trash and froze. There was nothing in the trash bin except for the dust. I tipped it closer toward me. It had been filled to the brim yesterday, hadn’t it? I nodded to myself even though I was alone. Definitely. I always took the trash out on Friday afternoons when I got everything else ready.

Had Ben taken out my trash? Who came to someone’s house without an invitation and took out their trash? What else had he done? I looked around the spotless kitchen.

I pushed the trash bin back into place. God, I don’t have time for this. I could thank him later. I hopped back to the laundry room, hung the dustpan on its hook, and glanced at my watch. 5:37. I only had a few minutes left. But everything was set. Perfect timing.

I wiped my hands on the front of my pants. Crap. I looked down at my yoga pants. Not quite perfect timing. I had to change.

The stairs were even more difficult now that my arms were tired from scrubbing everything for the past two hours. And I wished that Ben was still here. I immediately dismissed the thought. I needed to stop dreaming of his arms around me. I needed to just…stop. Ben wasn’t mine. He’d never be mine.

I rubbed my palm halfway up the stairs. Why did my body ache for his touch so desperately? I remembered the feeling of his fingers on the back of my hand. It wasn’t in my imagination. There was a spark. And by the way he was acting, he felt it too. He wanted me back. How had I let this happen?

I looked back down at my watch. Only five more minutes. I held back the tears as I slowly climbed up the steps one at a time. It took every ounce of willpower not to collapse once I reached my bedroom. I was exhausted again. It felt like I could sleep another 24 hours straight.

5:43. There was no time left to change. I crawled into the room and opened the top drawer of my nightstand. I picked up the rings. They always felt so damn heavy. But today, they felt even heavier than usual. I slid them onto my finger and stared down at the diamond that was way too big. At the time, I didn’t understand it’s extravagance. I sighed and closed the drawer.

Maybe he wouldn’t come home. All it took was one careless driver. One text. One drink. One. Single. Slip. It seemed so simple. If only I was so lucky.

The sound of the front door unlocking made me cringe. I pulled myself onto the bed. I was injured. I’d feign rest. I pushed down the covers to try to pretend I’d been in bed for awhile.

“Adeline! I’m home!”

His voice made all the hairs on the back of my neck rise. Home? This was never a home. He had made sure of that. All my energy was sapped by just the idea of him, let alone his presence. I heard his feet on the stairs and squeezed my eyes shut. Leave me be.

“Babe?”

Babe. An affectionate name that didn’t belong anywhere in this house. Vomit rose in the back of my throat and I did my best to swallow it down.

His steps drew closer and the bed sagged beneath his weight. “Adeline.” He gently touched the side of my face.

I groaned and turned away from him.

His fingers didn’t move with me, and they dug into my jaw. Just a tiny bit. Just enough that they’d wake me if I had been asleep. Just enough to make it feel like my heart stopped beating. He didn’t believe my act. That much was clear. This wasn’t the way to start a whole weekend of him.

I slowly opened my eyes. Every time he came back from his business trips, I was always surprised to remember how handsome he was. His dark hair and eyes, his sharp jaw, and his perfectly kissable lips were all breathtaking. It was no wonder I fell for him so hard. I was naïve. I didn’t realize love was a game. I trusted him. I trusted him with everything. And I lost the game. Because I knew better than anyone that it was what was on the inside that counted.

It should have been natural to miss him. He was my husband. I was supposed to be a loving wife, missing him, wanting him. I always counted the minutes until he returned home to me. But it wasn’t because I missed him. It was because I was dreading his return.

I forced the corners of my mouth to turn up. “Oh. You’re back. Welcome home, honey.” Vile. The taste of vomit was back in my throat. I reached out my hand and ran it along his forearm. His dress shirt was stiff. It made me think of the soft fabric of Ben’s t-shirt.

“What are you doing in bed, babe?” His fingers drifted to the side of my neck. I could feel his wedding band against my skin. A sham. It was all a sham. I had lost the game. But for some damn reason it wouldn’t end. I couldn’t make it stop.

I let my hand fall from his arm and gestured to my foot. “I twisted my ankle on my run.”

The look of concern on his face made me want to laugh. “We should probably get you to the doctor.”

“No.” I kept my voice even. No more doctors. No more drugs. Even though I was exhausted, I finally felt like myself again. I didn’t feel numb. His hand paused on the strap of my tank top and I kept the smile plastered to my face. I felt everything. For a moment I wanted to be numb again. I didn’t want to feel his touch. I didn’t want to be here. “I took some Advil. And I’ve been icing it. It’ll be fine in a few days.”

“Are you sure you don’t want to go to the doctor? You look exhausted.”

I laughed it off. “It’s nothing serious.” But it did hurt. It hurt and I missed the way Ben had taken care of me. For just one moment, I had felt almost loved. How quickly such a feeling could fade.

“Okay. I won’t push it.” His fingers toyed with the strap of my tank top. “I can whip us up something for dinner. Are you hungry?”

I saw no reason to delay the inevitable. I felt like an actress. Like I was performing a role I wasn’t quite ready to play. But I had no choice. I had already been cast. I batted my eyelashes. “No, I’m not hungry. I missed you.” I grabbed his hand and let him lower the strap he had been touching.

“I missed you too, Adeline. One day, I won’t have to travel as much.” He leaned down and kissed the side of my neck as he continued to pull the fabric down my arm. “One day soon.”

One day soon? The words echoed in my head. It felt like my world was collapsing. What did he mean by one day soon?

I closed my eyes tight and tried to pretend Ben was the one climbing on top of me. Ben would be gentle. He’d be loving. And he’d never be mine. Because I’d never be able to escape my husband. Never.