I squeezed the excess water out of my hair before wrapping a towel around myself. I was terribly out of practice with flirting. Somehow our conversation had taken a quick turn to the fact that I was actually dirty. The sexual innuendo evaporated completely when I had started talking about my greasy hair.

But the tension in the air hadn’t gone away. It still swirled around me even though he was all the way downstairs. Doing who knows what in my house.

Just the thought made me hurry. I combed out the knots in my hair and applied a little too much makeup for a day at home. I pushed my bangs aside to see the bruise that Ben had pointed out yesterday. It was almost invisible under my foundation, but I added a little concealer just in case. In a few days, it would be gone completely and I wouldn’t have to worry. But until then, Ben was asking invasive questions. And I was starting to wonder why. Was it really because he liked me? He was seven years younger than me. What could he possibly want from me that he couldn’t get from someone his own age?

Was a seven year age gap enough for me to be considered a cougar? Just the thought made me feel nauseous. I wasn’t one of those women. And it wasn’t like I was going to act on my desire. I couldn’t afford to act on my desires. I positioned my bangs back in place and hopped into my bedroom. Yoga pants and a tank top seemed like the easiest clothes to crawl around in. And take off. Stop it!

For some reason, I still pulled on a red lacy thong and matching bra. Just in case. Not that anything was going to happen. Geez, he was 23. He was too young. Too nice. Too naïve for…me. I caught my reflection in the mirror. So why did I put on so much mascara?

I turned away from the mirror. It was easy to picture this house being a home. Was that what I wanted? To feel loved again? To feel whole? I blinked quickly so that my mascara wouldn’t start to run. None of that mattered. Ben could be my friend. Nothing more. I wasn’t even sure why I let my mind wander.

I opened up the door and sat down on the stairs. My pride wouldn’t let me call for him. Or maybe it was just that if I was in his arms again I’d lose all self-control. I scooted down the stairs a step at a time.

My legs were in good shape from running. But having to slowly hoist myself down each step made the muscles in my arms burn. I needed to add strength training to my workouts.

A deep chuckle made me look up. Ben was standing at the foot of the stairs with his arms folded across his chest. The amused look on his face made me press my lips together.

I wanted him. I wanted him desperately. That was why I threw insults his way. It was easier than admitting that I couldn’t have what I wanted. I needed him to become something I didn’t crave. “Would you stop staring at me? You don’t need to be here.” I swallowed down the groan in my throat as I moved down another stair.

“Why is it so hard for you to ask for help?”

Because asking comes with dire consequences. “I’m used to doing things on my own. I don’t need anyone’s help.”

“So…you don’t want me to carry you down the rest of the stairs?”

“No.”

Ow. My butt hit one of the wooden steps hard when one of my hands slipped. I looked down at my hurt palm. I had forgotten to put a new Band-Aid on it. I tried to calculate how hard it would be to move back up the stairs.

“Addy, I’m offering to help you.”

“And I’m telling you I don’t need it.”

“Here I thought that you’d be more chipper after a hot shower.”

“You try balancing on one foot on slippery tile. This isn’t exactly fun for me.”

“How about you let me help you out until you’re back on your feet?”

I stared down at my ankle. How long would that be? Why on earth was I even considering it? “Don’t you have places to be? Things to landscape?”

He laughed. “If you haven’t noticed, fall is here. Fall and winter are my down seasons. I can make it work.”

Yesterday I was worried I’d never see him again. The thought had terrified me. Thursdays had always been the days I looked forward to. He was offering to be here…what…every day? For a few weeks? I needed to send him away. But it was hard. I wanted him here. I wanted to believe that this thing between us could actually be real.

“Let me help you.” His voice was gentle.

And for some reason it brought tears to the corners of my eyes. I blinked to rid the pools that threatened to fall. “It’s hard to get up and down the stairs.” I sounded dejected. Small. But maybe just a tiny bit hopeful. What if he was the one that could actually save me from this hell?

The squeak of the bottom step let me know he was coming. But I didn’t look up. I was scared to fall. Not down the stairs. I wasn’t scared of bumps and bruises. That had never been my problem. I was scared of falling for him when I had no right to fall. Not again.

I squeezed my eyes shut tight as he lifted me into his arms. I thought that not seeing him would make it easier. But maybe that was worse. Feeling. One of his hands had slid slightly underneath my tank top. I could feel his callused hands against the softness of my skin. The contrast made me stifle a sigh in my throat.

I didn’t open my eyes until he set me back down in one of the kitchen chairs. He had pulled out an ice pack for me. And next to that was a casserole of some sort. How long had I been in the shower?

Before I could ask him, he lifted up my foot and cradled it in his hand. He wrapped the ice pack around my ankle and let my foot rest on top of his thigh. Any thoughts I had about casseroles came careening to a halt. It felt like I could feel his heartbeat pulsing through my heel. Or maybe it was my own heart racing uncontrollably.

“Have you been icing this?” he asked as he gingerly rotated the ice pack. “It will heal faster if you ice it.”

“I fell asleep right after I got home yesterday. But I iced it before I fell asleep the second time.”

“Right.” He shifted the ice pack again. “I forgot, you said you slept a whole day straight.”

There was suddenly an awkwardness in the air. Did he feel it too? His face didn’t show it. But he did look like he was thinking. Where did his mind wander? I wished I could be in his thoughts. I wish I consumed them like he consumed mine.

He ran the pad of his thumb along the inside of my ankle. “How is the pain level? Did you want some Advil or anything? I could still take you to the doctor if…”

“No.” Absolutely not. “But Advil might be nice. I have some on the top shelf of the medicine cabinet.”

“Let me go grab it for you.” He placed my foot on the chair he had been sitting in and disappeared down the hall.

I almost told him where the bathroom was, but then I heard the squeak of the hinge of the medicine cabinet. He must have already looked around while I was in the shower. The thought made my pulse increase even more than his touch. What else had he found? God, why had I let him in my house? I looked down at my ankle. I knew why I welcomed him in. It wasn’t the women walking by on the street. It was because I liked his hands on me. I was playing with fire. I needed to send him home.

“Got it,” he said. His footsteps sounded in the hall. “Took me a minute. I’m still not used to seeing the new extra strength bottle.”

“I don’t have extra strength…” my rebuttal died as he handed me the bottle. Weird. I didn’t remember ever picking up extra strength. I liked the candy coating on the outside of the original. I must have bought them on one of my off days. My fingers wandered to the side of my head. No. Not off days. That’s what the doctors would say. It was the medicine they gave me that made me forget. It made me have off days. And now I’d always be on. I felt my face flushing. I’d always be turned on if Ben was around.

“You must have grabbed these by accident then,” he said. “I can pick you up some of the original if you’d like.”

“No, no. That’s okay.” He had already done quite enough for me. I took the bottle from him and unscrewed the cap.

He watched me as I swallowed the pill and chased it with a sip of water. It was unnerving when he watched me. I cleared my throat as I lifted the aluminum foil to get a look at the casserole he had made beneath. I didn’t remember buying this pan either. But then again, my memory was clearly fuzzy. I felt more alert without my prescriptions. Or maybe I just didn’t realize I had that pan because I rarely cooked.

I leaned forward and inhaled a whiff of the casserole. Mmm. Definitely lasagna. Even though I had just devoured a hamburger and fries, my stomach growled again. Apparently one meal didn’t make up for three missed ones. “Landscaper and chef? That’s an impressive pairing. You’re a man of many surprises.”

He laughed and sat down beside me, pulling my foot back on his lap. “No, I wouldn’t call myself a chef. Your friend just dropped it off.”

“My friend?” My voice sounded strangled. What friend? I had no friends in this godforsaken neighborhood.

“Yeah. Must have been the one you called the other day. She seemed nice enough. Asked if you were feeling better.”

“What was her name?”

“I think it started with a K.” He scratched the back of his neck as he stared at me. He lowered his eyebrows slightly at the horrid expression on my face. “Or maybe not. It could have started with a C? No?” He shrugged his shoulders. “Regardless, she was nice. She had blonde hair…”

He was searching for something else to say. But all I could think about was the fact that he had answered my door. To a stranger. No. This can’t be happening. “You talked to her?” I buried my face in my hand. It felt like my whole world had teetered and was about to tip.

“Yeah. I told her I was helping you out while your ankle healed.”

Panic raked through my body. There was only one blonde nosy enough to stop by my house. Freaking Charlotte Hallady. I wanted to tell him to leave. To get the hell out of my house. I wanted to yell and scream and throw things. But the damage was already done. I swallowed down the lump in my throat. The action made a weird squeaking noise.

“Addy, what’s wrong?” He moved one of his hands off my foot and placed it on the side of my knee.

“You can’t answer my door to strangers while I’m showering upstairs. Do you have any idea how that looks?”

He smiled. “She’s hardly a stranger. She said she was your friend…”

“That woman is not my friend. Don’t you realize what you’ve done?” I lowered my voice slightly. “I was upstairs naked. She’s probably going to tell everyone I’m sleeping with you.”

“That doesn’t sound like the worst thing in the world to me.”

I was suddenly very away of his hand lingering on my knee. He wants to sleep with me? I gulped. He wants to sleep with me. It was like every one of my dreams coming true. But I couldn’t get rid of the strangled feeling in my throat.

“What was her name?” he asked. “Maybe I can pay her a visit and…”

“Please do not engage with Charlotte Hallady. She’ll be the death of both of us.” I meant what I said. My tone was completely serious.

But he laughed. He found the whole thing humorous.

“I’m serious, Ben.”

“Addy.” His hand slid up the outside of my thigh as he leaned toward me. “I told her I was helping you out while your ankle healed. She already seemed to know about your injury. Hence the lasagna. I don’t think she’s a big bad wolf out to get you. She truly seemed concerned.”

“You don’t understand how catty the women in this neighborhood are. Everyone on my street probably thinks we’re having a scandalous affair.”

“I hardly think it would classify as scandalous.”

I knew he didn’t know the truth. And I wasn’t ready to tell him yet. “You’re 23,” I said instead.

“Age is just a number. The only thing that really matters is that we’re both adults. Don’t you agree?”

I snapped my fingers, ignoring him. “I’ll go to their stupid bi-monthly civic association meeting next week and clear the air.”

“There’s a bi-monthly civic association meeting? I had no idea.”

I waved my hand dismissively. “You’re not part of the neighborhood. Of course you didn’t know.”

“Wow. Is there some sort of initiation I’m unaware of?”

“Ben, stop it, this is important. It’s on Wednesday night. I’ll just have to pray that she can keep her stupid mouth shut until then.” There was a whole weekend before that. A huge stretch of time for gossip. It was likely the entire town would know the rumors by Wednesday. But it was the only plan I had. I couldn’t exactly call her. I didn’t have the woman’s number. I didn’t have any of the gawkers’ numbers.

“Okay,” he said and let his hand fall from my knee. “You’ll go to the meeting and then what? Make an official decree that we’re not banging?” Humor danced in his eyes. And his dimple was back. I didn’t think I could ever hate his beautiful face, but I did for a second.

“Of course not. Mentioning that would just make it more incriminating. I’ll tell everyone you…that you’re my…gardener.”

He rose his eyebrow. “Really? That’s your grand plan? That just makes it seem like you’re paying me to sleep with you.”

Ugh. He was right.

“And trust me, Addy, you wouldn’t have to pay me.”

“Yeah right.” I couldn’t hide my gulp, though. He was looking at me in the most intense way. If I was standing my knees would be weak. Either way, he was definitely weakening my resolve. “You should probably go. Before you have a chance to answer more doors and make the hole I’m in any deeper.”

He smiled. “If that’s what you really want.” An awkward silence stretched between us. He exhaled slowly.

I had the strangest urge to lean forward and inhale his exhales.

You’re welcome by the way,” he said. “For lunch.”

“Yeah. Thanks.” Please leave.

He laughed and stood up, gingerly resting my foot back down on the chair. “Keep ice on that. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Saturday. “No. I mean, you can’t…” my mind searched for anything to say. Any excuse that didn’t sound insane.

“I thought you agreed that I could help you. Or be your gardener. Or whatever you’d like to call this.” He was smiling, but it almost looked like he was begging to come back. Like he couldn’t resist not seeing me for a day.

“I do want your help, but you can’t come this weekend.”

“Big plans?”

“You could say that. Monday. Please. Just…come back on Monday.” My eyes darted to the clock on the wall and suddenly it felt like I was out of time. It was nearly 3 o’clock. I only had a few hours left.

“Okay.”

“Promise me you won’t come back until Monday.”

“I promise,” he said with a laugh. “Until Monday then.” He started walking toward the front hall.

“No! I mean, could you leave out the back? I don’t want anyone else to see you.”

“You do realize how this looks?” he said as he backtracked and opened up the back door. “Me sneaking out the back of your house in shame?”

It made it look like we were having an affair. It just further validated the rumors that were certainly spreading at that very moment. “Fine. Go out the front door then.”

“It’s okay. I won’t mind the rumors.” He winked at me and went down the back stairs without another word.

I pushed the ice off my leg and hopped over to the back door. I couldn’t resist pushing aside the curtains. Even the back of his head was handsome. I watched him as he disappeared into the woods. And I couldn’t help but wonder if he had the same fears as me. I let the curtain fall back to place. Of course he didn’t. Someone would be able to hear him scream. Someone would come to his rescue. I double locked the door. But it wouldn’t be me.