I poured the remaining kerosene over the boxes of evidence. No, I had never seen the whole Home Alone movie. But I didn’t need all the gimmicks. The kerosene would be plenty.

I looked up at the camera mounted in the corner of one of the kitchen cabinets. He was probably watching me right now. Why wasn’t he stopping me? He had to know what I’d done by now. Didn’t he know I was coming for him next? I walked over to the stove and turned the gas on.

But I didn’t light it. I let the gas spread into the room. This wasn’t the first time I had done this. I breathed it in. It reminded me of being Dr. Nash. Of being Jennifer Clarke. It reminded me of freedom. This would all be over soon. And I could add a few pills to my cocktail to make myself forget.

“Freeze,” Ben said.

I felt the barrel of his gun press into the back of my head. Yes, I had done this before, but never after someone was so close to catching me. This wasn’t how Ben and my last moment together was supposed to go. I had forgotten that he had a key to my house. And if I was being honest, there were no pills that would make me forget him. I closed my eyes, wishing I was back in his arms. Just hearing his voice and feeling his presence reminded me of how I felt. I loved him. I could never hurt him. But it certainly seemed like he was about to hurt me.

“I didn’t know if you were watching,” I said.

“I told you I was always watching.”

Something constricted in my chest. Maybe there was another way out. Would he believe me if I told him I was innocent? Would he run away with me? “Ben, whatever you think you know…”

“Save it, Addy. Maria didn’t hesitate to tell us everything. That The Doctor was a woman. That The Doctor claimed she understood what it was like to be a victim. That she understood what it was like for everything to be taken from her. Her mother. Her father. Her unborn child.”

I swallowed hard.

“Maria said that The Doctor had gotten revenge on her husband. And that she had helped others get revenge too. Maria didn’t hold anything back.”

That ungrateful bitch. I had saved her from hell and this was how she repaid me? I knew she wasn’t my friend. Employees were very different than friends. “It wasn’t me, Ben.”

The barrel shifted slightly. “Do you even know how to tell the truth?”

“Yes. And the cops are going to be here any second. I need a minute to explain. Can we go for a walk?” I needed to get out of the house. Far away from the imminent fire.

“There’s nothing to explain. You murdered your father. Your husband. And 20 other innocent people.”

“Innocent? Ben, they were abusing my patients!”

“And they should have gone to jail. Just like your husband should have gone to jail, Addy. The punishment for abuse is not death. I understand that you were hurting…”

“You don’t understand! How could you possibly understand what it’s like to have your soul ripped out?”

 “I understand better than you think.” The gun fell from the back of my head.

I turned around to face him. I had never seen such agony in someone’s face. Ben wasn’t anything like my husband, or my father, or the other men I had killed. He was good. So good.

“How do you think it feels to fall in love with the suspect you’re supposed to be hunting down?” he asked. “A person you thought you knew but don’t even recognize anymore?”

“Not good.” Probably similar to how it felt knowing that I needed to kill him but couldn’t. Knowing that I loved him but that I’d never get to be with him.

He laughed, but it wasn’t his normal infectious laugh. It was forced. And sad. “Yeah, not great.”

“We really should step outside,” I said. I heard his words. I did. And maybe I could convince him to let me go. Or even to come with me. But we couldn’t do it right here. We were running out of time.

“I can forgive one murder. I can understand that you were hurting. That you were manipulated. That you were drugged. But 22 deaths? Addy, you’re the definition of a serial killer.”

I'm a monster. He didn’t have to say it. I knew what he was thinking. And I didn’t disagree with him. “I was still on drugs.”

“Drugs that you prescribed yourself! That’s not the same.”

No, it wasn’t. “Ben, when the cops open the front door, this whole place is going to blow up.”

He lifted his gun higher. “You expect me to believe that? You’re not getting away from me this time. I have everything I need to bring you in.”

“Which we can discuss outside. I rigged the front door. When it opens the blowtorch will ignite, lighting the trail of kerosene that leads in here.” I gestured to the boxes. “Everything’s going to explode.”

He eyed the stove. I knew he smelled the gas. He knew I wasn’t lying.

But he didn’t move. He just turned back to me. “Was anything you said to me true? Or was this whole thing just a game to you?” It seemed like he was giving up. That the pain I had caused him really was as bad as he claimed. And it was the first time I had ever regretted hurting someone.

He saw the worst of me. Everything. All the horrible things I had done. Did he still love me? I felt like I could see it in his eyes. But I needed to know. I needed to know if it was possible to convince him to forgive me. I needed to remind him of what he had said to me. “Remember when I told you there was nothing in-between good and evil? That there was no gray? You didn’t believe me. You said that was a pessimistic outlook. And that people can commit crimes with good intentions. That’s what I did, Ben. I had good reasons. I can’t take back what I did. But I’ll stop. For you, I’ll…”

The sound of the front door opening made all my thoughts disappear. I lunged for the window. I tried to grab his hand but he ducked out of the way. I broke through the glass just as the kerosene ignited behind me.

I fell onto the wet grass and turned around. The whole house was engulfed in flames. No. I wanted to destroy the evidence. Not Ben. No! I struggled to my feet and ran to the back door. I opened it and a blast of heat almost knocked me backward. I took a huge gulp of air and crawled into the house.

The fire lapped at the walls, burning the cabinets off their hinges. The boxes had already been incinerated. I heard shouting but it was far away.

“Ben!” I coughed.

Smoke curled around me, choking me, getting denser by the second.

“Ben!”

I couldn’t see him. I got lower, slinking along the floor. “God, Ben!” He was lying on the far side of the kitchen. His body must have been thrown in the explosion. I crawled over to him.

“Ben, please.” I tried to shake him awake, but his head flopped back and forth. I needed to get him out of the fire. I choked on the air as I grabbed his hands and pulled.

It was getting harder and harder to breathe. When I finally reached the back door, I shoved him out of the house. He rolled into the grass and didn’t move.

“Ben.” I tapped the side of his face. “Ben, wake up.” There was blood dripping down from his hairline. I wiped it away. “Ben, I’m sorry. There was truth in my lies. At least one truth. I love you. I didn’t lie about that. I fell in love with you, Ben. Wake up.”

Sirens sounded in the distance. People were screaming in the front yard. If there had been more time, I could have convinced him to come with me. If he had left the house, we could still be talking. He’d know that I loved him. I’d promise to stop. I’d give it up for him.

“Ben, please.”

The shouts were getting louder. People were coming this way.

I didn’t know if he was alive or dead. But I knew I’d be caught if I didn’t go now. I had to go.

I took one last look at the man I loved. The man I had deceived. The man who didn’t shoot me when he had the chance.

And then I ran. I ran like I always did. But this time, I knew why I was so tired of running. Because I could never run away from what I had become.

Despite everything I had done, I only had one regret, though. That Ben would never know the truth in my lies.

 

THE END

 

Liked this book and want more? Check out Book 1 of Ivy Smoak's romantic suspense series, Made of Steel!

 

Made of Steel

Once upon a time, my name was Summer Brooks. I fell in love with a prince and my dreams went as far as the stars. I had my whole life figured out. I had my whole life in front of me. But my life wasn't meant to be a fairy tale. Everything I knew was taken away in a flash.

Broken.

Lost.

Abandoned.

Beaten.

Ten years of pain. Ten years of torture. I'm finally free. But I'm not Summer Brooks anymore. That girl died as soon as the devil himself put his hands on me. Now I live amongst the villains. They follow me like a plague. And I have a darkness inside of me that I can't seem to escape. I lost everything, and I don't know how to keep breathing in a city that has no stars.

But even though my appearance has changed, deep down I know that a shadow of the girl I once was still remains. I don't want to give up on my past. I just need something to hold on to. Anything. And the only one that could possibly understand is someone who knows what it's like to hide in the shadows. Someone else who knows what it's like to live behind a mask.

The only thing I know for sure is that someone in this city is watching me. And I just hope to God it isn't my past catching up to me.

 

 

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