Camping had been the best idea ever, and the isolation in the mountains where no one we knew would think to come was even better. Dustin and I could just be. There was no judgment—no worrying. Up in the mountains, it was just the two of us being a couple along with our friends. Now that Dustin had graduated, he was more relaxed than I’d ever seen him, especially as his family had practically pushed him out of the door to enjoy his last summer of freedom before college. He didn’t stop communication with his mom, though. Every day he would call her, and the small consideration made me love him all the more.

Lake Trinidad was beautiful, and the summer heat in the mountains was gloriously lacking the humidity we’d have been suffering in Texas. The small RV we were inhabiting was just perfect, and Dustin and I had no trouble in imagining our life once we moved in together. We drifted around one another naturally and fell asleep curled up watching the tiny television by the bed. When Megan had come to us about extending our vacation for another week, no one thought to argue with her. I never wanted to leave the comfort of the mountains or the freedom to just be with Dustin.

The sun beat down on Megan and me as the guys threw a football around by the lake. The heat of the summer rays was addictive once we climbed free of the cool lake water and let the drops evaporate from our chilled bodies. I loved everything about those slow days spent at the edge of the lake, the sound of the water mingling with the radio, and Rob and Dustin’s laughter pouring free while we just soaked it all up, imagining our futures where we could do this kind of thing more often.

“Shit,” Megan’s voice cut through the ambient noise and had me pushing my sunglasses to the top my head. I glanced over at her with my eyebrows raised.

“What’s wrong?”

“Unwanted visitor gave me an unwanted gut-punch of a warning,” she grumbled, glancing at Rob. “Did you remember to bring anything?”

I shook my head, sat up, and folded my legs under me. “I didn’t think about it. You want to drive into town before things unfold?”

“We have to,” she grumbled as she pressed her hand to her stomach. “I completely forgot. Yours normally reminds me…”

As she trailed off, her eyes widened and caught mine, waiting for me to catch up with her thought process. It took me a moment to get where she was, but once the light bulb illuminated, reality slammed into place around me like a cage.

Two months.

At least two months had passed since I’d…

But no.

That couldn’t be right.

I watched as Megan hopped up from her blanket. I could feel the sudden stirring of this odd new reality inside of me. She was right. I was more than late. I just hadn’t noticed because I was too busy being in love to even think about what was missing the month before. Since prom, I’d been making plans to leave Childress, my emancipation, and to go away on vacation. The time had passed without much else penetrating the excitement of being able to get away. I’d had a second of thought when Jen had given me a grocery bag with my normal tampons in, but that had been fleeting and had disappeared as I’d shoved the box under my sink with the others. I had been late before, but never two months.

“Don’t panic,” Megan said under her breath, offering me her hand and pulling me to my feet with her body angled between the guys and me. Bending, she picked up my shorts and shirt and pushed them into my arms before turning me in the direction of the campground, giving a light shove in the center of my back. “Go and wait by the truck. I’ll get the keys and meet you there.”

“But…?”

“Go,” she said sweetly, offering a sympathetic smile. “I’ll meet you there.”

I heard Dustin call out for me. I heard the laughter from Megan as she approached and demanded the keys from Rob while reassuring them that a girly afternoon was much needed. The very suggestion of a girl-themed afternoon seemed to appease Dustin and Robert, but there was no appeasing me. I felt cold and numb, my heart pounding roughly enough that I could feel the echo of the staccato beat in my throat. I couldn’t pinpoint when I’d become so careless, but I knew I had… that we had.

I’d barely reached the asphalt of the campsites main thoroughfare when I felt the wave of nausea slam against me like a wall. The greasy wave of emotion was the shock, not the other kind, and I lurched for the trash can to empty my stomach inside with a cry of denial.

“Hey,” Megan said quietly, slinging her arm around my waist and guiding me toward where we’d set up camp. She glanced over her shoulder to where we’d left the guys, making sure they hadn’t witnessed my multicolored yawn. “Don’t freak out until you know for sure. Let’s just get out of here first. You’re okay. We’ll figure this out.”

That was easier said than done. I didn’t really need a test to confirm what I already knew. There was no other reason for me to be missing the second period in so many months, and intuition pretty much made the outcome a guarantee.

I could have kissed Megan as she continued her reassurances, guiding me to the truck and falling into a companionable silence once we were inside. I made quick work of pulling my shorts and shirt on over my bikini, my hands lingering a little longer than normal over my stomach as I buttoned the shorts.

This couldn’t be happening.

As much as I loved my mom and my plethora of memories featuring her as the star, I’d always sworn to myself that I wouldn’t make the same mistakes she had. I wouldn’t repeat the cycle. I wouldn’t let my heart overtake my mind. I would be smart. I would live my life the way she hadn’t been able to live hers… because she’d had me.

I’d barely made it six months past that milestone, hadn’t I?

Silent tears broke free and slipped down my cheeks, the drops jumping from the apple of my cheeks and staining the grey shirt I had instantly. Tracks of my tears heated my otherwise cool flesh as I gave up and stared down at my hands that were now balled in my lap.

“My bag…”

“I’ve got mine,” Megan cut in, concern and sympathy lacing her tone as she glanced between the road and me. “Don’t cry, Mik. Please, just be certain before you fall into sabotaging the rest of your life and begin to push Dustin away.”

I hated how well she knew me, how easily she could delve into my mind and see where my thoughts had taken me, all of my options lining a pin board in my brain and making me feel as sick as a dog. She was right that I needed all the facts before I made any big decisions, but like me, she knew the options for my future that were off the table if this was confirmed. She knew what I could and couldn’t do. The lessons I’d learned from my parents’ mistakes.

Parking outside the pharmacy, she didn’t pull the keys from the ignition or even ask if I was going to go in with her. She simply did what she always did as my honorary sister and took control of the situation, grabbing her bag and leaving me in the air-conditioned cab of the truck with my heart pounding out a painful beat in my chest.

I already knew the truth.

No test was going to tell me otherwise, and we both knew that.

This was just a formality.

A confirmation of what I already knew now I’d let myself think about it.

I was pregnant.

I stared out of the window at the people living their lives, going about their days like this was a completely regular day, when for me, it was anything but. My whole world was crumbling down around me, dream after dream peeling away from my mental to-do list while I sat hopeless, unable to stop them from fluttering to the floor. My life would never be the same again, my future was forever changed, and I no longer had any control over any of it.

Megan took forever to return. My body was frozen in place, staring at the doors of the pharmacy willing her to reappear. She eventually did, the bag she was carrying holding a box of tampons along with two different kinds of pregnancy test that she handed me the moment she was settled in the driver’s seat. Once glance, and she shrugged.

“Gotta be sure.”

Panic flooded through my system as I looked between her and the tests in the plastic bag on my lap. Where the Hell was I going to do this?

“Meg, I can’t do this with Dustin…”

“No, I know. We’ll go and get something to eat. Milkshakes will be needed.”

“Yeah…” There wasn’t much else to be said about that. I wasn’t sure I would be able to eat, but the sugar in the milkshake would probably help with the mental shock I was teetering on the edge of.

I kept my silence until we pulled into the first place we came across, Megan pushing all three of the boxes into her tote bag before locking the truck and looping her arm through mine when she met me at the front of the truck. She was my support system, my strength, and my only means of stability as we wandered into the cool building. She waved at the staff as we beelined toward the public restrooms.

Nerves made it impossible for me to pee on the stick, but I managed eventually, stepping into the small area with the sinks and praying we’d be alone for the two minutes or so that we needed to be. The seconds ticked by so slowly that the tremble in my fingers became a full-on shake as I glanced at Megan’s watch in question. She nodded after her own examination, and I took my fate in my hands and leaned forward with a lump the size of Texas in my throat. One glance at the stick, and I saw what I knew I would, the positive standing out against the white like a flashing light in a dark room.

I was definitely pregnant.

“Take the other one,” Megan said, pushing the box at me and turning me to face the stall. “Just to be sure.”

“I’m already sure.” My voice was devoid of any emotion. I had nothing left to give when all of the blood in my veins had run to my feet, making me sway on the spot. Was this how shock felt?

“Mik…”

“Prom night,” I said, already knowing the question. Looking back, that night was the first time we’d been thoughtless about sex and hadn’t used a condom. We’d been so caught up in the moment together, so driven to touch, to taste, to take… I was pretty sure we’d been careless since, but I knew that was the night. I just knew.

“Honey, that was in May.”

I nodded and dropped the box of tests on the counter, my shaking fingers turning on the cold stream of water as I leaned over the sink, and cupped my hands so I could splash my face a couple of times.

“Oh God.” Megan fell into silence for a moment, waiting for some kind of reaction from me. My silence, however, spoke volumes. “Miki, you can’t. I mean, what… you’re going to keep it, aren’t you?”

I started to sob then, the tears coming in place of the words as I tried my best to respond. This breakdown was a full shoulder-shaking, gut-wrenching sob that I couldn’t control even if I‘d tried to. I didn’t. Fighting this was pointless. I needed to get it all out of my system now.

Megan’s arms closed around me without care or judgment. It felt like she was holding me together, stopping my body from falling apart and splintering to the point there was no putting it back together. No words were needed between us as I fractured. What was there left to say, anyway? I was already beating myself up for my mistakes and carelessness, the self-flagellation was leaving scars that cut too deep to reflect on the surface, but they plunged down to my soul, crisscrossing with harsh white lines until my flesh was the only thing that kept me in place.

I was seventeen, knocked up, and had become a fucking statistic. I’d been so determined not to follow in my parents’ footsteps, and yet, there I was, reliving the past in a very precise pattern. The only difference for me was that I knew what I had to do to make this right, to stop the past from repeating itself in one full and ugly circle.

Crying every ounce of pain from myself, I washed my face in the cool water again as my mind turned the information over in my head. Pregnant. Baby. Teen mother. Tied down father… That’s how this would be seen. That Quinten girl had trapped him by getting herself knocked up. Accidentally on purpose to keep my meal ticket, of course. None of that was the truth, but I knew the scenario was how the rest of the town would see the situation. I knew because that was what they were still saying about my parents seventeen years later.

When I couldn’t take any more of my own pessimism and doom, I left the restrooms and got in the truck waiting for Megan. She thoughtfully bought us some cathartic milkshakes, then climbed in beside me, and sat in uncharacteristic silence.

In those moments of solitude, before she’d rejoined me, I had made the only decision I could make now. I’d known what I had to do the moment I’d seen the positive mark on the pregnancy test. That was why I’d fallen apart so desperately. Yes, I was a statistic. Yes, I was pregnant, but I could live with both of those things, and I would because I could make the best of that situation. What I couldn’t do was rob Dustin of his bright future. He could still escape and live his life the way he’d needed to. I could give him that. I could set him free. I didn’t want him turning into my dad because his future had been cut short.

“Don’t say anything to anyone,” I croaked out and dragged in a stuttering breath.

“Mik,” she said quietly, handing me the chocolate milkshake after I’d pulled on my seatbelt. She didn’t necessarily disagree with my request—she was just testing the waters.

“No one, Meg. Not even Robert. Please, promise me. I need to think about all of this.”

“Okay, but—”

“No buts.” I pulled the visor down and checked my face to make sure the cool water had done its work and taken the blotchiness away. There was nothing I could do about the redness of my eyes, but I hoped the drive would resolve that.

“Fine. Not a word. Just... don’t push him away, even if you do that for his own good. He loves you. Let him do what he needs to do.”

The sting of tears came quickly this time, and I shook my head in exasperation. “Dammit, Meg.”

“What? You thought I hadn’t figured it out?” she asked, handing me a napkin. “You act like I haven’t known you my whole life.”

A momentary lapse of sanity had made me think she might have missed that part of my decision process, but I was an idiot to think she wouldn’t have followed my train of thought. Aside from Dustin, she knew me better than anyone else in the world. Of course, she’d have figured I would do everything in my power to protect him.

“I can’t go with him. You know I can’t. He has a scholarship and a life planned for himself, and me and this…” I pointed to my still flat stomach, “was supposed to be much farther down the road. I love him too much to do this to him, Meg. I won’t let him turn into my dad. I know he loves me too much to let me do this alone until he’s gotten somewhere, so what choice do I have?”

“You’re taking his choices away,” she said with a hint of anger. “What you’re saying is you’re not planning on saying anything to him about this. How are you going to suggest staying here? Don’t you already have the apartment sorted out? Aren’t the transfer papers already in motion? How are you going to hide your tummy at Thanksgiving?”

“I was building up to having my dad sign the transfer.” I took a deep breath and sucked on my straw. For the first time since my mom died, my dad would be helping me, however inadvertently. “I’m going to say he read it and called the guardian card. I’m technically still a minor. I haven’t even started the emancipation paperwork, so it will have to do for now. And hiding it… I don’t know. I don’t know what I’m going to do, Meg. I can’t even think, right now.”

“God.”

“I know.”

“You know he would stand by you, Mik. You know he’d be a father.”

“Of course he would, and I want that. I just don’t want him to make a sacrifice now when it really counts. He has so many plans, so much life to live beyond the borders of this town and county. If that future is without me, so be it. I can do that. For him, I can do that. Please, Meg. Help me.”

Rubbing her forehead, Megan followed my lead and dragged on her straw to drink her milkshake. I could almost see the cogs of her mind working as she stared blankly at the traffic passing us by where we were parked. I was distraught and confused, but no matter how much she shared those emotions with me, she still had the working brain between the pair of us.

Glancing over at me, she rolled her eyes, pushed her cup in the holder between us, and sighed out her resignation.

“Okay, so it’s obvious you’ve been crying. We can use that in our favor. When we get back, tell Dustin that you’ve spoken to your dad and in a moment of sobriety he’s read what you’ve asked him to sign, and he has flat out refused. That should cover the tears for now. Then we can use talking to a lawyer about the emancipation of a minor as cover for any doctor appointments Mom makes, because...” She held her hand up at the beginning of my protest. “You are going to tell Mom. We can’t do this alone, and you can’t hide a baby forever. It’s not a broken vase.”

That was smart, and my dad’s refusal made absolute sense to use as a cover for my emotional breakdown. I was going to have to tell Jen; Megan was right about that. I couldn’t hide my pregnancy forever, and I couldn’t do this alone. First thing first, however… I had to figure out what I was going to do about Dustin and how I was going to get him out of town before the evidence was overwhelming.

“You’re right. The emancipation would also hold me up from leaving with him right away and give me some time. The lawyer would want me to keep the proceeds above board in order for things to go smoothly, and running away wouldn’t work in my favor.”

“That works... for now, but he’s going to find out eventually, Mik. He deserves to…”

“Have his future the way he wants it to be. Yes, you’re absolutely right about that.”

Megan sighed, shook her head and reversed out of the spot before merging into the traffic in the direction of the campsite. She stayed quiet for a long while before holding her hand out for mine. I took it gratefully, comforted by the human contact as another round of tears escaped from my eyes and warmed my cheeks.

“Just cut him some slack if he gets upset about this, okay?”

I nodded in agreement. We both knew that this news was going to taint the end of the trip for Dustin and me, for two completely different reasons, admittedly, but I held out hope that even with this dark cloud hanging over us, we could have a good ending to an amazing Summer.

When Megan and I eventually pulled up to the camp in the truck almost an hour later, I still wasn’t completely in my right mind, and my chest hurt with an ache that seemed too brutal to deal with at my age. We had detoured to pick up some groceries and give me a moment to collect myself a little more. There had only been a brief reprieve from what was coming, though, and the moment Dustin pulled open the door to greet me, his eyes found mine, and he knew something was terribly wrong.

His warm hands reached out tentatively and cupped my cold, damp cheeks. His thumbs reverently brushed a fresh set of tears from under my eyes as he frowned past me to Megan, searching for answers. His compassion and need to protect me was just another one of those things I loved so much about him. He knew when I was too overwhelmed, and he knew who to go to for answers.

“What happened?” he demanded, his tone devoid of any emotion.

“What always happens,” Meg responded with a huff of breath and a roll of her eyes—a look she’d used on multiple occasions when I had let myself get hurt by something my dad did, or more to the point… something he hadn’t done.

Enlightenment at her reaction lit his features, pushing his attention back to me as his eyes filled with empathy. I was aware of Megan and Rob talking quietly as Dustin pulled me against him to ease my quiet sobs. They began moving the groceries from the truck to their RV to give us some space. Me? I was trapped, unable to move even if I’d wanted to, and I didn’t. Being in Dustin’s arms always felt like a sense of home.

“You called your dad?” Dustin spoke into my hair as he held me.

“Just to check in,” I lied easily, letting the emotions hide the fabrication I’d been working with in my head. I took a deep breath and folded my arms around his waist, putting my weight on him as my cheek rested against his sun-kissed chest. It was a comfort to be against him, to hear the systematic beat of his heart.

“What happened?”

“He read the transfer papers I gave him instead of just signing them.” I was glad he couldn’t see my face. I was pretty sure the pained look I was wearing would give me away in less than a heartbeat.

“Shit.” Dustin’s hands went to my hair, his fingers gripping clumps of strands as he bled in sympathy. “Baby—”

“He’s... not going to sign them.”

“Fuck.”

“My only choice is to go to a lawyer and file for emancipation,” I said shakily, my voice rising with emotion and pain. “And that’s going to take a while, and I can’t leave when he’s got a petition in against the transfer, which means…”

“I’m going alone.” The pain in his voice was too much for me to take and the dam broke again. Tears and choked sobs drowned out his rain of expletives while my hands fisted his T-shirt with guilt and confusion, forcing him to pull me against him tightly. I’d hoped being this close to him would make me feel better about my decision. Being close to him always had given me strength in the past, but now… all I could see was what I was losing, what I was letting go of. I was acutely aware of the pain settling around my heart like barbed wire, squeezing until the unbearable agony was the only thing I could feel

Of course, Dustin was angry and upset about the change and took his time going through a million alternate plans before he cursed the world and everyone in it. His frustration wasn’t aimed at me in any shape or form. He would stroke my hair and whisper promises to make everything right, while barbs were constantly thrown out at my father as the evening passed. Lying in his arms, watching as the stars took control of the dark sky, my mind became unavoidably preoccupied with the reality of my new situation.

I was pregnant.

I was going to lose the guy I loved, and the opportunity to have a genuine relationship with him outside of the weird dynamic that had followed us around. I couldn’t leave this town behind and build the life we’d wanted to now, all because of one impulsive night. One moment of complete and utter love and passion, joy and hope—and my future was now entwined with another. I was going to be responsible for another human being before I’d so much as graduated high school.

That night was one of the hardest of my life to date, but despite the scars that were now etched into my heart and soul, time continued to pass.

The days only got longer and harder after the discovery of my pregnancy. Dustin and I avoided talking about my not leaving with him as much as we could while still on the camping trip, and we took the opportunity to just be together in every way we could. The ignorance is bliss approach had been his idea. He’d wanted to enjoy our time alone and figured we could deal with reality when we were forced back into it, and the town we both hated.

I managed to push the pregnancy to the back of my mind while we were there, and that gave me a chance to stay away from lying to Dustin.

I reveled in the time we had together, watching him even when he was lost in playing football with Rob or lying on the towel soaking up the sun as the rays kissed his skin and earned my envy. I wanted to spend my life with him. I wanted to wake up to him every morning and take in his face while he was still lost to sleep. I wanted to walk down the streets with my hand in his and make him dinner. I wanted to laugh at his stupid jokes and feel the heat of his gaze when I was preoccupied. I wanted him and our future, but that wasn’t mine anymore. I had to send him to college to live the way he’d wanted to when his uncle had touched his heart and given him a path.

I didn’t want to say goodbye, and I didn’t want to lie to him, but when we got back home in late July things got a little more complicated.