Garrett’s truck ground to a halt at the same moment I reached the bottom of the barn’s apartment stairs. The gravel jumped out of the way as his big wheels scored two lines into the normally perfectly level and well-kept driveway. The scream of the screen door being pushed aside on the main house had my eyes flickering to it, and noting Megan and Robert—the latter holding a baseball bat—standing close together on the porch. I knew they would stay there unless I beckoned them or things got too much for me to handle, and I appreciated that. They’d always had my back. I realized that now more than ever.

Garrett was out of the truck faster than I could have imagined, his feet hitting the ground before I could so much as take a step forward. His hair was disheveled, and, like me, he wore the same clothes he had been the last time we’d seen one another at the cemetery, but his eyes were what captured and held my attention. Filled with pain and rimmed red, they looked wild and unfettered, the desperation emanating from him.

“You can’t go.” He was already marching toward me, so I stopped and waited for him to get to me, crossing my arms over my chest as I raised my eyebrows in challenge. We’d ended everything so amicably that his demanding tone felt all kinds of wrong.

“Garrett?”

“Please, let me finish.”

I nodded once, my eyes flickering to Megan who shrugged. That one gesture said I don’t know what the hell’s going on but hear him out.

“Dusty was my brother. I wasn’t always a good brother like I said, but I loved him. When shit was good, it was damn good, and looking back at those times I realize more than ever, he was my best friend. It would have always been that way once we got past all that other shit siblings go through if he’d lived.”

A tinge of sadness and guilt surged in my gut as I offered him another nod in agreement. I wasn’t sure where this was going, but I was willing to let him get everything out if that made him feel better. God knew there was one very important detail sat upstairs that I wanted to wax lyrical about so there were no secrets left between us, but I couldn’t do that. I’d wanted that decision to be Holly’s.

“My head has been messed up since Libby told me who you are and my heart’s been fucked up since you left me in that cemetery with Dustin.” He lifted both of his hands and scrubbed his face. When his fingers found the scruffy beard at his cheeks, he scratched once and met my eyes. “We have something between us, Kay. You can’t deny that any more than I can. I’m glad I didn’t know who you were before now because I finally got to see why Dusty loved you so damn much.”

“You don’t really know me well enough…”

“I’ve known you longer than it took you to fall in love with my brother, even if I did fall in love with you before you left town that first time.” He looked at me earnestly before dropping his hands to his sides and pressing them against his thighs. “I know this is weird, but Dusty’s been gone for almost fifteen years, and I honestly think he’d be okay with us being together.”

I barked out a laugh and wiped away the tears I hadn’t known I’d been shedding from my cheeks. I didn’t need to dig deep to know that I loved Garrett. I’d known for a while, too, even if I’d been trying to deny and ignore my feelings when they were at their strongest. I even agreed to some extent that Dustin would have been okay with our being together because, in some weird twisted way, it felt like he’d pushed the two of us to meet. I’d got the flat on that stretch of highway where he and I had first met, and not a lot of traffic flowed. Then along came Garrett…

At the right time, and in right place.

“I agree. I think he would have been okay with us,” I said, taking three steps forward and closing the distance. My heart lurched as I reached out and cupped both of his cheeks with my hands, his sun-kissed skin too soft under my palms. I smiled up at him sadly, the ache in my soul echoing the growing disappointment in his eyes.

“But…” he started for me.

“But, I can’t stay here. I can’t be in this town while Libby’s here. I’m not going to go toe-to-toe with her every time I go to the damn store.”

“She’ll leave soon. She always does.”

“Maybe, maybe not. There’s a large part of me that says she will never go while she knows that you and I are happy, even while I can’t be arrogant enough to think she’d change her life just to fuck with me. I want to believe that she’d not be that petty, that I’m not that important…”

“But she blames you for the direction her life went in. Your name is a curse in her mouth,” he said, looking down at me. “You’re not wrong, Kay, but you’re not alone here, either. You can’t change your life to accommodate her because then she wins.”

“I know that.” He was right of course, but this had been only part of the whole truth, and I was running out of ways to validate my reason to go without bringing his attention to Holly… whom he knew existed, but hadn’t figured out the timeline on. I was worried that if I brought her up, he would do the mental math. That was a shitty thing to do, and I knew it. I hated myself more and more and was currently stuck in a day that felt like it would never end.

“But you’re still not going to stay.”

“I can’t.”

“Why?” he asked sadly.

“Because of me,” Holly said from the top of the stairs. She was standing just outside of the apartment door; her hands on the wood railing and eyes filled with unshed tears. She looked older standing there with the pain expression painted on her perfect complexion. She looked wiser; beyond her fourteen years... she looked like a damn teenager.

I could only imagine what it had cost her to come out here and kamikaze her way into her uncle’s life, but I could also see the hint of relief and hope in her beautiful blue eyes, too. Standing in the morning sun like she was, the features that had also belonged to Dustin stood out more than ever and, after meeting her eyes to make sure she was really okay, I looked back at Garrett who was standing open-mouthed, gaping at her like she was the sun.

“That’s Holly,” I finally said, dropping my hands and hating the feeling that I was abandoning him.

“She’s—”

“Dustin’s,” I confirmed, biting my lip in anticipation.

The air around us stilled and grew heavier with every second that ticked by. Garrett was staring openly at Holly, and a quick gaze at her showed she was in the same state of shock he seemed to be in. It took me a moment to realize she’d forced herself out of the apartment for both of us. She wanted to get to know Garrett, her fascination was there right alongside her fear, but she also seemed to understand what she’d been witnessing.

An odd sense of overwhelming pride and unconditional love crashed over me like a cresting wave and made me tumble around in the aftermath. Holly was my greatest accomplishment in life, and she was also my greatest source of pride. She was growing up to be someone I admired utterly. She was strong, compassionate, funny, and intuitive. She was selfless and kind, warm and caring. She may be my daughter, but damn it, I wanted to be her when I finally grew up.

Turning my gaze back to Garrett, I watched the emotions roll over his features. Shock, amazement, grief, wonder, hurt, love, love, and then, just for me, betrayal. Even though I’d been expecting that agony, it still hurt to see the pain of the lies I’d told him shining back at me. Opening and closing his mouth, he looked back up at Holly again.

“I didn’t know,” he said, voice hoarse with emotional agony. “If I’d known…”

I felt like an intruder in my own life as I looked at them. If it was possible to look both elated and broken, that was how Garrett looked. And Holly… she looked confused and unsure, but also happy and giddy at having another member of her family. How could I have made such a huge mistake? Sure, I hadn’t known this was Rett Hill, Dustin’s brother, but looking between the two of them now, I was an idiot to have not figured it out. There were similarities I hadn’t seen before. Tiny things that linked them together in the same way she and I looked alike.

Reaching a hand out in Holly’s direction, I gave her a tiny nod in invitation to join us. She was still standing on the small porch at the top of the stairs—a safe zone for her at the moment. This was a commitment without being too committed. I didn’t want to push her, but I didn’t want her to think she couldn’t come any closer. To my surprise, she bound down the stairs without much thought and skipped to a stop next to me, suddenly seeming shy being this close to her uncle, who now towered over her.

“Hi,” she squeaked, raising one hand in a wave and shuffling, finally looking like her fourteen years again.

Taking control of the situation because Garrett seemed lost in his own mind, I put my arm around Holly’s shoulder and took a deep breath, forcing a smile to my lips. “Garrett, this is your niece, Holly Dee Quinten. Holly, this is your, um, Uncle Garrett.”

The word felt so strange on my lips, and it obviously sounded weird to him, too. There was a fragile crack in the frozen state of his face as the side of his mouth twitched as though he wanted to smile but had forgotten how. He looked so handsome, so utterly inhibited by his own cautiousness that my heart lurched for the billionth time.

“Damn,” he finally said, his hand lifting to grip the beard at his chin. “You look just like your daddy.”

“I do?” Holly asked, pushing up to her toes and dropping again.

Unsure, Garrett reached to her, his index finger hooking under her chin and lifting her head so he could get a better look at her. Holly followed his direction and smiled nervously as he studied her. “You have his eyes. Even the color is perfect, and you have the Hill chin.”

“This old thing?” she asked, her voice shaky. “I grew it myself.”

Garrett’s bark of laughter startled her, but her grin shone through once she’d established he was amused by her comment. I dropped a kiss on the top of her head and watched Garrett’s eyes finally rise to meet mine.

“Holly,” he said gently like he was afraid to address her in his normal tone. “I would love for us to take a walk together and talk if that’s okay with you and your mom?”

Holly nodded her agreement, but turned her head and searched my face for the answers to the questions she was forming already. Was it okay? Was I okay with it? Would my feelings be hurt at being left out? Was there anything she couldn’t say? My responding smile and nod said I was fine and happy for her to get to know her uncle. There was nothing she had to hide, and my kiss on her forehead said for her to just be herself. I had no doubt he would fall in love with her as quickly as everyone else whose lives she’d touched.

Meeting Garrett’s eyes, I nodded and backed away, heading to where Megan and Robert were standing on the porch. I’d barely made it five steps when Garrett called out my name.

“Can we talk? Later, I mean?” He sounded neutral when he spoke to me. There was none of the warmth that had been there before, and none of the gentleness he’d been using with Holly. I should have been encouraged by the lack of chill there, but I suspected that was for Holly’s benefit, not mine.

I nodded, pushing my hands into my shorts’ pockets as I continued to the porch and dropped my chin to my chest in an attempt to stop the impending tears. I was happy that Holly finally had someone in her dad’s family to talk to, but I couldn’t stop the selfish pang of my own loss.

Megan greeted me, her arm circling my waist as I turned to watch Holly and Garrett head off to one of the trails that led to the small lake at the back of the property. It was only when they disappeared that I let myself cry.

The creaking of the screen door told me Robert had escaped to take care of the kids, but Megan rested her head on my shoulder as I stared at the trail and waited for them to return.

“Come and sit. This may take a while, honey.”

I let her lead me to the porch swing, and dropped my ass to it the moment she turned me, my eyes finding the spot again. My internal berating was only just beginning to flay the skin from me when a warm mug was pushed into my hands, and the swing began to rock with the added weight of Jen’s body on my other side.

“Did you see the way he was looking at her?” I asked in a quiet voice. “He could see Dustin.”

“Not hard to miss,” Megan said, rubbing my back as she and Jen swung us. “You’ve said it yourself a million times, honey.”

“What if…” I paused and took a sip of the strong coffee, my eyes never leaving the trail. “What if Suzanne was right, and he tries to take custody of her?”

“Then we’ll deal with it,” Jen answered, matter-of-factly. “I understand why you’re worried, baby, but your situation isn’t what it was fourteen years ago. You have money, a great business, a good home, and a happy and healthy kid who loves you. No court in the world would take her away from you, and visitation wouldn’t be a terrible thing. She’s fourteen, smart and mature enough to make the right choice for herself. She’s still figuring out who she is. Maybe knowing Dustin’s family can really help her figure it all out.”

This was why I opened myself up to these two women. They knew my fears. They knew what made me anxious and scared, and they knew Holly. They could both ground me again when things got too crazy, and I began to question everything.

I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to be feeling right now. Had anyone else ever been in a fucked up situation like this? It felt like one of those moments that should have me reassessing my life and every single one of my decisions that had brought me to this point, but I realized quickly that I liked my life, even with the crazy shit that was piling up. I liked being here in Childress, close to the people who meant the world to me. I liked how happy Holly was when she was here and the friendships she was building, not just with Megan’s kids but the other kids in her riding lessons. I liked knowing she could see Garrett whenever she wanted, and maybe in time her grandfather. I liked being close to Dustin to visit him whenever I wanted, whether it was in the small grove of trees, the roof of the gym, or the cemetery. I wanted the horses Holly wanted. I wanted to build a house by those trees and knock down the one where Dustin had died so it wouldn’t hold the significance of that night anymore. I wanted Holly to be happy, comfortable, and close to the things that mattered to her.

“I’m going to stay,” I said it aloud to see how it felt, to see the others reactions.

To my surprise, neither of them said a word. They just looked at me and continued to swing the three of us, waiting for me to go on with my train of thought so they wouldn’t derail me.

“There’s a possibility Garrett will end up hating me,” I said while they were humoring me. “I get that, and I refuse to run away. Holly’s happy here, and I realize that I’m happy here, too. It won’t be easy, selling the bar will be hard, but I can open one here, and I can build the house that I’ve always wanted for Holly and me. And y’all are here, and I’m tired of being so far away I can’t drop in and bother you whenever the hell I want.”

“Who are you trying to convince here, sugar?” Megan laughed. “I’m sold.”

I smiled and turned to look at her.

“You’ve been too far away for too long,” Jen agreed, pulling one leg to her chest. “Are you still sure about that land for Garrett. I can shred the paperwork I started.”

“No. It’s his, and he should have it. Let it go through. Maybe I can find the time to give it to him when he’s not about to tear strips from my hide.”

“Probably a good plan,” Megan chortled. “Though it may be an ace in the hole if he gets too self-righteous.”

“Emotional blackmail?”

“Don’t knock it until you’ve tried it,” Megan responded, her eyes flicking to the door and back to me. “It’s not a one-sided defense, and you’re insane if you think he won’t try to use that against you.”

“Megan!”

“What, Mom?” she asked with a grin. “I learned it from you.”

Our conversation lightened, and swinging together we sipped coffee and waited for the return of Holly and Garrett. My conversation with him wasn’t going to be easy. I already knew that, but I would endure whatever he had to give, as long as Holly was happy, and from the look on her face when they turned that corner out from the trail of the tall bushes, she was.