Three weeks after Thanksgiving break and the school was buzzing with excitement. The winter formal being held that night was a big deal at Childress High, almost as big as Homecoming. The dance was like the Olympics and only came about every other year or so, with the title of Snow Queen an honor because of that limitation. All of the dresses worn were cool pastels, whites, lightest of baby blues, soft pinks, and peaches, and for Childress High, it was tradition to wear western boots under the dresses. I wasn’t sure when this had become a thing, but my mom had saved her boots and dress for me. Another thing Jen had salvaged before my dad had shut everyone who knew my mom out of his life.

“I’m not going,” I said, swallowing one of the cookies Jen slid in front of us when we’d come in after dress shopping for Megan. Jen had offered to pull my mom’s things from the spare room’s closet for me to wear. She knew I had someone in my life, but no idea who he was or how much he was coming to mean to me.

“Oh, come on, you have to. You’ll have graduated before the next one comes along.” Jen picked up a cookie and gripped it between her teeth as she skipped toward the refrigerator to get the milk. Megan shot me an apologetic glance and shrugged.

“Mom, leave her alone.”

I shook my head and smiled in response. I didn’t mind this kind of conversation. These were the kind of things I often found myself wishing I still had my mom around for. This didn’t, however, stop me from needing to bury the small twinge of regret that boiled in my stomach when I thought about the upcoming formal. I would have loved to go with Dustin, just to have the experience and actually dance with him, but he was going with Libby, and I hated being in the spotlight. Going together would never have worked even if we’d had the opportunity. Dustin was the frontrunner for Snow King and I… I was a ghost.

“What? It’s a rite of passage for you girls.”

“It’s also just a dance. It’s not exactly going to shape our future.”

Jen leaned her elbows on the counter and rested her head on her hands, her eyes turning dreamy. “I’d already graduated when your mom was crowned Snow Queen, Miki, but I did help her get ready. She looked amazing.”

“I saw the photos,” I responded, grinning. “I have one of her and Dad from the dance on my dresser.”

“She was so happy that night.” Reaching out, Jen cupped my cheek in her palm and shook her head. “If you change your mind, come and see me, and we’ll get you into her dress.”

“Thank you.” My response was a whisper filled with emotion. I was as excited as everyone else about the dance, but for entirely different reasons. The winter formal would see the end of Dustin’s obligation to be with Libby. He was going to be free the moment the dance ended. He’d promised to stop by as soon as he could, once the formal was over. Dustin’s parents weren’t expecting him home early, which meant we had a whole night to spend together once he’d fled, thankfully Troy was becoming quite skilled at making excuses on his friend’s behalf.

Jen nodded and winked at me before she changed the direction of her thoughts and focused on what her daughter needed. I think her attention was something Megan had wanted until she had it. Once she had her mom’s sole focus she looked at me imploringly, but there was nothing I could do to derail that train, so I enjoyed her discomfort as a good friend would, adding to her chagrin at every possible moment. Watching Megan squirm served as a great distraction, and by the time I waved her off and crawled into my car to drive home I was ready for a nap. It was another welcome distraction from thinking about Dustin and Libby dancing to some tear-in-my-beer tune that would undoubtedly play after they were crowned king and queen of the winter court.

Not that I was bitter or anything.

Not me.

In fact, I drove straight home and crawled into my bed the moment I got there so I wouldn’t have to think about where the few friends I had were, or what they were doing. I fell asleep quickly, staring at the picture of my parents on my dresser. The quiet tones of the CD I was playing lulled me into a dream about Dustin and me.

The dream itself was one of those weird out of body experiences where I was a fly on the wall, watching myself in my mom’s dress as I danced with Dustin across the gym. That version of me didn’t care who was watching her dance with the boy she was in love with. She smiled and sang the sugary sweet lyrics of the song to him as her arms folded around his neck and pulled him down for a kiss. Her happiness lit up the room, radiating from her like she was a disco ball touching everything within its reach. I ghosted toward them, my hand reaching out to touch Dustin’s back as I stepped in behind him, but my hand went through him. When I blinked, it was just me in the dress, staring at the empty space where he’d been.

“Why are you crying?” Dustin asked. The disembodied voice felt so real that my breath hitched, and then he touched me, the heat seeping into my chilled skin, chasing away the emptiness that had already begun to take over my veins.

I woke up startled and disoriented as my damp eyes met Dustin’s in the dim glow of my bathroom light that cut through the darkness. He was still wearing his suit as he lay on his side next to me, his thumbs brushing away my tumbling tears. I would have smiled, but all I could smell was Libby’s perfume as he leaned in to kiss me. Unable to hide my petty jealousy, I froze beneath him as more tears fell freely.

“I’m so sorry, Mik.”

I hated myself for the reaction. I knew tonight hadn’t been easy for him, either. The closer we became, the harder pretending to have a relationship with Libby was on him. Pretending had become difficult for us both. I’d stopped caring what people thought, or at least, worrying about what they would think when the truth came out. I’d been so focused on having him to myself, the fear had seeped away easily. I just hadn’t thought about how hard sharing him this last time would be, or how hard it would be to deal with Libby’s signature scent clinging to him and his suit while he was in my bed.

“No, I’m sorry,” I whispered, forcing my muscles to move as I rolled into his chest. My trembling hands slid under the lapels of his jacket as I eased it back over his shoulders. “I’m sorry I’m crying.”

I kissed him as we moved together, his hands pulling me to straddle his legs as I pushed the jacket away from him completely and met his eyes.

“I’m sorry you had to see me this way,” I continued.

My lips attacked his as I pushed to my knees and began unbuttoning the crisp white shirt. He kissed me back, but the rest of him remained still under my hands as I worked, too afraid to break the spell that I was weaving between us. He’d always been the one to take control when the clothes started to shed. This aggressive and needy side of me was something he’d never seen before.

This neediness and demanding nature was something I’d never felt before, either.

I pulled back, my chest heaving as I pushed the shirt over his shoulders and down to his wrists, where I released the buttons on his cuffs and let the material drop to the rug at the side of my bed.

“You’re mine now, Dustin Hill.” I pulled the T-shirt over my head and dropped it before I pressed my bare chest against his, my hand reaching to tangle in the soft hair at the base of his neck as his lips met my neck. “I can’t share you again.”

Instinct and need took over, and my body pressed roughly against his. I was naked now. The shirt had been the only thing covering me, and it had been one I’d stolen from him. I’d fallen asleep that way, surrounded by the smell of him, intending to celebrate once he escaped the winter formal.

The intensity of the moment between us hadn’t been a part of our plans, but we were both rolling with the punches anyway. Dustin’s breaths were heaving with as much intensity as mine now and only increased when I rubbed against his arousal with purpose.

“Miki…”

My finger pressing against his lips and our eyes meeting cut him off. When I was certain he would hold his silence, I dropped my hands between us, my fingers trembling as they unfolded the belt and fumbled with the button and zip. We’d had sex a lot, and often, but this time was different. This felt new and raw—as though every time before had been working up to this one moment between us. Dustin could feel the difference, too. His hips rose from the mattress, our hands and bodies working his pants and boxers down his legs until they, too, fell to the floor.

We stared at one another for the longest of moments, our panted breaths twisting together between us. This was a union of sorts—a sacrament, just him and me, together.

As I sank down, Dustin arranged us carefully until my body accepted him and my breath was stolen from me in a tight gasp of air. With Dustin’s arms crossed over my back, he pulled me against him, the whimpers of pleasure and need falling from my lips.

Home.

I was home, and I couldn’t imagine anywhere else holding that level of comfort for me.

My movements began slowly at first with my forehead pressing against his as I trembled and rode with measured rises and falls. Our passion was all emotions and love that passed between us until the heat rose and took control. The intensity was slow in rising but felt right, the deep coils of passion falling over us in waves until the pressure that fluttered around under my skin felt like a white-hot flame of demand.

I gripped the headboard to steady myself as the muscles in my thighs trembled with pleasure, and I knew the pace couldn’t stay that way when the want for reclamation burned in my chest. Just one look and Dustin knew; he could feel the need as deeply as I could. We were all hands, heated moans and groans, and heaved breaths as our bodies came together hard and possessively. Instinct drove us for what felt like hours, and my tears came hot and wet again, but for an entirely different reason now.

Pleasure rose like a snake uncoiling. My body twisted around his, accepting him every way I could until the scream of release built painfully in my chest. The pressure was born from pleasure but the small consciousness of where we were, blossomed in the back of my head like a stain. I just wasn’t in control anymore. Before I could give us both away, Dustin’s hand slid over my chin and brought my mouth to his as he swallowed my orgasm while he fed me his.

I collapsed against his chest, my hot breath bursting free and rolling over his chest as he held me to him with just as much conviction and emotion. “I’m never letting you go, Miki.”

I smiled, aware that he couldn’t see it, but that didn’t matter. Happiness was radiating from every single one of my pores, and I knew he could feel my love almost as clearly as I could feel his. Moments like this solidified everything I felt and believed in for our futures. I didn’t have to worry or wonder how he felt because one look, one touch, and the love wrapped itself around me, making me feel safer than I ever had in my entire life. I felt loved, cherished, and adored all from one embrace.

Laying in silence, I listened to him breathe for the longest time. His inhales and exhales a symphony that was accompanied by the steading pound of his heart as it returned to its normal steady thrum of vitality.

“It’s over now,” he whispered, his right hand beginning a languorously slow path up and down my spine. “The moment the dance was over, I made a big show of breaking up with her in front of everyone who means something to her. I was an absolute douchebag and left her there. I just couldn’t waste another moment being with her. Not when I knew you were here waiting.”

“Don’t feel too bad,” I said hypocritically. I felt terrible for her, too, but only because I knew what she was losing. “She was using you.”

“I don’t feel bad about her. I just feel like a shit for lumping her with someone else to get home.”

My laughter joined in with his as we moved to get comfortable. Neither of us seemed inclined to lose the intimacy our connected bodies afforded us. The silence bathed us in serenity and settled over our entwined limbs as we absorbed one another’s body heat in the cool room.

I wasn’t sure what occupied his thoughts, but mine stretched out ahead of me, filled with endless possibilities. A future with Dustin Hill, the only boy I had ever let close, and the only one I had ever allowed myself to love. It scared me when I considered the attention this situation would draw. All those eyes filled with speculation and judgment as they watched me with someone they undoubtedly considered out of my league—and he was out of my league I was just selfish enough to hold on tightly regardless of what others thought.

“Libby won’t let this go easily,” Dustin finally said, pressing his lips to my hair. “Her pride will be stung, and she will put a target on your back when she finds out about us.”

I was prepared for that, and I did have a resolution of sorts. I just wasn’t sure he would be happy about the plan I’d conceived.

“We don’t have to stand in the middle of the school and announce anything, you know. Why not just stay as we are? I’m not saying hide our relationship, but we don’t have to flaunt it, either, right? Let people, including Libby, get used to the idea of you being apart.”

“And let the whole goddamn school dictate who I can and can’t see? What do they have to get used to? These are our lives we’re talking about. No one else’s.”

“I agree,” I said cautiously, my fingers tracing a strong vein in his arm. “But like it or not, their opinions and actions can make our lives difficult.”

“I hate high school.” Dustin rolled us so we were on our sides, facing one another. “I don’t like this. I don’t like pretending that you’re not everything to me or that you don’t matter. You matter too much for our relationship to even disappear that way, Mik.”

“You know that. I know that… what else matters?”

“I can’t promise I won’t kiss you when I see you in the halls.”

“You don’t have to. Just keep it low key for now.”

Dustin grumbled and kissed my shoulder and then my mouth sweetly and softly before he rolled from the bed and strolled to my bathroom, once again completely unabashed by his nakedness. I watched every step he took and blew out a long breath when he disappeared inside. His reaction had been far less dramatic than I’d expected. I could handle low key. I felt much better being quiet about our relationship, seeing as how I was currently invisible to most of our school. I wasn’t jumping from the frying pan to the fire. I was dipping my toe in the flames and hoping no one else noticed.

Dustin and I had both been right on the money when it came down to school and the reactions of our peers. The first couple of weeks felt like nothing much had changed in our little world. The only differences had been him openly smiling as he passed me in the hall or stopping to talk to me, his tall, muscular form leaning over mine as he smiled down on me with that ever-knowing smile—the one that let me know we would be meeting up later. This new behavior earned me a couple of glances from the kids passing by, but from the whispers Megan heard, most just thought he was just flirting with everyone now that he was free from Libby.

By the time Christmas break fell our classmates had accepted that the power couple of Childress High’s class of 2002 were no more. Dustin had been very vocal about his dedication to stay away from Libby, and for the most part, Libby kept her mouth shut. She wasn’t over the humiliation of their breakup by any means, and with narrowed eyes, she documented every move he made, curled her lip at any girl he spoke to, and made a show of making out with any guy she deemed worthy in an attempt to get Dustin’s attention and make him jealous. I may have noticed this behavior of Libby’s, but Dustin didn’t. To him, she’d already ceased to exist.

That year was the best Christmas I could ever remember since my mom had passed. The two of us spent all of our free time together. But I found myself missing him whenever he went hunting with his brother, Rett and his friends. Not that I told him that, of course. I took those days to spend time with the Herns. My best friend was happy about the development, constantly pulling information from me, her smile almost as bright as mine as she talked about her own relationship with Rob. I felt normal. Life felt normal.

Dustin took me to what was left of his brother’s property, and his favorite spot for escape at this time of year. The edge of Rett Hill’s land kissed the outside borders of the town, a vintage and decomposing set of train tracks dividing his land from the town. Dustin had adopted an abandoned train car that sat lonely by a cluster of trees out there, and it didn’t take me long to know that was his place. Magazines, books, more books, and CDs littered the space. A nest of blankets sat on an old mattress, the wall of the train car behind protected by an old transparent shower curtain and a Texas state flag. The train car wasn’t as warm as Coach’s Retreat, especially when surrounded by the frosts of winter, but we very cleverly generated our own heat.

I hadn’t realized we’d fallen asleep until there was an obnoxious hammering from somewhere over my head that forced me to try and sit up, a huff of quiet laughter falling from my lips as I ended up peeling myself from Dustin. In the cold winter air, we’d clung together and balled up in the bundle of blankets and comforters until our bodies had stuck together through the sweat of sex and body heat. The sexiness was long gone now, but the heat between us remained while we were folded up together like a burrito.

“I don’t remember sticking myself to you with Velcro,” Dustin whispered, rubbing his shoulder with a smile. Lifting his torso, he supported himself on one elbow and pulled back the flag and shower curtain, peering out from the gaps in his abandoned train car. “Fuck.” He scowled.

Detaching myself from him completely, I grabbed the first piece of material I came to and covered my naked chest while I turned to see what he’d discovered. There were three guys just outside, heading toward the small spattering of trees that I’d admired when we’d arrived. Two of them had a cooler held between them, while the other had a cigarette in his mouth and a beer in his hand. He bent and picked up another stone, throwing it at the side of the train car so the sound echoed around us, once again.

“I know you’re in there, little Hill. Get you and that sweet-assed girl I just saw out here for a beer… Or I’m coming in after you.”

“Shit. Shit. Shit.” Dustin groaned and dropped his forehead to his outstretched arm.

“What is it?” I asked. I was fishing around for my bra but found my underwear instead. Pulling them up my legs as stealthily as I could in the chilled air, I glanced over at him. All I received was silence in response. “Tell me what’s going on.”

“Those three idiots are my brother’s best friends.” Dustin didn’t sound enthusiastic about the revelation. He handed me my bra and plucked his boxers from where they were held against my chest. His appreciative glance disappeared almost as suddenly as it had appeared. “RJ, Ellis, and Ben. They’re good guys, but they gossip like the gals in Angel’s salon.”

“You want me to disappear?” I asked, knowing full well I could blend into the scenery without being noticed. I was still adept at hiding in plain sight when I consciously made the decision to do so.

I watched him consider my escape and how it could spare him some of the interrogation that was sure to come with my appearance. He’d been more than upfront about the fact that he hadn’t spoken to his brother about breaking up with Libby, or that he was dating me. I hadn’t needed an explanation, but he’d given it to me anyway. Much like his dad, Rett seemed to think Libby was good for Dustin. Well, that was the official stance. Dustin also told me it was because Rett had a thing for Libby.

“It’s okay,” I whispered, clasping my bra and grabbing for my shirt and sweater. “It doesn’t bother me, they’re your brother’s friends and you…”

“It bothers me.”

“Dustin.”

“I’m damn proud of being with you, and I just wanna fucking show the world how lucky I am. It’s just with Rett…”

“It’s okay,” I said, cupping his cheek tenderly. “I know how you feel. Isn’t that what matters?”

“I adore you.” He smiled that smile at me, and I felt myself melting all over again.

“I’m quite indifferent to you.” I sighed dramatically. I had to swallow my squeal as he dived at me, his body forcing mine to the thin mattress he kept surprisingly clean. He settled between my legs and met my eyes, a warmth rushing through my bloodstream when the blue flared with mischief.

“Liar.”

“That’s a bad decision for you. Adoring a liar sounds very complicated.”

“You only lie about adoring me back, and I know the truth, so it’s useless.”

“Good.” I brushed the back of my hand down his beautifully square jaw and sighed contently. “But with that being said, I should go.”

“I really don’t want you to. School starts again Monday, and I want more time with you to myself.”

“That doesn’t mean I shouldn’t go, and it doesn’t mean you can’t swing by later.”

“Stay.”

“But…”

“Rett always has like three girls on the go, and he can have Libby if he likes her that much.”

I studied his handsome face. There was no doubt present anywhere. His eyes were sure, his jaw was set, and there was an excited grin on his lips—like the thought of anyone knowing the actual truth would finally make this a little easier on us both. I just wished I’d been as sure as he was. It didn’t matter at school. People could think what they wanted about what we had. We just had to make it to summer, and he was free—the speculation would die. This… this had a very real possibility of making waves and could affect his life at home. If his brother was anything like his father—and it sounded as though that was the case—he would make his life hell.

“Your dad gave you rules, Dustin. If they tell your brother...”

“He can fucking bite me.”

“Dustin.”

“Please.”

“Five minutes,” I conceded.

His smile made the sacrifice, as well as the worry, worth it. For his smile, I would have done so much more, but he didn’t have to know that. When we were both finished dressing, Dustin gripped my hand tightly in his and headed to the huge sliding door on the train car. The smell of burning wood and beer was a light tang in the air as he jumped down and pulled me into his arms, lowering me to the ground… ever the gentleman. His brother’s friends whistled and catcalled, which only succeeded in making Dustin’s smile even bigger.

“You sure about this?” I whispered as his forehead came against mine.

“Never been surer." He stole a quick kiss before reclaiming my hand and tugging me toward the orange glow of the fire. My feet tripped over one another as he towed me behind him, zigzagging past the cow patties and tall scrub grass that sat in tufts.

Fear and trepidation settled in around me when we finally reached the circle of light, and my stomach landed on my heels with a thump of nervous energy at the sight of the three guys watching us. Other than Megan and Troy, we hadn’t given anyone a status on our relationship. Now faced with doing so, I honestly wanted to bolt and run.

“You sly dog. Who is this gorgeous creature that’s not your girlfriend?” The biggest of the three asked, his feet resting on the cooler, a beer in his hand. His hoodie told me that he bled orange.

“Lay off, asshole. I don’t have a girlfriend. I broke shit off with Libby at the Winter Formal. Keep up if you’re gonna commentate.” Dustin looked between the three guys and me—we were all watching him expectantly.

“Alright. Introduce us then, kid.” The guy next to him said. He was perched in a folding chair. His fleece-lined denim jacket had the collar pulled up to protect his neck from the biting wind, and his big belt buckle announced he was the rodeo champion somewhere. I just wasn’t willing to get close enough to find out where exactly.

Dustin pointed to each of them and introduced us. The larger guy who spoke first was RJ, the guy with the buckle was Ellis, and Ben was the last one with a kind smile. He was smoking a joint and wearing a Nirvana hoodie. Once he was finished, and each one had said hello, almost respectfully, Dustin threw his arm around my shoulders and pulled me close. “Guys, this is Miki.”

RJ’s face lit up with interest, while the others just nodded in greeting and went back to their beers. “Miki? That’s a different name.”

“It’s a nickname,” I responded with more confidence than I felt, but my answer earned me a smile and a beer, which I caught from thin air when it was tossed at me with no warning.

“How old are you, Miki?”

“Seventeen.” It wasn’t a complete lie. I only had about three days until the age change was official. That was the benefit of a January birthday.

“Senior?”

His rapid-fire questions had Dustin stepping in, his hand affectionately covering my mouth to stop me from giving him any more. “Leave her alone, RJ. It’s none of your damn business.”

RJ tipped his head to the side and grinned again, the gesture making him look less intimidating. I could see he was trying to figure the situation out, and I wished him the best of luck with that because most days even I wasn’t sure what our situation was—not really. I just knew I loved Dustin, and that was all that mattered to me.

“One last question, D. Does Rett know about this?” RJ asked, moving his bottle between Dustin and me with his eyebrows rising in question. The sudden silence brought back the attention of Ellis and Ben, and the discomfort became unbearable. It seemed to me like Dustin had underestimated RJ—if not all of them.

“I’m gonna go,” I whispered to Dustin, handing him my beer with a wink. “Good luck.”

“I should walk you home.”

I glanced back at RJ who was waiting for a response with a small smirk. “I’ve got this. You stay and drink with your friends.”

I leaned in and kissed him, much to the others’ amusement, walking backward away from Dustin. I winked before waving to the other three and turned, disappearing into the lengthening shadows as night fell early around us.

I should have kept going, but my curiosity got the better of me. When Dustin finally approached his friends, he kicked RJ’s foot off the cooler and sat down on the hard surface, draining half of his beer and staring in the direction I’d disappeared in. I knew he couldn’t see me. It was too dark, and there wasn’t even a moon out, but I stepped behind the trunk of the tree anyway, my hands brushing against the cool, rough bark.

“Man, she’s hot. Where the hell did you find her?” RJ asked, tipping the neck of his bottle in my direction.

“I wish I knew, man. Shit. She blindsided me, and I never saw her coming.”

“I know that look, little Hill. You’re falling hard.”

“Falling?” Dustin scoffed, polishing off the bottle and throwing it into the fire. “Too late for all that.”

My heart skipped a beat. We both knew where we were and how we felt. We just didn’t feel inclined to rush saying it. This confirmation of how he felt about me had my stomach tying itself up in knots of pure, unadulterated happiness. Knowing I wasn’t the only one in over my head made me feel better about my own feelings.

“Libby?” Ellis asked, pushing a cigarette into his mouth and lighting it.

“I don’t think I ever loved her.” Dustin stared into the flames for a long while, a small smile curling his lips. When RJ punched his shoulder, he rolled his eyes and stood, grabbing them both a beer from the cooler before settling in again. “Dad and Rett convinced me to stay with her until the end of the season. I decided Winter Formal was good enough.”

“What is it about this girl?” RJ asked curiously, slouching in the chair he was occupying and looking a little stunned. From where I was standing, he honestly seemed curious about what had hooked Dustin as hard as I had.

“She’s smart, incredibly sexy, funny as fuck, and sarcastic as hell. But it’s not just that, even as much as I enjoy our banter and the amazing sex. The most amazing part of being with her is that I can be myself. I don’t have to have my guard up or worry about what she’s thinking. If she thinks it’s fucking stupid, she’ll tell me. If I don’t like something she’s doing, I can tell her without worrying she’ll slash my tires. We have the same interests, and we never run out of shit to talk about.”

“You sound like a pussy.” It was the first time Ben had spoken, and Dustin threw the cap of his beer at him with a spirited laugh.

“I don’t give a fuck.”

I didn’t really want to hear any more. I’d already heard too much, far more than he’d ever want me to, anyway. So I stepped away and stuck to the shadows as I quietly ran through the frozen fields as fast I could in the direction of my car. I couldn’t go home right now. I was too worked up and buzzing with the emotions that infiltrated my veins. This left me with only one option on a Saturday night, and that was Straturday. My radio was calling my name, and so were the classic rock ballads that spoke to me most days.

I doubted they could touch what I was feeling tonight. I didn’t think any song would ever truly capture the love that washed over me as Dustin’s words echoed through my body and settled in the center of my chest. Funny how love didn’t feel like a big enough word anymore, because the way I was feeling, there were no words for. What I felt was so much more than the tangled web of love. What I felt was life, breath, and the blood that my heartbeats drove through my veins.

Heading toward our trees, I couldn’t wipe the smile from my face as I drummed out the beat on my steering wheel, the words of the current song offering me a resolution to my wordlessness. I was in love, it was true, but I’d also found my soul mate.