I didn’t know how to feel or what to think.
Actually, my brain was filled to the brim with thoughts. Sorting them out was the problem. Focusing on just one seemed near impossible.
I wandered the halls aimlessly, barely paying attention to where I went or how long I walked. The doctors lectured me about not going back with her. They needed time to stabilize her, and I would only make their job harder.
So I walked away. Actually, they shoved me away, but gradually, I went. I knew Am would be okay, but I was a different story.
I felt I was walking through a mixture of the past and present. As if I were outside walking through sunshine and bouts of rain.
I thought I’d known. In fact, I’d been absolutely sure. It felt right.
Amnesia felt right.
But it was wrong. Totally wrong.
The sense of loss I felt plagued me. I didn’t know where to turn or even what to think. I thought I had the answers, but instead, I just had more questions.
Who is she? Where did she come from? Who does she belong to?
I stopped walking and flopped back against a hard, cold wall. The back of my head hit the blocks, and my eyes drifted to the stark white ceiling with fluorescent lighting.
After today, I couldn’t fool myself anymore. I couldn’t convince myself or anyone else. The hope I had was shattered; only mysteries remained.
This wasn’t the girl I lost long ago. This wasn’t a second chance.
My body skidded down the wall as my legs gave out. I slid until my ass hit the floor, and I rested my elbows on my knees.
Everyone told me. I was warned, cautioned, even pleaded with. Sometimes the only thing your ears hear is the words whispered by your heart. Sometimes the only truth you want to hear is a beautiful lie.
Amnesia wasn’t the girl I lost, and I wasn’t sure where that left me or how it made me feel.
I was numb, so numb. And so incredibly tired.
I sat there in the quiet corridor for an unknown amount of time, my head in my hands, my heart in my throat. Images of the way she looked as life drained out of her body, gasping for breath as welts disfigured her skin. I recalled how she clutched onto me in the ambulance, how her body relaxed the instant she realized I had no intention of putting her down.
Her kisses.
Her laugh.
Who is she?
Squeaking shoes slapped against the shiny floor, intruding upon my thoughts. They came closer, but I didn’t bother looking up. I hoped whoever it was would go the hell away.
“Eddie!” Mary Beth gasped. “I’ve been looking for you forever!”
The alarm in her voice made me surge up off the floor. “What is it?”
Mary Beth was breathing heavy, as if she actually had been looking for me for a while. How long had I been down here? I blinked, glancing around. Where the hell was I?
“It’s Amnesia,” she replied, breathless. “She’s asking for you.”
All the confusion and sorrow blew from my mind with the gust of those words. Rushing forward, I asked, “What’s wrong with her?”
“Someone was in her room… Someone tried to hurt her.”
“What?” I spat, fear making my chest hurt. I took off running, my shoes now making the terrible sound.
Mary Beth yelled out her room number behind me, and I kept going, suddenly not exhausted anymore.
Amnesia needed me. I’d been gone too long.
The answer to a question that plagued me smacked me so hard in the middle I almost stumbled as I rushed up the stairs.
Who is she?
She is mine.
I burst onto her floor and sprinted down the hall. Ellen was at the door, motioning me with her hand, a frown on her face.
I could hear Am crying from outside the door, and panic spurred me on.
“Amnesia!” I bellowed, sliding around the doorframe and into the room.
“Eddie,” she cried. A hiccup caught her breath.
Another nurse was at her side. I barreled past her and climbed right into the bed.
“Be careful,” the woman scolded.
“Get out,” I growled, and she gasped.
Amnesia climbed into my lap before I was even fully sitting. The long tubing of her IV tangled around us, but I ignored it and wrapped her against my chest.
“I’m here now, baby,” I whispered, rubbing down her arm.
“Where were you?” she asked, a catch in her voice.
“I was lost,” I whispered. “But I’m not anymore.”
“Lost where?” She pressed into my neck.
“It doesn’t even matter,” I told her, kissing the top of her head. “What happened while I was gone?” I asked.
Amnesia tilted her head back, looking up with swollen, tear-filled eyes. “They came back,” she rasped, clutching the front of my shirt. “In this room.”
I glanced up at Ellen, who had walked farther into the room. Her face was grim and she nodded. “You saw them, too?” I asked, shocked.
“I saw someone running down the hallway. Security is sweeping the building.”
“Do you believe me now?” Am cried, turning toward the nurses who stood around the room.
Dr. Beck rounded the doorway and stepped into the room with a syringe.
Amnesia saw and shrank into me. “No.” She shook her head. “No way. The last time I fell asleep in here, someone snuck in my room.”
I frowned. “You were sleeping?”
She nodded.
“She needs to calm down. She could go into shock again,” Dr. Beck said sternly. Clearly, he didn’t approve of me being in her bed.
Too damn bad.
“Just give us a minute,” I said. “I’ll calm her down.”
“She’s too dependent on you, Eddie,” Dr. Beck practically barked.
“I am not,” Amnesia argued.
Maybe she was. Hell, I was dependent on her, too. Knowing it didn’t mean I’d change it, though.
“Give us a few minutes.” I urged.
“The police are on their way,” he said as if it were some kind of warning.
“Send them in when they get here,” I told him calmly.
Everyone shuffled out, closing the door behind them.
“Tell me,” I said, stroking her hair.
“They were at the lake. They taunted me when I was lying there in the grass.”
My body went rigid. “What?”
“They said they hoped I died.”
What the actual fuck? “Are you sure?”
She nodded. “Then they came here, but I woke up and started screaming.” Am pulled back, wiped at her welted face, and took a breath. “This is the second time they’ve come for me in this place.”
“Who?” I asked not necessarily her, but the universe in general. Who’s doing this?
“They were mad I cut my hair.”
My face twisted. “What?”
“I know it sounds crazy. Please believe me.”
“I believe you,” I told her, pulling her back into my chest.
“Someone knows who I am. And I’m pretty sure it’s the same person from my dreams, the one who tried to drown me.”
“Do you have any idea who it is? Who it could be?” I queried. “Think, Amnesia. Think.”
“I have!” she said, a sob ripping from her throat. “Every time I try to think of something, it physically hurts me. I’m so tired, Eddie.”
“Okay,” I soothed, leaning back against the bed with her. “It doesn’t matter right now,” I told her. “I’m here. I won’t let anyone hurt you.”
“I want to go home. I don’t want to stay here tonight.”
“They won’t let you go home like this. You’re going to have to calm down and breathe.”
“You’ll stay?” she asked.
“Cross my heart.” I vowed. A lump formed in my throat after I said those words. I’d been so sure… so, so sure.
Amnesia whispered, “Thank you.”
“For what?”
“For saving my life again.”
I stared at the wall, thoughts and emotions drifting through me like a boat lost at sea. She was mine.
And I wasn’t the only one who saved a life.
She saved mine.