I was a light sleeper. It didn’t take much to wake me or disturb my slumber. I wasn’t sure if that was just a personality trait, something learned in the past, or my mind’s way of always being alert for when my attacker/kidnapper/killer came back.
Geez. My life was beginning to resemble the people we watched on those crazy reality television shows.
When a very faint knock rapped against the glass of the French doors my eyes popped open instantly. Fear didn’t even flicker into my mind; my body was already humming. With a sleepy smile, I slid from beneath the quilt and raced across the room.
Eddie ducked inside the second I unlocked the door.
“It’s freezing!” I exclaimed and leapt at him.
“Whoa.” He chuckled low. I liked his voice in the morning. It was always raspier than normal. It gave me tingles over my entire body. The good kind.
Somehow, he caught me, lifting me so my legs could wrap around his waist, without spilling the tall paper cup in his hand. “You’re gonna end up wearing this if you aren’t careful.” His voice was far from scolding. He liked when I climbed all over him, which was something I’d been doing a lot more.
I peppered his face with kisses, and he chuckled some more, holding me tight with his arm. Carrying me over toward the bed, he set down the cup, which I knew had hot chocolate in it, and climbed into the bed with me still in his arms.
“I missed you last night,” he said, mouth crashing over mine.
I sighed into his mouth and returned the kiss with just as much need. My insides vibrated and my stomach fluttered wildly. His skin was cooler than I was used to, and I knew it was because it was cold outside this morning. Leaning up, I grabbed the covers and pulled them over us. The bed was still warm from when I’d be sleeping.
Eddie’s hand delved below the hem of the T-shirt I slept in, his palm gliding over my stomach. I tugged his shirt until he broke the kiss and let me yank it over his head. Surging up, I kissed his chest and shoulder. His palm cupped the back of my head and held me to him.
“I swear I didn’t come over here for this.” He groaned, kissing me again. “But I want you so fucking bad.”
I unhooked the button on his jeans, sliding down the zipper. My hand brushed over his stiff length, and he groaned. “I want you, too,” I whispered.
After that, we were in a frenzy to remove all the barriers between us, and he joined his body with mine. I started to moan, but he caught the sound with his mouth and began pumping his hips. My nails scraped over his back as the familiar feel of an orgasm built within me.
Eddie pushed up on his palms, his body hovering over mine. Our eyes collided, his cock surging deep. “I love you,” he rasped.
My heart turned over, and I reached for him, pulling him back down so our bodies were pressed together. I felt his lips brush over my neck, and I arched up.
My climax rolled over me, and my body went limp against the sheets. Wave after wave of pleasure stole all thought from my head. The only thing that brought me back was the soft sound he made into the pillow beside my ear as he exploded.
After we both came down off the high, I snuggled into his chest to listen to the sound of his heart galloping under his ribs.
“Maybe it’s better that we haven’t been sleeping over at night because I don’t think we’d ever get any sleep,” he murmured, palming my bare hip then my bare ass.
“I miss you, though.” I sighed.
“Yeah, me, too. Not sure I can keep it up any longer.” The serious tone made me look up. His fingertip trailed down the bridge of my nose, and he smiled. “I want you beside me all night.”
It had been about a week since we first made love. I’d only technically known him for not quite two months since I’d first opened my eyes, but it honestly felt like longer. Maybe because I was Sadie, and Eddie and I had a history that went far beyond a few months’ time. I didn’t really care about the reason. I didn’t need a reason to be so in love with him. I just was. My heart knew what it wanted, and I didn’t want to deny it. Life was too short, life was hard, and though I remembered barely anything, I knew I’d seen a lot of bad in my time. I was going to grasp the good, especially since I still felt it was fleeting.
We didn’t talk much about that fear of mine, though it was always there between us. Sometimes we acknowledged it in a passing look or the way our hands clung to each other’s before we said good-bye for the night.
Eddie was giving me exactly what I asked for, exactly everything I could ever want.
Happiness. Memories drenched in smiles. Kisses. Hugs. Hot chocolate with whipped cream, popcorn at the movies, and pancakes for breakfast at Maple’s. We even carved that giant pumpkin.
I could stay like this forever; I didn’t want anything more. Except, yeah, maybe to sleep in his arms every single night.
We’d been holding off on that. Maybe it was our way of not moving too fast.
Okay, fine. It was ridiculous. Ridiculous seemed to work for us. It sure as hell made me happy.
But Eddie wanted to “date” me. To pick me up and drop me off, to show up in the morning with hot chocolate before he had to work, and to kiss me good night at my door before I went to bed.
I loved it—the anticipation of him. Of having my world revolve around him, but not just him. I was building a life outside of him, too. Maggie and I were close. We spent a lot of time together, cooking in the kitchen, watching TV, and laughing. I wasn’t ready to give up my time with her to move in with Eddie. She’d become important to me.
“Did you really mean it about me having a job at Loch Gen?” I asked.
His hand stroked up my back. “Absolutely. Whenever you’re ready. Take your time.”
“I think I’m ready,” I answered. “I like it here, this town. I want to become a part of it—not just the town mystery, but an actual part.”
“You are a part, Am. You always will be.”
“Not as Sadie, though,” I whispered. “As me, as Amnesia.”
Speculation had only grown throughout town. Rumors were flying that I remembered who I was and that I really was Sadie. I never said a word, though. How could I? I wasn’t positive who I was, and I wasn’t going to say I was her unless I knew for sure. For now, the only people I’d talk to about remembering my name was Eddie, Maggie, and Dr. Kline.
“Not many people would want to stay in this tiny town,” Eddie murmured.
“You did,” I said. “Why?”
He gazed at me, the blue of his eyes so deep it pulled me in.
“Because of Sadie?” I whispered.
He nodded, then added, “And because this is home, where my parents are. The general store. That place became a refuge of sorts for me after Sadie disappeared. I spent a lot of time there working, and I sort of fell in love with the place.”
“I can see why. It really is amazing.”
He grinned, both dimples charming me. “It’s a good challenge, keeping the old-school charm but also bringing it into the modern world.”
I loved his passion for the store. I could see it in his eyes. I even felt it in the air when I walked in.
“She was lucky,” I mused.
He tilted his head. “Who?”
“Sadie. For having you as a best friend and as a crush… maybe even a first love.”
“Have you had any more memories?” he asked, rubbing his thumb over my lower lip. He always got a little sad when I talked about Sadie. Even though I was Sadie, I didn’t think of myself as her. I couldn’t. I couldn’t be someone I didn’t know and couldn’t remember.
All I could be was me. Amnesia. For some reason, I felt I was different than Sadie, the girl I was before I nearly drowned. I couldn’t explain why or even how I knew; I just did. Dr. Kline said personality changes after something like what happened to me weren’t uncommon.
I shook my head. “No.”
Eddie leaned down and kissed my forehead, a gesture I’d almost come to rely on. It was probably the most comforting thing I’d ever felt.
“When do you have to be at work?” I asked.
He groaned. “I have to open.”
Pushing up into a sitting position, I reached for the hot chocolate he’d brought. The warmth of the cup against my palm made me smile. “Thank you for the cocoa.”
“Anything for my girl.” He smiled.
I glanced at the clock and frowned, sticking out my lower lip in a pout. “You don’t have time for a shower with me.”
“Sorry, baby. My dad would be pissed if I was late.”
“I know,” I said, understanding. “It’s okay.”
“Lunch?” he asked.
“Definitely.”
He smiled, tugging on the ends of my hair. “I’m doing some scheduling this afternoon. How about I put you on starting next week?”
I nodded enthusiastically. “Can we work the same shifts?”
He grinned. “Duh.”
I smiled widely, so happy in the moment.
Laughing, Eddie slipped out of bed, kissing me on the cheek on his way past. “Drink your chocolate, baby. I gotta get dressed.”
I made a sound of sadness, and he laughed more. I watched him pull on his clothing, a pair of jeans and a Lock Gen hoodie, and slip his feet into his Adidas. He patted the front pocket of his jeans, making sure his keys were still there, and then held out his hand to me.
Slipping mine into his, I let him tug me to my feet and collided with his chest. I felt swallowed whole when he wrapped his arms around me. Burying my face into his hoodie, I tried to soak up as much of him as I could, enough to last me a few hours.
“What are you going to do this morning?” he asked, still holding me.
I shrugged. “I’ll go upstairs and see what Maggie’s doing. I don’t have an appointment with Dr. Kline for a few days.”
“Call me if you need me,” he said, finally pulling away. He pursed his lips. “We need to get you a phone, Am.”
“Once I start working, I’ll be able to.”
He frowned. “You need one now.”
“It’s only a couple weeks.” I pointed out.
He grunted as if he didn’t agree but wasn’t going to argue (at least not right now) and leaned down to kiss me softly. “See you at lunch.”
“I’ll meet you at the store.”
I went with him to the door. His lips lingered over mine before he finally groaned and walked away. Inside, I smiled to myself, carried the hot chocolate and some clothes into the bathroom for a shower, and got ready for the day.
The scent of coffee wafted down the steps when I opened the bathroom door a short while later, and I knew Maggie was up. Instead of going straight upstairs, I put away my pajamas and went back into the bathroom, plugging in the blow-dryer Maggie let me borrow.
Since it was cold out, I didn’t want to let my hair air-dry, and I wanted to look nice today since I was meeting Eddie for lunch. It didn’t take long to dry my short hair using a brush and the high heat setting. When it was done, I smoothed my hands over it and admired the way it shined beneath the light.
It was less wavy today because of the brush, and I found myself pondering a style as I looked it over in the mirror. The idea of a braid popped into my head, and I wondered if I even knew how.
On impulse, I picked up the brush again and sectioned out a piece in the front, not really knowing what I was doing. The feel of the silky, thick strands between my fingers sent me spiraling back into a memory from the past…
Laughter faded out the instant booted, heavy footfalls sounded overhead. Instantly, I shrank back, my stomach coiling into a tight knot. I shouldn’t have laughed. I shouldn’t have smiled. It was almost a guarantee to summon him, something I never, ever wanted.
Dragging my body back into as much darkness as I could find, I cowered against the cold stone. My body creaked like I was old, my joints protesting in ways I knew they wouldn’t if I were able to get up and move around.
Wouldn’t it be wonderful to feel the sun on my skin, the breeze in my hair?
He was coming. All wistful thoughts were banished from my mind. Survival kicked in, and my body tensed. The beam of a flashlight hit me in the face, blinding my eyes. I shrank back, throwing up an arm to shield myself.
“What the hell is this?” he roared.
I began to shake. He surged forward, grabbed me by the arm, and towed me forward. I felt some cuts and scrapes on my bottom and legs break open, and I wanted to cry. They’d just been healing.
“What have you done to yourself?” He raged, grabbing my chin and forcing it up. The light blinded me again. “I told you not to mess with your hair!”
“I’m sorry,” I whimpered, squeezing my eyes closed.
The force of the blow knocked me sideways. The metallic taste of blood hit my tongue, and I lay there limply, hoping he would go away. The force of the flashlight hitting the side of my face had made it momentarily blink out, but then it came back on.
“This is MY hair.” He seethed, grabbing me by the scalp and lifting me. I yelped, feeling as if the strands were going to rip from my head. “You don’t do anything to it unless I say so.”
His hands and fingernails were rough and painful as he ripped at the braids in my hair. I cried. When all the braids were gone and the long, thick strands hung over my shoulders and around my face, he smoothed them out.
“Look at that,” he crooned. “Just perfect.”
I turned my face away.
He grabbed my hair and yanked so hard I fell over. His foot connected with my middle, and I doubled over in pain.
“Don’t ever touch your hair again. It’s the most beautiful part of you, and I won’t have your whore fingers tainting it.”
I blinked rapidly, grasping for reality as the memory faded away. My hands gripped the edges of the sink, the skin white, and when I glanced up, I saw my cheeks were wet.
My hair was completely braided, even though I had no memory of actually doing it. It was some sort of braid that looked like a crown; it started at one side of my head and swept over to the other. The back fell straight, slightly curling up on the ends.
Wiping the moisture off my cheeks, I grappled with the memory, the pain and fear I felt. Punished, beaten for braiding my hair?
I shuddered.
Reaching up, I tugged some of the braid so it wasn’t so tight to my head. When I was done, I couldn’t help but admire the way it looked. It was beautiful. I was good at braiding.
Resolve and stubbornness rose inside me. Screw him. Screw whoever that was and his stupid rules. This was my hair, and I would wear it the way I wanted.
Turning from the bathroom mirror, I made it to the doorway when another flash of memory assaulted me, causing my body to sag into the frame.
“I hate you!” I raged. “I hate you more than anything in this world!”
“Don’t you talk to me like that!” he spat and backhanded me across the face.
I fell across a table. Everything that was scattered on top went flying. Holding a hand to my battered face, I opened my eyes. Anger welled within me. Frustration and desperation.
The scissors were lying there within reach. I snatched them up and surged to my feet, brandishing them like a weapon.
He laughed. The type of laugh that chilled me to the bone. “Put those down, girl. You can’t do nothing to me.”
“I’ll kill you!” I screamed, waving them around.
He laughed some more.
My body slumped forward. He was right. I couldn’t kill him. He’d never allow it. I was too weak.
“You’re gonna pay for that,” he intoned.
My head snapped up, anger filling me once more. “No,” I said. “You will.”
Lifting the scissors, I held out a chunk of hair and snipped it off. I watched the blond silk fall to the dirty, cold floor.
“No!” he bellowed and lunged forward. I scrambled back and cut some more. Again and again, I sliced into my long, perfect hair. The hair he coveted so much. Maybe now that it was hacked up and ugly, he’d have no use for me.
A few moments of him yelling and screaming went by, and then I was tackled. The scissors were ripped away. The sound of the metal slapping against the wall was like a shotgun.
“What have you done?” he roared, wrapping his hands around my throat, pushing so hard I thought my windpipe was going to collapse. I stared up at him, my eyes empty, all feeling gone.
I was happy. Happy for the first time in what felt like forever. The pain etched in his face at the loss of my beautiful hair was sweet.
“You should never have done that,” he spat, spittle flying into my face. His hands let go of my neck, my lungs automatically gasping for air. “Bad girls get reprimanded.”
“No!” I screamed, rolled over onto my belly, and clawed at the floor to get away.
He laughed, grabbed me by the ankle, and dragged me back. I swung my arm out. My fist caught him somewhere in the chest.
A sound of rage erupted all around me, and he dropped me onto the ground. Large, heavy boots stepped on my fingers, crushing them into the floor and pinning my arm out away from my body.
“I’m sorry,” I said, fear making me tremble.
He said nothing as he brought up the other booted foot and stomped down onto my arm just by the elbow.
The bone snapped with a sharp cracking sound, and pain made my vision go dark.
Screams echoed off the walls around me… and pain was my entire life…
I gasped, sagged against the wall, and fought to shove back the memory.
“No more,” I pleaded with myself. “No more.”
I gazed down at my arm, the one Dr. Beck warned had been broken and healed wrong. Now I knew how it had broken… and why.
The mess my hair was in when I woke up in the hospital, I’d done that to myself. I hacked up my own hair as a punishment for someone else.
But in the end, I paid the ultimate price.
Ache echoed through my arm as if it too remembered that day. With another gasp, I spun from the doorway and back to the mirror. I ripped at the braid, the one I’d just thought of as so beautiful. I couldn’t look at it anymore. I couldn’t take the chance it would remind me of something else.
Once the hair was smooth and tucked behind my ears, the tightness in my chest eased. I sucked in a deep breath, releasing it slowly.
“Whatever that was,” I whispered, looking at my reflection, “that was the past. Someone else. You’re safe now, and everything is fine.”
I repeated it several times, a mantra. Feeling a little steadier, I left the bathroom to go find Maggie. I didn’t want to be alone.
Yes, I was safe now… But for how long?