Joshua
“I do.” With a broken heart, the words slipped through my lips. It needed to be done. I couldn’t drag her down the same path that I did before. She did it once and it turned into a game of destroying her. She didn’t need to go through it again. I would have to live knowing that even in the worst time of my life she loved me more. She was the bright star of my life, and unfortunately I couldn’t have her because I knew I would only vanquish her spark. I did it once and I might do it again. I didn’t even trust myself—how could I promise myself that Eunice wouldn’t have to suffer the same fate she did before? From the corner of my eyes I saw her breaking. She walked out while the curious glances of the guests followed her. It crushed me seeing her like this, but I couldn’t take the chance of destroying her. I had to lie in the bed I made. I would rather destroy myself than push her into a disastrous life once again. With Anne in my life, I was sure she wouldn’t ever let Eunice and me be happy. If someone had to be destroyed, it would be Anne.
“Do you, Anne Edgings, take Joshua Morris as your lawfully wedded husband, to cherish him in sickness and health, to stay beside him at all times, and only death you do part?” the priest asked, but my eyes and mind were glued to the path Eunice took. Silence consumed the church. I wanted to run after her, look out for her, and tell her that everything would be fine, but I couldn’t. I loved her and I wanted her to let go of me, because a life with me was filled with pain and tears. I waited for Anne to speak those two words so our fates would be sealed into one. I waited but nothing came. I looked straight into her eyes and I saw tears welled up in them. I had to blink many times to be sure that what I was seeing was real, the cunning bitch could cry. She stared with those teary eyes and I could feel anger rise within me. Why was she crying? I was doing everything she asked for, and yet she was creating a scene by crying. Her lips pressed in a thin line, keeping the two words inside that would intertwine us for years to come. Her eyes softened and tears rolled to her cheeks.
“Anne.” The priest tried to get her attention, but as I stared into her eyes, the more I found myself pulled towards them. Her eyes reflected pain and shame rather than any kind of happiness. She didn’t look like the cunning bitch she was a few days ago. She was in pain, ashamed, guilty, and regretful. What was happening? What cards was she playing? Her lips opened.
“I can’t.” Her hands withdrew from mine. She nibbled on her lips while her face stained with tears.
“I’m sorry, I can’t. I can’t do this,” her voice grew louder with every word, her hands wiping away the tears rolling down her cheeks.
“Forgive me, but I can’t do this. I can’t follow in my mother’s footsteps and do the same as she did.” She faced the crowd. Her voice cracked. Gasps echoed through the church.
“I’m sorry for this, Dad. Please forgive me for doing this. I’ve come to my senses before I have done the unforgivable.” Her pleading eyes looked at Mr. Edgings.
“Anne! What the hell are you doing?” her mother shouted at her, shock and disbelief evident on her face, and maybe the same was on mine too.
“I’m doing what I should have done before. I believed you and was going to destroy my future, as well as many others. I can’t do what you did with Dad years ago, Mom. I can’t be the same person as you. You wanted to get Dad and thus you trapped him in a loveless marriage by lying that you were pregnant. I can’t do the same. Maybe you could face Dad’s anger and disgust, but I can’t.” She sobbed. My mind was shocked with her words. A truth hidden from me, a lie made that I believed easily. The word “child” had blinded me from the truth.
“I hate myself and feel disgusted about what I have done. I’m not only your daughter, Mother, but I’m a part of Dad too. I can’t lead my life with fights, insults, and distaste from my partner. Only you could have done that, but not me. Being this heartless and going so low isn’t in me. All this could have been avoided if I wouldn’t have listened to you, Mom. Do you know how much my own father hates me? I can’t meet him eye to eye. I can’t call him Dad anymore, and I can’t be his baby girl anymore. I damaged my relationship with my father myself, but with your help I destroyed it. My own father loathes me, and it makes me want to kill myself, Mother.” I stood, frozen.
I don’t want history to repeat itself. Mr. Edgings’ words passed through my mind. He was talking about this when he kept asking me whether I was being forced or not. I felt betrayed, lost, and defeated as the truth behind her words hit me. I had no child to fight for, it wasn’t ever there. I was fed lies once again, and like an idiot fool, I grabbed onto them.
“Why, Anne? Why all of this?” My voice came out strained. Broken to pieces was my heart, shattered was my soul, and all my trust in anyone vanished in the air. Why was life so cruel? Why had the fates given me a twisted life filled with pain? She swallowed hard.
“Because I mistook my infatuation for you as love, and that misunderstanding drove me towards the path of having you at any cost. I lost my sense of what was right or wrong by the blindness of my infatuation, and followed my mother’s advice.” She paused and looked over the various guests who sat in silence, latching onto everything Anne said for the new gossip.
“I faked the documents of my pregnancy and shoved them in front of you. I knew your child meant everything to you, and I didn’t hold myself back from taking advantage of it. There was a fear in me back then that you wouldn’t believe me, but when you came running that morning, I knew I had won you. You didn’t believe your own wife but you believed in me and my false documents. You shouldn’t have believed in me nor my threats. They were hollow threats and you believed in them, Joshua. You did! How could you?” she raged in frustration. Her eyes pierced into mine with seething fury.
“You believed in me more than Eunice, the woman who still accepted you. A woman who was willing to be with you thinking you had a child with me. She was willing to accept it just because she had you. How could you not take such an offer she gave you? You stand here to be with your child, but not with the woman who loved you the most. How could you let her go? How could you say the words ‘I do’? Why didn’t you believe her? Why do you stand here?” I cringed from each word. What she said shocked me. How did she come to know about it?
“I heard it, Joshua, I heard it all. I wanted to make sure you wouldn’t back out, but when I heard Eunice’s words I broke internally,” she informed me. “Her words made me realize how much a woman can love someone, and then I understood what I had for you wasn’t love at all. There is only one person who loves you and trusts you, but like a fool, you let her leave. I was an idiot, a cunning bitch, and a fool—I know that. Making you marry me by force made my stomach fill with guilt. I hated myself. I tried to keep myself going, thinking I was doing the right thing, but I hardly knew I was just dragging myself down with you. I shielded myself with walls, plastered my face with a smile like any other bride, and tried to ignore the intensity of Eunice’s love for you, but when I saw her walking out, it all came back. I couldn’t do it. I burned in the agony of guilt and shame.”
My teary eyes dropped to the floor. The guilt and shame that I had buried deep inside me resurfaced and drowned me, killing me softly but bitterly. My first tear dropped on the floor, and then more came…the pain of letting Eunice go and hurting her consumed me, leaving me to writhe in this burning pain. Silence took over, leaving only my cries of pain.
She was gone, hurt, and once again I was left alone. Never once I had tended those deep scars my actions had inflicted. Anne spoke the truth, that bitter truth which I had neglected. I never believed Eunice; she had given me all of her trust and love, and yet I hadn’t given her any of my trust. Never made her my first in anything, never gave her the importance that she demanded in my life. She came for me today, gave me that one last chance, and I didn’t take it. Why? Just because I thought she would be hurt again. My mind was delusional with the fact that staying with me would destroy her once again, she wouldn’t able to bear the pain of my child from another woman residing with us, and to see Anne every day. However, I forget that she’s the girl with the golden heart I had crushed at times, but she still stood with the hope of love. She did it once happily. She accepted Elle as her own and she was willing to do it again just in the hopes that I would love her. Rather than pushing her away, I should have embraced her, believed in her love, and moved on, but being a fool, I didn’t do that. I was thoroughly disappointed in myself. I was served a happy life with Eunice on a golden platter but I gave it up for a child that never existed. The booming sound of applause put a halt to my train of self-misery.
“I’m proud of you, my daughter—maybe not as much as I would have been if you had stopped it earlier. However, better late than never. You followed your conscience and did the right thing,” Mr. Edgings admitted as he walked towards his daughter. Her mother stood gaping and flaring in anger. Embracing a sobbing Anne in his arms, Mr. Edgings stood proud, unaffected by the stares of others.
“Everything is fine, my angel. Stop crying. You did very well and you made me proud.” He praised and calmed his daughter at the same time.
“I’m sorry, Father,” she responded distantly. Her father gave her a smile before wiping away her tears and silently asking her not to cry. I stood there like a fool, repenting my own mistakes and my decisions.
“How dare you? You just messed up the whole plan, Anne. What an idiot you are!” The shrill voice of her mother hurt everyone’s ears while she glared at her daughter with disgust. Anne’s eyes widened and somewhere I saw fear looming in her eyes. She held onto her father more tightly under the piercing gaze of her mother.
“You doomed your own future. Now no other guy will ever marry you. You not only destroyed yourself, but tainted our name with shame. How could you? Is this how you repay me for all that I did for you? Is this shame what I get for being a good mother? Huh?” She seethed in anger, scaring the majority of people in the church, including me.
“I’m not going to let you live, you little—” Her words were cut short by Mr. Edgings’ command to stop. This seemed to have agitated her more, because the next thing I saw was her trying to pry Anne out of her father’s hold while Anne cried.
“I said to fucking stop, Morine, or I won’t mind divorcing you,” he snarled at his own wife, leaving her stunned. She gaped at him in disbelief while his eyes burned with pits of anger. Anger rolled off his body in waves, making me cower in fear too. Taking a step away from Anne, he addressed everyone.
“As you have seen, no wedding is going to take place here today. It would be really nice of you all if you would take your leave from here. The reception venue is still open, though there will be no celebration. It would be great if you all could go there and help yourself with all that has been arranged. It would be a shame to have it all wasted for someone else’s wrongdoings.” He sternly glared at his own wife. The crowd of guests inside the church started to disperse, leaving behind just a few of us, including me, Anne, and her parents. There was no one present from my side, however it was my sole wish to not have anyone see my destruction.
“We are done, Morine, we are fucking done!” Mr. Edgings shouted, making every one of us flinch. “You just fucking outdid yourself this time. Twenty years ago I was coy and became a victim of your vindictive scheme. I still didn’t say anything to you for the sake of my daughter, and our families’ reputation, but today you crossed the line. Making Anne follow in your own footsteps!” He seethed in anger, making Morine’s eyes glisten with tears. I was seeing the wrath of a father. Would Eunice’s father have delivered the same wrath on me, or more than that, for pushing Eunice into destruction? Would he have beaten the shit out of me for taking away his daughter? He didn’t think I was worthy of Eunice…how many times had he asked Eunice not to waste her time on me? How many times was I was the center of his glare at family dinners until that one day? The day when I asked him for Eunice’s hand in marriage, I saw him in a new light. He was just taking care of his daughter. He wasn’t sure about me, but he believed that I would keep her happy. I broke his belief in me by killing Eunice’s love.
“Tell me, did you do this for your hatred of Eunice? Tell me why you extended the wedding invitation to her. Why?” My eyes grew wide. She was the one who invited her to the wedding.
“Why?” he snarled, his anger booming the most.
“Because I always hated her and her family. It sickened me for years how much happier you have always been with Anne, Eunice, and Eunice’s family. I hated my own daughter because you loved her, and after her it was Eunice. You treated her as your own and it angered me. I never got any of your love, all I have ever gotten is your hatred and silence. I saw Anne grow with the love from her father. I never got love from you, not even an ounce. You were never good to me, never happy with me. You just tolerated me!” Her voice filled with anger and desperation.
“You never saw me as you wife or your lover. Years I had tried to get your attention, but all I got was your silence. You never tried to love me; it was always Anne and Eunice. You loved them and I wished to destroy it for you. I planted the seed of hatred for Eunice in Anne’s mind and drew them apart as they grew. I did it. Slowly, as you saw less of Eunice and her parents, I thought I had a chance, but no. Anne was the apple of your eye, she was your everything. I was just a woman begging for your love and I never got it. Anne stood like a bridge between us and I had to remove her. She became a thorn in my side, so I sent her away in hopes of getting your attention, but it didn’t help. It was just a coincidence that I found out about Eunice’s and Joshua’s failing marriage. Somehow after a lot of tries, I was successful in having Anne get close to Joshua.” She looked at me and smiled. It was a sinister smile, making me cower in fear.
“Slowly I got your attention, even if it was because of Anne. I knew it would hurt you and make you hate your own daughter for doing such a thing. I encouraged Anne and when Eunice tried to kill herself and Joshua went missing, I came up with a plan to have you hate Anne forever. I was scared that she would crumble all the progress I had made with you. I implanted the idea of having Joshua forever in Anne’s mind and it worked. She listened to her mother and was so set on getting Joshua back. All the other things were of Joshua’s doing. He himself got captured in this vindictive scheme, and as for inviting Eunice, it pleased me to know that she was hurting. She was hurting like me and I loved every second of it, because you once loved her as your daughter, and seeing her in pain helped me. Want to know why? Because it was eventually hurting you.” She sobbed and shouted in the vacant church, the truth echoing within the walls. Anne looked in disbelief at her mother while I felt like the world had turned upside down. This revolting truth made me sick. How could a mother, a real mother, do that to her own daughter just to gain her husband’s attention? It sickened me that mothers like her existed. What an irony it was that I had seen extreme sides of a mother? One a stepmother but would give her life for the child that was not hers, and on the other side was a mother who wanted to destroy her own blood and flesh.
“I hate you,” Anne snarled at her mother, making Morine snap her eyes towards her.
“The feeling is mutual,” she replied, shooting daggers at her. She was nothing compared to what a real mother was, she couldn’t even hold a candle to the sparkling diamond my Eunice is. But I have lost her, a kind and pure soul I had tainted. Now I am left alone on the strands of my love for her.
“It’s over.” The bare whisper left Mr. Edgings lips. “It’s over, Morine. We are done forever. A woman like you sickens me. It disgusts me to know that I have ever known you. It was my mistake that I didn’t pay any attention to you, and I am ashamed of it. I wish we could have talked, but it’s too late. You have not destroyed but burned our house, our relationship, and what we had into ashes. You are no longer welcome in my life or Anne’s.” He had tears rolling down his cheek while his voice sounded strained. He was a broken man like me. Holding Anne, he walked out of the church with Morine following them, begging and crying for another chance. Just as they were going, Anne turned and looked at me with her pained and guilty eyes.
“Find her, please. Bring her back and love her forever, Joshua. She is your only love,” she called out as tears rolled down her cheeks. Mr. Edgings gave me a sympathetic nod before doing his best to evade his wife.
I was left alone with nothing. I’d lost the girl with the innocent heart. She was gone and I was lost. I had no purpose but to be consumed in darkness without her. She was the light of my life that always pulled me from the dark. She told me it was the end if I didn’t take this chance. I gave it up with all my hopes of seeing the brightness. I cried more and more in the silence of the church.
I was nothing without her. It was my end.