Chapter 16
Zane
The sound of a phone ringing pulled me out of the deepest, most peaceful sleep I’d had in monthly, and I frowned. At first, I thought it had to be Kathryn’s, but she didn’t move. I opened my eyes, realizing it was coming from my side of the bed, and I recognized the ring.
Damn.
Frantic to keep it from waking her, I rolled away, loathing the interruption to my comfort in cuddling against her back. I grabbed the phone and silenced it, knowing already that I wasn’t going to get to come back to this comfort.
I opened her bedroom door and stepped out into the dark silence of the living room, answering it before it went to voicemail and Samantha grew too irritated at the other end of the line. But I didn’t speak until I managed to close Kathryn’s door with an almost inaudible thud. I didn’t want her hearing the conversation, if she did wake up.
“Hello?” I said, my voice gravelly, and I yawned. After a wonderful evening of relaxing and watching television and then going another round between the sheets, I was dog tired.
“Where are you?” she snapped without any greeting. “Do you know what time it is? You should have been home hours ago.”
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Not for the first time, I thought about my situation and wished I had control of my own life, my own choices. But sadly, Samantha held the reins, and she kept them tight. I had to answer to her for every little thing I did, and I had to hear her complaints and lectures any time I slipped and broke one of the rules she’d set for me.
When had I given over full control? I couldn’t remember. Things had been on a steep downhill slope long enough that I couldn’t recall any of the good times at the beginning. I took a deep breath and scrubbed a hand over my face, clearing my throat.
In a hushed voice barely above a whisper, I told her, “I’m sorry, Sam. Things ran a little later than usual, and by the time it was done, I couldn’t drive home. I crashed in the office at the club.”
“Why couldn’t you drive?” she demanded, sounding disgusted. “I thought you didn’t drink on the job.”
Her suspicion wasn’t unusual, but for the most part, it was unfounded. Now, though, I was nervous, and my anxiety level began to creep up to a level of true concern. “Normally, I don’t. And I didn’t have much tonight. There was a party of big spenders who stayed late and bought me two shots. That was all I drank all night, but I was already exhausted, and it took a toll. I did the responsible thing and stayed here.”
“You should have called,” she spat, and I knew this wasn’t going to end well if I didn’t say the right thing and make the right move. “This looks bad, Zane. I’m not very happy right now.”
“I know, and I’m really sorry,” I said. Samantha had a significant sense of entitlement, and apologizing profusely tended to play into her hand so she settled down. “I passed out so fast in my chair I didn’t get a chance to call. But I feel a lot better, and I can head home right away. I just have to turn off the lights, set the alarm, and lock the door on the way out.”
She scoffed. “How long is that going to take?”
“Five minutes, tops.” That bought me time to at least change into the clothes I’d put in the trunk. Sam would never believe I’d worked the club tonight in a t-shirt and jeans. I could also rub some gel in my hair while I drove.
“And you’re alone?” she asked. I could almost see her squint as she assessed my tone, waiting for a lie.
I looked toward the bedroom where I hoped Kathryn still slept soundly and winced. “I assume so,” I told her, lying through my teeth. “I haven’t left the office yet, but it’s far past janitorial hours. I doubt I’ll find anyone else outside.” I’d walked the straight and narrow for so long I hadn’t had to lie like this in quite a while. It felt awkward, but I wasn’t about to tell her the truth.
And I couldn’t just leave her.
“I’ll be home in about half an hour, I promise,” I told her, trying to ease the painful argument I felt brewing. I just needed to hold it off now, not engage over the phone. We could have a blow up when I got home, if that’s where things went, but I couldn’t risk being overheard here. I was already pushing the limits with how long I’d been on the phone.
I heard Sam sigh at the other end of the line, and sounding slightly mollified, she said, “Fine. The clock’s ticking, Zane, and I swear, if you’re late, things are not going to be good for you.”
I knew that from experience, and I reiterated, “I’m on my way, Sam.” I hung up and breathed a sigh of relief. This was a bad enough situation to be in without alerting Kathryn to it. Moving quickly, I went back into Kathryn’s bedroom and found her lying there, bleary eyed and gorgeous as an angel exposed in the light of the bedside lamp she’d turned on.
“Is everything all right?” she asked, pushing up on her elbows. “It’s almost four in the morning. Who was on the phone?”
I took a split second to imagine how the conversation would go if I was honest. It was my obsessive and controlling wife, wondering where I was and demanding I come home right away. Don’t worry, I told her I was alone at the club, so she won’t come put a knife through your heart. After everything we’d already been through today, I couldn’t imagine what she would do. We were in Texas, after all, and I wouldn’t have been surprised if she pulled a handgun out of her bedside drawer.
Instead, I dressed swiftly and told her, “It’s a friend of mine who had a very late night and drank a little too much. You know, cabbies sometimes take advantage of people in that condition and way overcharge. So he called to beg for a ride.”
I chanced a glance at Kathryn, hoping she bought the excuse, and to my relief, she seemed to. But she looked so disappointed it broke my heart. It was bad enough I had to leave this gorgeous, caring woman who brought me such calm and happiness I could actually sleep, in favor of a woman who had become the bane of my existence. But to see her emotional reaction to the fact that I had to go was too much, and I knew I had to do something to make it up to her. I had no idea what that would be – or when, considering that Sam would probably be checking in on me even more closely now – but I would figure something out soon.
“Are you coming back?” she asked, and she sounded so hopeful I actually considered staying and telling Sam I had car trouble. But she would never believe it and would probably send a cab to the club to make sure she knew exactly where I was at all times.
“I’m sorry, Kathryn, probably not. Chances are, I’ll be babysitting my friend until the sun comes up.” I leaned in and kissed her soundly, wishing I could take it further, and I told her, “I’ll call you later, okay? I had an amazing time with you, from start to finish.”
She blushed and nodded, obviously still very tired, and I told her, “I can show myself out. Get some rest.”
I left her alone and stepped out the front door before calling the cab company, and then I leaned against the railing on the stairs, closing my eyes and taking a deep breath. I’d successfully covered my ass, but how long could I pull it off? And did I really want to continue on this road?
What was I doing? As much as I hated it, I had a wife, and she was a force to be reckoned with. She had a lot of power, and I couldn’t leave her without serious repercussions, and I had no desire to meet my fate if I tried. She would ruin me, and everyone and everything else I loved.
On the other hand, I’d come to a point that I didn’t think I could walk away from Kathryn, no matter the cost. If I hadn’t gone out with her today, hadn’t confessed some of my secrets to her – secrets a lot of people didn’t know – and taken our relationship several steps further to a physical one, I might have been able to live with it. Maybe I could have just let her hate me for the way I’d treated her at the club and gone on in my dissatisfying existence. But now I was in too deep, and I didn’t know if I had the desire to crawl out.
All I wanted was to be happy, and as I descended the steps to meet the cab outside, giving the driver the address of the Purple Dragon where I could pick up my car and change, I wondered if I’d somehow wronged the fates or maybe gathered a lot of bad karma along the way I wasn’t aware of. I was actually starting to believe I would never find true happiness, never find my freedom again.
I let the resentment fester inside on the ride to my car, and even more as I quickly changed right there in the back parking lot. No one was going to see, and if they did, they wouldn’t say anything. Anyone back here at this time of night was probably doing something they didn’t want reported to the police, either.
I tossed my clothes from the day in the trunk and raced onto the street. I was running short on time and didn’t want to be met with the wrath of the demon Sam could call up from her gut time and again. I sighed and tugged at my cuffs, trying to remember what it had been like in the beginning. We hadn’t just been husband and wife; we’d been friends and partners.
And really, we had five good years together. But the last four, nearly five now as we closed in on our tenth anniversary, I’d been miserable. Sam had grown mean, like she’d sometimes been back in college when we met. But as an adult, she was even crueler, backed by wealth and having me to come down on whenever she wanted.
At first, I’d acted out, and I’d had a couple of fun flings, but she’d put a stop to that years ago. I hadn’t lied to Kathryn about not dating in years, and I truly did feel for her something I’d never felt for any woman, including Sam. But I had become Sam’s puppet, and when she pulled the strings, I danced or jumped or did whatever she wanted. I was sick of it, but I didn’t have a way out.
I’d thought of several ways in the past, but when I worked through them in my head, I found too many holes in the plan, things that would land me once again right where Sam wanted me.
And the worst part of everything was that I couldn’t blame anyone but myself. I had been young, dumb, and impulsive, and I made a lot of bad decisions. Marrying Samantha Henning had simply been the worst, and it was the one that sealed my fate for the rest of my life. I was wrapped around her finger so tight I was surprised she hadn’t lost a nail from lack of blood flow.
I left the city behind and pulled into the suburbs, suddenly nauseated to know I was five minutes from home. Or rather, from a house that was beginning to feel more like a prison than home. Maybe I would get lucky, and Sam would have gone to bed with my reassurance. She would be sleeping, and she’d be up early in the morning for a trip to see her parents I had forgotten she scheduled. I could think about Kathryn leaving her boyfriend and coming to me, demanding I walk out of Sam’s life forever. I could even think about what it would be like to actually do it and end up somewhere that was out of her reach. But I laughed at the odds of that.
If she had loved me, I might have felt differently. But as it was, I didn’t feel guilty about Kathryn. I didn’t feel like I was betraying someone who would be devastated. Rather, I felt like I was simply trying to escape the fascist control of a woman who needed a man she could force to fit a certain mold.
The problem came when I thought about Kathryn. She was my happy place, and nothing was going to change that at this point. But I felt guilty for lying to her, for pursuing a relationship with her when I wasn’t really free to do so. It wasn’t fair to her. She was proud and strong and pure, and I was corruption and weakness and doubt that she didn’t deserve.
I pulled into the driveway and turned off the car, the lights. I sat there, staring up at the bedroom. The lights were off, but that didn’t mean anything. Sam could be anywhere in the house, waiting for me. I pictured a praying mantis, prepared to bite its mate’s head off, and I shivered. No one should feel that way about his wife, but I couldn’t help it. She’d turned into a monster, and I her resented every minute of every day and more now, that I’d met Kathryn.
I couldn’t stay in the car forever. I had to face my destiny at some point, and the longer I waited, the worse it would get. I sighed and called it good, traipsing reluctantly up the steps to the imposing front door. I hoped to escape notice and just go to sleep. Then I could wake up refreshed and figure out what to do about Kathryn – and my wife – in the morning.