Chapter 7
Kathryn
I wouldn’t quite say I was on Cloud Nine, but I was halfway up the escalator between Seven and Eight at least. I’d acted like a complete idiot yesterday, with all of my paranoid delusions about Zane lying to me.
Of course Zane hadn’t meant to give me the number to the club! I could understand how he might confuse the numbers from time to time. I could have thought of a lot of those responsibilities, but many of them had never come to mind. It would be easy to cross your wires when you had that much going on all the time.
I could put a little blame on him for my unwarranted freak-out. After all, Zane had started out lying through his teeth, and it triggered my neurotic fear. But I knew it was wrong to punish Zane for what my egocentric ex had done, and I needed to rein it in a little. I couldn’t keep being so sensitive and suspicious. I’d end up pushing Zane away and driving myself crazy.
Besides, once I’d kissed Zane again, I knew he really did want to be with me. It came through in the way his body tensed as our mouths melded, the heat and passion I could taste on him, and the way his heart sped and beat against my chest.
Sheila wanted to go to lunch again, but I wanted to be alone.
I struck out on foot to a fast food joint on the corner, in a hurry to grab the food and sit down. I had one small regret about yesterday’s meeting with Zane, other than the obvious wish that we could have taken things further than a kiss. My one small regret was that I should have asked about the blond woman in all the pictures online. It had bothered me as much as having the wrong number for him the whole time. But that had been a mistake, and I easily forgave it. The more I thought about it, the more I figured that woman was just an ex-girlfriend. The photos could be old. I hadn’t looked at every date on them. We all had pasts, and I had to learn to relax. I couldn’t get my guard up about every little questionable detail.
Besides, if I had brought it up over coffee, Zane probably would have bolted, and I couldn’t blame him. Who Googled a person when she found out she had a wrong number? A chick who obsessed over a man she’d only slept with once, , that’s who.
I was suddenly glad I’d kept my mouth shut about it.
I headed back to work with a broad smile and a great deal of confidence that I’d played my cards right yesterday. And the fact that I’d apparently gotten Zane a bit flustered with my blatant suggestion that we sleep together again next time we saw each other amused me. I had some sexual power over him, and it was nice to know I could cause such a reaction. I’d never felt that way with Jarrett or even Christian, and it was a nice change of pace. I didn’t think I was vile or ugly, but I’d never considered myself a knockout. Zane made me feel like an absolutely irresistible vixen.
Meetings and phone calls ruled the afternoon, and I was off on Tuesday, so I shut down my computer and locked my office down until I came in on Wednesday. I wasn’t quite ready to go home, knowing that this was the last day for a while that the high would be in the low nineties instead of triple digits, so I did a little window shopping along the way, and I even took the longer, scenic route through the park. I felt a tingle course through my body as I remembered being here with Zane, holding hands, stealing a kiss on the lake, eating ice cream. It was public and intimate and one of the best dates I could have imagined.
I knew so little about him, and yet I felt like he was finally starting to open up to me. We’d talked a lot in a short period of time yesterday, and he didn’t dodge any of my questions, as far as I could remember.
I wasn’t quite certain he didn’t have something else to hide, but I was much more confident about anything he hadn’t shared being trivial rather than pivotal information like his name and occupation. We were on the right path, and that was the important thing. I could work on getting to know him, and I didn’t have to rush. I had to remember to take my time rather than diving in without checking how deep the water was.
I finally got to the apartment, and I let myself in to find it empty. I had grown used to Crystal being home by this time, and it felt eerie to be alone. I went to the kitchen to make the coffee, the task I so dreaded despite my eternal addiction, and I caught sight of the answering machine attached to the landline. The red light was blinking.
I frowned. We only kept the landline because Crystal and I both came from small towns and didn’t always trust technology. Relying on cell phones in a hurricane was a really poor idea to us, and we had an old fashioned, corded phone that didn’t require AC power, just in case.
But we didn’t mention it much. Not a lot of people had our home number because we usually ignored the landline when it rang. I didn’t even look to see if there was a message most of the time. Crystal usually got home first, and she took care of that, just like she brewed the coffee.
Come to think of it, I wasn’t the greatest roommate after all. I didn’t take as much responsibility as I probably should, and I vowed to work on that.
I waited until the coffee finished brewing and took out the largest mug, but the blinking red light was going to give me a seizure if I didn’t make it stop.
I marched over in irritation and hit the button to play the message, dutifully grabbing a dry erase marker and waiting next to the whiteboard on the fridge, just in case it was something important for Crystal. Now that I’d assessed how horrible I was about leaving all the chores and creature comforts to Crystal to deal with, the least I could do was make sure she got her messages.
“Kathryn? It’s Mama.” I froze, almost not wanting to hear the rest of the message. She was crying, and my mother wasn’t a crier. In all my years, I could only remember a few times she’d cried, and most of them were at funerals.
I started to go for my cell. But she sobbed, and I nearly choked as I held my breath to listen. “Your daddy’s in the hospital, honey. The ambulance took him to the emergency room, and your Auntie Carol is driving me up there now.” My Auntie Carol was actually my mother’s best friend rather than her sister.
I was in a panic already, but at least I knew my mother had Carol for support in whatever was happening. Of course, I suddenly felt very alone as I listened to the rest of the message. “He had a heart attack, and that’s all I know. I was in a hurry, and I couldn’t find another number for you, baby, so when you get this message, call me back. I’ll tell you what I can. We have about fifteen more minutes before we get there, and I don’t know if my phone will work at the hospital. I love you, honey, and I’ll try this number again if I don’t hear from you before I know something else.”
She hung up, and the answering machine gave me the time and date of the call. I glanced at the clock – my mother had called about twenty minutes before I got home. My hands were shaking as I tried to call her back on my cell, and it took several tries. I got no answer when I finally did get through, and I hung up. I was in no place to leave a voicemail for her right now. I was frantic, and I needed my mother to be able to concentrate on doing what she could for Dad.
I couldn’t believe this was happening! I hadn’t been back to see my parents in so long, and now, something had happened to my father and I might never get to see him or talk to him again. It was devastating and terrifying. The trip was too far to go now, with no notice. By the time I got there, it would probably be too late, and while I had a little savings, I couldn’t afford to take the time off at the last minute and risk my job to be gone for a week.
It might have seemed like my priorities were a mess, since I was thinking about how irresponsible I was when it came to chores and that I absolutely had to pay my half of the bills to keep things even remotely fair. I owed it to Crystal.
I stood up, looking at the time again. Where was Crystal? She was always home by now, even when she worked late, and in my irrational state, I couldn’t understand why she wouldn’t be here for me at a time when I needed her most. She was my version of Auntie Carol, and even if it wasn’t fair, I dumped all my emotional wreckage on her. Somehow, she managed to help me put it all back together, sometimes without saying a word.
I could feel the tears starting to pour down my cheeks, and I thought maybe she had fallen asleep in her room and not heard me come in. But she wasn’t there, and she hadn’t texted or called to say she was going to be late. I didn’t know where else she could be, and just as I started to worry about something having happened to her, it suddenly hit me.
She had a date.
Tonight was the worst possible time for her to be on a date. Or maybe it was the worst time for me to have a family emergency, as if there was ever a good time. I couldn’t pull my thoughts together in a way that let me think rationally about anything, and so all of this came to me randomly. I couldn’t even answer my own questions. I needed Crystal for that.
I reached for my phone, only to remember it was still in my hand, and I was a split second from calling her when I stopped myself. A wave of rationality swept over me. I wasn’t going to ruin a good date for her. She would be home eventually, and I was a big girl. I would handle my emotions myself.
But I couldn’t hold back the sobs that shook my body. I let the agony of the unknown, the pain, and the distance wash over me and drain from my eyes as I shook and curled in on myself. And after a few minutes, I at least calmed to a constant stream of tears. I even managed to drink some coffee, which tasted salty from the drops that landed in it.
My phone rang, and I dove for it, thinking it would be my mother, or at least hoping it was Crystal, having one of her strange feelings that something wasn’t wrong and calling to check in. I sniffed hard, trying to clear my nose so I didn’t sound like I had a cold. “Hello?”
I cringed at the way I sounded to my own ears and knew that couldn’t be half as bad as I sounded to Zane.
“Kathryn? Is everything okay?” he asked, sounding concerned.
I loved and hated that he could read my emotions. Then again, just about anyone could have heard that I wasn’t in the best state of mind at that point. Maybe I could convince him I was just a little under the weather, and he’d drop the questions.
I cleared my throat. “Everything is fine, but it’s not such a good time to talk. I’m not feeling so well. Can I call you back in about an hour?” He’d called like he’d promised, and that was the important thing. As much as I wanted to talk to him and just listen to his voice, I couldn’t ask him to listen to me right now. Knowing that he cared went a long way, and I could use that strength to get through my night until I heard from my mother or Crystal got home.
“Something is wrong, and I don’t believe you’re sick. Kathryn, talk to me. Tell me what’s wrong. Are you crying?”
I could hear him moving around on the other end of the line, and I wondered what he was doing. He had to be at the nightclub. Based on the time, they were probably already open, and I wasn’t going to interfere with his business. He’d already missed valuable time because of me. I’d feel guilty for pulling him away again. “Don’t worry about me. I just got some news that upset me. I’ll be okay, Zane. You have things to do.”
“If you won’t tell me now, I’ll have to come pull it out of you,” he threatened. “I can tell it’s important.” I didn’t say anything, and he added, “I’m serious, Kathryn. Don’t test my loyalty. I’ll be banging on your door before you can stop the tears.”
I certainly didn’t want him to see me like this. I sniffled again, and the tears that had begun to slow started up again in earnest. I told him about the message on the answering machine and explained why I couldn’t just pick up and go to Louisiana. “I haven’t seen my parents in two years, Zane. What if I never get to see my daddy again? I don’t think I could live with myself. I’d feel so guilty.”
“You shouldn’t be alone right now. Is Crystal going to be home anytime soon?”
“I doubt it. She has a date tonight.” I knew I sounded pitiful, but it wasn’t on purpose. All I wanted was to get off the phone and get myself together.
“Then I think I should be there with you. Give me a few minutes to wrap up what I’m doing, and I’m coming over.”
This wasn’t his mess or his responsibility, and I didn’t want him to have to leave the club. “No! Zane…”
“You need someone there with you, Kathryn. This isn’t up for discussion. I’m on my way.”
“Zane, you can’t just drop everything and…” But the line was already dead in my ear. I could have called back, but I didn’t think he would answer. He was stubborn. And a part of me didn’t want to call back and argue with him.
Five minutes ago, I hadn’t wanted him to hear how bad I sounded. Now, I found myself reluctantly grateful for the fact that he cared enough to come and just be here for me, so much so that I didn’t even care about my appearance anymore. I didn’t change or splash water on my face. I didn’t even try to stop the tears that persisted and grew worse every time I pictured my father lying in a hospital bed with tubes attached and doctors and nurses working frantically around him.
I thought about trying my mother again before Zane got here, but I was terrified she had bad news, and I wasn’t ready for it yet. Besides, she was going to call me again when she knew something. Rather than hounding her when she was probably beside herself, I refilled my coffee, set up the pot to brew some more, and sat back down to wait.