Chapter 5
Zane
I stared at Kathryn’s shocked expression, and then I looked past her to find Crystal sitting on the couch with a laptop on her folded legs, her hand on her chest and a look of profound relief on her face. I knew instantly what that was about, and I felt sick all over again. I had just gotten over my nausea a few minutes ago.
Kathryn didn’t say anything else, and I cleared my throat and broke the silence. “We need to talk.”
She scowled at me and replied, “I believe that’s what I just said.” I frowned in confusion, and she held up her cell. “I just texted that to you. Are you ignoring my texts now?”
I winced internally. I’d turned off the forwarding of messages and calls from the burner phone to my regular phone, which meant it wouldn’t come through. All of a sudden my pocket buzzed, and I had an even more horrifying realization. I’d grabbed the wrong phone. The one in my pocket was the burner phone.
I would have to be careful. I couldn’t let Kathryn see that I was carrying a different phone, or she would never trust me again. Clearing my throat again, I said, “Apparently, I just got your message. So, can I come in?”
She hesitated. Not a good sign. Finally, she shrugged and took a step back to make room for me to pass. “Come on.”
I stepped inside, and she shut the door with a little more force than I’d seen her use in the past. I knew she was angry and hurt, and I was determined to fix it, no matter what I had to do. I couldn’t let her hate me, and I couldn’t let her live in fear of my wife.
“I think I’ll run to the store and pick up something delicious for dinner. We also need more coffee,” Crystal said.
I’d seen her make excuses to bow out in the past, but this time, she looked nervous about it. I didn’t blame her. When she wanted to be, Sam could seem downright scary and insane. Crystal probably had images of a slasher movie, with Sam wielding the knife while Crystal became a scream queen.
Kathryn just nodded. “Can you grab some more hand soap and stuff to make chocolate chip cookies?”
“Sure. I’ll be back in, I don’t know, maybe an hour and a half,” Crystal said. She slipped her feet into a pair of flip-flops by the door and grabbed a purse on her way out.
I joked, “It looked like she wanted to get out of here in a hurry.”
But Kathryn didn’t even crack a smile. She just stared at me like I was a stranger who’d walked in off the street. I supposed I deserved that.
She didn’t offer me a seat, and I didn’t take one, growing more nervous by the minute. This wasn’t going to be easy. I would have to think fast and be as truthful as I could.
“I know Samantha came by last night,” I said gruffly. “I want you to know you don’t need to be scared of her. I told you, I’m taking care of the issue.”
She nodded slowly, swallowed hard, and put her hands on her hips, finally ready for the confrontation I feared would come. “What’s going on, Zane? And I want the truth this time. All of it, not just enough to give me peace of mind and make me stop asking questions.”
I supposed I would have to get as close to that as I could. There were still a few things no one knew, and I wasn’t ready to give those facts to anyone yet, even Kathryn. I would tell her eventually, but now was the time for giving her every bit of verifiable, current truth. “Where do you want me to start?”
She threw her hands up in exasperation. “Maybe you should start by being honest with me about being married, Zane! I asked you right off the bat if you were attached, and you said no!”
I winced. “You asked if I had a girlfriend. I told you the truth. I didn’t have a girlfriend.”
“Oh, please! Don’t play the semantics game with me. Don’t you think I meant a girlfriend or wife or lover or any sort of female attached to you?” She was offended, and I knew I shouldn’t have answered based on a technicality. But if I’d told her I was married, I never would have had a chance with her, no matter how much I tried to convince her the whole thing was a farce.
Now, though, was the time to be honest about it. “I’m sorry. I can’t apologize enough to you for not telling you. But in my defense, I should have an opportunity to explain the circumstances.”
She gave a sweeping bow and said in a sarcastic voice, “By all means, go right ahead. I couldn’t be more curious about it.”
I moved toward her, wanting to take her hand and pull her down to the couch with me, but she backed away two steps. I hung my head. “Can we sit down and talk, please?”
She sighed and indicated the table. She obviously didn’t want to be in an intimate setting with me, and that hurt even more. I sat down in one of the chairs while she poured the coffee she always had brewing. She passed me a mug and sat across from me with hers.
“I’m waiting,” she said, sounding irritated and impatient.
“I married Samantha ten years ago. It was a marriage of convenience that got us both something we needed. Well, something I wanted and something she needed for her sanity.” I was already making a mess of this. “I don’t love her, Kathryn. I never have. We dated in college for a very short time, and I realized she definitely was not my type. We stayed in touch because we both liked to party, and we kept each other informed of where things were happening.
“But we were barely even friends. She approached me with a deal, and I took her up on the offer. It was never supposed to last, but now, I’m trapped.”
It was hard to admit that – all of it really, but being helpless was the hardest thing to say aloud – but it felt good to get it off my chest. It felt even better to tell Kathryn the truth.
But I wasn’t done with confessions, and I looked away for a minute, sipping at the coffee to buy myself some time. This might be the hardest part, when it was all said and done. “Kathryn, I’m falling in love with you. I think about you all the time. For years, I’ve looked at Samantha and seen everything I don’t want in a woman. Now, I look at her, and I realize that I used to wish she was like you, and I compare everything about her to you. You are everything I want in this world, and I hate myself for the mistakes I made.”
When she saw I was finished, she said, “If you love me, and you want to be with me, you should just get a divorce. People do it all the time. You know, with that story, you might even be able to annul the marriage, as if it never happened. You married under false pretenses, and that doesn’t constitute a marriage, according to Texas law.”
But I shook my head. I hadn’t told her the caveats of the arrangement with Samantha, so she didn’t understand. “It’s not that simple, Kathryn. I wish it was.” I sighed and scrubbed a hand down my face. “But like I said, I’m working on it, and with a little time, I’ll have everything resolved. Then, we can be together.”
“How long, though, Zane? How long am I supposed to sit here and twiddle my thumbs and wait for you?” She shook her head. “Whether you believe it or not, it is that simple, Zane. You get a lawyer and let the lawyer handle it, if there’s complications. What is it? Does she want to take you for everything you’re worth?”
I hadn’t thought about that, but it wouldn’t matter. I had something to hang over her head, when the time came. She wouldn’t give me any problems, once everything was said and done. “It’s not that. But the agreement we made when we got married…” I trailed off, my head throbbing with the difficulty of explaining everything and not screwing myself or my plans. “There were some conditions. But I’m in the process of trying to get free. I just need a little more time. Not a lot, okay? Can you just trust me?”
She scoffed. “Trust you. Zane, do you realize how many times you’ve lied to me and hidden things from me? I don’t know what to think anymore. You’ve got me so confused I don’t know the sky from the ground at this point.” She was on the verge of tears, and I hated that it was my fault. I’d lied to both of us, and it had hurt Kathryn badly.
I didn’t know what to say, and I knew she was waiting for me to respond. I didn’t have anything that would soothe the worry expressed by the wrinkles in her brow or the pain that dulled the brightness I loved about her eyes.
Finally, I said, “I’m so sorry, Kathryn. I didn’t want to hurt you, and that’s why I didn’t say anything. I have been working on this for a few months, and I’m so close. I just wanted to finish it without involving you in the mess.”
She didn’t say anything, and she didn’t look at me. But I saw conflict on her face. While it wasn’t what I wanted, it was a relief and gave me hope. It meant there was still a chance she would give me a chance to wrap things up and break free to be with her.
She swiped at her eyes, though no tears had spilled, and my heart felt like it shattered into a million pieces. I waited with baited breath for her decision, and my phone rang, breaking the silence. Without thought, I pulled it out of my pocket to silence it. Whoever was calling could wait, and I didn’t want the distraction of the loud ring.
But Kathryn’s eyes fell on it and grew wide. I realized my mistake, and I met her gaze, wincing at the accusation in her eyes. “You have two phones,” she said simply. “That’s not the phone that rang when I called you.”
“I can explain,” I started. But she was on her feet and marching across the room. “Kathryn, I…”
“Don’t, Zane. I’m tired of the excuses and the vague explanations. Don’t try to tell me it’s a work phone or that you lost the other one and got a new one. Don’t try to convince me that you aren’t hiding something.” She opened the door. “Just get out.”
I walked toward her, but I didn’t intend to leave without explaining. “Kathryn, I couldn’t let my wife see your calls. I…”
“I said get out!” she screamed, cutting me off. Her expression was a mask of fury, but I had to make one last attempt.
“I’m not lying to you, Kathryn. It’s just a precaution so that the calls come from another number. I…”
“Leave, now. Get out, Zane.” Her voice was deceptively calm.
I wasn’t going to convince her to listen to anything out of my mouth today. I nodded. I said nothing more as I walked out the door. I descended the steps with my head down, and when I reached the bottom, I looked back up. I hadn’t heard the door close, and I had a moment of hope that Kathryn had changed her mind.
But as I gazed over my shoulder, I saw the tears finally spill over, dripping down her cheeks, as she gave me a look of pure devastation, and then she slammed the door. I opened the door at the bottom of the stairs, stepped out into the bright sunshine, and walked to my car, wondering why the sky wasn’t as cloudy as my soul.