Chapter 9
Kathryn
I jumped at the sound of rapping on my door, not expecting the heavy knuckled insistence to echo so loudly in the silence around me. The only sounds I’d heard for the last half hour were my own sobbing and sniffling, and this was thunderous by comparison.
I unraveled the ball I’d twisted myself into on the corner of the couch and stumbled over, my feet asleep from the way they’d been tucked. I opened it to find Zane leaning on the doorframe. His face was a mask of concern and anxiety. He was definitely worried about me, but I was in no place to show my appreciation for that. I could barely hold myself up and had to use the door to stay on my feet until he was inside.
“You didn’t have to come,” I told him, and my voice was raw and cracked.
“Yes, I did,” he stated firmly. He took my face in his hands and tilted it up to meet my gaze. “I needed to make sure you were all right. And clearly, you’re not.”
My chin trembled as I tried not to break down, and I let him pull me to his chest and bury my face in it before I started bawling all over again. His shirt grew wet with my tears, and I felt some of my weight supported by his strong arms wrapped around me.
“We can’t just stand here all night,” I said finally, turning my head so my words wouldn’t be muffled.
“If that’s what you need to do, we sure as hell can,” he argued, and it made me smile to think he was willing to torment himself like that just to pacify me.
I lifted my head and felt him take more of my weight as I wavered slightly. “I really don’t. I don’t want to stand here. I think we should get some coffee and sit down.”
He nodded. “That works, too.” He walked me to the couch and insisted I sit down. “I know where the coffee cups are.”
I curled up, cold now that I’d grown used to the heat of Zane’s body against mine. I shivered and took the full, steaming cup gratefully, both for the source of caffeine and the heat.
He scowled at me. “You’re shaking. Geez, Kathryn, you’re freezing. You should put on something warmer, and you should have a blanket.”
He was probably right, and I started to get up, but he stopped me. “Can’t you just tell me where to find things and let me take care of you?”
I didn’t know how to do that. I was independent, and I took care of myself. That was how it had always been, since I left home for college. But somehow, I knew he would make me feel better if I just let him take over. I pointed to the hall leading to both bedrooms. “The bathroom is the middle door on the side with the bedrooms, but there’s a closet across from it with blankets.”
He was on it instantly and came back with two fuzzy, warm blankets and a few extra pillows. Apparently, he was going to cradle me into the couch with all the fluff. “And warmer clothes?”
I sighed. I’d slept with this man, for crying out loud, and now, I was embarrassed to have him go to my room and find my pajamas. “The top drawer on the right in my bedroom. I have some cotton pajama sets. Just grab the one on top.”
He nodded and swiftly went to get them. He returned so quickly I knew he hadn’t rifled through my things, and I felt relieved and grateful that Zane respected my privacy. I could think of several men I’d known who would have taken advantage of the opportunity to snoop.
“I’m going to use the restroom,” he said. “I’ll be back in a minute. Are you okay here?”
I couldn’t believe what a gentleman he was being, kind, caring and sensitive to my needs. He was actually going to give me the space I needed to change clothes without being watched. I smiled at him through my tears, letting him know how thankful I was. “I’ll be fine.”
I set my coffee on the table in front of me, realizing how hard I really was shaking as it rattled on the surface until I let go. Then, as quickly as I could manage, I pulled off my clothes and slipped on the comfortable, warm cotton pants and shirt. I had just started to arrange the blankets and pillows when Zane came back into the room.
“Have you eaten?” he asked.
I shook my head. “No. I don’t have much appetite right now.”
“Then we’ll take care of that in a little while, but you should eat something tonight. I guess you still haven’t heard anything from your mother.” He sat on the couch next to me, turning to rest his elbow on the back so he could face me.
I shook my head. I was going to have to try her again soon, just to keep my sanity. But at least the tears had dried up. The anxiety and desolation were another story, and I gazed at Zane in wonder. “I can’t believe you left everything behind and just shot over here. You have a lot of responsibilities to take care of, Zane.”
“I do. But I have my priorities straight.” He said it with a solemn tone, leveling a gaze at me without blinking.
I gulped. That was the most certain he’d been in telling me he felt something for me. He’d hinted at it, and he’d made a lot of noise about finding me attractive, but now we were getting deeper, talking about emotional involvement. I didn’t know where this was going, but I knew he was here, now, and wasn’t going to leave me, at least until Crystal came home.
“And what are your priorities?” I asked. I shouldn’t have, but a part of me wanted to hear that I was.
He shifted, looking a bit uncomfortable, and then he looked me in the eye again. “It’s important to me to be successful, and I want to be in control. But more than all of that, when someone I care about needs me, there is nothing else that trumps the situation. My priority is to be here right now, Kathryn.”
I wanted to refuse his words, to think that they were a bunch of drivel he said to keep me afloat in a time when my ship felt like it was sinking. But I could read the sincerity in his eyes.
“You really wouldn’t let anything stand in your way, would you?” I asked in awe.
He shrugged. “I would move any obstacle I could to get to you at a time like this.”
Something about his wording felt off, but I couldn’t pinpoint it. And it didn’t matter. I was in no place to make clear judgments about little nuances in speech. I couldn’t stop worrying about my father. And at the same time, I felt myself spinning out of control as I started to fall hard for the man sitting beside me.
I took a deep breath and told him, “Zane, no one has ever done something like this for me. And thank you. It means more than I can tell you. But there’s so much more than that. You’re sweet, and you’re caring. You obviously want to cater to my every need, and I still feel like we’ve only scratched the surface of getting to know each other. But if I had chosen to call someone tonight, to be here with me…”
He smirked. “You would have called Crystal.”
I smiled with him. “There is that. But honestly, we’re like sisters, so that doesn’t count. Out of all the people I know, some of them friends for years, I would have wanted to call you first. I can’t get you out of my head, and that terrifies me because I don’t know if that’s a mutual thing or not. I mean, for all I know, I’m not the only woman you’re seeing. Or maybe you’re still exploring feelings for me. I don’t even know exactly what this is I feel for you. But it’s strong, and it’s consuming. And I would have wanted to have you here with me, if I’d been able to choose.”
He smiled and didn’t answer right away. I hoped I hadn’t said too much and terrified him. But slowly, he started to respond. “I thought I was infatuated with you at first. And then, it was a mission. I wanted to prove to you that you were with the wrong guy. You weren’t happy, no matter what you tried to show people or tell yourself.” I was momentarily stunned, but he shook his head and continued, “None of that was enough for me.”
I held my breath as he seemed to be searching for the right words. “When I’m with you, I feel like a weight is lifted off my chest, and I can breathe easier. The air is cleaner and crisper. And then, when I’m anywhere else, the walls start to close in on me, and all I can do is think about you to keep me going until I can call you or see you again.”
It wasn’t any profession of love I’d ever heard, but it was beautiful and meaningful. And to me, it spoke volumes about how we could grow together. I didn’t kid myself into thinking this was a discussion about final commitment, or that I wouldn’t have more questions for him before we moved forward. But I knew somehow that, eventually, he could be an open book for me.
And he would still thrill me as he did now.
At the moment, it was enough. “You have a way with words, like a poet. Did you ever consider being a songwriter? Or maybe one of those guys like Nicholas Sparks who writes the most romantic stories ever conceived by a man? Because I think you could write a stellar novel that would not end in the horrific tragedy that his do and become an even greater sensation.” I needed to lighten the mood, even though I wasn’t quite finished with the conversation. I was getting too bogged down with all the solemnness
He smiled and looked away from me, and I thought I saw the slightest blush in his cheeks. “I don’t know if I can just write it if I didn’t mean it. And I can’t mean it until someone inspires me to say it. I’m not just dreaming up pretty words here, Kathryn. I really do feel this way, and that’s all because of you. I’m a happier, better person when I’m with you.”
I didn’t want to push too hard for fear of pushing him away, but I took that opening to gauge how serious he was about that. “Then maybe we could start working on being together more often. I know it’s early, and I know our schedules might be a little difficult to manage, but I’m sure we can manage a little more time together.”
“I’d like that,” he said, and warmth spread through me. This was really going somewhere, and even if I didn’t know where, I could set aside some of my fears. It would be a healing process, undoing the damage Jarrett had done. I was finally ready.
I felt stronger now, and I pushed out of the nest of pillows and blankets so I could lean over and kiss him. It wasn’t sensual or passionate, just sweet and filled with joy and comfort. As I sat back down, the light that danced in his eyes told me he felt as giddy about our discussion as I did. But I could also tell the kiss caused a physical reaction, and he cleared his throat as he stood.
He tugged at his sleeves and then took my empty coffee cup along with his. “I’m starving, so I’m going to make some more coffee so your veins don’t run dry or anything. And then, I’m going to scavenge up some stuff in the kitchen and show you that I know a little about cooking.”
He waggled his eyebrows, and I laughed shortly. “Should I be scared?”
“No, I have a few recipes in my arsenal. I’m sure I can whip up something tasty.”
I hoped so because my stomach was starting to rumble, too. I took a moment to try my mother again while he checked the pantry and the fridge, but I got her voicemail again. I didn’t leave another message. What good would it do? She would obviously call me at some point. I just had to try to be patient.
But I started to feel down again as I thought about the situation. The tears pricked at my eyes, and I sniffled a bit. Zane brought me some tissues and kissed my forehead as he started cooking, reminding me to breathe, and I welcomed his care.
As it turned out, he was a pretty decent cook after all. He put together a fried egg steak burger with some sweet potato fries and some ancho ranch dip. I devoured it, and so did he. Zane insisted on cleaning up, so I insisted on helping him, and when we finished I looked at the clock. “Wow, I didn’t realize it had gotten so late. Crystal’s date must be going well.”
“I’d say so,” he agreed. He took his phone out of his pocket to check it, nodded, and put it away. I assumed that meant there were no issues he needed to address at the club. “I can’t believe how spunky that girl is.”
“I’m not making excuses for her,” I told him, “but remember, she’s from a small town. She grew up pretty sheltered, and then she moved to Houston. She’s got just the right blend of street smarts and naïve sweetness to throw you off. And don’t let her fool you. She’s sharp as a knife under that slow Texas drawl and eccentric attitude.”
“I think she’s adorable,” Zane told me, holding his hands up in surrender. “I don’t have anything against her.” He came toward me and wrapped his arms around my waist, kissing me on the tip of my nose. “But she doesn’t hold a candle to you.”
I wrinkled my nose, knowing I looked hideous at the moment. I would have thought the moment romantic if I’d read it in a book, but in person, I just felt frumpy. But the kiss he laid on me then started to change my mind. It started kindling the fire inside me, warming me from the inside out for the first time all evening.
But he pulled back, and before I could protest, he ushered me back to the couch. “I think you’ve been on enough of an emotional roller coaster lately, and I’ve contributed a lot of the low points. I think we should just keep it low key tonight, okay?”
He was right, I supposed, but it still disappointed me.
Nonetheless, I allowed him to settle me on the couch, complete with a TV tray that held the remotes and my coffee for easy access. Then, he settled next to me and wrapped an arm around my shoulders, pulling me against his side.
“I think a movie would be a good distraction, don’t you?” he asked.
I agreed with great reluctance, and we turned on an older Jim Carrey favorite, laughing together and making comments about different parts of the movie. When it was over, we kept it up, comparing notes on movies we’d seen and hadn’t seen, what we liked and hated, and that turned into a conversation about school and family and anything else that happened to come up.
When my phone rang, I jumped for it, but Zane was faster and had it in my shaking hands in seconds. I pressed it to my ear and all but shouted, “Hello?” My heart was pounding in my chest. It was after two in the morning, and I didn’t think any call coming to my phone at this hour could be good news.
“Kathryn, it’s Mama.” She wasn’t crying, but she sounded exhausted. I met Zane’s eyes, my fear overwhelming, but he took my hand to calm me. Did I dare to hope? She sniffled once and then burst out, “Your daddy’s okay. They took him into surgery, and they had to do a double bypass. It was touch and go for a minute, but he came through, and he’s stable.”
“Oh, thank goodness!” My whole body went limp with relief, and Zane caught me before I fell off the couch. “Can I talk to him?”
“He’s resting now. He’s in the ICU for a few days, but he’s going to be fine. We just have to change his diet a little, that’s all. If you call in the morning, though, the doctors say he’ll be awake and have the breathing tube out, so you can talk to him then. We miss you, sweetheart.”
My mother needed rest, and I couldn’t handle the emotional discussion at the moment. Daddy was all right, and that was what mattered. “I’m glad everything’s okay, Mama. Go get some rest, and I’ll call in the morning.”
Zane held me close as I hung up and cried my relief out on him, not saying a word to me.
When I was done, I sat up and laughed, embarrassed. “I’m sorry. That was good news. I don’t know why I’m crying.”
“I understand. You don’t have to apologize.” He pulled me back against him and turned on the television again. This time, he tuned it to The Twilight Zone, and I smiled as my eyes closed. My lids were far too heavy at this point, and my head was thick with a fog that felt impenetrable. I fell asleep easily in my exhaustion with the comfort of Zane’s arms around me, and the next thing I knew, there was sunshine on my face.
I blinked a few times, trying to catch my bearings. I was still on the couch, but I was lying down, pillows propped under my head and a blanket tucked tightly around me. I stretched and smiled as I looked around, and I started laughing as I noticed the fresh bouquet of lilies that sat on my coffee table.