The life I settled into was better than anything I could have imagined. Although a strong part of me wished it would go on forever, I’d gotten so caught up in the moment that I felt it would be forever. There were still times when I felt guilty about what was going on with Knox behind my father’s back, and I wished I could tell him – but at the same time, I didn’t want to let go of what I was doing with Knox. Plus, I just couldn’t break my daddy’s heart in that way.
But things weren’t going to go on in perfect harmony forever, as I soon learned.
“Knox? What’re you doing here?” I asked as I walked downstairs, surprised to find him there with my father. Immediately, my heart started to pound, and I worried that he had decided to say something.
However, my father seemed to be perfectly at ease as the two of them were cooking steaks on his indoor grill. “Hey, don’t forget that we’re buddies,” Daddy said.
I then wanted to bury my face in my palm. Of course they were, how could I forget? I only got the job at the office because of their relationship – in fact, we’d only met because of their relationship.
“We’re making up some steaks, want one, Kiddo?” Knox asked.
I sat down at the table and paused. I used to like it when he called me that. Now, the pet name stung in my heart. What did he mean calling me Kiddo? We’d been having sex off and on for nearly two months – it was time for that nickname to go. “Sure, I mean – since you offered,” I replied.
“That’s a good girl,” Knox replied.
I refused to make eye contact. This felt weird, and I didn’t want it to. Knox was acting perfectly normal, and my dad clearly had no idea there was anything going on between us – and part of me wanted him to. Part of me wanted there to be some sort of weird tension in the room, as though Knox was struggling to keep this secret as much as I was.
But he was sitting down to his steak and chatting away with my father as casually as he always had – as casually as he’d done when I was only twelve years old and he would come over for dinner with the two of us.
“Knox tells me that you’ve really found your place in the office,” Daddy said as he set a steak in front of me.
I smiled as I glanced up at him, biting my tongue not to say something stupid. I’d found my place on his lap, his desk, at his mouth… “I guess you could say that. I still feel like there is a long ways I’ve got to go yet – I don’t know,” I said with as bored of a tone as I could muster.
My father laughed.
Knox shook his head with a chuckle. “You’re too modest!” he said as he looked at me.
I got the distinct impression he was being serious. Could it be possible that he had no thought whatsoever of him and I having sex while he was with my father? I’d become a nervous wreck, but he was acting the same as he always did. This attitude was almost more than I could take. “Yeah,” I said uncertainly.
He gave me a concerned look. “Are you okay, Kiddo?” he asked.
Now for the first time, I realized I wasn’t. I was feeling rather nauseous, and this bite of steak I had in my mouth felt like the worst thing I’d ever decided to eat. Sure, it tasted good, but everything in my stomach wanted to come out, and I felt like the whole room was spinning.
“I was going to ask you the same thing,” Daddy said. He looked at the clock. “It’s rare for you to sleep in this late – especially on a Saturday.”
He was right – it was nearly two in the afternoon and I’d done nothing today besides wander out and grab some orange juice earlier this morning before going back to bed and passing out for a few more hours. “I don’t really feel that hot,” I admitted.
Knox shook his head. “See? I told you that you’d better stop working those long hours or it was going to take a toll on you, but do you listen to me? No!” He laughed.
My dad joined in with a hearty chuckling. “She’s like her old man, isn’t she?” he jeered.
The two continued to laugh, but I couldn’t take it any longer. I felt like I was going to puke, and the last thing I wanted to do was make a scene in front of them. “I think I’m going to go back to bed and get some more rest.” I didn’t know what was wrong with me. I was feeling agitated and angry with both of them, and neither of them had done anything to deserve it really. At the same time, the smells of dinner kept making me dizzy and feeling sick to my stomach – but I had always loved the smell of steak before. Perhaps I was catching some weird strain of the flu. Whatever it was, the only thing that sounded appealing was going back to bed.
“Alright Honey, let me know if you need anything!” Daddy called after me as I walked up the hall toward the stairs.
“Don’t be afraid to take Monday off!” Knox called after me.
I felt too dizzy to answer either one, and I could hear them pitying me as I started back up the stairs. I had barely walked into my room when I couldn’t take it anymore. I had to get everything out of my stomach – but the problem was, the only thing I had in my stomach was a bite of steak.
I ran to the bathroom as quickly as I could, barely making it before the sickness overtook me with a vengeance. I held my hair back and retched over the toilet, my mind spinning as fast as the room was. I didn’t know why I felt so angry with Knox all the sudden, but seeing the way he was acting with my dad was more than I could take.
I didn’t know if it was guilt I was feeling or shame, but I wanted my father to know. Then again—no, I didn’t. I had to stop having sex with Knox. I just did. It had been so perfect, but the feeling that had overtaken me was so strong I knew it had to end. Seeing the way he was with my father was more than I could take. Daddy was right – they were best friends, and here I was, fucking his buddy.
He wouldn’t just be mad if he found out. He would be devastated. I had no doubt in my mind that it would ruin their friendship, and the last thing I ever wanted to do to my dad.
I remembered Knox being the solid rock that my dad and I needed when my mother died, he’d been that constant being who’d always assured us things were going to be all right. I couldn’t ruin that because of some crush – perhaps it was time for me to move on.
No, it was definitely time for me to move on. The thought of it made me sicker to my stomach than I already was. So I felt grateful to still be bent over the toilet before a fresh wave of nausea hit me. I would get over this flu, then I would tell him things had to stop between us.
He wouldn’t fire me over it – would he?
Maybe. But it would be worth it, as long as it kept my father from finding out what we’d been doing the past two months.