I thought everything would be a lot easier for me after I talked to Knox and he agreed that we would work together through the problem. But each day, became a new struggle. I wanted to tell my father, but at the same time, I trusted that Knox knew what he was talking about when he said we should wait and do it together.
After I told him I was pregnant, I knew I needed to make a point of getting up and going to work – the last thing I wanted was for my dad to wonder why I suddenly took a lot of time off, and to make matters worse, why Knox really didn’t care about it. After all, even being best friends, he wouldn’t tolerate such a thing from any employee – just like my father, he believed in hard work and earning the paycheck, even if he did spoil me with tips and extra things.
The only thing I felt good about was my father clearly had no idea anything was going on. Even with the way I acted tense around him and maybe even behaved strangely – he didn’t seem to even notice. Perhaps he was passing it off as hormones, perhaps he thought of it as me becoming the woman I wanted to be. My dad had always been very understanding about such things, and it wouldn’t surprise me if he thought this way.
Although I wanted to believe everything was going to be just fine, I did find being pregnant made me a lot more sensitive to the things going on around me. Just like the first day, when I’d experienced morning sickness. Things were far more irritating than they ever had been in the past, and I found I analyzed everything Knox said or did far more than I used to.
There were times when I could agree I was being too sensitive, or I was overthinking the things I assumed might be going on, but then there were times when I had to admit he really was acting differently than before. I tried not to think about it too much at first, but when I walked into his office, I noticed he was quick to end a conversation on the phone – and it almost sounded as though he brushed the person off on the other end.
Of course, I tried not to give it anymore thought than necessary, but I couldn’t help but let it bother me. I reasoned with myself how we weren’t in an official relationship, so it wasn’t really my business who he was speaking with. Then again, it was very strange of him to be using his cell phone when he was at work – often. I noticed he really only had that out at work when he’d asked me to do something for him.
He appeared to be agitated, so I lingered. “Is everything okay?” I asked.
Knox kept walking back and forth in front of the window – something I learned he did when he was feeling frustrated with something in his life. He paused for a moment, as though he was trying to decide if he should tell me or not, then he simply shook his head. “Everything is fine. You know how it is with this business. Sometimes you end up with real divas.” He laughed at his own joke.
I cocked my head to the side. It would be a rare thing for him to have to deal with any of the clients directly, and most of the people we did sign on were rising stars. His billions didn’t come from the quality of the singers he signed, but rather the quantity and I knew it. For someone to be acting like a diva and still have access to his phone, they would have to be really good – or already know him.
“Let me know if there is anything I can do. You know that my bark isn’t nearly so bad as my bite,” I said as I watched him carefully.
He laughed once more, but I thought that he laughed a little too hard – and perhaps a little too long – at my joke. I liked to believe that I knew Knox very well – and he was certainly acting strange.
“Of course I will – but I think you are doing enough already. You know you have to be careful with the baby – or have you even been to the doctor yet?” He stared at me with a concerned look on his face.
I gave him a confused stare in return. He had given me the afternoon off just the day before to go to the doctor for my third visit – in fact, if something hadn’t come up at the last second, he would’ve gone with me.
“If you remember, I went yesterday – everything is fine. Are you sure, you’re okay? You’re acting weird,” I said. I raised my eyebrows at him as I spoke, hoping my look would be enough for him to come clean about how he was feeling.
But no, he just put his hand on the back of his neck and gave me the same smile he always gave me when he didn’t want me to pursue a topic with him. “Meagan, you have always been good at reading people, haven’t you? Well, now is the time when you are just going to have to trust me when I tell you that I’m just fine, and I really don’t want to talk about anything.” He gave me another look I’d never seen before – but this one wasn’t full of the lust he usually had when he stared at me. This one almost had a warning flavor to it—almost as though he was warning me to leave the topic alone before I got too deep into it.
This, of course, only made me want to know all the more. What was he was hiding from me? I stared at him for a moment, suddenly feeling very self-conscious about everything. I glanced down at my outfit, for the first time wondering if I was showing too much skin to my employer. I laughed nervously and wiped my hands on the back of my skirt, they had gone sweaty with my nerves wound up in the moment.
“Alright, well, you are the boss,” I said with as much of an attitude as I dared to muster. I was angry with him, but there were so many other emotions wrapped up in the feeling that I didn’t know how to tell him without him becoming angry with me – and I kept worrying he might leave me with this child on my own.
He gave me another look, but now I didn’t wait to discuss the topic any further. Still using all the attitude I felt I could muster at the moment, I walked over to the door, swinging my hips as I always had and letting my hand linger on the side, accentuating the curve of my waist. I could feel his eyes on me, but this time, there was a different tone to the feeling, as though he was watching me with judgement in his eyes rather than lust.
“Let me know if you need anything,” I said in the most condescending tone I could manage.
He gave me a curt nod.
Oh, now I felt so angry with him I wanted to scream. Instead, I grabbed the handle to the door and yanked it closed behind me, letting the sound echo through the office. I surprised myself with the force I used pulling it closed.
I smiled nervously around at the few brave colleagues who dared to glance up from their work at the computer. I didn’t say anything to any of them. There wasn’t anything to say. I guessed they already knew some of what was going on, and there was little doubt in my mind how every time I was in the office, they probably formed their own stories as to why. But there was no way they could know anything for sure. They weren’t a part of the situation, so in fact—they could bite my ass, for all I cared.
This was between me and Knox, as far as I was concerned—we were the only two people who mattered in the whole world.