One week later
My entire body ached as I rolled over in the bed Brooke and I had been sharing for months. Brooke’s floral scent still lingered against the sheets as I sucked in a breath of air, my face against the mattress. One day she was here and the next she wasn’t. Every text and phone call I placed to her went unanswered. My patience was growing severely thin and I knew it was only a matter of days before my father was ordering me to come back into work.
I dialed her number once more, clicking over to speaker so that I could set the phone down. It rang and rang and rang before clicking over to voicemail. Fiery hot rage filled my veins. Was this what she meant when she said we couldn’t be together and that we needed to talk? I wasn’t sure. I was so caught up in her touch and kisses that I forgot all about talking and assumed that she was letting the entire thing go, except she wasn’t.
“Fuck!” The acid in my voice rained down on me as I hung up, refusing to leave yet another pleading voicemail for her to come back. If she hadn’t come back yet, she wasn’t going to.
She loves you. I tried to hone in on the voice that repeated the same three words throughout the day. This had to be some ploy that she was planning. She was going to come back or I was going to bring her back kicking and screaming. There was no fucking way I was letting her go.
Pulling on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt I got ready for the day refusing to mope around in bed all day. I was going to go out and find Brooke, be it between classes, at the dorms or in the mess hall. I would fucking find her and bring her back here.
I slipped into a pair of Nikes and shoved my wallet and keys into my pocket. I let the fact that I wouldn’t take no for an answer from Brooke cool my heated blood. I didn’t want to be a hothead when I came face to face with her again. A day was hard enough, a week without seeing her was literally killing me.
The walk to campus was short and a bit warm as the sun peeked out from beneath the clouds. I watched a group of college kids outside one of the dorms on the south side of the courtyard playing a game of football.
I could go to the admission’s office and ask for Brooke’s dorm room number, or I could sneak around for a bit until I saw her. She would have to appear at some point in time.
There was a bench about a hundred feet away and a small café off to the right side of the courtyard. I knew Brooke had the majority of her classes on this side of the campus because she was adamant on living on this side of the campus once she discovered that the Business and Arts Halls were on the same side. That was before my father made me quit and join his company.
I tapped my fingers idly against my jeans, wondering where the hell I had gone wrong with Brooke. Had I pushed her so far that she felt leaving was the only way things could end right between us? Didn’t she know that if I were forced to go without her I would lose my ever-loving mind?
“You need to understand something Brooke. Boys will be boys but men, men are so much better…” I swung around in the direction of the voice I heard, my eyes lighting up and my entire body moving without thought in the direction of Brooke and a woman who I recognized as Allie, the girl who wasn’t supposed to be her dormmate.
They were walking in the direction of the Sapphire Dorms. I had pieced the entire thing together in a short amount of time realizing that Brooke had taken all her stuff and moved in with Allie here at the dorms, keeping herself close but completely out of arm’s reach.
“Brooke…” My voice cracked as I said her name. I jogged up to her and Allie, my eyes drifting over Brooke’s ramrod straight form. Allie twisted around first giving me a dirty look before Brooke turned, her eyes revealing a reflection of my own emotions.
“Zane?” She seemed shocked that I was here. Did she think that I would just let her walk away? That I wouldn’t give chase when she ran? I loved her and cared for her and I wasn’t stupid. I knew any smart man would snag her up given the chance and I wasn’t going to let that happen.
“We need to talk…” I huffed out a breath, pleading with her to let me take her somewhere so we could discuss things. I couldn’t live another day without her. Brooke stared at me like a fish out of water.
“Zane…” Brooke looked between Allie and me. “I have classes and plans. I can’t…” I didn’t let her finish. I couldn’t. Gripping her hand in mine, I let the warmth of her touch warm me all over.
“I just need to talk to you. I need answers Brooke.” The pain that laced my words was something I knew she could feel. I knew the moment Brooke caved because her walls seemed to crumble the longer I held her hand in mine.
“Ten minutes Zane…” Brooke tried to sound strong and Allie rolled her eyes walking away before Brooke could say anything to her. I knew I had this in the bag and tried my hardest to hide the smile that wanted to grace my lips.
“I’m not asking for anything other than your time and words,” I announced, letting her drag me to the nearest bench. She shoved down onto the hard bench, releasing my hand and placing hers in her lap.
I twisted to face her, my eyes drifting over her tight features. She was trying to mask her fears and pain but I had known her long enough to know she was suffering as much as I was and there was no hiding it.
“I wasn’t lying to you Zane. We cannot do this anymore.” Her coffee brown eyes refused to meet mine.
“I can’t go without you Brooke. I’m a fucking mess.” I cut straight to the chase, letting her know exactly how life was for me without her.
She shook her head, pieces of hair falling from behind her ear and onto her face. The urge to push those locks away from her face was strong but I withheld myself, questioning if it would only make her run.
“It kills me too Zane. You aren’t the only one suffering but this…” her voice cracked and her eyes watered with unshed tears as she stared at me. I didn’t understand why she was doing this. If it was hurting her just as badly, why was she doing it at all?
“You can’t lie to me Brooke. I know your body better than you do. I know how you look when you fall apart, what makes you happy and sad. I know you inside and out and if this is hurting you as much as it is me, then why?” I was on the verge of yelling, my voice rising more with every word I spoke.
Tears slipped from her eyes and down her smooth cheeks. I flicked them away with my thumb, cupping her cheek against my palm as I leaned into her face. Her lips were right there, full and rosy red, begging for me to kiss them.
“We can’t do this anymore Zane. You have to stop trying. I’m sorry.” She swallowed down the pain like a tight pill refusing to give me the emotions I knew she was feeling.
“Sorry…?” Pain ached from my throat. “I love you Brooke. I fucking love you. You can’t just leave me like this…” I growled, my touch gentle as I forced her eyes to meet mine. Every emotion she had slipped from her face.
“We’re done. Don’t come back here again and stop calling and texting me. I told you we couldn’t do this anymore. I warned you and all you did was try and convince me otherwise.” There was no changing her mind.
Her words were like a slap to the fucking face. I pulled away from her as if she had burnt me and she had, my heart was aching, my body threatening to explode with rage.
My nails dug into my palm as I shoved from the bench, rage that burned as hot as the sun raced through my veins. She was everything to me and losing her wasn’t something I could ever imagine. It just wasn’t.
“Don’t pretend that you don’t love me Brooke. Don’t even fucking try and lie to me because I know you too well. I know this is all a fucking ploy. Our parents will learn to get over whatever it is that they hate about us being together. Don’t let them take this from us Brooke.” I was pleading, giving her my last ounce of compassion. I wouldn’t give up on Brooke no matter what she said but after the last week of her being gone without even an answer or text message, I needed to distance myself. I needed to cool off before I approached her again because clearly she wasn’t ready to talk to me.
“Don’t come back here again Zane or I will contact campus security.” The words she spoke echoed through me. My jaw clenched tightly together, my teeth grinding against each other. I bit my tongue watching her get up and walk away in the direction of her dorm room.
“I love you Brooke…” I jogged across the short space that separated us reaching for her hand. My tight grip stopped her dead in her tracks. A pained expression crossed her features and I released her immediately. I would never hurt her, never, at least not intentionally.
“It’s not enough Zane,” she snapped, her eyes going down to my hands that now rested at my sides. My heart was beating impossibly hard against my rib cage. It wasn’t enough? How? How wasn’t it enough?
“What do you mean? I love you Brooke. I want this to work between us. I don’t care about our parents. I don’t care about what anyone else has to say… Why do you care so much?” I threw my hands in the air in frustration earning Brooke and me a few looks from people passing by.
Brooke leaned into my face, her floral scent slamming into my gut. “I care because my education matters to me Zane. I care because I know when, not if they find out, everything we ever worked for will be ripped away from us.” I tried to reason with myself in that moment. I tried to tell myself that her feelings were real and the fears she had meant something to her, but all I felt was betrayal.
It hit me then that there was no winning her back and that hurt. It hurt more than anything I had ever felt before.
“You know what Brooke, you’re right. There’s no point… None at all…” I took a step away from her and then another, watching as her face fell and the wall she had put up between us crumbled to the ground.
“Zane…” she called out to me but I was too far gone to care. I couldn’t stick around when she didn’t want me. I wouldn’t be that puppy that was kicked time and time again but still came back because he wanted to be loved more than anything.
Brooke didn’t want me. She couldn’t face our parents head-on for whatever reason and that hurt me. It broke me.
I walked back to the house that we had shared, the house that was now empty of memories and love. It was just me now.
Tears filled my eyes but refused to fall. I would put my all into pleasing my father and hopefully that would keep my mind off of Brooke.
It would have to. Because not having her when she was the only thing I ever wanted was going to kill me.
It already was.