There was nothing worse than trying to convince yourself that you were making the right choice when your heart was telling you that you weren’t. All my afternoon classes seemed to drag on, the professors’ voices drowning in and out as my thoughts drifted to Zane and back again. I checked my phone religiously wondering when I would receive a text back. After three hours I stopped checking and chalked it up to ‘I’ll talk to you later’.
Zane wasn’t happy about me ending our secret love affair and as much as I hated to do it, we both knew it needed to be done. Not only did I not want to ruin our friendship but my mom is a bitch even on the days when she is nice. If she discovered Zane and I were sleeping together she would do everything in her power to ruin us.
Classes ended and I walked the short distance to our house just off campus, the one that Gerald, Zane’s father, insisted we get. That was back when Zane was still taking classes and not doing his father’s dirty deeds.
A light rain fell from the clouds as I walked up the sidewalk and to the little two-bedroom cottage. It was a cozy house with all the amenities a college student could ever dream of. Yet I couldn’t wait to break away from the thing and go out on my own.
Pulling my keys out to unlock the front door, I realized the door was already open. Was Zane here? He never left the door open, let alone unlocked. I shoved the door open, my eyes landing on Gerald who was sitting on our oversized leather sectional both arms extended along the back as if he was making himself at home. Knots of anxiety rolled around in my belly.
If he was here it didn’t mean anything good.
“To what do I owe this visit?” I forced an anxious smile, closing the door behind me and hanging my backpack on the coat hanger next to the door. Gerald’s dark orbs bled into mine. It was clear where Zane got his devilishly handsome looks. His father, I’m sure, was a stud back in the day. Now he was a man with greying hair and wrinkled skin.
“Are you saying I can’t come and see my stepdaughter and son without needing a reason to?” The look on his face said he was being snide. There was always a reason if Gerald was here and the reason wasn’t a good one. He claimed to have married my mother for love but I wasn’t the only one who knew the truth. My mother and Zane’s father, their marriage wasn’t about love, it was about business.
“Of course not. It’s just…” I cleared my throat smoothing my sweaty palms over the front of my jeans. “You invited yourself in and….” Gerald’s evil eyes narrowed at me. He didn’t care that he was breaking and entering, which was a crime.
“I didn’t come here to make small talk Brooke. You’re a smart girl and you know that….” I suspected that this had more to do with Zane and me then I wanted to admit. Gerald never showed up or had anything to do with us, so when he did we both knew it was a big deal.
“Well Zane isn’t here right now, so I can’t really help you with whatever it is you’re looking for…” Tension seeped into the room, taking all the oxygen with it.
Gerald smiled. Standing from the couch, his large, feeble form overshadowed me. “I didn’t come here for my son. I came here for you Brooke. It seems things are taking a different route than what your mother or I ever expected.” I swallowed around the lump that had formed in my throat.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I lied through my teeth. I wouldn’t give this man the ammunition he needed to shoot me. I wasn’t as stupid as my mother. Gerald smiled, like he couldn’t be fooled.
“Oh I’m positive you know sweetheart. I’ve watched the security cameras here at the house. I know you and Zane are sleeping with each other and honestly, I’m positive you’re the reason for his shitty attitude at work this past month.” I blinked slowly, trying to calm my erratic heartbeat. This was the exact thing I was trying to stop from happening. Zane had just given his father the one thing he needed to keep us apart.
“You shouldn’t be watching this house. I’m an adult…” I snarled, not wanting to talk about the elephant in the room. Zane and my relationship was coming to an end so his father had no need to put his nose into our business.
“Adult…” He mocked with laughter, covering the short distance that separated us faster than I expected, forcing my back to the wall. “Your mother and I provide everything for you and we will take it as fast as we give it if you do not end this with my son,” he warned.
“Nothing is going on with us. It was only once or twice. It’s ended now….” Fear filled my belly. If my mother discovered that I was sleeping with Zane and that there was a possibility that her image could be tainted because of me, she would pull my school funds and ship me away.
“You’re a liar…” Gerald grabbed my chin and dug his fingers into it, forcing me to look him straight in the eyes. “Zane wants you and I know how women like you are. He’s got a huge future in front of him and if you think you can take that from him, you have another thing coming. He’s my son,” he roared. Tears slipped from my eyes at his harsh words.
“Please don’t tell her, please…” I pleaded. I had told Zane time and time again that we couldn’t be together; that if they discovered what we were doing everything would be taken away and now my nightmares were becoming a reality.
Gerald smiled, his false, white teeth shining at me. “I won’t.” He released me with a push, my face twisting in agony as my jaw throbbed where he had gripped it. “Telling her would only make more problems for me but don’t think I won’t tell her if I don’t have to, because I will.”
I wanted him to leave. I wanted Zane to come home and I wanted to be able to tell him what was going on. I wanted his strong arms around me, telling me that everything was going to be okay.
“What do you want?” I questioned. Gerald stared down at me with an evil glint in his eyes.
“Move. I want you gone. You and Zane cannot live together anymore. You will not give him any explanation, nor will you tell him where you’re moving. If I discover you’ve done either of those things, I will tell your mother everything.” His admission slammed into me, forcing the air from my lungs.
Zane would never approve of me moving out, nor did I want to. Still looking at Gerald I knew I had no option. I would have to follow through with his orders or face my mother’s wrath. They would break me like they broke Zane, taking away my degree and life.
“What will I tell Zane?” I gasped, feeling like I was losing a piece of my identity. Gerald merely stared at me, his face void of any emotion. He didn’t care if his son was unhappy; all he cared about was doing what he needed to do to stay ahead.
“Tell him whatever you want but do not mention my name…” He exhaled, his strong cologne filling my nostrils as I sucked fresh oxygen into my lungs. I could feel the onset of a panic attack coming right as Gerald’s old grubby fingers wrapped around the doorknob.
“We don’t have to do this Mr. Masters…” I pleaded, begging him to understand where I was coming from. This wasn’t how I wanted to live my life, hiding in the shadows waiting for the ball to drop. Even if I did hold up my end of the bargain, he would use the matter as leverage against me for the rest of my life.
“Yes we do Brooke…” Gerald swiveled around, his eyes burning into mine. “Because whenever my son decides to get married and have children I want it to be with a respectful woman, a woman that sees his hard work and understands the business I’ve strived so hard to create.” I shook my head, forcing the tears to stay at bay as Gerald opened the door and slipped outside. Every step he took away from the house made me feel safer but also reminded me of what I had to do to keep things okay.
I squeezed my eyes shut, slamming the door as soon as he was out of sight. Tears slipped through though no matter how hard I tried to stop them. This was what I was trying to stop. I knew it was only a matter of time before someone discovered what we were doing and used it to blackmail us.
We were dumb, so fucking dumb to think that we could get away with this and come out unscathed on the other side. I backed up my back slamming into the wall behind me, the tears blurring my vision.
“How are you going to do this Brooke?” The question came out in a whisper to no one but me. How was I supposed to let go of Zane? All I wanted was to hide what we were doing better, not lose him. My vision seemed to blur more as I slid down the wall, my ass slamming into the wood floor as I tried to breath through my anxiety attack. My chest constricted, every breath becoming harder and harder to take.
I can’t lose him…
Black spots formed beneath the tears and before I could stop myself or the silent monster in the room, my body slipped deeper succumbing to the pain I knew I would endure.
I couldn’t tell Zane why I was leaving but I knew for a fact he would blame himself and that I couldn’t handle.