Chapter Four
ROXANNE
He’s naked.
Logically, I knew I should look away. I shouldn’t have been staring at his bare naked body like I was, but I couldn’t stop myself. Every muscle of his body was chiseled and firm. His cock was slightly hard and definitely sizable. I wanted to fall to my knees and wrap my lips around him, and I would have done it, if he weren't such a jerk.
Flashing a quick picture of him was just for fun, and I wouldn’t have done anything with it. Well, maybe a little playing under my sheets that night after dinner. But when Jackson started to run toward me to get the phone, I did what any normal person would do. I ran and hid in my room.
It was funny how serious he was about having his picture taken. It wasn’t like he was some sort of celebrity or anything like that. I had fun with him and hid my phone in my bra as I tucked myself behind the chair in my room.
I couldn’t stop laughing as he came over and stood above me and held his hand out like I was just going to hand over my cell phone to him. Didn’t he know how much those things cost? I surely wasn’t about to give it to him just because I took a picture of him naked. I’d rather just delete the damn thing and move on.
The serious look on his face said that he wasn’t amused at all by what was going on. Although, I suspected that he always had a serious look on his face. I had yet to see any sort of humor or even personality in the man.
“Give me the phone,” Jackson said firmly.
It scared me the way he said it. He didn’t see any humor in the situation at all and stood over me like he would have dragged me out from behind the chair if I hadn’t done as he asked. He was calm, but so firm in his statement that I held the phone up from where I was hiding near a chair. He stood only a few feet away from me in all his nakedness, and I watched as he ripped the phone open and pulled the battery out. He crushed the rest of the phone under his foot.
“Jesus Christ. Why did you do that? I would have deleted the picture.”
“I don’t care about the damn picture. Stephano could have you tracked by the GPS in your phone.”
“Well, I haven’t missed work yet, so I doubt he’ll care where I’m at. If I don’t show up tomorrow, then he’ll care.”
It was ridiculous that Jackson thought destroying my phone was a good idea. At that point, Stephano didn’t even know I was gone and if he was trying to call me and I didn’t answer, it would send more of a red flag than anything else. But it was clear that there was no arguing with Jackson. He had decided that he was right about everything and no one else ever had an opinion that mattered.
“You dance again tomorrow?”
I was still on the ground near a side chair and Jackson was still naked standing over me. There was no way to avoid looking right at his cock as it swung in front of me. Jackson didn’t seem to care at all that he was naked. But I figured with a member the size of his and a body like he had, he really didn’t have anything to be ashamed of or hide.
“Yes, I dance tomorrow. Do you want to go get dressed so we can eat? Or are you just going to eat like that?”
Suddenly, Jackson realized he was standing in front of me naked and he turned to go get his clothes on. He didn’t bother to shut his door and before I had made it over to the table where the food was laid out, he had returned with his sweatpants and t-shirt on.
It was sickening how delicious he looked, even in sweatpants. His big muscular body filled out all of his t-shirt and his legs filled out the sweatpants. I hated that I was so attracted to him and I fought off the thoughts the best I could. There was no way I was going to fall for a guy like him. He was way too uptight for my taste.
For the last few years, I had vowed not to date anyone. I didn’t want to be with a guy who knew I was a stripper. I wanted to save my money and start my own hair salon, and then I would meet a nice normal guy. Someone who wouldn’t have to know about my past. There was just no way a guy could look at me and love me if he knew what I had been doing for the last few years.
Sure, guys said that they didn’t care. But the second a girl got up in the middle of the afternoon and did her hair and makeup for her stripping job, suddenly her boyfriend hated it. They girls who had boyfriends were constantly fighting with them and I had yet to see a guy who could truly handle the job.
I did not want to meet someone who was interested in the lifestyle I currently had. I hated my lifestyle. I didn’t want to be a stripper any more than most of the other girls. But the fact was that I got paid extremely well and had fought my way up to a high level of independence within Stephano’s organization. Giving that up to help find Ana was a huge deal for me and had me feeling very uneasy about my future.
It had taken Chase giving me a financial out to finally give up my lifestyle, but I still wasn’t free from it. Jackson knew that it was my lifestyle and Stephano really had no idea I had left the business at all. I could still show up to work as normal and, hopefully, get some more information on where Ana was. It was going to be hard to lie to Stephano’s face. I knew how good he was at catching liars.
I was scared to death about what the next day would bring. Stephano would have no problem killing me the second he knew I was looking for Ana. I had worked really hard to gain the independence I had from him, but I had seen many women before me who had made really poor decisions. If a woman mouthed off to him or even one of his men, there was no telling just how angry Stephano would get. His mood was dependent on what else was going on around him.
“Thanks for ordering the food,” Jackson said as we sat at my small table.
I poured us each a glass of wine and we ate in silence. It wasn’t an awkward silence, though. We both just didn’t want to talk to each other. Jackson was a manly man, the kind I really did like to go after. His quietness was odd, though. He seemed like he had plenty he wanted to say but was restricting his talk. I really didn’t mind that much. I was exhausted and some quiet time was exactly what I needed.
As I watched Jackson eat, I wondered what his lips would feel like on my body. He seemed very well experienced in the realm of women and I estimated he could make me cum in less than five minutes. I bet he had dozens of women on the side who he called when he was in a particular town. The women probably didn’t mind at all because simply being with a beautiful specimen of a man like him was enough for them.
I shook my head as I tried to get the thoughts of Jackson touching my body. I couldn’t let anything happen between us. I didn’t want anything to happen between us. We were working together. I needed to stay focused on the job in front of us and not think about Jackson…or his lips…or his hands on my body. Thinking about those things would only serve to distract me.
For as much time as I spent in the strip club, I didn’t bring any of the guys home. I didn’t bring guys home, at all. I didn’t want to sleep with some scumbag who liked to screw strippers. I knew I was a stripper, but deep down I felt like so much more than that. I felt like I should go to business school or some other type of college. I wanted a career that I could be proud of and stripping certainly wasn’t it.
In my spare time, I read books on business and starting a salon. I read up on accounting and payroll. I read any book I could get my hands on that had something to do with running my own place. Because that was the goal, at least that was what I could think of for the time being. I wasn’t dancing just to dance. I wanted to have a life someday. I wanted to have a real life.
“This is some good wine,” I said as I felt it rush through my veins. “I don’t think I’ve had a drink in over a year.”
“Really?” Jackson snickered under his breath.
“Yes, really. Just because I strip doesn’t mean I’m some whore who does tricks or is an alcoholic.”
Right as the words left my mouth, I regretted them. I was comfortable in confrontation and I went right there whenever I felt like someone was looking down on me. I should have waited though and I shouldn’t have acted like that with Jackson, it was unprofessional.
“That wasn’t why I laughed. I laughed because I have at least one drink pretty much every day. I couldn’t imagine going a whole year without drinking.”
“That seems like a problem to me,” I said with a smile as I tried to calm the tension between us.
“Don’t go getting all sarcastic with me. I’m trying to be nice,” Jackson said as he stopped eating and just looked at me. His sly smile melted my agitation and I decided to try and be nicer to him.
His eyes were dangerous. I felt it. Not just dangerous to other people – he was dangerous to me. I felt safe around him, and I felt myself putting my guard down. I certainly needed to be careful how far I let him into my life. The danger wasn’t from harm he might do to me, the danger I felt from Jackson was my wall coming down. The wall I kept up around me was the only thing that prevented all my emotions from spilling out like some silly girl. I didn’t have the luxury of emotions and I couldn’t let Jackson break through that barrier.
“Sorry,” I said in a lame attempt to apologize.
I was comfortable with sarcasm around guys. Anything that was necessary to keep them at a distance. I couldn’t even let in the nice guys I had met outside of work. There were two sides to me and neither of them made sense to the other side.
When I was at the club, I could seduce any man. I knew exactly what he wanted and I knew how to get him to want me so badly he would do anything for me. I was vibrant and seductive on stage. Then off stage, I was intimate and real with the guys. Many of them came back every single night I worked and waited for a chance at alone time with me. They liked to talk. It seemed weird, and yes, I took their money, but a lot of them just wanted to talk.
Then, there was the person I liked to be outside of work. I dressed conservatively, and I spent time at the local bookstore. I loved to cook and watch cooking shows on television. The people at my gym all knew me by name and thought I worked as an investment consultant. It still made me laugh to think of how the front desk girl had told a guy I was an investment consultant when he asked what I did. Of course, I never corrected him.
“I’m going to head to bed, catch you in the morning,” Jackson said as he went to his room.
“Would you mind if we left the door open? I would feel safer.”
I saw a bit of surprise cross Jackson’s face, but he just smiled. Underneath the brooding muscular surface, I suspected there was a really nice man there. It was probably buried really deep underneath, but I could tell he was a good guy.
“I can do that. Goodnight.”
“Night.”
After I had cleaned up a bit, I slid into bed and let myself finally relax. It was easy to relax with Jackson on the other side of the wall. He made me feel safe. It was nothing that I was going to tell him, of course. But just having him there with me made me feel like everything was going to be just fine. I really hoped we would find Ana safe and sound and that this job we had taken would turn out well for the both of us.
Sleep never came easily for me, but on that night, I hardly remember closing my eyes before I was totally in dreamland. Well, at least, my version of dreamland. I had a corrupt mind that often went back to horrible memories while I slept. It was something I had fought with throughout the years and had never really been able to get under control.
Having Bull around had helped me, though. I knew he wouldn’t let anything bad happen to me while I slept, so I always fell asleep better with him around. But it was interesting to find out that my body had the same reaction to having Jackson around.
My dreams weren’t that of fairytales and happy endings. When I dreamed, it was more like nightmares filled with familiar people from my past. Some nights were better than others, but most ended with me in a fit of screams and my loyal Rottweiler calming me down.
I felt the man’s hands around my throat. It was hard to breathe and I wanted to scream for help. His grip got tighter and tighter and I reached to my own neck to try and pull his hands off of me. It was such a familiar moment. I had played it out in my nightmares over and over again. But on that particular night, I couldn’t seem to get his hands free from my neck.
“Roxanne! Roxanne!” I heard a man’s voice from outside of my dream.
“Help! Help me!” I screamed.
“I’m here. You’re all right,” Jackson soothed as I opened my eyes and looked up at him.
My own hands were wrapped around my throat tightly and Jackson gently pulled them off. He sat next to me and just waited there. I assumed he wanted some sort of reason for my nightmares. But I wasn’t ready to share that.
Nightmares were my norm, but having a hunky guy there to wake me up was very new. I made a point not to be too sarcastic as I tried to think of what I should do next. I actually really wanted Jackson to stay there with me until I fell asleep, but I feared he would think I was hitting on him or something.
“I’m okay. I’m okay,” I said quietly.
“Yes, you are. Okay, I’m going to head back to my bed,” Jackson said as he started to stand up from my bed.
“Stay. Please,” I said as I grabbed his hand and wouldn’t let go.
The touch of his large hand as it wrapped around mine was simply perfection. I felt safe with him. It didn’t matter what I dreamt about, with Jackson there I felt at ease and willing to try sleeping again.
There was a tug and pull going on in my mind, though. Jackson was seeing my exposed wall. The one I put up to keep everyone out from knowing the real me. But as he stood there and I held onto his hand, I felt like he could see right through me and was about to know my defensive wall right over.
I didn’t want to fuck him, not in that moment. I didn’t want anything from Jackson at all. The only reason I wanted him to stay in my bed was purely so I could get back to sleep again. I didn’t want to explain anything. I didn’t want to fight anymore. All I wanted was a truly good night of sleep.
Jackson didn’t answer me, but as I pulled the blankets back for him, he reluctantly climbed into bed with me. We didn’t make eye contact and he laid flat on his back as close to the edge of the bed as he could get. Something about his quietness made me think that he knew nightmares himself, that he knew them very well.
I turned the opposite direction of him and then closed my eyes. I truly just wanted to get a good night of sleep. I didn’t want to make him feel uncomfortable and I certainly didn’t want to fuck him. Well, at least right in that moment, I didn’t want to fuck him. I had had many thoughts about what it would feel like to have his body thrusting inside of mine.
It felt good to have a man in my bed, though, even if he was just there to protect me from my dreams. I needed all the protecting I could get. My brain wasn’t the kind of place I could fight off very well, especially in the haze of sleep.