Chapter Twenty-Four
Andrew
I woke up later than I normally did, with the sunlight streaming through the windows and puddling across the bed. I stretched widely, careful not to jostle the still-slumbering woman at my side. Then, I rolled into her and folded my body around hers.
She murmured softly and arched against me as I ran my hands down her side. Then, she rolled over to face me.
Lexi.
It wasn't that I had forgotten about the previous night, but in that half-awake state, I hadn't really thought about what the ramifications would be. Once she turned to face me, though, I couldn't avoid thinking about it any longer. It was as though a bucket of cold water had been thrown over me.
“Good morning,” I said slowly.
She smiled at me. “Good morning.”
I stared at her for a moment, bringing my hand up to cup her cheek. But then, I pulled away, dropping all contact with her. “Lexi,” I sighed.
Her face shuttered, and her expression went neutral. “We need to talk,” she said before I could.
“Yes,” I agreed.
“That's actually why I came in here last night,” she continued. “I wasn't looking to fall into bed with you. I wanted to talk about what our long-term plan was going to be. Not long-term, because that sounds like I'm asking you for a forever commitment, but I need to quit living week-to-week here. I need to know when you're planning on having Emma and I move out to our own apartment, or what you plan on contributing to Emma's future, or what our relationship is, and all of the other details of this arrangement. I've been here for a month and a half now, and I think we've both had plenty of time to think about what we want.”
“You're right.” I frowned, wondering how to start the conversation.
To be honest, I'd been focusing on not thinking about the long-term plan over the past month. Instead, I'd wanted to get to know the two of them better, and since I was no longer dating Renée, there hadn't really been a reason for me to move them out of my guest rooms and into an apartment downtown. I was working from home more often lately, experimenting with how that affected company morale, and I enjoyed hearing them around the house while I worked.
I didn't know what she was looking for.
“Where do you and I stand?” Lexi asked, narrowing things down at least for the moment. “Especially after last night. Are we friends?”
I sighed again. “I like you,” I admitted, the words coming more easily than I had expected they might. I held up a hand to forestall whatever she was about to say, needing to get my thoughts out first, without interruption. “I like you. I'm drawn to you, but I'm not ready to commit to anything yet.”
“Okay,” Lexi said, frowning at me.
“What I mean is, I'm not ready to go declaring feelings for you or anything like that,” I said. “I'm not ready to say I love you. I don't know if I do. For all I know, you're just another woman who I'm sleeping with. We have fun, and we have fun with Emma, but I'm not sure what I'm thinking.”
To my surprise, Lexi looked relieved. “I feel the same,” she told me. “And I appreciate your honesty.”
I raised an eyebrow at her. “And here I would have thought that you'd be pushing for a commitment, purely for Emma's sake, if nothing else.” I had yet to witness a woman who didn't start hinting about commitment at some point in the game, and given that Lexi had wanted me to commit to dating her after our first night together, I found it hard to believe that she was any different.
She paused, thinking it over. “From what I've seen, you are starting to love Emma almost as much as I do,” she finally said. “Whether you're committed to me or not, I don't see you just dropping out of her life at some point in the future.”
“I don't plan on it,” I said quietly.
“And to be honest, I'm not ready to start saying I love you either,” Lexi continued. “This whole thing with Emma really complicates things. I feel like, for all the time that I've spent around you lately, I haven't really gotten to know you because Emma was also there.”
“That's true,” I agreed. I paused, trying to find the words for what was really holding me back. “I've never had a real relationship before. Not a normal one, anyway. I don't really know what it means to have a normal relationship.” I took a deep breath. “Growing up, my parents' relationship was always strained. It definitely wasn't loving. And their relationships toward us kids were likewise not very loving.”
I shook my head. “Katherine, my younger sister, is at least relatively normal, but I don't know what she's like in a relationship. She's had serious boyfriends, of course, but I've mostly tried not to interact with the guys. It's always left me feeling awkward. I don't know what to say to them or how to act around them.” I grimaced, but Lexi looked understanding.
“I'd like to meet her sometime,” she told me. “Katherine. You mentioned wanting her to meet Emma at some point, but then we never talked about that again.”
I fidgeted, feeling embarrassed. “Katherine's never met someone who I was intimate with before,” I blurted out. “I knew that as soon as she met Emma, she was probably going to have to meet you as well, and I didn't really know how to approach that.”
Lexi smiled. “Don't worry,” she said. “I'll just ask her for all the embarrassing stories about you. Just so that I can be prepared for the kinds of mischief that Emma might get up to, of course.”
“Of course,” I said, wishing I could feel as amused by the idea as she did. I ran my hand down her side. “Katherine is out of town for the next couple weeks. She's nannying for some kids in Paris. But when she gets back, I'll set up a meeting.”
“Have her over for dinner,” Lexi suggested. “It doesn't have to be anything formal.”
“All right,” I said, nodding.
Lexi was silent for a moment. “You know, I'm not exactly the queen of normal relationships, myself,” she mused. “I only had a few serious ones before I got pregnant, and most of those were the kinds of relationships where once I got out of them, I wasn't sure why I'd stayed in them for so long. And once Emma came along, I was looking for guys who would make great dads, rather than guys who would make great boyfriends for me.”
“That's not very fair to yourself,” I pointed out, frowning. “You shouldn't have to stay with someone who makes you miserable just because he would make a great father for Emma.”
Lexi sighed. “Of course, the ideal combination would be someone who checked both of those boxes, but either way, it was hard to commit to anything. Anyway, what I mean is that, even the guys who I liked who I went on more than one date with, it was nothing normal. Providing the best life for Emma was always there in the back of my mind.”
I thought that over. “That makes sense,” I said slowly. “But still, I hope you're not selling yourself short.”
Lexi laughed. “By being here with you?” she asked. “If anything, I'm reaching for something that's way out of my league!”
“Not what I meant,” I said, rolling my eyes, but I couldn't help smiling as well.
Lexi's expression turned serious again. “I still feel bad about the Renée situation, though.”
“What do you mean?” I asked in surprise. Renée and I had broken up about a month ago now, and I had hardly thought of her since. If I'd needed any proof that she wasn't the one for me, it was that.
I spared a moment to be grateful that she hadn't done like she'd threatened and come after me for vengeance. But then, I tuned back in to what Lexi was saying.
“I feel like I screwed that one up for you,” she told me, looking guilty. “Here you were, in a relationship with this beautiful woman, and I came along with Emma and demanded a place to stay. That was bound to make any new relationship awkward. I should have been able to figure out some other plan. Or I should have been better about hiding who I was.”
“First of all, you didn't demand a place to live,” I reminded her. “I offered.”
“Even so,” she said, shaking her head. “Don't get me wrong; I think you're better off without her. Not that I knew her all that well. Not that I knew her at all. But she didn't respect you the way that she should. And you're great with Emma.”
I laughed. “Are you saying that it boils down to, I shouldn't have been with her because I'm great with Emma?”
Lexi blushed a brilliant shade of red, perhaps redder than I'd ever seen her before. She rolled away from me so that she was looking up at the ceiling. “What I mean is...” She trailed off, sounding embarrassed. Then, she cleared her throat and glanced over at me. “Don't you think it's only natural that you be with me, given that you're the father of my child?”
I frowned, seriously thinking over that. “I'm not sure what I think,” I told her guardedly.
What I really thought was, I wasn't going to stay in this relationship if it wasn't working out for us, regardless of whether we had a kid together. At the same time, I didn't want her to misinterpret my saying that out loud, especially not since I knew she must already be thinking that, somewhere in her mind.
Lexi turned back to face me, carefully analyzing my expression. “Okay,” she said simply, no judgment in her tone or her expression.
“I do want you to stay for at least a few months, while we figure things out,” I told her slowly.
I brushed back her hair and leaned in to kiss her, moving unhurriedly, giving her plenty of time to pull away if this wasn't what she wanted. But although I shied away from saying it in words, I hoped to convey how much feeling I already had for her.
It seemed to work, if the smile on her face as we pulled apart was any indication. “Thank you,” she said appreciatively. “For letting us stay.”
“It's all for Emma,” I teased. But then I fixed her with a serious gaze. “You've grown on me too, though.”
“You've grown on me as well,” Lexi admitted. “At first, you were a total jerk. It seemed like all you cared about was yourself and the success of your business. But I don't know; since we've been here, you've seemed different. More caring.” She ducked her head, as though she couldn't believe she was saying the words. “Not that it's any of my business anyway.”
I tilted her chin up and kissed her again. The kiss was gentle and sweet, only hinting at our hidden passion. “I'm trying to be a better role model for Emma,” I told her.
It was my first time I had admitted it even to myself, but I knew it was the true story behind my transformation at work, as well as the true story behind how frequently I now worked from home.
From Lexi's pleased smile, I could tell that she appreciated the revelation. She leaned in to reward me with another kiss, this one much more heated than the last.