Chapter 18 – Hope
“I want to show you,” said Darren, standing up in front of me. I wasn’t sure what I was about to see, but I barely breathed in anticipation.
He took off his shirt and threw it at his feet. Then, he took off his pants and boxer briefs and let them fall in the same pile.
He stood there, stark naked, staring at me. I stared back.
I had to admit— the first thing I noticed was not the scars. It was his cock, which was even bigger than I thought it would be. I began to worry about whether or not it would fit inside me. Would it hurt me? But, I still wanted it in me.
Then, I did look at his scars, which were like vines wrapping around his solid frame. I reached out and ran my fingers along them. The raised scars felt like braille beneath my fingers.
They were more noticeable than the ones on his face, but they didn’t look as bad as it sounded like he thought they looked. They carried a certain character with them, that said “strength over adversity.” In a strange way, they were sexy.
He gasped. I could tell that he had not expected that I would look, much less touch, his scars. I was just full of surprises, and I could tell he liked it.
“They aren’t as bad as you think they are,” I told him, shrugging.
It was the truth. Whether or not he wanted to believe it.
We stood in silence for a while, me running my hands over his body while he stood there in shocked disbelief. It became sort of a comfort for both of us, I thought. He leaned his head back and closed his eyes, relishing in the light touch of my fingers.
I had made my decision.
“I want to help you,” I told him. “At first, I wasn’t sure what your intentions were in wanting to have a baby, so that’s what made me hesitant. But, after hearing your story and seeing you, it makes me want to give you what you want, what you deserve. I want to give you the baby that you want and the brother or sister that your son will love.”
Tears welled up in his eyes and started to pour out.
“Do you mean it?” he asked, sounding so fragile.
“Yes,” I said, smiling. “You are really sweet and I think that you would make an amazing father. I would love to see you happy and, if I can help with that in any way, I would be happy to do so. You are so incredibly beautiful, inside and out.”
He put his head down and began covering his body, as if he were ashamed.
“That’s very sweet of you, but you don’t have to say that. I know that there is nothing beautiful about me.”
It was my turn to be vulnerable.
I stood up and started taking my clothes off.
“Whoa! Wait. What are you doing?” he said, putting his hands out to cover me, trying to keep my clothes on.
“It’s okay,” I said, locking eyes with his.
I was fulfilling my own fantasy of undressing for him. Letting him see my naked body because I could tell he liked to look at it with clothes on. And also because, now, he had shown me his, so this was only fair.
He looked at me, searching my eyes with his for a few moments, then let go and stood back.
I completely undressed in front of him. He tried to look away, but I wouldn’t let him.
“Wow,” he said, as the last garment fell to the floor. “You look amazing.”
He turned away slightly, again, as if being respectful of me.
“No, I want you to see this,” I told him, standing on my tip toes so I could reach up and turn his face toward me.
He didn’t resist and he didn’t say anything. He just stared at my naked body. I loved feeling so vulnerable, so exposed, for him, like he had just been for me.
“You think that you’re the only one with flaws? Here, look.”
I grabbed a doughy part of my midsection and turned so that he could see it better.
“Do you see this? All this fat? Do you see these stretch marks? I look like I’ve had a baby already and I haven’t. I’m only nineteen and I already have stretch marks. It’s just nasty, ugly fatness for no reason.”
That got a chuckle out of him.
“No, don’t say that. Seriously. I know you’re trying to make me laugh, but you’re crazy to say there’s anything wrong with you,” he insisted. “You’re beautiful. I think that you are absolutely perfect. Your curves are amazing. And your fiery red hair with the personality to match has intrigued me since the first moment that we met right here.”
The feeling of joy that I felt hearing those words filled me to the brim. No man had ever said such beautiful things about me. I was so moved that all I could do was let the river of tears that I’d been holding in overflow.
He pulled me close to him and hugged him, and I relished in the feeling of being so comforted and appreciated. I guessed that, like him, I had been carrying around the baggage of thinking I was more flawed than I was. And I guess that, like me, he actually loved what he saw.
This was turning out to be a much better deal than I had anticipated. I was already getting a lot out of it, and so was he.