Chapter 34 – Hope
I had such terrible dreams that I was being chased in the woods. I was so scared and, even though I kept waking up, I would eventually fall back asleep, only to find myself right back in the dream.
When I woke up in the room that I had been using basically to store my things, I was almost confused as to where I was. When I looked around the room and found my things scattered everywhere, it all came crashing back into my memory.
I was pregnant. I was at Darren’s. I had said I was leaving. But then I had stayed. And things were still clear as mud between us. I had to fix that. Pronto.
Before I had a chance to get out of bed, though, I heard a knock at the door. It didn’t sound strong and steady like Darren’s knock would have— had he even bothered to knock at all. Instead, it sounded more hesitant and weak.
“Come in,” I said, to whoever was on the other side.
The door creeped open and my mother’s head poked around the doorway.
“Hey, Hope,” said my mother, timidly.
“Mom! What are you doing here?”
She walked all the way in the room, looking around at the mess of things scattered all over the bed, floor, and dresser.
“What are you doing in here?” she repeated my question back to me.
“I was packing so that I could come home,” I said. “I was thinking you were right, mom. I was stupid to have agreed to this. I don’t know what I was thinking. I thought I had come to my senses and I actually told Darren that I was going home.”
“You can’t do that,” said my mom.
“What?” I asked, incredulously. “I didn’t even get to the part where I changed my mind back, yet again. I thought you’d be mad about that part.”
I was sure that she would be happy to hear the part where I had honestly thought I was coming home. Now I was thrown for a loop. What could have caused her change of heart?
“Darren stopped by and we had a talk,” my mom said. “He told me about everything that you two have been planning. That whole silly contract you guys signed. I was still mad, that’s for sure. I still think it’s all a terrible idea. But, then he told me something else.”
She was silent, searching my eyes up and down.
“What else did he tell you?”
I prodded, intrigued, thinking he must have told her I was pregnant. Although I wished I could have been the one to tell her that, I was grateful for whatever he had said to make her change her mind and accept our decisions. I would have to thank him for that later. With a blow job.
I tried not to think of that, since my mother was right here in front of me and it was hardly appropriate. But I missed Darren’s touch. I loved that he had gone and talked to my mother. I wanted to thank him in a proper way, and I wanted us to celebrate a lot of things. But first, I needed to finish this conversation with my mother, now that I was glad to know things had turned back around.
“Nothing,” she answered. “I think it’s something he wants to tell you on his own.”
“Umm, okay,” I told her, more confused than ever.
I was sure Darren would fill me in later, though. When we were alone and could have pillow talk after some hot sex.
“Anyway, I wanted to come here to tell you that you two have my blessing,” my mother said. “But, that’s only if you admit that you did it out of love, not for money.”
“Well, I did,” I said. “I love my family so much that I was willing to do what it took to make sure that we would all be okay. And Darren expressed to me why he wanted a baby and I was convinced that the baby would be taken care of and loved, too. That was important to me. So, I felt that it was a good sacrifice to make that would work well for my family, Darren, and the baby.”
“I know, honey. And I’m sorry if I made you feel bad. I know that you’re not a whore and I’m sorry that that dirty word ever left my lips. I was just speaking out of anger. And I hope that you actually have feelings for Darren, so that it’s not just about the money.”
“I know, mama,” I said. She definitely could be insistent when she wanted to be.
We hugged each other, tears streaming down both of our cheeks. I held my mother tight and she held me just as tightly right back. It felt like we were both literally healing from our pain right in that moment.
“I love him, mom,” I told her. “I don’t ever want to leave him.”
“Oh good, baby,” said my mother calmly. “And you will still always be my baby, even when you have one of your own. But I’m glad to hear that you love him. It will make things much easier when that day comes.”
“About that, Mom…” I said. “I have something to tell you.”
“You do?” she asked, her eyes bright with hope. “Is it what I think it is?”
“Probably,” I told her, laughing.
“Am I going to be a grandmother?”
She hopped up and down around the room, as if dying of excitement.
“Yes, you are,” I told her, and then we hugged again, but this time, we both jumped up and down.
“Now stop that, or you’ll hurt the baby,” she said.
“Oh please,” I told her. “It’s not even the size of a peanut right now. I’m sure it’s nice and snug in there.”
“Well, it’s the cutest peanut there ever was,” she said. “And I’m so happy that I’m going to be a grandmother.”
I smiled, and she let some tears fall from her eyes, but they were tears of happiness, so it was okay. I was glad I was giving her something good to cry tears of joy over, for once, rather than all the sad tears I had caused her to cry.
“I never thought that I would be okay with you going to live with someone, especially a man. And especially a much older and rather crotchety man, at that,” she said, causing me to laugh.
He wasn’t so crotchety anymore. But she was going to have to find that out for herself, which, I thought she was already starting to do.
“You’re my first baby and I’ve always wanted the very best for you,” she continued. “I never in a million years would have guessed this would be it. But, now, after seeing how deeply you two feel about each other, I feel comfortable knowing that you will take good care of each other. I think this opens up a world of opportunity for you.”
“And for you too, Mom,” I told her. “I’m getting more money after the baby is born, and…”
I faltered, realizing that the agreement still said that I had to give him the baby after I had it, and leave him forever. I knew I couldn’t do that anymore. I hoped there was some way to change that clause.
I didn’t want to ruin her happiness, or my own, so I picked up where I had left off, without skipping a beat.
“…then I’ll have money I’m sharing of Darren’s, too, of course,” I continued. “So we won’t have to worry about your doctor visits anymore, and hopefully we can find you a permanent cure. Maybe all the best medical specialists in the world will be able to put their heads together and come up with something. Plus, the boys will be set for college.”
“That’s great, Hope,” my mom said, winking at me. “It’s nice that you’ve thought of everyone else and you’re able to provide for everyone. But, it’s okay to think of yourself and be happy for yourself for once, too. I am happy that you were able to find love, Hope. Take care of it.”
“I learned from the best, Mom,” I told her. “You always cared about and provided for us. So now you have to take your own advice and thinking about yourself sometimes too.”
“Okay,” she agreed, smiling. “But only if you take my advice too, and be happy for yourself now. And really go after what you want.”
“I will, Mom” I said, and meant it. It was time to have a talk with Darren and make sure we were on the same page. “I definitely will.”