Chapter 12 – Celeste
On my way home, I call Rachel.
“I told you not to have your phone on you,” she hisses.
“I didn’t,” I tell her. “I’m already done.”
“What?” she says. “That was a fast dinner. Hold on.”
I hear her tell Billy “I’ll be right back, it’s Celeste.”
I know I should ask her whether she’s engaged. But I’m mad at her. I want to give her a piece of mind.
“It wasn’t just dinner,” I tell her. “In fact, it wasn’t dinner at all.”
“What?” She shrieks. “Really? You did it with a club guy?”
She sounds a little too happy about this fact. At first I thought I would be thanking her but after the awkward ending Maxim and I had, I only feel mad.
“Why did you tell Bianca I was a virgin?” I demand.
“What? Celeste, I would never—”
“She said you did,” I tell her.
“Are you sure?” she asks. “She said those exact words? Because Bianca’s very tricky. One time she—”
She trails off.
“She what?” I prod.
“Never mind,” she says. “I’ll tell you some other time. But let’s just say I should have warned you to stay on your toes around her because she can be quite manipulative. She’s kind of the old washed up one around there and in order to keep her place in the pecking order she’s always doing things to curry favor with Terri and the clients. Tipping them off or even… delivering… certain girls.”
“Hmmm.”
So that’s the arrangement. Terri’s the madam and Bianca is her little helper.
I try to think back about whether Bianca actually said Rachel had told her I was a virgin. Maybe I had just assumed that. Maybe she had suspected and lied to see if I would confirm it, which I stupidly did. But still, I don’t want to give Rachel the benefit of the doubt. I’m in too bad of a mood.
“You should have warned me about a lot of things,” I tell her.
A certain Maxim Drier being one of them, but I decide I don’t want to talk about him. At least not yet.
“And why did you tell me to get a yellow bracelet when all the colors were different for Valentine’s Day?”
“Oh, my God,” Rachel says, obviously feeling awful. “Were they really? I didn’t know. Sometimes they have special events where they switch them up, but… oh shit…”
She trails off again, as if realizing the issue.
“Were there four different colored bracelets?” she asks. “One of them meaning—”
“One of them meaning a whole lot more than dinner,” I tell her. “One of them costing a million dollars.”
“A million dollars? No way.”
“What? You don’t think someone would pay a million dollars for me?” I ask her.
“It’s just that… Celeste, really? A million dollars? That’s never been done in the history of The Exchange. The record before that was close… but never up to a million.”
I don’t know whether to feel honored or even guiltier that Maxim paid so much and everything turned out the way that it did. But it doesn’t matter, because Rachel is talking again.
“Who paid that?” she demands.
“Maxim Drier,” I tell her.
Damn it. I hadn’t wanted to tell her. It’s none of her business. She doesn’t need to know. Nor does she deserve to. But she’s my best friend, and I have the tendency to just blurt things out to her. Plus, I feel I have to tell someone or I’ll explode.
“Wow,” she says. “Nice job.”
“Very funny.”
“Seriously, Celeste. He’s picky. He doesn’t go for just anyone. And he has very particular…”
“Tastes?” I ask her. “Needs?”
“Oh.” She falls silent. “Yeah. That just wouldn’t work at all. I see the big problem here, wow. So, you found out what it meant and just left without having dinner or anything? Am I fired? I mean, I understand…”
“No, Rachel, don’t worry. I wouldn’t do that to you, no matter how mad I was at you.”
I can’t help but try to lessen her fear even though I’m still angry. Why did she have to go and get me into this mess? Why did I have to agree to it?
“So, what did you do then?” she asks.
My silence tells her everything.
“You did it?” she asks. “You let him pop your cherry?”
She squeals, but I feel a bit heartbroken, remembering how it felt to be in that room, in Maxim’s arms. And now to be left with nothing.
“Wow,” she says. “I’m impressed. I mean, I knew you had it in you, I just never knew if you’d finally let it out.”
I can’t help but laugh at that. I can never stay mad at her for long.
“So, how was it?” she asks.
“It was great,” I tell her. “I mean, it was incredible. But then it was really, really weird.”
“Yeah, I’ve heard he likes to use whips and chains and stuff. Did he get too rough?”
I pause, not knowing what to say.
“No,” I finally decide.
She doesn’t need to know the whole truth. This is one secret I can keep to myself. She certainly has plenty of them.
“He didn’t. But enough about me. Are you the soon- to- be- Mrs. Billy Andrews yet?”
She pauses, which doesn’t sound good.
“No,” she says, and I can tell she’s trying not to cry.
“Well, that’s okay,” I tell her. “The night’s still young.”
“I don’t think it’s coming,” she says. “I think I just got my hopes up too much and read too much into everything. I don’t know if he wants to marry me. And, why would he? You said it yourself. I’m not even honest with him. I’m damaged goods.”
“You are not,” I tell her. “Don’t talk like that.”
“You know that thing that I started to tell you that Bianca did to me once?” she says.
“Yes,” I say, feeling bad for her without even knowing what it is.
“It was pretty much the same thing that happened to you. She lied to me about what color bracelet meant which level, when I was new and dumb. Except my night didn’t go as well as yours. Things happened that night that I really regret. And that I’m not sure Billy would want to marry me if he knew about it. That’s why it was so important to me to not let him know I work there. But I need to figure it out now. I need to quit soon if there’s any chance for Billy and me to work out.”
“I’m sorry,” I tell her.
I feel so bad for my poor friend.
“If it makes you feel better, my night wasn’t great either.”
“It wasn’t?” she asks. “It sounds like it was pretty amazing.”
“It was,” I admit, “until something even more embarrassing happened than the Tom thing that happened on Prom night.”
“What happened?” she asks.
“Well, we were coming,” I tell her. “Like, coming, coming. Together.”
“Okay, well that’s good,” she says, sounding confused.
“I know. It was really great. I guess it was too great. Because out of nowhere he just said he loved me. And I said it back.”
“He said what?”
“I know,” I tell her, mortified. “I think maybe it’s some weird thing he did in the middle of sex, and that I was dumb for saying it back. Because he seemed really uncomfortable afterwards, even though in the middle of it all, things were obviously going pretty well.”
“I really don’t think that’s something he normally says,” Rachel declares. “I would have heard about it, because that would be weird. Plus, he’s not the type to say he loves anyone. He makes it really clear that he doesn’t fall in love. That’s the whole reason he comes to the club.”
I think about this.
“Maybe he was overwhelmed with feelings and just said it,” she ventures. “Maybe you just brought it out of him. I guess if anyone could overturn a heart of stone, it would be you. You sure are something, Celeste.”
“Awww thanks,” I tell her. I want it to be true, but I can’t believe it. “So are you. I’m sure Billy will propose soon. Just let things take their natural course.”
“Ha ha,” she laughs. “You’re one to talk. Being told ‘I love you’ on the very first date. Not even a date, really.”
“Yeah, I guess that’s not very natural,” I agree.
“Or maybe it is, and that’s why he said it.”
“Maybe.”
I can’t even hope too hard for it to be true.
It’s probably for the best if he doesn’t mean it. I don’t even know his phone number. And I couldn’t be caught running around with someone who pays for sex.
I’m a political ethics reporter. It would ruin my career right when it’s getting started. It was just one night and that’s all it was supposed to be. We both just got too caught up in the moment.
Didn’t we?
We didn’t really mean it.
Did we?
“Thanks for covering for me, Celeste,” Rachel says. “I really appreciate it. I better get back to Billy. We’ll both figure out all the rest of this later.”
“Of course,” I tell her, although I don’t know how I’ll ever figure my part out.
Why couldn’t we have just left it as one hot, passionate night? I could have collected my money and been done with it, moving on from that experience with the knowledge that the first time I had sex was amazing, but short- lived, as it should have been.
Why did he say he loved me?
And even more importantly, why did I say it back?
Deep down I know it’s because it’s true. Not that I can really love someone right away, of course. But he’s the first person who has had me feeling the beginnings of what I think is love. And it’s so fucking scary that we both had to walk away.
I wonder if we’ll ever see each other again.
And I wonder what will happen to my heart if we don’t.