I wake up early with a new purpose. My life is moving in a completely opposite direction from where I thought it would be. As much as it frightens me, there’s also a sense of peace, too. It’s the balance of calm and chaos. I smile thinking of the fact that those two words seem to match us. We are a beautiful disaster.

My stomach feels a bit queasy so I decide that the ginger ale we bought last night might help. Grabbing my phone off the coffee table, I make my way into the kitchen. I spy the saltine crackers and literally start salivating at the idea of eating them.

With my snack and drink poured, I park myself on the couch and turn on my phone. There must be a dozen messages from Sam, and several missed calls from Ben. My mind begins to panic when my phone dings again. It’s Sam again. I don’t even bother to open it and call her right then.

“Sam! Are you ok? What’s going on? Is Ben ok?” My mouth is shooting out questions at a rapid fire rate. I don’t give her a chance to speak. It’s not until I hear her yell my name that I pause for a breath.

“Jenny, please listen to me.” She is sobbing in between her words. I want to scream for her to tell me what’s going on, but I try like crazy to be patient. “I need you to come and get me and take me to the airport. I can’t get into it right now. I just need to go. This is too much for me.”

I wait to see if she will share more but she’s silent. “Sam, what happened last night? You and Ben seemed fine. I don’t understand.”

She sighs on the other end as if it’s painful for her to talk. “Ben is fine but I can’t compete with a ghost anymore. Can you please come out to the vineyard and get me?”

My fingers grip my phone tightly before answering her. “I’ll be there in an hour.”

Her cries have lessened as she tells me more. “Oh, and Jenny, just one more thing. Please don’t tell Ben, at least not yet. I have a letter for him. Promise me you won’t.” Frankly, I don’t know what I should do. She’s my best friend, but Ben is my brother. “Promise me.” She sounds more forceful this time or perhaps it’s desperation. I’m not really sure.

I hang up after promising her that I won’t tell Ben. In fact, I decide not to give Jack too much information. My lips wake him up before explaining that Sam needs me. He’s not too keen on the idea of me leaving, but he doesn’t fight me. He has to see the worry on my face and realizes that there’s no choice with this.

* * *

The look on Sam’s face pained me. What’s even worse is watching her walk away from her true love to head back to Boston. I’ll never understand her decision, but the overwhelming sadness she felt for Ben crippled me.

I wasn’t sure if I should tell her what’s going on. She’s been the one who’s had my back. She’s my soul sister. Not telling her what’s been going on has been hard, but I wanted to figure this out on my own.

My family, including Sam, has seen the effects of Jack and my love for him. I was sparing myself the lectures. But Sam takes my hesitance away. “Jenny, don’t make the same mistakes I’ve made. Love Jack and don’t let your mind over think it.”

My eyes must look like they are bugging out of my head. “How did you know?”

She pulls me into a hug. “Oh, please. It’s been written all over your face for weeks now. Your mom knows, too. If you thought you were being subtle, you weren’t.” She gently tucks a stray strand of hair off my face. “I’ve known you a long time and the one thing you can’t hide from me is him. Your whole being changes with him. I knew it would happen; it was just the matter of when.”

I grab her and hug her tightly, missing her already. “I wanted to tell you, but I was afraid. We don’t exactly have the greatest track record, especially with each other.” My eyes tear up, not just for myself but for her, too. “There’s something else, too.”

I look up and notice that Sam has got her serious listener face on. She’s so incredibly unselfish. She’s going through hell but is here for me. “Talk to me.”

My mouth lets it all out. Every detail of us – especially how we can’t seem to stay away from each other. That no matter what happens we always come back to the place we are. “If this isn’t love, Sam, then I don’t know what is. We are each other’s everything.” Tears continue to fill up her eyes as she listens to my every word. The next thing I know, I’m crying with her. Through my sobbing, I drop the big bomb on her. “Oh, I’m pregnant and we're getting married.”

The initial look of shock is quickly replaced with the biggest hug. She whispers through a small stream of tears. “I’m so happy for you. You found your home. Don’t ever let yourself get lost again.”

She’s right. “This is my path. It’s crooked, cracked and, Christ, I’ve stumbled too many times to count, but it’s led me to Jack and our little nugget.” We both go for my belly at the same time. “I won’t let anything take me off of it ever again.”

We hug each other one last time before she takes some steps back. “Good girl. Now, let me go find my new path. If Ben and I are meant to be, then he will find me. However, right now, I need to veer off and find my own way.”

I watch my best friend leave and can’t help but curse my brother in the empty car air. Seriously, how can I defend him and a ghost? Ben needs to come around on his own. You can’t make someone love you. Also, you can’t make someone move on with their life until they are willing. Time heals, but does love wait?

In my own experience, love is there waiting for us to get on board. It’s our own stubborn stupidity that messes it up.

I call Jack and tell him everything. He’s upset, but not with me. He has watched Ben make the same mistakes over and over again. He doesn’t want him to miss out on his chance at happiness. We each decide to talk to him, for when he figures out what’s occurred, he might finally break.

* * *

It’s been a whole week and we’ve been desperately trying to help Ben and Sam, but it’s fatiguing us. I need to get this fixed so we can get ourselves back on track. “Baby, you know I love you and want to marry you, but it doesn’t feel right doing this without the people we love the most. I’ve told Sam, but you need to talk to Ben. We both do.”

Jack approaches me and kisses my cheek. “We need to get over to my brother's and help him.” He nods knowingly. “Then we’ll tell our family and get married.” Jack kisses me again while rubbing my tummy. He’s so incredibly gentle when it comes to talking about the baby. I have to keep assuring him that I won’t break. I even made him research it online.

“Ok, Jenny Bean, let’s do this because I want to start our lives together.” I shoot him an annoyed look before he continues. “Listen, I can’t help it. I want the whole you and me and baby makes three stuff.”

My annoyance fades and is replaced with a teasing smile.“Stuff?”

Jack pats me on the ass as we start to the door. “Hey, cut me some slack. I was trying not to say shit. I’m watching my language.”

My head turns back to him and is overwhelmed with more love than I could ever imagine. “Listen, babe, don’t ever change. Always be you. Colorful and all.”

We head out the door hoping to help our friends get their happy ending. They’ve had a bumpy one, but so have we. Our ending is not all wrapped up in a tidy red satin bow. It could be either a blue or pink one. I silently snicker at the thought. No happy ending is perfect, but it’s the road filled with twists, turns, and bumps that make getting there my kind of perfect.