Chapter Twenty-Two
Madison
I should have taken Ryder up on his offer to get Aiden off to school and Caleb to daycare because I’m late yet again. Okay, this time I’m totally blaming my tardiness on Ryder for convincing me that having sex before he left for work this morning was a good idea. Not that I’m complaining because he left me practically boneless in bed for almost two hours afterward, which was the most amazing feeling in the world. That was the reason why I didn’t want to get out of bed at all. He has become such a bad influence on me in the best way, even though he obviously isn’t helping my plight to leave the house on time.
“Mom! We’re late!” Aiden yells from the living room.
“I know! I’m almost ready to go.”
My cell buzzes on the counter and I grab it while I throw some snacks and diapers into Caleb’s bag. I swipe my thumb across the screen.
Ryder: If I know my girl as well as I think I do, I’m assuming you haven’t left the house yet, right?
Me: You assume correct sir.
Ryder: Hmm.
Me: Hmm what?
Ryder: I kind of like that you called me sir. Maybe…?
Me: Not happening my friend.
Ryder: I tried. L-O-L.
Me: Nice try.
Ryder: I’ll call you at lunch. Have a good day.
Me: You too.
Ryder: Hey!
Me: Yeah?
Ryder: I miss you Peaches.
Me: I miss you too.
I beam. This man always knows how to make me feel like a million bucks even on my worst days. Just thinking about him and that megawatt smile of his gives me all the warm fuzzies inside. My belly begins to warm spreading throughout my body thinking about what we did this morning.
“Mom!” Aiden’s screams, pulling me out of my passion filled haze.
“Right! We’re going.” I usher Aiden out the door, holding Caleb in one arm as I juggle the keys to lock the door.
“Here Mommy.” Aiden says, handing me a big brown envelope.
I don’t give it a second glance. I take it from him and throw it in my purse to open later when I get to work. I don’t have time to dilly dally any further by looking through my mail now. I have just enough time to call Tyler as I get the boys in the car to let him know I’m on way and would be there soon.
Sitting at my desk all morning writing up reports from all the appraisals I did earlier in the week has been taxing. But, at least I had something to keep my mind occupied unlike last week when there was absolutely nothing to do. I think this week definitely made up for it. It’s almost time for lunch and Ryder should be calling me soon, just as he does every day. I look forward to his calls. They always give me a boost of happiness I sometimes need to get through the day. It’s a constant reminder of how lucky I am to have him in my life.
I open the bottom drawer of my desk and pull out my purse. I might as well check my mail while I wait the few minutes for lunchtime. Placing the brown envelope next to the keyboard, I unfasten the little silver clasp holding it closed. I slide the contents on the desk and at a glance I can tell this is nothing good. There are two sets of papers stapled together. One set is court papers and the other is a police report. My eyes automatically scan the court papers first because it has Mitch’s name on them. They’re not only court papers, but custody papers. Mitch is taking me to court and seeking full custody of the boys. My stomach drops and I can’t bring myself to get past the first paragraph. With my chest constricting I get up, papers in hand and race to Tyler’s office. I don’t knock. I just barge in, swinging the door open and it hits the wall with a loud thud.
Tyler jumps in his chair, his eyes flying up to meet me in the doorway. “Jeez Mad. What the Hell is wrong with you? Are you trying to give me a heart attack?” His brows furrow as he rises from his chair when he sees the panicked expression on my face. “What’s the matter?”
I hurry over to his desk, my dry throat seizing when I try to speak. Tears are falling down my cheeks and onto the papers as I slam them down in front of him. He picks the papers up and begins reading them. His eyes dart back and forth, absorbing more information than I was able to get out of them. Maybe I read them wrong. Maybe it was my imagination. Yeah, that’s it. My eyes were playing tricks on me and Tyler is going to tell me that I’m wrong. Only, the look on his face when he peers up at me lets me know I was right all along.
“Where did you get these?”
“They were on my porch. Aiden picked them up and handed them to me this morning, but I was late, so I just threw them in my purse. I didn’t get to read them until now. Why is Mitch doing this? Tell me I’m wrong Tyler. Tell me those aren’t custody papers you’re holding.”
He plops in his chair, looking over the documents again. “Oh honey I wish I could tell you that.”
I sit in the chair across from him, wiping my dampened cheeks with the palms of my hands. “Why Tyler? Why is he doing this?”
“You mean you didn’t read all this?”
“I couldn’t. What does it say? Please, I can’t even comprehend what’s going on right now.”
“Well, it says here that he’s seeking full custody on the grounds of child endangerment.”
I shoot up from the chair. “What?! Child endangerment? Is he fucking insane? Those kids are safer with me than they ever would be with him. And Ryder. Ryder would never let…”
“This police report says Ryder was arrested for underage drinking, resisting arrest, assault with a deadly weapon, and public intoxication. That seems to be the basis of Mitch’s argument and why he’s seeking sole custody of the boys. Although, my guess is, he’s jealous and wasn’t too happy about Ryder chewing his ass out and making him look like a fucking asshole, which he is by the way.”
I snatch the papers out of Tyler’s hands and skim over the report. This can’t be true. This doesn’t sound like Ryder at all. He may be a bit of a bad boy, but I refuse to believe that he would do anything like what’s written in this report. But what I’m reading is right there in black and white. Why? Why would Ryder not tell me something like this? I take another look at the report and see he was only sixteen years old when this happened. He is nothing like that kid I’m seeing on this paper now. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to feel. My brain is a scrambled mess trying to figure out how I would ever cope without my boys. “I have to call Mitch.”
I speed back to my office with Tyler following behind me and he closes the door when we enter. I dial Mitch’s number from the phone on my desk and put the call on speaker so Tyler can hear everything that’s being said because I won’t have the energy to explain anything to him after I’m done.
“Hello Miller, Davis, and Smith how can I help you?”
“Yes, can I speak to Mitch please?” I ask in a rude tone. I don’t care that this woman has nothing to do with what’s going on, all I care about is getting my ex-husband on the phone so I can rip him a new one.
“I’m sorry Mr. Miller is in a meeting now, can I take a message Miss..?”
“Moore. No, you can’t. You can go fetch him right now and get him on this phone before I go down there myself and make a scene.”
“Miss Moore, I’m not…”
“I don’t want to hear anything else but Mr. Miller’s voice on the other end of this line. Do you hear me? Now, kindly tell him his ex-wife wants to have a word with him.”
“Please hold.”
A full two minutes later, Mitch’s obnoxious tone resonates through the phone. “Madison…”
“What the Hell do you think you’re doing? Have you completely lost your damn mind serving me with custody papers, taking me to court because you want full custody of my boys.” Heat rises from my chest to my face, anger blazing through my veins. A gentle hand settles on my shoulder, trying to get me to calm down. I peer up at Tyler from my chair and he puts his finger to his mouth, then gestures for me to lower my voice. I inhale a deep breath, he’s right. I’m not going to stoop to Mitch’s level. I’m going to try and be the bigger person here. I have to at least try because I may wind up in jail for strangling him. “Why are you doing this Mitch? You know you don’t care about the boys. You don’t spend time with them and you don’t call them. You know they’re safe living in my house. Why…?”
“My children are not safe living in your house when you have convicts parading around like it’s a normal thing.”
I come to Ryder’s defense without giving it a second thought. “Ryder is not a convict. He’s more of a father to the boys than you ever were.”
“Well, according to the papers I easily dug up, he is.” He pauses for a beat. “But there is something you can do that may convince me to drop the proceedings.”
I glance at Tyler and he shrugs. What the Hell could he want? You know it really doesn’t matter what he wants because I’d do anything to keep my boys. “What do you want Mitch?”
“Get rid of that caveman you call a boyfriend.”
My stomach twists in knots, bile rising into my throat. No. I will not throw away the man I love to the curb as if he means nothing to me. I don’t care what he’s done in the past. He was a kid when all that happened. “You’re out of your mind. You can’t force me to…”
“Either you get rid of him or I will proceed with the custody battle and with that information I sent you, you know I’ll win. Do you really want the boys to go through the anguish of a court case when in the end they’ll wind up being with me anyway?”
“You son of a…”
He clicks his tongue. “Oh no my dear. I wouldn’t use such vile language if I were you. Now, are we in agreement?”
What am I going to do? He has me by, for lack of a better term, he has me by the balls. I have no choice, otherwise I could lose my boys permanently. With sole custody, he could move out of state, hell out of the country if he wanted to and I wouldn’t have any say in the matter. I sink in my chair, feeling like a deflated balloon that’s no longer flying high on love. “Yes.”
“Splendid. We’ll be in touch.”
The phone goes dead and Tyler pushes the button to hang up. “Mad, you okay?” He asks softly.
“No.”
“What are you going to do?”
“I don’t know?”
“You’re not seriously thinking about breaking up with Ryder, are you?”
“What else can I do Ty?” Then, as if my day couldn’t get any worse, it does. I stare at my ringing cell phone as Ryder’s names flashes on the screen. I let it ring until he gives up and a voicemail indicator beeps. It starts to ring again and I slide my finger over the screen sending his call to voicemail again.
It rings for a third time and Tyler picks it up off the desk. “You’re going to have to answer his call sometime.”
I snatch it out of his hand. “I can’t Tyler, not now.”
“Don’t you think you should talk to him before you get home?
“I can’t face him right now.”
“Well, you only have about five hours left to decide what you’re going to do.”
I’m in a daze on the ride home; my brain working on autopilot as I drive through the streets with the boys in the back seat. I turned off my phone about two hours ago when Ryder kept sending me text messages saying how much he was worried that I wasn’t answering his calls. I finally told Tyler to call him and lie about me being busy with clients. I hate having to put Tyler in the middle of all this when he and Ryder have become such great friends, but what else could I do. I couldn’t tell Ryder what I had to over the phone. I’m not going to be a coward. I’m going to face him with the harsh reality of what’s to come no matter how painful and heart-breaking it will be.
“Yay! Ryder’s here.” Aiden yells as I pull into the driveway.
“Yay!” Caleb screams from his booster seat, mirroring his brother’s excitement.
I wish I could be as enthusiastic as they are to be home, but I’m not. I rest my forehead on the steering wheel, rolling it back and forth. I don’t think I’ll ever be happy again.
“Mom? Are you okay?”
I lift my head and turn to face Aiden, plastering on one of those fake smiles I used to sport before Ryder came into our lives. It looks like I’m going to have to start practicing those phony gestures again for the boy’s sake. “Yeah, I’m fine buddy. Just tired, that’s all.”
He smiles. “Okay. Can we go inside now?”
“Sure.”
Aiden scrambles out of the car and runs up the walkway. I drag my feet along the snow-dusted concrete carrying Caleb in my arms and my purse in the crook of my elbow. The front door swings open and Ryder stands in the doorway waiting for Aiden to jump into his arms just as he does every night when we arrive home. Aiden throws his arms around Ryder’s neck and the man who holds the key to my heart and managed to turn my whole world inside out, squeezes my son with the same amount of exuberance. I have to blink back the tears threatening to fall. It breaks my heart that I have to split the two of them up. They’ve become so close and there’s no doubt in my mind the decision I’ve made will cause them both to hate me forever.
I walk up the steps and Ryder comes out onto the porch with his arms extended, ready to take Caleb from me, but I brush past him. “I have him.”
“Okay.”
His voice is laced with disappoint. I always hand Caleb over to him and the baby always holds his arms out to Ryder so he can give him the biggest hug then snuggle into his chest. Only tonight, I interfere with their absolutely adorable routine because what I’m about to do is going to break their hearts, which in turn will break mine.
I take off my coat and set Caleb down to remove his. Aiden has already pulled off his shoes and is sitting in front of the television waiting for his dinner. Ryder goes into the kitchen and grabs the boy’s plates he has already prepared. He’s ready to bring them into the living room, but I stop him. “Ryder, can we talk a minute.”
He furrows his brows, giving me quizzical look, trying to read my eyes. “Sure. You okay Peaches? You look like you had a tough day.”
Oh, if he only knew. Well, he’s about to find out any second. “Aiden, take your food and Caleb to your room to watch T.V. please.”
“But Mom, you never let us eat in our room.”
“Please just do what I’m asking you.”
“Okay.”
I wait until the boys are in the room and hear the door close. I inhale a ragged breath. My chest heaving, trying to get enough oxygen into my lungs, but there’s no air in the room. There will never be enough air in the world to get me to relax. This situation has become a billion times more difficult looking at Ryder’s worried expression. “Ryder…” He closes the distance between us, vigorously rubbing my shoulders and places a kiss on my forehead. That gesture, that wonderful, caring, loving gesture breaks the dam holding the tears back and they come streaming down my cheeks. I try to speak, but nothing comes out. My stomach wrenches, the muscles in my chest tightening with each passing second.
He cups my face in his warm hands, wiping the wetness from my cheekbones with his thumbs. “Hey. What’s wrong? Was your day that bad? Whose ass am I kicking for making my girl cry?”
I really wish it was as easy as kicking someone’s ass because Mitch deserves to hurt every bit as much as we’ll be. I slowly close my eyes and savor the moment, knowing this will be the last time I’ll feel his calloused hands on my skin; the last time I’ll ever breathe in his delicious scent that centers me when he’s near. I need to get this over with fast. You know, like a band-aid. The sooner I rip it off, the sooner the healing process can start for all of us. I brush his hands away, turning my back to him and take the papers that were left on my doorstep this morning out of my purse.
He hesitates for a beat before taking them from my hand. “What is this?”
“Just open it.”
His eyes go wide as he scans the papers, flipping through each one, then lifts his head as his shocked gaze meets mine. “Where did you get this?”
“Does it matter?”
“Yes it does! These are my juvenile records. They’re confidential. They’re supposed to to be sealed.”
“So it’s true?”
“No...I mean yes, but…”
“Why Ryder? Why wouldn’t you tell me something like that?”
“It’s not what you think Madison. Just give me a second to explain.”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“Yes it does. I was a stupid kid, but it was all a mistake. The full report isn’t here. All these charges were dropped. I d a fake I.D. made and went to a bar with my friends when I was sixteen; and yeah, I had a drink. A fight broke out, but I tried to break it up. I was not the cause of it, nor did I do anything the police said I did. The only thing I’m guilty of was underage drinking. The bartender came to the police station and explained everything and I was released into my mother’s custody. Please Madison, what’s in this report isn’t me. You know me.”
“It doesn’t matter. The fact that it exists is why Mitch is threatening to take my kids away from me.”
“He can’t do that!”
I pull the second set of papers out of my purse and hand them to him. “He can and he will if I don’t stop seeing you.”
“What?! That’s blackmail. That’s illegal.”
“Seeking custody of his kids because he thinks they’re in danger isn’t illegal.”
“You know I would never hurt those boys. I love them. You do believe me, don’t you?”
“It doesn’t matter what I believe, what matters is what he can prove and that report in your hand is enough cause for him to take me to court and have my kids taken away. I can’t have that happen Ryder. I have to think about what’s best for my boys and right now the best thing for them is for you to leave…” I swallow hard. “And never come back.” Tears are rolling down my cheeks, but I don’t brush them away. The pain piercing my heart is nothing compared to agony flooding Ryder’s face as tears brim his lids.
“Madison please...you can’t give up on us.”
“I have no choice! What do you expect me to do? You have to leave Ryder, now!”
He blinks and a single tear slides down his face. He clears his throat. “Don’t do this to me. Don’t do this to us. Don’t do this to the boys. It will devastate them. How do you think they’ll feel?”
“I’m the only one thinking about them. How do you think they’ll feel living with a man who doesn’t give two shits about them? Do you think Mitch is going to help Aiden with his homework or be understanding of his needs, because he wasn’t before. I don’t expect him to change just because they’ll be living under his roof. There are no such miracles. Do you think he’ll spend quality time with Caleb? Make bath time fun for him? Pick the little marshmallows of out his favorite cereal because he doesn’t like them? I know for a fact he won’t. So don’t accuse me of not thinking about my kids. I don’t expect him to change just because they’ll be living under his roof. There are no such miracles. I only want what’s best for the boys.”
“What’s best for the boys are the two of us. Madison, we can get through this together. We can figure something out. Let me call my brother. He may be able to...”
“Ryder just go!”
“Fine, I can’t force you to care.”
“How can you say I don’t care? I love you.”
“Well obviously not enough to want to be together because right now, I’d do anything and everything in my power to keep this family from breaking apart.”
“But at what cost Ryder? Do you want the boys to be unhappy? Because that’s exactly what they’ll be if they go live with their father. Then what?”
“I hope you don’t think I’m just going to leave my boys and never see them again. That’s not going to happen Madison.”
“That’s exactly what’s going to happen. You have no say in the matter. They are not your boys.”