Chapter Twenty-Four
Madison
The second Ryder left this house was the instant our world came tumbling down around us. I haven’t been sleeping much. The boys have been so depressed they’ve just been sitting around watching T.V. in Aiden’s room as soon as they get home from school and daycare. We barely talk. We barely eat. It feels like we’re in mourning over the death of a loved one. In a way, I guess we are because a part of us died when he left. I thought the worst had been over. I thought letting him go was going to be the painful part. Boy was I wrong. Not having Ryder here every day is a pain I can never explain. It’s complete torture. Especially seeing how much the boys miss him.
I have to constantly remind myself I’m doing this for the sake of my children’s happiness and even though they’re having a rough time now, I can only hope things will get better. Mitch dropped the custody proceedings and though it’s been three weeks since I’ve talked to him last, he finally called this morning and offered to take Aiden to school. Was I shocked? Most definitely. Did I want him stopping by and picking up Aiden? Hell the fuck no. I was so accustomed to Ryder helping me out with the boys it had become a routine for us. Ryder was always happy, and having a morning person in the house made everything fun. The boys never went to school or daycare in a bad mood or upset over anything. They never cried or complained when Ryder was around, well, not outside what was normal for kids their age. Now, all they do is mope around and sometimes burst into tears for no reason at all. At least that’s what I keep telling myself. Deep down I know Ryder’s absence in their lives may have caused irreversible damage to their little hearts. I know I’ll never be the same without him.
I zip up my boots and make sure I have an extra sweater in my bag. It started to snow again about an hour ago and when I looked at the weather app on my phone it said the conditions would get progressively worse throughout the day. I considered leaving the boys home and taking the day off, but it wasn’t supposed to get really bad until tonight. I’m used to all this snow. Living in Minnesota all my life, this is nothing new. We don’t live far from the main streets and they’re pretty much clear, so a few hours out of the house won’t kill us. Besides, getting out of here for a while will give us a distraction from everything going on.
The doorbell rings and I open the door to find Mitch standing on the porch. I don’t say anything to him. I step aside and allow him to enter. He doesn’t say anything to me either. I’m sure the glare I’m giving him may have something to do with it. I slam the door and brush past him. I grab my keys and snacks for the baby from the counter and throw them into my purse. “Aiden! Let’s go! Your dad is here to take you to school!” Aiden comes running down the hall with the biggest smile on his face. I haven’t seen him this happy in weeks. Maybe I did make the right decision after all. Maybe spending some time with Mitch will do him some good. Aiden stops dead in his tracks when he reaches us, the vision of happiness now replaced with an angry expression.
His lips become a tight line and his eyes begin to flood with tears. “You’re not my dad!” Spinning on his heels, he races back to his room and slams the door behind him.
Mitch turns to me, pointing at me accusingly. “You did this!”
“I didn’t do anything. This is all your fault! You were the one who abandoned us. You’re the one who never spent time with them. Then, as soon as you saw someone was finally taking in interest in me and caring for your kids in a way you never could, you decided to be an asshole and destroy everyone’s happiness. Well, you know what, I’ve put up with your shit for long enough. You always made me feel like I wasn’t worthy of your love. But you’re the one who doesn’t deserve to have us in your life. You had a loving wife and two amazing boys, but that wasn’t enough for you, was it? You had to stick your dick in every fucking pussy that sashayed your way.”
“I think you’re forgetting yourself Madison. Who do you think you’re talking to?”
“I’m talking to a dead-beat father who wouldn’t know true love if it cracked him over the skull.”
“Oh, and I guess that hooligan you called a boyfriend was so much better than me.”
I advance toward him. “Yes, he was. Ryder was the best thing to come into our lives. He loved those boys, more than you could ever comprehend. What’s sad is that I allowed you to get in my head and convince me letting him go was what was best for the boys. Well, it wasn’t.”
“Are you saying you’re going back to him? Because you know what will happen if you do.”
“No, I’m not going back to him, but I’m also not letting you control my life anymore. I’m not going to prevent you from seeing the boys. I know you’ll get bored and not come around on your own, just don’t expect me to change my life to fit your specifications any longer. That, is over!” I step back a foot or two, walking to Aiden’s room. “I’ll get Aiden so you can drop him off at school.” Pressing my ear to the door, I knock softly. “Aiden?” I open the door and Aiden is laying on his stomach with his face buried in the pillow. I pad lightly over to the bed and sit next to him. I rub his back, but he brushes me off.
“Go away!”
His muffled cry brings tears to my own eyes. “I can’t. I don’t want you to cry anymore. Let’s start over? We can go to a movie after school if the weather isn’t too bad. Maybe make a blanket fort in the living to eat our dessert in after dinner?”
“Why did you make Ryder leave?!”
I inhale a ragged breath, wiping the tear that’s sliding down my face with the sleeve of my shirt. “I’m sorry Aiden. I thought I was doing the right thing.”
“Tell him to come back!”
Although I made it clear to Mitch about my decision of him not running my life any longer, I still wasn’t about to ask Ryder to come back. If something else came between us again, we’d have to experience the hurt and anguish all over again. I can’t put the boys through that. I can’t put Ryder through that. Hell, I don’t want to go through that again. What’s best for everyone is to move on. Ryder would make a wonderful husband to the right woman. I’m just not that woman for him. I come with too much baggage. He needs to make a life with someone who won’t cause him so much trouble and pain. He deserves that. “I can’t do that Aiden.”
He slowly sits up, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand. “Why not?”
“I just can’t buddy.” I rub his back. “I promise things will get better. C’mon, we should get going.”
I don’t know how I’m going to get through this day after the morning I had. Taxing doesn’t even cover it. If that wasn’t bad enough, I had to sit in traffic for an extra twenty minutes due to the weather. I slump in my plush office chair, lean my head back, and close my eyes. Two minutes. I just need two minutes to relax and not think about anything. Two minutes of complete quiet.
“Hey.”
Well, so much for quiet. Heaven knows Tyler has never been quiet a day in his life. I answer him with my eyes still closed. “Hey.”
“That bad huh?”
“Yeah.” The phone ringing in my purse has me grunting, but I still don’t move an inch from the position I’m in. “I guess it’s just going to be one of those days, isn’t it?”
“You want me to get that.”
I nod. “Please.”
I hear Tyler rustling in my purse; shuffling through papers and change floating around the bottom. “You really need to clean this thing out. How do you find anything? Hello?” He pauses for a beat. “Yes, she’s right here. Hold on.” Tyler taps my shoulder. “It’s Aiden’s teacher.”
Great. I wonder what I could have forgotten to do now. I think for a second. Was there a book report due? Did I forget to give him his lunch money? At this point it could be any number of things. I get a phone call from his teacher at least a few times a month reminding me of something that slipped my mind; and now with Ryder gone, my foggy brain has become mush. “Hello?”
“Hello, Ms. Moore. This is Mrs. Greene.”
“Yes, how are you?”
“I’m fine and yourself?”
“Good, is everything okay?”
“That’s why I was calling. It’s about the trip today.”
“I’m sure I sent Aiden in with the money and trip slip last week. Was it cancelled because of the weather?”
“No, it’s only ten minutes away and it’s still snowing very lightly. We’re getting the kids loaded up on the bus now. I was just wondering why Aiden didn’t come in today. He was very excited about going to the Science Museum, is he ill?”
“No, there must be some mistake. His father dropped him off at school this morning.”
“I’m afraid he didn’t. Aiden isn’t in class. I checked the office to see if he came in late and was never logged in.”
I shoot out of my chair flashing Tyler a nervous glance and he responds in an anxious tone. “What’s the matter?”
I hold my hand up to quiet him and turn my attention back to the phone. “I don’t understand. He has to be at the school. Where else would he be?”
“I assure you he’s not. I asked the other teachers and the nurse if they’ve seen him and no one has. The security guard said he never saw Aiden come into the building, so I assumed he stayed home from school today.”
My stomach drops, my insides twisting as bile rises in my throat. “Are you telling me my son has been missing for over an hour and no one bothered to notify me earlier?!” I scream my frustration into the phone. “I’ll be right there!”
“Madison, what’s going on?”
“Aiden is missing.” I say, dialing Mitch’s number.
“Hello?”
“Mitch do you have Aiden?”
“Why would I have him? I dropped him off at school this morning.”
“Did you bring him inside?”
“No, he didn’t want me to. He said you let him go in by himself all the time. What’s this all about?”
“Our son is missing. I would never let him go into the building alone. If you were around more often you’d know that. Then you don’t even wait until he’s safely inside. You just drove away. Why am I wasting time talking to you, I’m calling the police.”
When I arrive at the school, there’s a squad car in front. I race up the steps and trip on the last one, falling to my knees. I don’t check the damage no matter how bad the pain is. I have to get inside. Maybe they’ve found Aiden, then we can go home and I’ll never let him out of my sight ever again. I race inside, crashing into the back of a police officer standing in the lobby.
He grabs me by the shoulder. “Whoa.”
“Where’s my son?”
“That’s what we’re trying to determine now Ms. Moore.”
“You mean no one is looking for him?”
“Of course we are. We’ve put out an Amber Alert and the whole precinct is out scouring the neighborhood.”
I have to get out of here and look for him myself. My poor baby is out in the cold walking around by himself in the snow. A horrible thought enters my mind. What if he was kidnapped? Oh God. What if someone took him and he’s miles away from here. I’ll never see him again. I turn to leave. “I have to go find him.”
The policeman grabs me by the elbow. “Wait a minute Ms. Moore. You can’t go right now.”
I yank my arm away. “The Hell I can’t.” I dash to the door, but am cut off by his partner. “My son is out there alone!” Tears run down my face, my chest heaving. There’s not enough oxygen in this lobby. There isn’t enough air in the world to stop me from hyperventilating.
“Ma’am please calm down, I assure you we’re doing everything we can to find him. You need to come and sit down. I have a few questions for you.”
“Can I make a phone call first?”
“Sure, I’ll be over there talking to Mrs. Greene.”
I take a few deep breaths. Just enough to steady my hands to dial. The phone rings on the other end, once, twice, three times, four times, and then goes to voicemail. I hang up and try again. Still he doesn’t answer. I can’t leave a voicemail in a situation like this, so I hang up again and open the web browser app. I find the site and press the call button.
“Royal Express, how can I help you?” An older gentleman answers and I debate whether I should be doing this, then I remember the desperate situation I’m in. I just can’t get the words out. His loud voice booms into the phone. “Hello?”
He grumbles something and his voice becomes distant, probably getting ready to hang up on me, but I can’t have that happen. I need all the help I can get right now. “Hello! Please don’t hang up!”