Chapter Four
Madison
I rest my chin on my palm, staring at the computer in front of me. I slowly type with one finger as my lids begin to droop. Caleb had a difficult time falling asleep last night and Aiden woke up twice from a nightmare he couldn't remember. I finally gave up around two o’clock in the morning and let the boys sleep in my bed. The two of them slept fine after that, but I woke up with a stiff neck and the worst headache I’d had in a long time.
I glance at the time in the corner of the monitor. I have to pick up the boys in a couple of hours and I really don’t know if I can handle the rest of the day without passing out from sheer exhaustion. I could seriously use a break, but with all my responsibilities I know I have no business taking one. My kids need me. They need their mother because their father couldn’t care less about spending time with his sons. Now that I look back, he was never really that interested in being a part of their lives to begin with.
I take my eyes off the screen in front of me and peer over at the door to my office as Tyler walks in holding a styrofoam cup out to me. "Here, you look like you can use a little pick me up. Rough night?"
I take the coffee from him and blow on the hot liquid before taking a sip. "Yeah. The boys didn't sleep well and kept me up half the night. I'm exhausted."
"Why don't you leave them with me tomorrow night and you can sleep in all day Sunday."
"Tyler, they aren't your responsibility. I can't ask you to do that."
"You're not asking, I'm offering. Besides, the boys and I need to engage in some quality male bonding."
"Ty, you're the best, and I can't thank you enough for everything you do for me, but I think I'll pass."
“Okay, but if you change your mind, let me know."
“Besides, how are you supposed to find a great guy if you're toting around two little boys everywhere you go?"
"I do not have a problem finding willing and eligible men, you on the other hand, can use some help in that department."
"For your information I am not interested in having a serious relationship at the moment."
"Who's talking about a serious relationship? I'm talking about sex. You do remember what sex is don't you?"
"Yes Tyler, I do."
"No, I don't mean the kind of monotonous sex you had with Mitch. I'm talking about the kind of sex you have when you're both so hot for each other you can't wait. The kind of sex you have on a kitchen counter or maybe right here on your desk."
"Tyler! This is not the time or place to be discussing my sex life."
He arches a brow and scoffs, mumbling under his breath. “Or lack thereof."
"Ty, I don't have the time or energy to even think about having sex with anyone." Now that was a bold face lie, but I was not about to divulge that I’d been thinking about running my fingers all over that hot ass delivery guy for the past two weeks. Otherwise, he'd never stop pestering me about him.
Since I was an appraiser at the biggest art museum in the city I’ve come in contact with many good-looking, rich, single men just about every day. But, none of them ever got my blood pumping like Ryder did. In that one quick meeting he awakened so many feelings inside me; some I never knew existed.
Not even Mitch, in all the years we were together ever made my body tingle as much as Ryder had with a simple touch of his hand. I wanted to jump his bones right there in the foyer of my house, but I could never do anything that spontaneous or reckless since I have the boys to think about. Oh who am I kidding? Even if I didn’t have the boys I wouldn’t have acted on my fantasy. Mitch had groomed me into being a boring, predictable, and proper woman. Heaven forbid we had sex on a weeknight, the ground would open up and swallow us whole.
It’s hard to break out of habit and be spontaneous even though Mitch is no longer my husband. Especially since I have to keep a tight schedule for Aiden to get through normal daily life activities. Everything else just has to take a back seat.
Tyler snaps his fingers in front of my face. "Hey. You okay?"
I sigh. "I’m fine."
“Are you sure you don’t want me to take the boys off your hands tomorrow night? I think you really need to get some rest.”
“Yeah. I’m sure.”
“Well, okay. I gotta get back to work. I'm leaving early."
"Oh really? Why are we leaving early?"
"I have a date."
I straighten in my chair, now alert and very interested in Tyler's evening. "Dish!" If I can’t get involved with a man right now, I might as well live vicariously through my best friend.
"Well, you know that tall piece of tail that came in here about two or three days ago?"
"The guy with the sparkling green eyes and set of long dark eyelashes any woman would kill to have?"
"That's the guy."
"Oh my God, you lucky dog."
He waggles his brow at me and a mischievous smile plays across his lips.
"Which is exactly the position I plan to be in at the end of the night."
I laugh. "Tyler! You're so bad."
"Oh, I plan to be sweetheart."
I playfully slap his arm. "Get out of here and go back to work."
I shake my head and smile as he leaves the room. If my best friend was good at anything, it was definitely his ability to cheer me up and make me smile even when I really didn't want to. I wish I could be half as fun as Tyler is and not the boring predictable mom I am. Once, just once I'd like to do something out of the ordinary. Something out of the ordinary and hot with Ryder.
My heart sinks a little knowing he’s only a fantasy. A fantasy I could never act upon. But that isn’t going to stop me from daydreaming about him. Maybe if I could look into his steely gray eyes just one more time I’ll be able to get him out of my system. The question is, should I? No. Seeing him again would be a really bad idea. But, if it’s a bad idea, why am I still thinking about him? And why are my fingers involuntarily sliding across the keyboard ordering toys for the boys so they can be delivered by the sexiest man I’ve ever seen. Well, Christmas is just a couple of months away and I need to buy the boys presents anyway, so why not?
I suddenly felt like a creepy stalker doing all this in order to see a man. Which I am of course. I think about changing my mind many times before clicking the submit order button on the screen. There the cursor steadily blinks, over and over, waiting for me to finalize the sale. It’s like it’s taunting me, saying ‘do it, do it, do it, do it’, until I finally give in.
The next couple of hours I spent kicking myself in the ass for the decision I made. Maybe I should just cancel the order and forget the whole thing, then I wouldn't have to go through the embarrassment of making a complete fool out of myself when Ryder shows up at my door. That's exactly what I’m going to do as soon as I get home. What the Hell was I thinking anyway? Obviously I wasn’t, that’s the problem. For once in my life I finally did something spontaneous and now I’m regretting it.
After picking up the boys and making them a quick dinner I decide to take a quick shower to relieve some of the tension in my neck. I tried taking some ibuprofen, but that didn't help at all. I’d had a slight headache to begin with and it seemed to linger throughout the day. It had definitely gotten worse when Aiden couldn't do his homework. The substitute teacher he had today failed to explain the lesson to him again as his regular teacher normally would have during lunch time. His teacher is always going out of her way to help Aiden as much as she can, even if it means working on her break or staying after school with him.
The night had certainly been a tough one for us both and after an exhausting couple of hours I only want to relax. I make my way to the bathroom and leave the door slightly ajar so I can hear the boys if they need me. I undress and turn on the hot water before sticking the plug in the drain. I’d like to soak in the tub instead of the two-minute shower I took earlier. The boys were sound asleep in their beds when I checked on them not too long ago. Hopefully I won’t be disturbed for a while.
With the tub halfway filled, I pour some bath gel into the water and watch the bubbles form. Aiden had saved his allowance money to buy it for me for my birthday. I had yet to use it once and felt awful it was just sitting there underneath the sink collecting dust. I test the water with my hand and shut the faucet when the tub is filled.
I lift my leg and place my foot into the warm water, allowing it to soothe my nerves before I’m even fully immersed.
“Mommy!”
The sound of Caleb screaming my name is enough proof that I will never get any rest with these boys in the house. I bow my head and let out an exasperated breath. Maybe I’ll be able to catch a break in sixteen years when Aiden will have a job of his own and Caleb will be off at college. Only with my luck, they’d never leave home. I have to laugh at that idea. What else could I do? If I don’t laugh at my problems I will surely go insane. I lift my foot out of the water and throw on the robe hanging on the back of the bathroom door and walk down the hall, leaving wet, drippy prints behind me.