******
Ryder
I made it to work early this morning and decided to get a jump start on loading the truck with today’s deliveries. Okay, so I needed to keep busy and distract myself by doing something other than thinking about Madison. I have no idea why this woman is still in the forefront of my mind. I’m completely distracted by someone who I haven’t even kissed yet. Shit, we haven’t had more than one conversation. I know nothing about her other than she has two kids, her name, and that she is the most beautiful woman I have ever seen in my life.
I’m so damn torn right now. I want her so badly, yet I don’t want to take advantage of her knowing her situation. I want nothing more than to bury my cock deep inside her, but every time I think about it, guilt seems to get the better of me. What if Quito is right? What if wanting to be with Madison is just a phase and I only want her because she poses a challenge? Although, with one glance into her needy eyes, she did look ready, willing and able for anything I had to offer her. A smile involuntarily spreads across my lips at the thought of her lying beneath me, eyes closed, head thrown back, lips parted, and filling the room with her soft moans.
“What the fuck are you smiling about this damn early in the morning?” Quito throws a box in my direction and I catch it before it hits the floor.
I straighten, plastering on an emotionless expression and place the box on the pile next to me. “Nothing.”
“You’re thinking about her again, aren’t you?”
“No.”
“Yes you are. Damn bro, you got it bad. Just fuck her already so I can have my best friend back. I can’t stand this lovesick puppy standing in front of me.”
“I am not lovesick. I don’t even know her.”
“Good. Then wake the fuck up and help me get this shit on the truck. I am giving you a hand you know.”
“I didn’t ask you for help.”
“No, you didn’t. But I’m helping you anyway.”
He flings another box at me and I happen to notice the address before setting it down in the back of the truck, 1209 Forest Hill Drive. I recognize it immediately. I could never forget it. It was a sign. A sign that said I should go to Madison’s house. Maybe it wasn’t actually a sign, more like my work order for the day, but that wasn’t going to stop me from getting to know her. I need to know her story. I’m sure I could spare a few minutes of my time with her during my morning route. That is if her son doesn’t decide to jump off any of the other furniture in the house. Man, that kid almost gave me a heart attack a few weeks ago. Now I understand what my mother had gone through raising my brothers and me.
Parking in front of Madison’s house, I grab the package on the passenger seat. I was more than relieved that I didn’t have to train anyone this morning, otherwise that would have put a serious damper on my plans to talk to Madison. I at least have to find out if she’s in a relationship to know how to move forward.
I ring the doorbell but get no answer. I knock on the door and still no answer. I peer in the window to my left and see Aiden sitting on the floor in front of the T.V. eating out of a bowl. I don’t see Madison or the baby. My guess is she’s busy doing something in the back of the house that has her too preoccupied to hear me at the door.
After tapping lightly on the window to get Aiden’s attention, he finally turns to face me and I wave. He returns the gesture and puts his bowl down on the floor before disappearing out of view. The door unlocks and I’m met by a set of twinkling blue eyes staring up at me.
“Hi Ryder!”
“You remembered my name.”
“I always remember my friend’s names. You are my friend, right?” He shifts from one foot to the other, his voice tinged with disappoint, clearly afraid of what my answer might be.
I flash him a smile to ease his uncertainty. “Absolutely little man.” He beams and starts to dart away until I call him back. “Aiden, wait!”
“Yeah?”
“Where’s your mom?”
“She’s giving my brother a bath.”
“Do you think you can go get her for me?”
“She said to wait for her in the living room until she was finished. You can wait with me if you want.”
“No, I think I’ll go wait in the…”
“C’mon.” Before I have a chance to kindly decline his offer, he grabs my hand and pulls me over to the couch to sit down. Well, I wasn’t going to turn him down and have him feel bad. That’s my excuse for making myself completely comfortable on this couch and I’m sticking to it.
Aiden rushes to pick his bowl up off the floor and races to the kitchen, throwing it in the sink. Milk splashes all over the counter, but he doesn’t give it another thought before he decides to hop up on the cushion beside me and starts to jump up and down. There is no way my heart can take another near fatal accident with this boy. I reach into my pocket, pulling out a portable game system. Being dyslexic, I’m always doing something to improve my thinking process and reading, so I purchased this system to practice on while on breaks. The guys at work think that I’m an overgrown child playing video games, only that is far from the truth. In my spare time I’m doing everything I can to keep my brain sharp with puzzles, trivia, math problems, and I.Q tests. Maybe something like this would help keep Aiden focused. I can definitely give it a try.
I grab the remote control and turn off the T.V., handing the game system over to him. “Would you like to help me with something?” He jumps one last time, landing on the arm of the sofa, almost falling off the side. I dart forward and grab his arm, pulling him gently onto the seat next to me. “Aiden, please sit down.” I inhale a deep ragged breath and let it out in a rush. When Madison gets out here, I’m going to insist she line the entire house with bubble wrap for this kid.
He takes the game from my hand and looks at it intently as I turn it on. “Sure, what do I have to do?”
“I can’t figure out this puzzle and I need your help finding where this piece belongs. Can you help me?”
“I can try.”
“Awesome. You work on that and I’ll go clean the kitchen for your mom.”
“Okay.”
He doesn’t look in my direction when he answers because he’s too fixated on the task I gave him. Mission accomplished. After wiping the spilled milk off the counter, I hear some rustling in the hallway and a very naked baby toddles into the kitchen. I scoop him up as Madison rounds the corner carrying a diaper in one hand and clothes in the other.
She gasps, holding her hand to her heart. “Holy shit!”
“Shit.” Caleb yells from my arms.
“Fuck…” Realizing she made another mistake by blurting profanity in front of her child, she hurriedly places her hand over his mouth before he has a chance to repeat what she said and snatches him from my arms.
“Shit.” Caleb squeals excitedly.
She bows her head in shame and moans. “Great. Total mom fail.”
I laugh. “Don’t be so hard on yourself, it happens. I guarantee he’ll hear much worse when he starts going to school.” Her eyes pin mine and for a brief second, I feel a little uneasy. She sure does have that angry mom glare down to a science.
“What do you know about kids?” She turns and sets the baby down on the floor, putting on his diaper. “And what are you doing here anyway?”
“My job. You have a package you have to sign for.”
“So why are you inside my house instead of waiting outside the front door?”
“Aiden let me in.”
“Aiden is not the adult in this house. Do you normally take orders from seven-year olds?”
“Are you always this crabby in the morning?”
“Yes.”
I flash her one of my famous wicked smiles, the kind that tends to make the ladies go weak in the knees. “Good, because I find it very sexy.”
She pulls Caleb’s t-shirt over his head and he squirms away from her, running into the living room to sit next to his brother. She straightens, pointing at my face. “Don’t do that.”
Crossing my arms over my chest, I arch an eyebrow at her. “Don’t do what?”
“Smile at me like that.”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” I smirk, knowing full well what I’m doing.
“Yes you do. Guys like you know exactly how to get what you want from women.”
“Guys like me?”
“Yeah, good-looking guys with killer smiles that know the right words to say to get into a woman’s pants. Well, I have news for you, you are so barking up the wrong tree because I am not interested.”
I lean over the counter, crowding her personal space and wink playfully. “You think I have a killer smile?” She swallows hard, her cheeks becoming pinker by the second. She says she’s not interested, but her heavy breathing and body language are telling me something different. Her eyes dart away from my heated gaze. I place my finger under her chin and gently turn her head so she’s looking at me. “I think you’re beautiful.” My softly spoken words cause her eyes to turn glassy and she slowly blinks before pulling away from me. How long has it been since a man told her she was beautiful? Obviously way too long considering her reaction.
She clears her throat and huffs. “Please. Save your sugar-coated words for some other blonde bimbo who’ll fall for that line.”
I don’t reply. In fact, I smile at her tenacity. She’s strong and the anger burning in her eyes has my dick aching for her. I’m not insulted by her words because I know her irritation isn’t directed toward me. Okay, it may be a little bit, but I know deep down someone hurt her bad and this is her way of releasing some steam. Although I can think of another very pleasing stress reliever, I stand there, allowing her to use me to alleviate her anger. I don’t mind. Seeing her mad, stomping around the kitchen, straightening the counter that I just cleaned is kind of hot.
Walking away from her, I go into the living room and pick up the box. I carry it over to the counter, placing it in front of her. I hand her the electronic pad to as she gives me a disapproving glance, watching me out of the corner of her eye while she signs for the package. She hands it back to me and lifts the box, shaking it before putting it down again.
“It’s empty.”
“Who would send you an empty box?”
“I don’t know.” She furrows her brows forming a deep V between them. “And why are you still here? I signed for it. You can go now.” She turns toward the living room and yells for her son. “Aiden are you ready to go?” When he doesn’t answer, she calls his name again as she makes her way into the living room. “Aiden, do you hear me calling you? Where did you get that?”
“Ryder gave it to me. I’m…”
She takes the portable game system from his hands and brings it to me in the kitchen. She shoves it in my chest. “Don’t give my son anything without asking me first. He shouldn’t be playing videos games that are going to rot his brain and exacerbate his disorder.”
“Lighten up Mad. He wasn’t…”
“Mad? You haven’t known me long enough to call me Mad. You don’t know me at all. To you, I’m Ms. Moore.”
I smile inwardly. She’s so damn hot when she’s angry. I want to swoop in like a large bird of prey and claim my sweet prize. Though now may not be the most opportune time to do any swooping. I’ll just wait for a later time to do that.
“Excuse me Ms. Moore, but I didn’t give Aiden video games to play. He was doing a puzzle that I asked him to help me with.” I take her by the elbow and pull her to the side, out of Aiden’s view and whisper. “He was jumping on the couch and almost fell again. I was trying to keep him busy while you were getting the baby ready. Where is his father and why isn’t he here helping you take care of his son?”
“Why don’t you ask whatever slut he’s too busy fucking that question.”
I knew I had no right asking her about Aiden’s father. It just baffled me as to how a man wouldn’t be there to take care of his child, who obviously had special needs that should be attended to. But shit, when she blurted out that fact, it shocked the hell out of me. What man in his right mind would cheat on his wife? Especially if she’s as beautiful as Madison. I want to hug her, kiss her, hold her in my arms and tell her everything will be okay. I reach for her, placing my hand on her folded arms, but she sidesteps me, turning her back on me so I can’t see the pain in her eyes that I know is there.
“Can you just leave please?”
I stand behind her, resting the palm of my hand on her shoulder and she doesn’t pull away from me as I expected she would. “I’m sorry Madison. Any man who doesn’t treat his wife with the respect she deserves and abandons his kids when they need him is a coward.”
She sniffles, wiping her eyes with the back of her hands. “I’m not his wife. We’re divorced so it doesn’t matter anymore.”
“It does to me.”
“Well it doesn’t to me, okay? It’s over and I really don’t want to discuss it anymore.”
”Okay.” I drop my hand to my side, not wanting to upset her any more than she already is. She shouldn’t be upset in front of her boys. She should be happy and smiling and I was a complete jerk for saying anything to begin with. “Look, I didn’t give Aiden a video game without asking. I thought keeping him busy with something he’d have to sit and think about would keep him occupied for a while.”
She spins on her heels. Clearly still mad. “You should have asked first. I have him on a set plan to organize his time and educational needs to keep him on track.”
“What was he diagnosed with?”
“What do you care?”
“C’mon Madison.”
“He was diagnosed with ADHD two years ago. Everything he learns, or plays, or occupies his time with has to be taken seriously for him to stay focused.”
“Which is why I gave him my game system. I can almost guarantee it will help him stay focused. He’ll learn and still being able to have fun without feeling like he’s actually doing work.”
“You have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“I can assure you I do.”
“Oh yeah, do you have kids?”
“No.”
“Do you have a college degree in special education?”
“No.” I bite out. Anger begins to build in my chest listening to her condescending tone. I may not have a fancy college degree, but I’m not stupid. That little note in her voice that’s saying ‘what do you know, you’re just a delivery driver’, has me boiling.
“Then what makes you such an expert about my son’s learning disability?
“Because I’m dyslexic!” I blurt out, without giving it a second thought. This is something I have never shared with anyone except Quito. I wasn’t planning to share it with her at all. No woman wants to be with a dimwitted idiot, and the way she’s looking at me now is exactly what she thinks I am. I turn to leave. I’m so angry. So damn mad I was weak enough to divulge the one piece of information about myself that I’ve always kept hidden.
I hear her footsteps tapping against the hardwood floor catching up to me in the foyer. He hand gently grazes my bicep, which stops me dead in my tracks. I don’t turn to face her. I can’t look her in the eyes because of how embarrassed I am right now. Her sweet peach scent is overwhelming my senses and for a split second I’m no longer thinking about leaving, but I have to go. I can’t pursue her knowing she pities me. I’m not even looking at her and I know that’s exactly what she feels for me. Fuck that shit. I open the front door and walk out onto the front porch and she grabs my arm to stop me from descending the stairs.
“Ryder stop. Where are you going?”
“Back to work. I’m late.”
“Don’t you think we should talk about…”
I pull out of her grasp, finally looking at her. “There’s nothing to talk about. Like you said, I don’t have kids or a college degree so there’s nothing I’ll be able to contribute to you or your son’s life. Have a great day.” I say snidely and stomp over to my truck.
I speed down the street, not thinking about where I’m going or where the next stop on my route is. I need to blow off some steam so I drive about fifteen minutes away to Overlook Park where I park the truck. I hop out of the truck and stroll down the long path that leads to a few benches at the end of a picnic area. I don’t sit. I lean over the metal railing, glancing at the tiny waves sparkling along the top of the lake. The crisp air fills my lungs and I exhale slowly. This is my favorite spot to come to where I can be alone. Not many people want to make the long trek down here. Most everyone that comes to the park has children, so they spend their time in the playground area.
I take my time as I think about how I handled things this morning. I shouldn’t have been so cold to Madison. If anyone could understand my situation, it would be her. I let my own insecurities get the best of me as usual. It’s taken me years to develop my cocky personality to a point that it’s become a part of who I am. It’s the only way to deflect attention from all my other imperfections. I thought I had been doing a good job of it until I had to go and open my big fucking mouth about my learning disorder to the one person who I didn’t want to share that with. I probably would’ve told her eventually, maybe. But, I damn sure wasn’t ready to tell her anything about myself when we’d only spoken twice.
I shake my head and run my cold fingers through my hair. I sure messed up this time. I doused any chance of being with her before things even got started. Why this is bothering me so much I don’t know. I couldn't care less what any other woman thinks about me. Not that I would tell them anything personal; if they’d find out some other way, so be it. Who cares? But Madison is different. For some reason I want to be accepted by her. I don’t want to see pity in her eyes reflecting back at me. I want to see the same fire burning in them as I had when our eyes first met. I knew then she was something special and I still do. Only now I have to forget her and move on because there’s no way she will ever talk to me again; not after I was harsh with her this morning.