I despise the dark with the same passion that some people reserve for hating others. Forced to surrender to the utter nothing of night, I need the light, because to me, it’s hope. Something to cling to in the midst of my fear.

Tonight, at the house party Colby’s housemates are hosting, a bunch of guys were looking to push things too far. When the lights had suddenly dimmed, I sought out my safe haven—Colby’s room.

Knowing what I’d lived through, he swore he’d always leave his bedroom light on for me. He wanted me to have an escape for when someone would cut the lights to change the mood at one of the ROTC parties. He knew that my panic would inevitably set in.

It took a while for me to trust in him. Maybe it was the way he made me laugh or the warmth of his embrace. Maybe it was the fact that no darkness hid in his silvery-gray eyes. Whatever it was, I have faith in him. It’s a wonder I trust anyone after I my parents tried to sell me for drugs not too long ago.

But there’s something in me that tells me to trust Colby with every fiber of my being. Colby would never let me down. Ever.

Just ahead, the light shining underneath his door calls to me like a beacon. Quickening my steps, I reach for the key in my pocket that Colby gave me months ago after I finally agreed to venture out to a party with him.

Within seconds, the glorious light wraps itself around me as I sit on the floor at the edge of Colby’s neatly made bed. I swear, him being a ROTC boy makes him more immaculate than anybody I know. Even my sister Cassidy—who has a streak of OCD in her a mile wide—really can’t compete. Not one thing is out of place. Even the boxes he’s started to pack are stacked neatly in the corner. Note to self, don’t invite him over for dinner before Ali, Holly, and I finish packing to head home for the summer.

On these comforting thoughts I drift off, content in the knowledge that I’m safe.

I should have known better. After all, safety is a seductive illusion created by our minds in order for us to function every day and not lose our minds in the horrific uncertainty of reality.

It could have been hours, possibly minutes when the harsh sounds of bodies slamming against Colby’s door startles me awake. Heart pounding, I scramble back against the wall in the farthest corner, in the deepest shadows, while I wait to find out if I’m in any danger. I start to scream out, forgetting where I am. The tricks my mind keeps playing on me immediately throw me back into the cold dampness I lived in with Ali and Holly for a month close to two years before. I’m clenching my fists so tightly, I swear if I had nails that I didn’t perpetually bite to the quick, they’d be drawing blood.

And that’s when I hear it—a guttural moan.

Caught between a past that hasn’t quite let me go and a present that hasn’t quite caught up with my sleepy haze, my thoughts are scrambled. All I can think is don’t open that door. Don’t come for me. I’d rather be left alone in the dark than… There’s an unmistakable sound of a key engaging each of the tumblers, then catching. The knob turns and a couple falls into the room. I let out a silent whoosh of breath. Peeking my head out from my hiding spot, I let out almost a sigh of relief. It’s not the demons. It’s Colby and the blonde I’d seen draped all over him earlier—Addison.

I scrunch down, trying to shrink into myself. Should I announce that I’m here? This situation is mortifying.

Colby walks Addison backward toward the bed, working her skimpy dress up and over her head along the way. “I can’t wait to fuck you.” His voice is raspy.

I want to vomit. Right here. Right now. What the hell am I supposed to do?

“I’ve wanted to fuck you since you sucked my cock dry the other night.”

Addison giggles, and the noise is tinkling and grating. “Why don’t you kill the lights and get on with that, then?”

The lights? No. He won’t forget his promise to me, will he? I’m choking on fear so thick it’s like hardened cookie batter. I’m about to gag. I haven’t been without a light on in the dark since the night I was rescued from the shipping container where Ali, Holly, and I were huddled together for a month in the oppressive dark. I desperately begin to chafe my fingers back and forth against one another from where I’m wedged unseen in the corner between Colby’s dresser and his closet. Just like Ali would always do to keep me calm.

As I watch the man I’ve been slowly falling for pull his shirt over his head, he does something he swore he’d never do. He plunges me into the pit of darkness without a lifeline.

The lack of light transform the normally spacious room into a midnight box. It takes everything in me not to howl. I raise my hands to my mouth and bite down hard enough to draw blood in order to prevent myself from whimpering out loud. I taste the metallic bitterness in my mouth as I suck on my hand. My long cascade of hair hides me better than any blanket would. It covers my drawn-up knees and disguises any brightness to my clothing. Just breathe. You escaped a nightmare and rebuilt your life. You are strong enough to get out of this.

From my cocoon, I can smell beer. Is Colby so drunk that he forgot everything he promised me? My anger churns inside. If that’s the case, then he’s going to catch the rough side of my tongue for making me suffer through this debacle.

He must have undone his belt as I can hear it clang as he makes his way across the room where his double bed sits on the opposite wall from the door. I offer up some small gratitude that I’d convinced him he’d have more space if he placed his dresser on the same wall as his door. Short of the lights coming back on, I am well out of their line of sight although I’m going to have a front seat to their show.

Lucky me.

Hopefully, they’ll never know I was here.

I try to maintain my calm by taking deep breaths. “I’m going to fuck you hard this time. Then, we’ll see how the night plays out,” Colby mutters. Soon, the groaning escalates as Colby rams into Addison. I can’t shift or I’ll expose myself. I listen closely, trying to find a good time that will cloak my escape out of this new reason to hate the dark.

Addison pants, “I never thought I’d get my turn. You kept looking, but you’d always go somewhere else.” Now, I’m desperate for escape, but just as I’m about to crawl toward the door, I’m frozen by her next words. “I kept thinking you were going to fuck that Freeman cow before you left instead of me.”

My entire world stills. It shouldn’t hurt. I’ve heard the whispers about how Ali, Holly, and I couldn’t be related since we look nothing alike. When I sat on the couch crying about it, my family and Colby assured me I was beautiful. My heart blossomed under their gentle nurturing.

Now, it fractures when I hear Colby’s breathless laugh.

Laugh.

“Cori? She’s sweet. Had a rough life. I feel bad for her sometimes.”

The blonde bitch laughs before saying, “You’re the one who’s sweet to take that on, Colby. Not many guys would.”

“I can handle Cori.”

Addison snorts. “I can tell. She’s so huge I’m amazed even you can get your arms around her. And these are some pretty impressive arms.”

“So, she’s a little on the chunky side, Addison. Who cares? It’s not her I’m in bed with tonight, is it?”

“No, it’s not,” she purrs.

The effects of their words to my heart is so severe, I fall back where I am, uncaring if I’m seen or not. I’m almost dizzy. I don’t know if I can crawl, let alone stand. My soul, which had been repairing and blooming, is now shattered. This is friendship? This is what I opened myself up to? Exposed my family to? Our secrets, our wounds, our pain, and he’s with me because he feels sorry for me? And as for Addison, Holly would have this chick in a choke hold. Ali would verbally flay her. And let’s not mention what Phil, Cassidy, or Em would do. Then again, they’re my family through the kinds of bond that have been forged in hell.

Something the two on the bed will never understand.

My heart hasn’t felt like this since South Carolina when I realized there was no escaping the living nightmare I was in. The only difference is back then someone else stole me away from my home to pay off a debt. This time, I openly walked into my own hell because I saw the promise of something that maybe I was being gifted with as a reward for what I endured before.

Obviously not. People like me aren’t meant to have the life they’d give their next breath for.

As much as it kills me, I wait patiently for the people in the bed to pass out from a combination of alcohol and exertion. I listen until I hear nothing but Colby’s muffled snoring. Standing, my legs feeling like pins and needles. I almost lose my balance and fall to the floor. My head is throbbing from holding in my pain. Wouldn’t that be awful if I toppled over now—the pathetic cow might break through the floor and disturb their precious beauty sleep.

I don’t want to look over, but I’m helpless not to.

Colby is sprawled partly over Addison, his hand cradling her breast as he sleeps. How many nights did he crash on my couch with me, when I’d be snuggled into him, hoping for something like the display before me?

God, how disgusted Colby must have been.

Reaching into the pocket of my jeans, I pull out his room key and drop it right next to his shirt before I quietly make my way out the door.

Closing the door behind me, I turn and immediately slam into a warm chest. “Oomph!”

“Cori. What the hell happened?” It’s Jack, Colby’s best friend, whose room is across the hall.

“It’s nothing. I need to go.” I shove past him.

“I don’t think so.” Jack grabs me from behind. I take a swing at him, trying to fight or get away. “Stop moving.”

I press my lips together in a firm line. I refuse to relive my humiliation. Tears well in my eyes, but I refuse to let them fall.

He shakes me. “What’s your fucking problem?”

Fear and pain leave me unable to form words that will make any sense or that sound nonchalant. Anything to get me out of here. I don’t want to repeat any of what just happened by telling Jack. I want to cry, to sleep, to forget.

“Did too much food go to your brain or something?” He shakes his head. “This is what we get for letting the wildlife out of their pasture after dark.”

I shake my head in denial even as I back away. Turning, I race down the hall, shoving past the partygoers on the stairs, through the room, and away from Jack’s laughter. Tears burn in my eyes as I hear him call out over the landing, “Holy hell, I didn’t know cows ran that fast.”

There’s no need to keep quiet now. My sobs can likely be heard back at my own apartment. I thunder down the stairs of Colby’s off-campus house and race out the front door. As I’m flying down the front steps, I vow never to speak to anyone who lives in that house ever again. Just as I think I’m clear, I stumble on my shoelace and go flying onto the pavement.

Roaring laughter fills the night air.

Wobbling to my feet, I reach up and touch my face. My hand comes away with grit and blood—a hell of a lot of blood. I turn and face the crowd. “Fuck all of you,” I hiss. They go silent when they see my face.

A girl I always liked from my business classes steps forward. “Corinna…” I hold out the hand streaked with blood to ward her off.

“Just stay the hell away from me.” Woozy now from my fall, I quickly bend down and tie my shoe. Standing, I turn without another word and walk alone down the lane.

When I’m far enough away, I call a campus cab to come pick me up.

The next morning, I manage to sneak out of my off-campus apartment I share with Holly and Ali before either of them wake up. The doctors at the hospital first assumed someone had beaten me and wanted to call the local police. It was humiliating, but I recounted the story to prevent them from doing that.

After I got home from the hospital, I told Ali and Hols about how I face-planted on my way home the night before—nothing more, nothing less. Not long after, Colby knocked on our door. It was the first of many times I had Ali or Holly turn him away, preventing him from seeing me in the next week, until he graduated.

Because Colby didn’t just admit to what he truly felt about me that night. In the light of the morning, he set off a chain reaction that forced me to find out what I had.

And I can’t get rid of that as easily as ignoring it.