“So the letters in the box, Cori?” Em asks me as we finish washing the dishes from dinner.

“I honestly don’t know yet, Em,” I answer truthfully. “Whatever they are, Colby sent them years ago. Jack was hiding them because…well, you heard his reasons.”

“Yeah, let’s not mention those again tonight to Phil.” She taps a perfectly manicured nail on the box. “Aren’t you dying of curiosity?”

I don’t know what to feel about the box. I take a deep breath. For years, I’ve branded Colby the betrayer of our friendship, only to find out tonight that he was also betrayed. While I had made those decisions as a young, damaged woman, Colby never gave up on me.

Don’t I owe it to him, to myself, to read what’s in those letters?

I dry my hands and prop my chin on my fist as I lean forward, staring at the box. “Apparently, he wrote me for years.” It still is like a direct punch in the heart to find my reality shifted so drastically on all levels in such a short period of time. A tumor, Colby, Jack. The acidity of all the wine we consumed tonight begins churning in my stomach.

Em lets out a low whistle. “That takes balls.”

“What Jack did? I know,” I agree wholeheartedly.

“No, I mean Colby. He left knowing you weren’t speaking to him, right?” I nod. “And he still spent time in a room somewhere thinking about you enough to write to you? Frankly, Cori, those letters could be about the way his socks stank up a room and they’d still be better than nothing at all. You were in his head, and maybe his heart, over some pretty long years.”

Em reaches for my hand and pulls me into her arms. “How many times have we wanted to know the answers to the questions we never got a chance to ask our families? Maybe you won’t get all the answers you want, but now you can ask the right questions.” She brushes her lips against my forehead where she now knows the tumor hides behind layers of skin and bone. “Think about that, baby. Not all of us get that opportunity.”

She quietly moves out of my arms. I know Em’s parents were killed in front of her when she was young, but she never talks about it. Of all of us, her childhood from an outsider’s point of view was the most stable since she was raised by a loving family member. But Em was so traumatized by the events that happened to her, it took her years to be able to speak again, even after Cassidy and Phil found their way into her life.

Regret is only the time you waste. Even my anger and fear seem worthless in every second it’s stealing from the time I could be doing something worthwhile. Living.

Slowly, I pull the box toward me. Just by its weight, I know I’ll be up all night reading. Gathering my courage, I lift the lid and gasp.

Stuffing the box are letters of all sizes, on different types of paper. Grazing the tip of my fingertip along the unopened envelopes, I count them. Thirty-seven. Colby tried to contact me thirty-seven times, even after I pushed him out of my life without actually speaking to him. After I ran away without confronting him. My lips begin to tremble. I can’t do this with my siblings here. Slamming the lid on the box, I startle Em, who’s been wiping my counters. “Sweet Jesus, Cori. What’s in there? A snake?”

“No, Em. Worse. A mirror.” And it’s showing me the judgmental creature living inside of me. I begin to cry horrible, racking sobs.

“Maybe opening the box wasn’t such a good idea,” Em mutters.

“No. You were right.” I wipe snotty nose with the sleeve of my shirt. Em looks horrified over my perpetual misuse of clothing before she quickly reaches for a napkin, making me laugh. “I owe it to Colby, but more importantly, I owe it to myself, don’t I?” I blow my nose hard and look at my older sister for guidance.

Sighing, she brushes her fingers through my hair. “Only if you can emotionally handle it, baby. Nothing is more important than your health right now.”

Maybe Em’s right, but I know one thing is more important, and that’s finally finding true peace in a heart that hasn’t had any in eleven years before it’s too late to find any at all.

It’s late when everyone leaves. Each and every one of my siblings gives me fierce hugs and offers to stay, knowing the turmoil I’ve been through tonight would have some kind of emotional ramifications. Each one of them received the same response to their question, “Will you be okay?” thus resulting in Em ordering Holly to her house for the night and everyone leaving me alone.

Ali is the last one out the door. “You know I’m still so damn mad at you, right?”

I nod. I expected nothing less.

“But not about the tumor. How in the hell could you not tell me the whole story about Colby? I could have asked Keene do worse things to make his life hell.”

I gape at her. “Are you kidding me right now?” Keene’s been a jackass on purpose?

Ali cups my cheek before brushing her lips against it. “Told you he loved you, sister. Very few people have the balls to stand up to him. Or stand up for me. When I told him about Colby, he made it his mission to initiate the ‘fuckin’ new guy’ appropriately.” She pulls back and sighs. “He’s going to be devastated, Cori. All the guys are. I really hope you’re ready for them all to be breathing down your neck.”

To be honest, I hadn’t thought much beyond telling my family. The panic on my face must reflect that because Ali starts to laugh. “Oh, baby. If you thought you deserved the royal treatment before, I recommend you brace. Those men are going to carry you around on a damn pillow until we get you through this.”

I grin. I can’t help it. My brother and sisters have married some gorgeous men. “Now that benefit does not suck.”

Ali snickers. “If I told Keene you wanted him to do it shirtless, I wonder if he’d do it?” She taps her chin thoughtfully. Suddenly, the banter turns into tears. “Damnit, Cori.” Ali pulls me into her arms and rocks me. “I would have held your hand. How did you think I wouldn’t have gone with you to those damn appointments?”

I blink away my tears as I rest my head on Ali’s shoulder. “I know you would have. And y’all would have worried for too many years. I needed to live, Ali. I just needed to live,” I end on a whisper.

“Okay.” Her sweet voice is next to my ear. “You know we’re going to help you fight this with everything we’ve got, right?” Pulling back, she mean mugs me. “No more secrets.”

There’s none that I can think of except Colby. “Ali,” I begin hesitantly, pulling my lip between my teeth.

“Shit. There’s something else? What? Dr. Bryan’s an alien from Jupiter or some crap?” Ali snarks. She’s really been around Keene too much lately.

I roll my eyes. “No, he’s human. It’s just… Colby knows already.”

I wait for the explosion. Three…two…

I don’t even get to one.

“How? How does Colby know before your family?” Ali seethes.

“Because he had to get a test performed at the same hospital where I had my last MRI. He saw me there. That’s why he came to see me yesterday.” My voice betrays my exhaustion.

Ali begins pacing, which is never a good sign. Finally, she speaks. “Were you going to tell us just about your problem with Colby before you saw him, or were you going to tell us everything?”

I lean back against a wall and sigh. “Everything, Ali, I swear. What I was waiting on were the test results. The only thing I didn’t expect to tell you about tonight was the letters.” I nod over toward the island where the box still sits, waiting for me. “Then again, I had no idea they existed.”

Ali stops her agitated motion. “Do you want me to stay while you open them?”

I appreciate her generous offer, knowing she needs to go home to Keene and Kalie, and to release her emotions. I shake my head. “No, hon. You need to head home. I’ll call you if I need anything.”

Ali’s gives me her best courtroom intimidating glare. “Promise?”

I reach for her hand. “I promise. I’m not hiding anything else.” I give her fingers a sharp squeeze and tell her, “Go. Go give Kalie a kiss for me, and go tell your intimidating hunk this hasn’t impacted my aim yet.”

Ali barks out a laugh before a tear falls down her face. “Knowing Keene, he’d welcome being a target for your anger and frustration if you need it, baby.” Giving me a quick kiss on the cheek, she murmurs, “I love you, Cori. Call for anything, no matter how big or small.”

“I will,” I whisper. I need some time to absorb everything that’s happened today. Between the news of my imminent surgery, Jack’s betrayal, my family finding out, and Colby, I just need to do what I can to nourish my soul.

Ali peers into my eyes one last time, then sweeps out my door. I close it softly behind her.

Finally, I’m alone—as alone as I can be with a million thoughts circling my brain for space in an attempt to make some order of the path my life has taken.

I’ve had my quota of life-changing events for the day, but something is pulling me toward the box on the table. The neurons and synapses firing away are telling me to open that box instead of figuring out how my part of the business will operate while I’m out on medical leave.

One letter, I promise myself as I make my way back to the counter. Just one.

Pulling the box toward me, I spin it around and rest my hands on the lid a moment.

Just one, I repeat.

I take off the lid, put it to the side, and pull out the letter closest to me, dated over ten years ago. Well, here goes nothing. Slipping my nail under the flap, I slice the envelope open with a flourish.

I slide out the thick sheets of paper and briefly close my eyes. You can do this, Cori, I promise myself.

What can be in these letters that can hurt you now?

Seven hours and thirty-seven letters later, I know the answer.

Love. Hope. Loyalty. Faith. They can hurt just as much as a betrayal.

I stumble into my office to find a pen and paper, as a batch of caramel chocolate brownies finishes in my oven. After making my way back into the kitchen, I start a new pot of coffee, having drunk a full one overnight. Hearing the timer go off, I pull the brownies from the oven and leave them to cool on a rack, knowing they need to be just right to pack up.

I’m barely awake when I sit down with the pen and paper in my hand. Taking a deep breath, I start.

“Dear Colby…”