“Scissors? It’s too big to get out in one piece.”

“No, not yet. I’m going to try to massage it out.”

“Seriously, Moser? Are you fucking kidding?”

“It’s not large enough to be a problem, and it’s too close to the ICAs to try to use anything sharp to go after it. If I nick something, I risk her bleeding out. Ah, there you are, you little bitch. Come to Daddy…”

“Not even Genoa is appealing.” Em shoves her sandwich away from her. “I’m too damn worried to eat.”

“I never thought I’d ever say that.” Holly eyes her slice of pizza tragically. “It’s almost making me nauseous.”

Caleb winces. “Sorry, guys. I thought asking Charlie to make a run would be a good idea.”

“It was a great idea, my love,” Cassidy consoles him. “Maybe if we heard some kind of news that was substantial, Caleb.”

“These hourly updates aren’t telling us dick,” Phil bitches.

“Lord knows if we wanted to talk about dick, you’re the guy we should go to,” Ali jokes weakly.

“Alison, must you encourage him?” Keene throws down his sandwich in disgust.

“Yes, because I need something to distract me, and I didn’t prepare for this kind of agony, Keene.” Ali’s face crumbles. “What if we get this far and they walk in that damn door and she’s not Corinna anymore? What if she can’t walk or talk or speak?” Jumping up from the table, she runs to the door.

“Shit, I was waiting for this to happen,” Keene mumbles, racing after her.

Charlie sits down next to me. “Don’t have much of an appetite myself.”

My sandwich sits untouched before me. The idea of eating is nauseating, to say the least. The closer we get to the end, the more anxious I’m starting to become. Stomach beginning to churn, I wonder if something’s going wrong in the OR.

And it’s been more than an hour and a half since Corinna last told me to locate something in the big purple bag. My cell phone hasn’t gone off. I’ve checked my alerts; none have been missed. I need her “voice” right now. I’m going crazy wanting to protect her, and unable to fight against the vortex trying to take her from me.

As my morose thoughts consume me and desperation sets in, my cell phone alarm goes off. 12:45 PM. Purple bag. Ziploc 5. I didn’t forget about you. You guys needed to eat! By now you should know the drill. Love, Corinna

Finally. My chin drops to my chest in a silent prayer.

There she is.

Standing, I pull the bag from under the table and plop it in my chair.

“Cori sent another message?” Holly exclaims excitedly.

“Yes. She said she wanted us to eat first.”

Ali catches the tail end of what I’m saying as she and Keene come back into the room. “Not even for her could I eat her chocolate cake right now. Gimme,” she demands as she rushes over.

“Such patience.” I hand her the card with her name on it. Keene saunters up more slowly. “Here’s yours.” Lowering my voice, I ask, “Is she okay?”

“About as okay as the Apollo 13 crew was knowing they wouldn’t touch down on the moon.”

“Right,” I mutter, ripping into my own card.

The colored card stock seems innocuous enough. It’s the scrawled words, “I can’t imagine this day without you!” in the center that grips my heart in a vise so tight, I can’t breathe.

There are no options without Corinna.

I open the card with dread.

The best parts of me don’t work the same way without you in my life. I should know. I tried for too many years. Love, Corinna

Holding the card to my lips, the closest I can get to kissing her right now, I think, Neither do mine, princess. That’s why I need this day to hurry up so I can know all our parts will work right together.

Forever.

Instead of reaching for my journal right away, I give myself some time. It’s getting harder and harder in between Corinna’s words. I don’t know if this is what she wants me to do. I just know it’s what I need. Other than random comments here and there, I’m so disjointed from the rest of the occupants of the room. The person I need to talk with is fighting through the dark for her life, my life, our love.

And her words are the only thing keeping my sanity anywhere in this stratosphere.

I manage to hold back until the patient advocate comes in and says the words we’ve been waiting for.

The tumor has been isolated and is in the process of being removed.

The minute she leaves, my knees collapse and I flop into the chair. My feet bump the bag under the table, and suddenly, I need her voice in my head holding up her end of our ongoing conversation.

I reach for the journal and the last place I left off.

My Colby,

You should know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I love you.

The woman I was before is eclipsed by the one I am now because of your love. Maybe I needed to go on without you to know I could survive, but I’d never be alive without the gift of you now that you’re indelibly buried in my heart. Where I can’t picture a day without you in my mind? Perhaps.

Now, I can appreciate the honor you wear isn’t just a word but part of your soul. Much like the tumor that sits in my head. And with that honor comes truth, loyalty, and love.

I know you love me too. And because of that, I will fight the darkness to come back to you.

Know that.

Believe in that.

Because it’s your name that will bring me back from the abyss. Your lips that will give me air I need to breathe. Your love that will keep my heart beating.

Love,

Corinna

Without reading any further, I take my newest card and place it in the journal. Whether or not she meant for me to move on, I don’t know.

I’ll never know.