Cassidy
“Cameron! It’s time to get up!” Trying to get my son out of bed on a morning is a total nightmare. I usually shout him three times and if he still doesn’t get up I have to manually drag him out of bed, most of the time anyway. This morning I have no patience though.
Pouring another cup of coffee - black, I prepare his breakfast. I didn’t sleep a wink last night, which doesn’t make for a happy Cassidy. I’m really not a morning person anyway but no sleep makes it a whole lot worse. Add in the events of last night and I’m sooo cranky.
“CAM!” Aarggh!
“I’m up!” He trudges into the kitchen sleepily still rubbing his eyes as he eats his porridge and drinks a glass of orange juice.
“Why are you in a bad mood?”
“I’m not. I’m just tired.”
I bite into my toast while he eats his breakfast. I can’t get Elliott out of my head. He looked so hurt on Friday night. When he said he was leaving again, I felt empty, even though the only time we’ve spent together is to argue or bitch at one another. Fuck, I want him so badly. I would have let him fuck me against that wall on Saturday night in all honesty if that door hadn’t opened! Man, can he still kiss. He knows just how to get me, even after ten years apart.
I can’t.
I need to sort all this shit out. Even if all my old feelings for him came flooding back, but if the truth is to be known - they never left me.
I have to tell him about Cam, I can’t leave him thinking he’s someone else’s, or have someone else tell him or he’ll never forgive me, and he’ll hate me even more.
“I think we need to have a chat after school is that okay.”
“Why?” He turns to me with a confused expression.
“No reason, we just need to have a chat.”
“Okay, does that mean no PlayStation?” He asks as he screws his nose up.
“Yes. No PlayStation right away, I just want five minutes to talk.”
“Okaaay.” He sighs. Standing from his chair he pushes it out and runs back up upstairs to get dressed.
Half an hour later, I’m dropping Cam off at the school gates. On my way back home, I take a diversion and pull up outside the house I spent most of my teens at. Even before I was Elliott’s girlfriend, I was always around. I used to admire from afar always wishing he’d look at me like I looked at him, always hoping for a chance. We were all friends but Dale being the same age as me; I used to say I was there to see him and the music, but he knew better, he never held it against me.
Sitting away from the house, I see what must be Elliott’s car because I know that’s not Dale’s.
I probably shouldn’t be here... I’m playing with fire, but something has drawn me here. In a way I’m glad, but then I suppose we have to get ready for the showdown because it’s not going to be easy. I can’t believe Matt showed up, the one night I didn’t want him to - now I have to explain that car crash relationship too. We’re not even together really, he was just to fill the gap, but I’ve been trying to break it off for months, I’m not the kind to have casual relationships which is why he has only been introduced as a friend to Cam...
Saturday night when he was out with me was my fault though. Matt didn’t want to go there. I’m usually working but I didn’t want to be anywhere else, I think I wanted to find out for myself if he’d left or not and of course he hadn’t, so I decided to make the most of my night off and danced.
He looked gorgeous and smelled so good when he was pressed up against me on that wall. His dark jeans and his V-neck dark t-shirt with his scattered chest hair peeking from underneath. My mouth watered, and a tingling in my belly started when he caged me in with his thick forearms, the muscles tensing as he held me there. I’m so fucked
Elliott stepped back off me when the front door to the pub banged. A knowing smirk pulled at his mouth, his eyes boring into me leaving me exposed made me shiver, he knows I can’t resist, as much as I keep trying. He turned and walked away again, my eyes closing until I heard that all familiar voice of Matt, shaking me from my hypnotic state. Elliott has always had a way with me and still has. Breathing deep and expelling the breath that’s threatening to stifle me, my fists ball and open before opening my eyes and seeing him in front of me waiting for an explanation with a raised eyebrow. I didn’t give him chance to say anything though, instead I went back inside, heading straight for the bar.
He’s definitely not the kid that left town ten years ago... he had an impressive body then but nothing on the way he looks now.
I spend the day cleaning the house. I’ve scrubbed everywhere to get rid of this agitation, but it’s not worked. My stomach is on edge, all I’ve done today is drink coffee and haven’t eaten anything since my toast this morning. It’s three pm now. Cam gets the bus back with his friends on an afternoon, but I make sure to drop him off in the morning to make sure he’s there on time. My nerves are shot now waiting for him to come back. My foot bounces on the floor as I drink more coffee - maybe I should stop it’s making me more anxious.
I keep watching the clock, where is he? It’s now nearing four o’clock, the one day I ask him to come straight back...
The door bangs shut five minutes later and in walks my son, shirt hanging out, trainers on - not the school shoes I sent him to school in.
“Cameron, where are your shoes?”
“In my bag. I left my trainers on after P.E.”
He drops his bag by the door and slumps onto the couch. My stomach flips knowing I have to have this conversation with him now, but I have to do it, I need to pull up the big girl knickers and just tell him. I have to get it out of the way, not just for me but for Elliott and most of all Cam deserves to know his Dad.
“Cam, I need to tell you something, sweetheart.”
He gives me a vacant look, he must think I’m just overreacting to something.
“Okay, before I start, I need you to know that I did it in your best interests, okay?”
He nods while watching the telly. Grabbing the remote I switch it off.
“What you do that for?”
“Because, we need to talk!” I tell him exasperated.
He sighs at me but gives me his full attention.
“Right, remember a few years back when you asked if you had a Dad, well, obviously, you have a Dad, but - well I told you he left us. He didn’t.”
Cam snaps his head to me. “He left to go touring. He was in a band - a singer. I loved him, I didn’t want him to leave but he had to.”
My eyes begin to sting as I feel the tears prickling. “When he left to tour, I didn’t know I was having you until after he left.”
“So why didn’t you tell him about me after?”
“I never got the chance. I didn’t want him to leave, but I didn’t want to be the one he threw his dream away for. He would never have forgiven me, Cam. It’s my fault you haven’t had your Dad around.”
“Even for me, you didn’t want him around?”
“It wasn’t that I didn’t want him around, I did. It’s complicated. I don’t expect you to really understand yet.”
My knee is still bouncing up and down. I won’t lie to him anymore, I can’t, otherwise, he’ll find out and hate me even more.
“Have you told him about me yet?”
“No. I wanted to tell you first.”
“I have a Dad and he’s here... living here?” I nod again. I put my arm around his shoulder, but he shrugs it off. He looks at me but doesn’t say anything, he gets up and storms out of the room, runs upstairs, the slam of his bedroom door echoes around the house.
“SHIT! That went really well.”