Chapter Twenty-Three
Mexican music played softly in the dim lit restaurant. Jade felt the weight of Jeremy’s stare through every bite of her fajita. “You’re going to give me a complex if you don’t stop staring.”
“Can we talk about it?”
She rested her fork on the edge of the plate and sighed. She knew he wouldn’t just let it go. “What do you want me to do, Jeremy?”
“I want you to go to the police.”
“And say what? I woke up months ago, I have no recollection of what happened, now I’m pregnant, and I’m pretty sure the guy’s a bad driver? How far do you think they’ll get with a lead like that?”
His eyes narrowed. “How can you be so cavalier about all this?”
She scoffed. “Cavalier? Are you kidding me?”
“What if they can help you?”
“What if they can’t?”
“But what if they can?”
This was getting nowhere. “Jeremy … can you just try to think like a woman for a minute? That man, whoever he is, did something horribly repulsive to me and I was defenseless. I didn’t get to defend myself or even protect my body when it happened. He took something from me I will never get back. Do you think he couldn’t do it again? I’m not saying that will happen, but it’s a fear I face every day. I literally pray it was a one-time thing and I make bargains with myself, promising if nothing like that ever happens to me again, I won’t retaliate for the one time it did happen. Do you think that’s the thinking of a brave person? It’s not. I’ll never be as brave as I was and you will never know what it’s like to have a stranger inside of you without your permission.”
“Men get raped, Jade.”
“Look at you and look at me. Maybe if I was your size I’d be a little less timid, but I’m tiny. I’m scared. And I’m having a baby. I couldn’t protect myself, but I will protect my child. The best way for me to do that is by moving forward and leaving the past behind.”
“Then let me do some digging. I swear I won’t use your name and I promise not to do anything to put you or the baby in danger.”
“Jeremy… No.”
He sighed, clearly not agreeing with her, but he no longer pressed her. They drove to his place after the restaurant and Jade needed to get clean. It had been one of those days that just made her feel dirty.
“Can I use your shower?”
“Sure. You know where it is.”
Looking back at him, seeing the tension he now carried, she gave up. “You can’t use my name.”
He turned and frowned, and then he understood she was giving him permission to investigate. “I won’t.”
A nervous smile turned her lips. “And … thanks. For caring so much.”
His smile mirrored hers. “I’ll always care about you, Jade.”
She was starting to believe that.
As Jade pulled the shower curtain back, she reached for the towel Jeremy left on the vanity. Wiping the steam-coated mirror, she stared at her reflection, replaying their conversation. Her number one priority was keeping her baby safe and she didn’t want anyone coming after her because they felt threatened.
Jeremy promised he’d do everything necessary to keep her and the baby safe. Discretion was key. Chloe was right. He was an alpha. As soon as she gave him permission to get actively involved, he seemed satisfied.
What else was Chloe was right about? Did Jeremy love her? She had a hunch that she very much loved him, but that was one of those pesky thoughts better left ignored for now.
Sleeping with Jeremy would confirm that she was ready to move on from her tragedy and reclaim her life. But the fear of an emotional crisis in the midst of intimacy made her hesitant.
Why did it have to be complicated? She wanted him. He wanted her. But more than anything, she wanted normal. She wanted to forget.
Staring at her reflection, she whispered, “You want to have sex with Jeremy Larson.” Big shock there.
It shouldn’t have to be complicated. Love didn’t need to play a part in it. People had casual sex all the time. She could do this—would do this, because she trusted him.
He definitely took up a space in her heart. He was her friend—her super sexy friend. She should be sleeping with him. If her life hadn’t derailed right before Kat’s wedding, she’d be a seasoned veteran by now in terms of sleeping with Jeremy. There was no doubt.
But now … now there were all these unexpected emotions clouding her perception. He was more than her hot friend, more than a body she wanted to conquer. In a way, he was her hero—always looking out for her and trying to protect her.
You’re in love with him.
Shut up. Sex is sex. Don’t make it out to be more than it is.
Her mind was made up. She was going to sleep with him and she was not going to mess everything up with big, four letter words like love.
Do not screw this up.
As she left the bathroom, she found a folded pair of Jeremy’s sweats on the bed with an old T-shirt that said Navy. Yep, she was bagging herself a sailor tonight.
Making her way downstairs, she found him sitting on the couch quietly talking on the phone. She sat beside him and pulled the afghan over her feet. He smiled and pulled her into his side.
“You did?” He smiled and adjusted the phone. “Without falling once? Well, that’s great. Hmm, maybe if you ask Santa he will bring you some ice skates of your own.” He paused and laughed. “Well, then, you’re just going to have to be extra good.”
She gathered he was talking to Mia and remembered she had a field trip this week to go ice-skating with her class.
“Okay, Princess. I love you, too. Be good for Mommy. Bye, baby.”
As he hung up the phone she turned to him and asked, “Mia have her field trip today?”
“Yup. Now she wants to be an Olympic gold medalist. You look sexy in my Navy shirt.”
“It’s the first thing I’ve worn in weeks that hasn’t cut off my circulation.”
“Don’t start,” he warned. “You want to watch a movie? I won’t hold it against you if you nap.”
Love. Love. Love. Love.
“Then yes.” She smiled while internally growling at her stupid subconscious.
Snuggling deeper into his side, she shut her eyes as he selected a movie. She guessed it was a comedy by the way laugher occasionally rumbled in his chest, but she couldn’t keep her eyes open long enough to be sure. A while later she stretched awake to find her face pressed into his hard abdomen.
“Have a nice nap?”
“Mmm, I forgot where I was. You’re a good pillow.”
“That’s what I’m here for.” He winked and brushed her hair away from her face with his fingers.
“How was your movie?”
“Sucked. Some people just try too hard to be Jim Carey.”
“Yes, there are only a few of us who are naturally funny. It’s a gift really.” Shifting, she rolled to sit up.
“Where you going? I was comfy.”
“I have to tinkle.”
When she returned to the living room Jeremy wasn’t there. She followed the clank of dishes coming from the kitchen.
“What do you have there?” she asked, spotting the heaping bowl of ice cream.
“Cookies and Cream, but it’s all for me.” He glided past her, holding the bowl out of her reach.
“I happen to know that if you don’t give me that bowl, you’ll get a very nasty sty.”
“What?” He laughed as he dropped to the couch.
“It’s true. The woman at my work told me. If you deny a pregnant woman what she craves you’ll get a sty. It’s a fact.”
“Really? Then I better give you everything you crave.” He spooned a dollop of ice cream into her mouth and kissed her. “Mmm, delicious.”
She licked her lips as he took his own bite, his gaze smoldering as he slowly pulled the spoon from his mouth. They took turns, chasing each bite with a kiss. The press of the cool spoon on her tongue, the weight of the metal in her mouth, the sensual way she sucked it clean and swallowed slowly; it was culinary foreplay at its best.
“Have I satisfied all of your cravings this evening, Ms. Schultz?” His husky voice reeked of implication as she placed the bowl on the coffee table.
Easing back, she tried to match his smolder. “You’re getting warmer.”
“Well…” Stretching over her, he pressed his lips to hers. “I aim to please. You taste like cookies.”
Their bodies pressed together, molding to each other’s contours, as he took her mouth. Their hands searched over one another. His palms gently cupped her breasts, respecting their new tenderness. Brushing her fingers over the bulge of his pants, he growled into her mouth.
She worked the button of his jeans free and he caught her wrist. “Let’s go upstairs.”
Lacing his fingers in hers, he stood and pulled her to her feet, only to kiss her again. Her arms wreathed his neck as he lifted her, cupping her ass.
“Wrap your legs around my hips.” He nipped at her neck and her thighs tightened around his waist. He carried her toward the stairs, detouring to lock the front door and explore her throat with his tongue.
His breath tickled over the shell of her ear as her body pulsed and quivered. Her legs tightened around him to relieve some of the pressure. He groaned and carried her up the steps.
As they entered his room, he kicked the door shut behind them and lowered her to the mattress, his body covering hers like a blanket.
“Clothes. Off. Now,” she panted between kisses, as she tugged at his T-shirt.
Pulling his shirt over his head, he tossed it to the floor. Undoing the drawstring at her waist, he slid the borrowed sweats off her legs and raised an eyebrow when he saw she went commando.
“I, too, aim to please,” she remarked and pulled her shirt off.
His hands slid from her ankles to her knees, slowly pressing her thighs apart and exposing her sex. Heat caressed her folds with every breath. The first swipe of his tongue had her body pulling taut. His fingers pressed into the soft flesh at her thighs as his tongue deeply licked. Her fingers locked in his hair as the pleasure intensified, slamming through her. His mouth moved to the sensitive peak at the cleft of her sex and sucked, driving the waves of ecstasy higher.
Sweet euphoria took hold and she broke, shattering into a million shards of bliss. Breathy sighs sang his name as he continued to pleasure her through the tremors. Her muscles flexed and pulsed with each jolt of exquisite sensation.
He pressed an affectionate kiss on her tummy as his lips coasted to the underside of her breasts where he licked and teased.
“Tell me if I hurt you,” he whispered as his mouth closed over her taut nipple.
The sensation was so extremely acute it nearly had her coming again. She gave a hoarse cry and he paused.
“No good?”
“Good, good … don’t stop…” she panted and he returned his wicked mouth to her nipple.
He gently sucked and nibbled as her hands roved over his muscular back, a masterpiece of chiseled bulges and dips. She longed to run her tongue over every hill and valley. She pressed at his shoulder.
He lifted, his face flush with arousal, and she nudged his shoulder. “On your back, sailor.”
Sliding over his legs, she lowered the zipper. His arousal tightened the denim, but once she had his fly undone, she unceremoniously tugged his jeans off his legs.
“Eager?” he teased, as she yanked his briefs next.
She crawled between his muscular thighs. Gaze fixated, her lips parted. There was nothing disappointing there.
Moving his arms to the pillows, he folded them behind his head. His arrogant expression made her want to shatter his control all the more.
The hair on his thighs tickled her sensitive breasts as she leaned closer. She licked across his hips and he moaned, his cock twitching as she drew closer. Without using her hands, she nuzzled the swollen head of his cock with her cheek and then licked from the root to tip.
His stomach muscles jumped and another moan escaped his lips. She gave him a look of promise before she took him into her mouth, swallowing him to the hilt. Breath hissed through his teeth as his hands knotted in her hair, clamping her to him.
“Jesus, Jade…” Her scalp tingled and her eyes watered as his grip tightened. “I’ve had so many fantasies about your sexy fucking mouth. Yes…”
Her fingernails dug into his rigid thighs and he let her up only to lead her back down. Apparently, Jeremy liked control.
“Tighter. Fuck.” His hips jerked, stabbing deeper, as he held her to him.
Her body tightened at the dominant show. Gazing up at him through glassy eyes, his expression was warped with pure pleasure. “Yes,” he hissed. “Let me see those eyes.”
He rammed his cock deeper, thrusting and using her mouth. It was scary and exciting and absolutely thrilling to see him so impassioned. Her thighs were wet, her pussy clenching with the need to be filled as he fucked her mouth.
“Enough.” He flipped her to her back and kissed her hard. Urgent energy coursed through the air, matching the burning need pumping through her veins.
She bit his lip and he playfully bit back. His hand moved to her wet pussy, where he quickly delved past her folds with two long fingers. Her hips bucked, meeting his frenzied rhythm. He added another finger as his eyes locked with hers.
“More?” He rasped and she nodded. This was it.
He reached into the nightstand drawer and pulled out a condom. “How will you be most comfortable? How do you like it?” Sliding the condom over his straining erection, he continued to tease her clit as if unable to stop touching her for even a second.
“I like it from behind, but maybe we should start like this.”
She didn’t know if sex would feel different now. Sure the baby was only the size of a peach, but that apparently was big enough to make her bladder feel like it was being crushed by an anvil, so who knew what else it affected in that region?
He spread her thighs and leaned into the cradle of her hips. His cock nudged at her opening but didn’t penetrate. She waited for the dreaded panic to take hold but found nothing but eagerness in her mind. Resting his weight on his elbows next to her head, his eyes met hers as the world slowed to a stop.
Such intensity showed in his gaze, it was difficult to hold his stare. “I love you, Jade.”
Before she could reply, time sped forward, seeming to move twice as fast and his lips pressed to hers in a soul-shattering kiss. His cock sank deep and their mouths slowed.
This was it. Jeremy was finally inside of her. It was a surreal moment. He gradually pulled back, his body lifting and steadily moving over hers, his gaze traveling back with increasing emotion hidden in the depths of his stare.
Despite his steady pace, her mind raced. He loved her? Tears welled in her eyes and she blinked them back, not wanting to get lost in the significance of the words. Maybe it just slipped out in the heat of the moment.
Wrapping her legs around his hips, urging him deeper, showing him she wouldn’t break, she pulled him closer. His confident strokes pressed deeper as her mind and body tipped into an overwhelming sea of pleasure.
His chest, glistening with perspiration, skidded over her nipples as her center tightened and pulsed. She dug her heels into his ass and urged him on. Their bodies rocked together as they built momentum and the room filled with their moans and the scent of sex.
“Can you handle more?” he asked between breaths and he smiled when she nodded. He pulled out. “On your knees.”
She quickly readjusted her position. He moved behind her, placing a kiss at the nape of her neck. A calloused finger trailed down her spine to the cleft of her ass.
Following the crease, he glided his finger over her rear and paused. “This will be negotiated later.”
She shivered and he aligned himself with her sex. His hand gripped her flesh as he thrust. Slamming her body back into his, she moaned. Her eyes closed as she luxuriated in his complete possession. His hand slid under her body and found her clit, the dual stimulation her undoing.
She frantically rocked her hips as their bodies came together. The sound of their slick flesh colliding filled the room as did their needy cries. He pistoned in and out of her as his fingers rubbed her clit in tight little circles.
Sensation grew, tightening into a knot at her center. Her toes pointed as her calf muscles locked. The walls of her sex fluttered and constricted around his cock with such intensity her climax might have been an act of God.
His hands squeezed her ass as he slid forward, pressing his face into her shoulder. His chest shuddered as he panted her name. She collapsed to the mattress as he tumbled onto his back by her side.
“That was…” he breathed.
“Fucking … amazing,” she finished for him on a wheeze.
They smiled and laughed as they struggled to catch their breath, the moment taking on weight as the subtle levity passed, making room for something too big for her tired mind to contemplate. Suddenly shy, she shut her eyes and snuggled close to him.
No need to address his outburst. No need to ruin the perfect moment.
She awoke sometime in the middle of the night, needing to use the bathroom. As she quietly returned to the bedroom she paused to look at Jeremy. His sleeping expression was completely serene.
One arm draped across his chest as it moved with the slow ebb and flow of his breathing. His right leg was twisted in the blankets, his bare hip and left leg peeking out of the covers in the center of the bed.
Her gaze followed the length of his exposed skin as she moved around the bed, quietly climbing onto the mattress. A trail of scars peppered his thigh. Interspersed with the pale nicks and healed cuts, were larger markings. There was a jagged welt below his hip on his outer thigh and much straighter scars surrounding his knee, likely made by a surgeon’s scalpel.
Her fingers drifted to the mark at her shoulder. Scars were funny little bookmarks of life. She had one on her knee from when her dad taught her to ride her bike without training wheels. That one made her feel proud. She had another on her hand from when she tried to be a hot shot chef in her first apartment. That one reminded her to be cautious.
Then there was this one, on her shoulder... No matter what she told herself about being an innocent victim, that one only made her feel shame.
What did his scars remind him of? Leaning forward, she placed a kiss on the largest scar of his thigh. The linens rustled as his breathing changed. Glancing up, she found him watching her with curious eyes.
“Do you hate them?” she asked.
His expression remained unreadable, and she worried this wasn’t something he talked about. “I did at first. Now, I don’t even see them.”
He scooted toward the head of the bed and she curled into the curve of his arm. His hand stilled her fingers as they traced the scar at her shoulder. She hadn’t realized she was doing that.
“I hate this more,” he whispered, gently touching hers.
“Does it bother you? To see it, I mean.”
She hated that he might see part of her as disgusting, but she couldn’t argue with that judgment. The sight of that curious little mark repulsed her too.
“It only bothers me because of what it represents,” he murmured, placing a soft kiss on her temple. “In no way does it take away from your beauty, if that’s what you’re wondering.”
“I despise it.”
They lay silently for a long time in the dimly lit room, their hands tracing over each other’s bodies, learning every nook and cranny. There was something so peaceful about lying in his arms, something she’d never felt with anyone else. It was real and real was always better.
“Jeremy?”
“Yeah, baby?”
“I love you, too.”