Chapter One
“Now, Momma?” Young Mia’s whisper echoed over the guests’ hushed chatter and the organ music.
“Not yet, babe,” Kat, Mia’s mother, repeated for the thirteenth time while flattening a trembling palm over the ivory satin of her wedding gown. “Kiki has to go first.”
Mia turned her anxious grin on Jade, who she adoringly referred to as Kiki since she was able to first talk. The stuffy air in the back of the chapel took crinoline to a new level of unpleasant. In the small, stuffy space the itchy material grated over Jade’s already sweaty skin. Sunlight filtered through the glass, adding another layer of heat to the sultry air. Jade fiddled with her flowers and dabbed the perspiration beading at her brow before it melted her makeup. God, she was a wreck.
“Okay, Jade, it’s your turn.” The uppity wedding planner offered a tight lipped smile.
Jade wanted nothing more than to jam that clipboard right up her haughty ass. Thank God all this planning would be over tomorrow. Although, if there was nothing to plan things might get a little too real for her to handle.
“Take it slow and smile,” the woman added.
Fluffing her chocolate taffeta gown, Jade took a deep breath, anxious to exit the compact foyer and breathe something other than recycled air. The tall, wooden doors parted and a gust of welcome central air chilled her clammy face. August in Pennsylvania, as usual, meant highs near the hundreds and humidity thick enough to kill a bridesmaid. Really, what was wrong with an autumn wedding?
Nerves thinner than a spider web, she slowly stepped out of the sweltering vestibule, onto the burgundy runner and froze. A sea of cheery faces stared as she choked on the scent of her Casablanca lilies. As her grip tightened on the bouquet a pin stabbed her finger through the floral tape and she clenched her teeth, hissing in a breath.
The organ music faded into a white noise, suffocating her in deafening silence. At the pulpit, Tyson, Kat’s groom, tilted his head to the side, his dark brow creased with a look of concern.
Focus, Jade! Focus! Just breathe.
The creak of timeworn wooden pews echoed in the woozy blur of sounds and she swayed, her hollow smile wilting as the expectant organ cords thrummed, urging her forward. Exposed and yet somehow claustrophobic, she broke into a full body sweat, a trickle of perspiration racing down her spine.
Too many people. Is he here?
Jeremy stepped into the aisle, his worried gaze locking with hers. His brow creased as his palm uncurled in a silent plea for her hand. Across the distance separating them, Jade mentally clung to his invitation like the last lifeline she had left.
Jeremy.
He was so strong. A week ago he was her highest priority. That towering, muscular body, all bronzed sinew, and well-sculpted muscle, had consumed her thoughts, depleted her battery supply, and fed countless fantasies. But looking at him now, she only recognized security. Jeremy was safety.
Taking a wobbly step, she moved sluggishly toward that outstretched hand. The reverberation of music bloomed with each careful stride as she neared the front of the chapel. So long as his gaze held hers she didn’t need to acknowledge all the strangers watching them.
This wasn’t her. She wasn’t some weak little woman who needed a man to guide her every step of the way. She was strong, damn it. She was smart and independent and knew how to make shit happen—until…
Oh, fuck, was she lost forever? She hated the paranoia that set in after…
She just hated it. This wasn’t her. But, regardless of her denial and what she knew of the woman she had always been, right now, in this moment with a hundred strangers staring her down with expectation, she did not feel strong. She felt terrified. And the urge to run and hide under the bulk of Jeremy’s protective body was swallowing her whole.
With quickened breaths, she loosened her fists strangling the bouquet and reached for him. His steady fingers trapped her trembling ones as he offered her a comforting squeeze. Sweet relief stole a good deal of her tension as he led her the rest of the way to the altar.
His hold loosened and she was once again on unsteady ground. Jerking her gaze to his, panic pierced her lungs and her throat constricted around a plea begging him not to let go. His secure touch fell away as her stomach dipped, bile rising in her gut.
Do not get sick! Do not get sick!
The lump of unwelcome emotion clogging her throat grew like a gigantic pill she couldn’t gulp down. Her stare followed Jeremy as he took his seat and she winced as her neck twisted, chafing raw flesh of her shoulder. The newly acquired wound reintroduced itself with a sharp hiss of shame and her composure faltered, tears welling in her eyes.
They’ll think they’re happy tears. No one knows. Deep breath… Deep breath…
She was trapped in a steady attempt to piece back the events of the last few days in order to make sense of her unwanted reality. But there was no making sense of anything. The only thing she knew about the other night, the unwanted brutality her body had unconsciously endured, was that the brand burned into her shoulder would never match the pain forever scored into her heart.
A tear slipped past her lashes and she quickly brushed it away. Why? How many were there? Who did this to me?
Blinking through tears of panic, she focused on Mia making her way down the aisle. Prettier than an Anne Geddes portrait, her best friend’s four-year-old sprinkled the runner with rose petals as guests hummed at the majestic promenade.
The music shifted as pews creaked and guests stood to watch the processional. The double doors opened, painting a white silhouette around Kat and her father. Her simple, ivory gown sparkled in the sunlight as they took their first steps.
Emotion swept through Jade with the force of a brush fire. This was Kat’s moment, which was why her best friend knew nothing of Jade’s inner turmoil.
“Please be seated,” the reverend announced as Kat reached the front.
Aged wood groaned under the heft of guests taking their pews and Jade’s attention zeroed in on the unrecognizable faces, looking for any familiar detail that might trigger a memory from the other night.
Nothing.
She recognized almost everyone, aside from a few of Tyson’s much older relatives. But none of the faces satisfied her memory. This wasn’t normal. Something from that night had to come back to her.
“And now a reading from the Gospel of Luke.”
Jade blinked at Kat who sent her a wide-eyed, expectant look. Her mind scrambled to interpret what the look meant—Oh, the reading.
Passing her flowers to Tyson’s sister, Gloria, she stepped up to the podium. Glancing at the scripture, she took a deep breath and tried to still her fingers from shaking.
Her heart pounded in her chest like caged lightning. Licking her suddenly dry lips she dabbed her damp hairline with the back of her hand as her vision rippled. A wave of dizziness had her gripping the podium for balance.
She opened her mouth, but no words came out. Her eyes drifted to each man, tall, short, dark, light, blond, bald, and brown hair. Is he here? Is he watching me now?
She looked back at the reading. The words scrambled across the page, lacking sense and clarity, nothing more than faded hieroglyphics. She tried to swallow, but her throat couldn’t force the motion. Saliva gathered in her mouth.
Her knees shook as everyone stared at her expectantly. She couldn’t do this. She couldn’t stand there in front of all those strangers—
A hand closed over hers and squeezed, jerking her out of her frantic thoughts and ripping her stare away from the guests. Her gaze flung from the jumbled reading to dark green eyes. Jeremy.
His skin was warm, his hold firm and strong. A familiar sense of security allowed oxygen into her lungs.
“A reading from the Gospel of Luke,” he announced, tone unshakably strong.
She stared at his hand, still holding hers. Soothed by the deep baritone cadence of his voice, she concentrated on the rhythmic thrum of each word as it wove past his lips.
When he finished the reading, he angled the microphone away and whispered, “I think you need to sit down.”
Holding onto her hand, he led her to his pew. Kat’s brow creased with concern, but the bride’s attention was quickly pulled back to the ceremony as the reverend announced it was time for the vows.