Chapter Twenty
The impressive thing about having protective men in her life was that they were very helpful when it came to moving heavy things. The locks Jeremy had installed at her apartment were impressive, but no longer needed. However, he had all intentions of upgrading the locks at the cottage before she officially moved in. He was a worrywart about security and, although she teased him for it, deep down she truly appreciated the measures he took to make her feel safe.
On move in day, Mia watched a DVD in the living room of the cottage while Tyson and Jeremy transported the last of Jade’s belongings from her apartment. Being that she and Kat were both pregnant, the men didn’t want them overtaxing themselves, so they stuck to the bedroom—sorting and unloading Jade’s personal items.
“I don’t understand why someone who wears scrubs to work needs so many clothes,” Kat mumbled from deep within the closet.
Jade sat on the carpet stuffing jeans into random drawers. “Clothes are my one vice.”
These jeans were never going to fit. Thank God there was a closet in the spare bedroom. Giving up, she huffed and stretched out on the carpet, leaving a clog of denim hanging from the dresser.
Kat classified her footwear by height and color scheme. “What about shoes? I’ve never seen so many. You have two of the same boots. Who needs two of the same boots?”
“I like them. It’s good fashion sense to have them in two colors. It’s all part of being a fashionista and don’t be upset when I mix up whatever ROY-G-BIV rotation you have going on in there.”
“I’m sure all my unappreciated organization will get destroyed the first time you go out.”
“Ha! Like I’m going anywhere. I can’t even get my fat ass off the floor.”
Kat turned and twisted her lips, but Jade didn’t pay her any mind. “We still have a lot to do.”
“Seriously, Kat, why aren’t you as tired as I am? I could hibernate for months if people would just stop waking me up. Trust me, I’m not missing my social life right now.”
“That’ll pass.” She stepped over Jade, refolding the items wedged haphazardly into the drawers.
“When? And what’s up with my stomach? I’m bloated as hell, and I haven’t taken a decent crap in weeks. I mean really, have you ever—”
“I found them,” Tyson’s deep voice called from the doorway.
Jade’s cheeks burned. Whatever. Sometimes women had unladylike confessions.
Ty stepped aside as Jeremy carried a large box of books into the room. Mmmm, the view was fine. “Where do you want these, Jade?”
“Just stick them next to my bed for now. Thanks.”
“Yeah, you probably want to hide some of those titles under the mattress.” Tyson teased and Kat smacked his arm.
“Oh, actually, Kat wanted to borrow some of them. She said something about you needing pointers.”
He gave her the finger.
“The rest of the boxes are by the table. Did you eat?” Jeremy asked, as he nonchalantly flipped through her box of novels. His eyebrows rose at a couple titles.
Jade shoved up on an elbow but remained on the carpet. “Do you have food?”
“Didn’t you just have the last of the leftover pizza?” Ty asked.
She rolled her eyes and hitched a thumb toward her belly. “I’m growing a person here.” Ineffectively and without much grace, she rolled to build the momentum needed to hoist herself into a sitting position, giving up after about two tries and plopping back on the floor. Her size did not match the amount of energy this pregnancy was draining from her. How the hell would she get around once she really started to show?
Sitting was overrated anyway.
Without a word, Jeremy took her hand and helped her stand. She smiled only to get a quick nod in return before he returned to the other side of the room.
They were trapped in this awkward hiatus. They hadn’t had a private moment to discuss their relationship since Mia caught them kissing—the child now watched them like a hawk.
She had absolutely no idea what his intentions were. As far as Jade was concerned, when it came to Jeremy, she had very little self-preservation left. If there was going to be any sort of fling, they should indulge before she fattened up like a pig at the county fair.
Her stomach growled, effectively silencing the room. Her body was now a hostage of her condition. “Sorry.”
Kat cleared her throat. “I’m going to take Mia home and make dinner. You can meet us there in an hour. How’s that?”
“Sounds good.” Kat’s food was way better than her own cooking, which consisted of take out and dehydrated noodles.
“Any special requests? I can do fish on the grill or a meatloaf.”
“Ooh, meatloaf!” Her fantasies turned from tasting Jeremy to eating ground beef. Pregnancy definitely changed a person.
Unsure if Jeremy planned to stay, she busied herself at the vanity, organizing cosmetics on a small glass tray. Their eyes met in the reflection of the mirror and he gave a hesitant smile.
Once they were alone, he drifted closer and picked up a miniature purple bottle of body mist, the bottle too dainty and delicate in his bulky hand. He inspected the label then sniffed the cap.
“This smells like you.”
Replacing the mist to its place on the tray, he moved behind her and tentatively placed his hands on her shoulders, giving a soft squeeze. Pent up tension skipped about in her chest as she tried to relax into his attention.
His hands gently massaged her neck, his touch tender under his strong fingers. Her head lolled to her shoulder as he swept her hair aside, sending chills up her arms.
Warm lips pressed to the hollow of her neck. A shiver chased up her spine as his breath teased over her shoulder. His fingers traced down her arms, drifting along the sides of her breasts. The backs of his knuckles swirled over her abdomen as his gaze held hers in the reflection.
There were no words, but his intentions seemed clear as he acclimated himself with her condition, acknowledging the subtle changes.
“You’re having a baby,” he whispered, more to himself than her.
There was no judgment in his voice. His tone laced with admiration.
Sorrow mixed with hope as she reminded herself she was done regretting her circumstances. His wrist turned and he flattened his palm over her belly. She drew in a slow breath. Her hand closed over his.
His intense gaze turned predatory as he stared at her through their reflection. Her skin prickled as a different sort of hunger took shape.
Breathing deep, she pushed past the awkwardness. She still wanted this, wanted him.
Jade wanted to sleep with Jeremy for many reasons, but she wasn’t quite ready. The next time she gave herself to a man—gave being key—it would be unlike every other experience because it would be significant. No more one night stands. No more meaningless encounters. She needed something real. Jeremy was real.
She stared into the smoky, green irises of his eyes, the golden flecks prominent in the filtered sunlight. His skin carried a familiar scent and she longed for the memorable taste of his skin. He made her brave, made her want things she thought she’d never desire again.
Pressing a knuckle under her chin, he turned her face and brushed his lips against hers. Oh, how she’d missed his mouth, so soft and warm, knowing exactly how to move with hers.
His tongue gently slid past the seam of her lips, silently beckoning. She teased back and a guttural, masculine moan echoed in his chest.
His hand grazed her breasts. Another sifted into her hair. She twisted. Her hand squeezed his hip as he deepened the kiss. His fingers pinched her pebbled nipples through her cotton shirt and she drew in a deep breath. It had been months since she’d had any sort of intimacy with him.
His fingers plucked at the hem of her shirt and her body tightened at his palm’s contact with her skin. Her blood hummed with anticipation.
She deepened the kiss. “We have forty-five minutes until dinner.”
“Then we better make it count. Stand up.”
He pulled her shirt over her head in one swift movement. His lips returned to hers and he growled. “God, I missed you.”
Using his hips, he corralled her toward her bed. The back of her knees bumped the mattress. Sifting fingers through his thick golden hair, she guided his mouth to a lace-covered nipple. He yanked her bra away and she moaned as his mouth closed over the sensitive tip.
Overwhelming pleasure had her knees trembling. He toppled her to the mattress caressing her curves, sucking, licking. Every touch, despite his intensity, carried a level of care. Even now he seemed protective of her.
She fumbled for the hem of his shirt, needing to feel his flesh. He reached behind his head and yanked it off, flinging it across the room. His lips sealed over hers in an penetrating kiss as he ground his erection into her hip. Her knees fell wide as she arched against him.
He flicked the button of her jeans open. “I need to touch you, Jade. Here.”
Her heart fluttered with anticipation as her subconscious battled the threat of an unprecedented meltdown. So long as they didn’t go too far, and so long as she remained aware that it was Jeremy touching her, she thought she could handle this—hoped she could.
“Yes.” She panted.
The slow, sultry glide of her zipper coming undone echoed through the room like a tribal drumbeat. Sturdy hands tugged the material over her hips and she lifted. His stare covered her exposed body.
“You’re gorgeous.”
Lazily dragging a finger down the center of her stomach, stopping at the lace below her navel, he gave her an intensely hungry look. “I’ve never touched you here before.”
Mesmerized by the way he watched her, her heart fluttered in a frantic rhythm, building until it roared in her ears. Her panties lowered as he slowly dragged a finger under the material covering her hip. The delicate fabric stretched over the swell of her thighs.
His eyes shut and he breathed deeply, as if slowing his desire. When his focus returned to her, life stood still. Fingers skated up her thigh, hesitated a heartbeat, and then softly traced her folds.
The tip of his finger swept over her clit, teasing, taunting. What the hell was he waiting for? “Forty minutes,” she rasped.
“Even if we had hours it wouldn’t be enough time. Don’t think about the time.” His fingers delved with lazy, shallow dips into her slit and her lashes lowered. His touch was incredibly gentle, building her need for more without hurtling her too far ahead. His pace was perfect.
“Did you miss me, Jade?” He asked as though it were all part of the game, but something in his question resonated, seeking assurance.
“Yes.”
“Do you think of me at night, when you lie awake in bed?”
If only he knew how much. “Jeremy,” she breathed, pleading.
“Did you imagine me deep inside you? Here.” His finger sank into her core and she moaned.
His thumb moved in delicious circles as his fingers slowly stroked in and out. Her back arched and he lowered over her body, taking her nipple in his mouth.
Teeth scraped over her sensitive flesh while his wicked fingers teased below. Faster, deeper, firmer, tighter, her body heated. She gripped his shoulders as her hips rocked against his touch.
Her muscles flexed taut as flutters formed into a steady thrum of pleasure. His hand rode out her pleasure as she clung to his strength, giving over to the intrepid wave of release as she sang his name through every breath. “Jeremy…”
As her trembling subsided, he lightened his touch and slowly withdrew his fingers. Peeking through her lashes, too exhausted to fully open her eyes, she hummed, her mouth forming a lopsided grin. His lips gently kissed her jaw as he pulled her into his arms.
Blankets drifted over her naked body. Replete and sated, she lay wrapped in the warmth of the man she adored. An orgasm and a nap? She’d died and gone to heaven.
Sometime later, someone nudged her shoulder. Why are people always insisting on waking me up? She groaned.
“Rise and shine, sleeping beauty.”
She grumbled and turned her face into the pillow.
“You missed dinner, so I brought you back a plate.”
Food or sleep, which did she want more? “What time is it?”
“Eight-thirty.”
Unearthing her face from the pillows, she squinted around the room. Sure enough, the house was dim. “Was Kat mad I missed dinner?”
“No. She said she understands. Her and Mia passed out on the couch right after we ate anyway.” He pushed her hair away from her eyes and tucked it behind her ear. “Are you hungry? I brought you a slice of meatloaf, some mashed potatoes, and corn. It’s in the kitchen, but your table’s covered with boxes so I didn’t know where you wanted to eat.”
Jade smiled, lacing her fingers with his. “You’re so thoughtful.”
“I have my good points. You want me to bring you your dinner?”
“That would be marvelous.” She stretched and he kissed her nose before leaving to retrieve her meal. The microwave hummed in the distance. A girl could get used to this.
Between his pampering and their pre-dinner lust filled foray, she wasn’t sure what to make of their relationship. Were they in a relationship? They’d discussed being exclusive before she discovered her pregnancy, but then she took a little vacation from her senses and broke up with him. Or did she?
Was that a breakup or just a lengthy disagreement? Was there a timeline on things like that? Maybe they needed to revisit the relationship negotiations table. He probably—
“Do I even want to know what’s putting that look on your face?”
He carried a steaming plate to the nightstand, filling her bedroom with the delicious scent of Kat’s home cooking. There was something wrong with her. The fragrance of flowers she now found repugnant, but the aroma of beef… Bring it on!
Sitting up, she adjusted the pillows. He laid a napkin across her lap and handed her a fork before passing her the plate. “Wow, you found my silverware?”
“Kat put everything away in the kitchen for you.”
“I swear that girl has O.C.D. I’m sure my dishes are all systematically classified by length and color.”
He laughed but didn’t deny it.
Shoveling a heap of corn and potatoes into her mouth, she moaned. Jeremy left and returned a moment later with a large glass of milk.
She scrunched her nose and covered her full mouth with the corner of the napkin. “What are you doing with that?”
“It’s important you drink plenty of milk in your condition.”
His concerned comment caught her off guard and she laughed because, Toto, they certainly weren’t in Kansas anymore.
“Oh yeah?” She hated milk. “And how do you know I didn’t already drink a carton today?”
“Because Kat said you aren’t drinking enough and gave me a firm order to make sure you have a glass with dinner.”
Jade curled her lip and took the glass.
She ate in silence while he busied himself with collapsing the empty boxes littering her new bedroom. When she finished, she slid her dish onto the nightstand and wiped her mouth.
“That was delicious. Thank you.”
He smiled and returned to the edge of the bed. Her contented belly roiled as she sensed him readying to say goodbye. She didn’t want him to go. When would she see him again?
Without thought, she blurted, “Wanna sleep over?”
Regret flashed in his eyes, stinging her in a way that made her want to rescind the offer.
“I wish I could, but Mia would get suspicious if she saw my Jeep here in the morning.”
True. Or was he using Mia as an easy out?
Attempting to appear indifferent, she smiled. “You’re right. I have things to do tomorrow anyway.”
“What kind of things?”
“I have work at ten and I have an appointment in the morning before I go in.”
“A doctor’s appointment?”
“Sort of.” He was so accepting of her faults thus far. But confessing she saw a shrink twice a week might be too much crazy too soon after everything else.
“What do you mean, sort of? Is it a check-up for the baby?”
“No.” She plucked at a loose thread on her bedspread.
He lifted her chin with a finger until she was looking at him again. “Be honest with me, Jade. No more secrets.”
Honesty was tempting, but she was scared she’d frighten him away. She had a slew of issues to work through—not something men typically flocked toward. Most men preferred women with minimal drama. She had drama coming out of her pores and armfuls of baggage.
But he asked for honesty.
Taking a deep breath, she slowly exhaled. “Tomorrow I have an appointment with Dr. Wolfe, my shrink. I have a session twice a week.”
“How long have you been seeing him?”
“Her,” she corrected, measuring his expression for judgment, which she couldn’t detect. “I’ve been talking to her since I found out I was pregnant. She specializes in posttraumatic stress and sexual abuse.”
“Well, that’s … good. Is she helping you cope with things?”
Her sessions with Chloe still mostly revolved around Jeremy. Lots to share on Monday…
But confessing she’d been obsessing over him in therapy was definitely a little too much truth. Better to keep it general.
“She’s trying. I never remember anything from that night, so most of the time we talk about regular stuff.”
“Do you talk about us?”
Her gaze darted to the floor. “You’ve come up a few times.”
“And what does this Dr. Wolfe have to say about me?”
“She thinks you’re a player.”
“What?”
She laughed. “I’m just messing with you. She doesn’t share her opinions. She mostly listens and asks questions.”
His fingers brushed over hers. “And how do you answer?”
She sighed. Some secrets took a little longer to confess than others. “That I want to find the courage to trust the good people in my life.” Meeting his gaze, she whispered, “I’m working on that.”
“Dr. Wolfe seems like she’s making a good impression on you.”
“I like her. She seems to understand me. She isn’t pushy or judgmental.”
His fingers laced with hers. “I’m really glad you’re talking to someone, Jade. You’ve been through a lot.”
At the mention of all she’d “been through” her mind recoiled.
Their fingers looked right intertwined. It was discrete, yet intimate. She wanted to trust that he’d hold on long enough for her to find normal again because she wanted normal with him.
“What are we doing, Jeremy? I mean, I know we talked about a relationship before, but everything’s different now. I’m different. Come summer, I’ll have a baby and you aren’t the father. I mean…” She quickly tried to retract her words. “Not that I expect you to act like the father to my child or that you’re in anyway responsible for my situation. I just…”
God, she was messing this all up. His brow pinched as he waited for her to finish.
“I’m having a baby. A baby I didn’t ask for, but a child that’s still very, very real. I’m going to get fat and my body’s going to change. I’m going to be hormonal and scared and excited for things I can’t expect others to understand. For the life of me, I can’t figure out why that might appeal to you.”
Her shoulders lowered as reality pressed heavily into her. Then came the fear. “I’m going to give birth. A child is going to actually come out of me!”
Flashes of labor, sweating and screaming skittered through her mind. Her skin was suddenly hot and she wasn’t breathing so steadily.
“Newborns are like seven pounds. Seven pounds is a lot! That’s like four meatloaves. What if it’s bigger than that? Oh, my God, I can’t have a ten pound baby!”
“Okay, breathe.” Visibly hiding a smile, he moved closer and rubbed her back.
She sucked in one deep gulp of air after another. Holy Moses, how was she going to do this? Drugs, lots of drugs. Fuck that Mary in the manger with a rope shit. Yes, an epidural was definitely the Cadillac way to go.
Her breathing slowly returned to normal. “I might be a little nervous about labor,” she mumbled into his shirt.
“I think that’s normal when it’s your first time.” He moved his palm over her back in soothing circles. “I was scared and I wasn’t the one giving birth. I wasn’t there when Mia was born and I ran away from parenthood the second I saw her. I envy you for having the strength to embrace this. You’re stronger than I was.”
She scoffed. Jeremy was the epitome of strength in her eyes. “How can you say that?”
He shook his head. “Don’t pretend you forget. I know you were there when I wasn’t and I know there were times you cursed me for leaving every responsibility on Kat’s shoulders.”
He was right, but since coming home he’d repaired so much of the damage he’d caused, she instinctively excused his mistakes. “You were young.”
“So was Kat. There’s no excuse for abandoning them, so please don’t make one. I know what I lost and I have to live with that for the rest of my life. Maybe being here for you the way I wasn’t there for Kat will help me accept and forgive my past mistakes.” He tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and smiled at her. “I’m okay with the pregnancy. I wouldn’t be sitting here if I wasn’t.”
His acceptance jarred her, far exceeding anything she’d hoped to hear from him. “I don’t know what to say. I thought it would be a constant reminder of things you wanted to forget.”
“Does this mean I’m okay with what happened to you? Fuck, no! If I ever find the bastard that did that to you I’ll gut him like an animal. But this is no longer about him. It’s about you and your baby. Stop searching for obstacles. They’ll come naturally, Jade, and when they do we’ll figure out how to proceed from there.”
His confession washed over her like a balm, soothing her bruised heart, and softening her tattered nerves. She leaned in and softly pressed her lips to his.