Chapter Three
Leading her to his Jeep, Jeremy opened the passenger door. “Sit.”
Despite her shaky mood, she couldn’t help but smirk at his bossy tone. Somehow he made surliness the sexiest thing in the world.
The heat from the leather seat burned through the material of her gown and a trail of dew trickled between her breasts. Trapped in the sweltering car, she lowered the window. He climbed behind the wheel and turned the key.
“We’re leaving?” They couldn’t leave. Kat would skin her alive.
“Are you drunk or sick?”
“What?” Startled that he’d think she was drunk at two o’clock in the afternoon on her best friend’s wedding day, she scowled at him. “I’m fine.”
And maybe she was fine now. For the first time in hours, she felt like she could breathe again. But oh, God, she’d made a complete scene during the ceremony.
“You’re probably not the only one wondering if I’m drunk.” Moaning, she rubbed her hands over her face, wishing he wouldn’t look at her like that—like she was crazy. Pull yourself together!
Jeremy gave her a reassuring pat on the knee and she instinctively jerked her leg away, her spine drawing tight as a bow. The car filled with uncomfortable silence as he frowned at her. Watching her closely, he said, “Maybe you caught a twenty-four-hour bug.”
Thinking she’d rather be assumed sick than drunk at her best friend’s wedding, she grabbed the excuse. “I… I don’t feel well. Do you think Kat’s upset I ruined the reading?”
“You didn’t ruin anything.”
“Yeah, right,” she scoffed. “I saw everyone staring. I couldn’t even walk on my own. It took everything in me not to puke on the Rabbi.” The part about almost throwing up was true. “What kind of maid of honor am I?”
“Reverend,” he corrected.
“Whatever.” Tears prickled as she replayed the humiliating production. Do not cry in front of him.
“So you got a little stage fright. So what? You don’t always have to be perfect, Jade.”
A rude noise vibrated in the back of her throat. “I’m far from perfect. My life’s an absolute disaster.”
“Do you want to talk about it?”
Groaning through a spike of nausea, she exhaled roughly. “I can’t.”
“Jade, at this point I’d like to think that we’re friends. You know you can trust me. If something’s wrong and I can help, you know I will. You don’t have to be embarrassed in front of me. We all get sick and we all have stressful shit to deal with in our lives.”
Lost in her thoughts, visions of the other morning tortured her tired mind. She could barely tolerate the weight of her own skin. “Can you turn on the air?”
He adjusted the dials and Freon scented air chilled her damp flesh.
“Why don’t we sit here until the guests clear out? I suppose you have to get pictures and stuff. I can wait with you and after that, if you’re still not feeling well, I can take you home. How’s that sound?”
That sounded wonderful and at the same time impossible. “I have to go to the reception. Kat spent the past ten months planning for today and I need to be there. I can’t blow it off.”
“You wouldn’t be blowing it off. If you’re sick, you’re sick.”
Tears flooded her eyes. What if I am sick? Really sick?
“Hey. Are you all right?” He twisted closer, eyes creased with concern. “Whatever it is, we’ll fix it. Do you want me to go get something? You look like you’re gonna throw up. Should I get Kat? Or a trashcan?”
“No!” Kat couldn’t know. It was her wedding day and she deserved everything to be perfect. And she’d never forgive herself if she puked in front of Jeremy. “I’m fine.” She blotted her eyes and cheeks. “I just need to pull myself together and not think about it.”
“It?”
“Nothing. It’s nothing. I’m okay. Please… Let’s just wait until the guests leave and then go back inside. I’ll be distracted once I’m busy doing maid of honor stuff and I’ll be better.”
She smoothed the wrinkles from her gown and lowered the visor to fix her hair. Shit. She was a mess.
Once all the guests were gone they returned to the chapel. Kat wore an expression of relieved concern. Determined not to spoil her friend’s day, Jade pasted on a convincing smile and tried to be her usual self. “Hey, Mrs. Adams.”
Rather than smile at the new title, Kat frowned. “Are you okay?”
She rolled her eyes and stuck with the lie. “Yeah. My stomach got really upset all of a sudden.”
“Do you want me to see if someone can run to a drugstore for some medicine?”
“No. I’m all right now. Probably just cramps or something.”
Her gaze remained concerned. “Are you sure?”
“Totally.” Jade waved away her concern. “Enough about that. How’s it feel to be married?”
Kat glowed, her smile so genuine and beautiful. “It feels really good.”
Despite the nightmare in her head, Jade’s heart couldn’t help but feel happily full for her friend. Kat deserved this day and a lifetime of joy with Ty. They were perfect for each other in every way.
“You okay, Jade?” Tyson asked as he slid an arm over his wife’s shoulders.
“Yeah. I think the meal I ordered last night was a little dodgy. Whatever was wrong, it passed.” There would be no more detracting from their special day. “Let’s get the pictures done so we can get to the fun part.”
The remainder of the day dragged in intervals of picture taking, toasts, dancing, eating, and bride maintenance. Miraculously, Jade managed to keep her emotions in check throughout it all.
As the florescent lighting replaced the romantic glow that had filled the reception hall, she collected the bride and groom’s personal keepsakes in a neat pile to make sure they had plenty of mementos from their wedding day. Jeremy emerged from a door marked STAFF ONLY and casually headed in her direction, his broad build capturing her full attention.
He sure did make himself at home.
But a man who carried that much confidence in his stride didn’t give people a chance to question his authority. He winked at her, sending a shiver of excitement up her spine as he continued toward Kat’s parents.
Jade turned and stared as he brushed aside Mia’s toppled curls and pressed an affectionate kiss to his daughter’s cheek. His adoration for Mia was another check in the ‘why Jeremy is sexy’ column.
“Can I get one of them?”
Startled but the unfamiliar masculine voice, Jade turned. A man she didn’t recognize pointed to the bagged slices of cake she held in her arms. It took her a moment to recall he was the DJ, but she continued to stare at his outstretched hand, giving no verbal confirmation that she heard his request.
His mouth crooked into a half-smirk. “I know a little thing like you isn’t hoarding all that cake for yourself. What do you say we share?” He reached forward and she jerked out of reach, stumbling back a step as the confections tumbling to the ground.
She flinched again as Jeremy’s deep voice boomed behind her. “Can I help you?”
“I just wanted to get a piece of cake.”
Jeremy eyed him accusingly as he scooped up a bag and grasped her hand. She tensed and he immediately let go, placing his body in front of hers, but no longer touching her. He tossed the bag at the DJ who caught it against his chest. “You have your cake, now go.”
The DJ rolled his eyes and stalked off.
The concerned look was back in his eyes when he turned to face her. “You okay?”
Taken aback by his intrusion, she ignored her response to the stranger, and focused on his territorial interception, trying to play down whatever just happened. “Really, Jeremy, he was only asking for cake.”
He narrowed his eyes, which always seemed a bit more perceptive than most. “He may’ve asked for cake, but that’s not what he wanted.”
His gaze held hers, suspending time as her desire manifested in every cell of her being. “And what did he want?”
He smirked, the soft expression suddenly replaced by a mask of complete control. “Something I don’t think you were offering.”
She sobered. Was this how she’d gotten into trouble? Was she a tease? Someone who sent out signals, making men think they were welcome to things she wasn’t willing to provide? She hadn’t been flirting. She hadn’t even looked at the DJ the entire evening!
“Jade?” He was frowning again. “Why don’t I load the rest of this stuff in Ty’s car and then I’ll take you home?”
She nodded, once again distracted by the dark shadows in her mind. As he walked away, her mind jerked to the present. Take me home? Oh, no. Was he finally offering what she’d dreamt of for the past year and…
No, no, no, no no… She had to delay this. Somehow push him off without scaring him away completely.
She was so totally infatuated with Jeremy, but even he couldn’t touch her at the moment. The thought of anyone’s hands on her made her want to curl up and die. She shivered, quietly slipping outside to get some air and calm her nerves. Soon enough, he appeared again and escorted her to his Jeep.
The pale blue glow of the moon lit the interior of Jeremy’s Jeep as it fought for a place in the sky amongst the rolling clouds. Every now and then a silver flash of lightning flickered in the distance. Classic rock played quietly from the speakers on the dashboard and the air-conditioned breeze softly tickled across her skin.
As they neared her apartment, his hand slid from the gearshift to her knee. This time he didn’t close his fingers over her knee, he simply brushed the material of her gown covering her leg with the back of his knuckle. But it was enough to make her stop breathing.
What was that? Was he sending her a silent confirmation that he wanted to get laid? She subtly drew her body closer to the door and kept silent.
Not since she was a young teen and first discovering boys, had she wanted someone as much as she’d wanted Jeremy over the last few months. But the gentle tug at her insides was overshadowed by shame—her body was no longer her own in some intangible sense.
Although they’d known each other for years and spent a lot of time together since he returned from Iraq, never before had he brazenly showed such blatant physical interest. Always so polite and reserved, maintaining healthy boundaries, she’d longed for this moment, longed for proof that the chemistry was mutual.
Her instincts told her they shared something beyond friendly sentiment, but one never knew with Jeremy—still waters ran deep and all that philosophical jazz. There were so many mixed signals, so many moments she’d hoped he’d ease a little closer or touch her in some slight way. So why couldn’t she just compartmentalize her trauma and use this for the incredible distraction it could be? She wanted to, but no matter how she tried to pretend today was normal and she was unbroken, she couldn’t.
Her heart melted every time she caught a glimpse of him with Mia, so kindhearted, but serious, soft-spoken, yet stern. He smiled easily, but never needed to be the funny guy or the center of attention. Fiercely loyal to those he loved, he would do anything to protect his friends.
He glanced at her, his hand still resting on the console between them, but now his fingers were open and his palm was up. “Why are you sitting all the way over there?”
She casually moved her back to the center of the seat. “I just … moved when the car turned.”
The corners of his mouth turned up and he lifted his hand in invitation. Her heart pounded hard against her ribs as she stared at it. Her fingers slowly lifted and rested in his, intertwining. Warm skin, slightly calloused at the pads of his fingers, cradled the weight of her smaller hand as he tightened his grip. It felt so good yet so terrifying.
His thumb moved in a slow pattern over the back of her hand. The smooth, seductive weight of his touch offered a degree of peace, blurring her recent urge to withdraw. So many fantasies founded on a treasure of innocent embraces shifted into possibilities, making it all the more painful to accept she wasn’t prepared. Any other night she would have been ecstatic, but she wasn’t herself right now—maybe she’d never be herself again.
As they turned onto her street, she pulled her hand away and clasped her bag on her lap. The horribly nostalgic scent of a stranger on her flesh filled her memory, so real she could swear she was breathing it in. Taking a deep breath, she rolled down the window, but her stomach lurched and she swallowed back a sob.
Irrational fear quickened her breathing. Her home no longer called to her the way it once had. What had always been a sanctuary was now a scary place of untold nightmares that attacked her in her sleep.
He put the car in park. “Can I walk you in?”
Always an openly affectionate person, intimacy now seemed outside of her ability. Fragile, and battling so many unpredictable emotions, she feared turning him away might spoil the only chance she’d have with him, the chance to finally get the one thing she wanted. Jeremy.
Maybe she was overreacting. Maybe he just wanted to see her home safe.
Safe. That word no longer applied to her apartment. Everything was different now, cold and tainted. Shivering, she let out a long breath, exhausted from the mere exercise of thinking so hard, searching for explanations that wouldn’t come. Her head eased back on the seat as she shut her eyes.
“Jade, I wish you’d tell me what’s bothering you. You haven’t been yourself all day.” The warmth of his hand returned to hers and she stifled the jolt of fear. “Why don’t I walk you up?”
Her mind was a maze of questions and doubts, a frightening labyrinth she couldn’t escape. She hadn’t slept in thirty-six hours. Weary, her lips tightened as she fought to contain her turmoil. Despite her efforts, a tear slid past her lashes.
“Hey.” The leather seat creaked as he shifted his body. “Why are you crying?”
She couldn’t open her eyes and her lips were pressed too tight to form a response.
He left the car and opened her door. Reaching across her waist, he unlatched her seatbelt and pulled her into his arms. She sucked in a ragged breath, too weak to pull back, but her muscles internally locked as he cradled her to his hard chest.
“Shh,” he soothed as he pressed her face to his shoulder and he ran a hand down her back.
The familiar scent of his skin met her nose and she repeatedly told herself this was Jeremy. He was not the bad guy. He was the safe guy. The good guy. The friend who would probably throw his own body between her and harm without a single second of hesitation. Slowly her muscles relaxed.
His large build cocooned her smaller form, delivering a sense of security. She clung to his strength, needed it in that moment. His grip tightened, grounding her to the now in a way that reminded her the past was over. His hold settled her, anchored her. Jeremy was safe. But she still needed to keep reminding herself of that.
Tension tied her in knots that kept coming undone, unraveling. The coherent woman inside of her was tangled in a web of chaos no one else could see. The fact that she was fighting an unseen enemy all alone broke her. She lost the battle to her tears and let out a jagged breath that turned into a ragged string of snotty sobs.
She desperately longed to tell him what happened, but shame crippled her words, letting only sobbed syllables escape as her body quaked. She was losing it.
“Jade, baby, you have to calm down. I can’t help you unless you tell me what’s wrong.”
Her thoughts spiraled. “I…”
She sobbed. Her humiliating attempt to communicate was choked off by a strangled moan. It seemed everything she worked to hide over the past few hours in order to participate in Kat’s wedding was now demanding escape.
“I c-can’t…” Breathing hurt. Pain constricted in her chest as she sucked in one serrated breath after another. “I can’t … s-s-sleep here.”
His steady fingers brushed a strand of hair away from her damp cheek. When he turned her face so he could see her, he was wearing a confused frown. “Where? Your apartment?”
Unable to offer an explanation, she wept harder. Placing his hands on her shoulders, he took a slight step back. She wanted to hide in his shelter, but Jeremy always preferred to face things head on. “Jade.” Under other circumstances, it might have been funny how he kept trying to pull back only to have her grip him closer. “Jade, I want to talk for a second.”
She clung to him, not wanting to let go. No matter how much she tried to stop crying, she couldn’t. Sniffling and gasping, she simply apologized again and again. “I’m sorry. So sorry. I … know this isn’t… your pr—” She gasped. “—problem.”
“Honey, look at me.” He gently wrenched her away from his chest, his finger tipping up her chin. “Whatever’s going on, you need to tell me.” His green eyes showed emerald under the moonlight, heavy with concern.
Incomplete breaths tumbled in and out of her lungs. “I’m scared.”
His gentle caress tucked a wisp of hair behind her ear and he pulled her back to his chest. His warm lips pressed to her temple. Her breathing slowed as his lips traveled to her cheeks and eyes. “Shh. It’s okay. I’m here. You’re okay.” His kisses weren’t sexual. Rather, they were protective and soothing.
Emotions taut, her nerves threatening to sink her deeper into hysteria, a sort of drowsy calm washed over her, quieting her mind. Tipping her face to the side, he gently brushed his lips over hers, tracing yet barely touching, softer than a butterfly’s wing.
“It’s okay,” he whispered.
Her damp lashes lifted slowly as his feet shifted. She looked up at him, wondering what this was. Her body trembled, not with fear but longing. She didn’t want to sleep with him tonight, but this, the way he was touching his lips to her face and sheltering her body with his, this she wanted.
His mouth tenderly closed over hers and her heart thundered in her chest. Her jagged emotions couldn’t keep up with all the twists and turns her mind was taking. Slow and sensual, the delicate caress of his lips grew bolder, drawing her away from numb exhaustion to teetering hysteria and into something she knew she couldn’t handle.
Shivers raced up her limbs, down to the tips of her toes, as he gradually traced the seam of her lips with his tongue. His unique and familiar scent of heated skin and something incredibly male filled her senses.
Her instincts took over. Slightly parting her lips, she pressed into the kiss and he made a sound of satisfaction. Easing her into a state of passivity, he kept each caress slow, lulling her into a sedate corner where only pleasure could touch her.
Easing away, one slow pull at a time, he drew back. “Do you want to stay at my house?” he whispered. “Just sleep, nothing more.”
Reality, fantasy, and temptation became an indecisive disaster in her head. She nodded lazily, still unable to open her eyes. Tucking her legs back into the vehicle, he gently shut the door. Pressing her cheek into the soft leather of the seat she let her mind rest in preparation for whatever conversation they’d have next, and she hoped it wouldn’t be about why she couldn’t have sex with him.
The drive was silent, but her thoughts were calm, focused only on the memory of his lips against hers. Savoring the absence of demons, she kept her eyes closed and let the soft hum of the engine calm her into a restful state.
The click of the seatbelt jolted her. The engine was quiet and Jeremy was lifting her out of the Jeep. “Go back to sleep. I’ve got you.”
She tensed, but as he pulled her snug against his broad chest she relaxed. His keys jingled as he unlocked the door and a rush of cool air hit her skin as they entered the house.
She’d never been to his home. It was a new house, built by Adams Construction, on the property once owned by Jeremy’s father and it still smelled of fresh paint. As much as she wanted to see it, she didn’t want to interrupt the moment.
Her body barely jostled in his solid hold as he ascended the stairs. Easing her down, her back pressed into a soft mattress and she curled onto her side. Two nights of insomnia had taken its toll, making coherent thought as impossible as opening her eyes. And behind it all was the incredible sensation of feeling safe and protected.
The slide-click of opening and closing drawers vaguely registered. The mattress dipped as the heat and weight of his touch glided over the catch of her gown. He placed a tentative hand on her shoulder and paused.
“Jade, honey?” he said in a thick whisper. “I have a T-shirt and shorts here for you. Do you think you can get yourself changed the rest of the way?”
She peeked at him through drowsy eyes, too exhausted to care.
Gaze dropping to the ground, he mumbled, “I … uh… I’ll go get you some Tylenol and a glass of water while you change.” He stood and left the room, his movements stiff.
Light seeped from the hallway, slicing through the darkness. She sluggishly sat up and pulled her gown off her shoulders, letting it fall to a heap on the floor.
The shirt swallowed her, gaping around her arms and neck, but she didn’t care. Climbing under the warm covers, drowsily scanned the empty room. She was in Jeremy’s room. In his bed. This moment was nothing like all the various ways she’d fantasized.