Chapter Seventeen
Jade turned the channel as a diaper commercial came on. A few minutes later she changed it again as a Gerber commercial played.
Have there always been so many baby commercials?
She needed to distract herself with television while Kat was on the phone—asking all the questions Jade was too afraid to ask her OBGYN.
When she returned to the living room with a pad of paper in hand, she sat on the ottoman across from Jade and muted the TV. “Okay, here are your options.” She flipped back a page in her notebook.
That was Kat. She could divide and conquer the world, so long as she had a list to keep her organized.
“There’s a Clinic about an hour from Parkside that performs … that can make this all go away. You don’t have to make up your mind right now. You have about five weeks, longer even, but the longer you wait, the more involved the procedure becomes. I’m not suggesting you do that. I just want you to have all the facts. Whatever you choose, I’ll support you.”
“Did you ask Lily what it involves?” She wasn’t leaning one way or another, but being informed about every option seemed wise.
“From what I understand, it’s a fairly quick procedure and you can either be awake or asleep. The recovery’s about two weeks and afterward, there’s mild bleeding and cramping. Three weeks after the procedure there’s a post-procedure check-up. It isn’t uncommon to experience intense depression. Dr. Bishop gave me a list of counselors she recommends if you choose to do this, and one she thinks you should make an appointment with simply because of the trauma you’ve already suffered.”
Kat paused, her eyes measuring Jade’s expression. She couldn’t guess what her friend saw because on the inside Jade was dead. “Go on.”
Sighing, Kat flipped to the next page of her list. “Another option’s adoption. There are basically three different types. You could go through Social Services, but the baby may have to live in foster care for a time and may never get placed with a permanent family. However, you’d reserve the right to change your mind for an extended period of time.”
“What else?”
“You could go through a placement facility, like Christian Services, but they have final say in the family. The third is private adoption, where you use an attorney and select the family yourself. That option gives you the most control, but all options come at a cost. The placement service is pricey unless the chosen family picks up the expense, but we’ll help you if that’s what you want.” Kat took a deep breath. “Do you have any idea what you’re leaning toward?”
“You and Mia,” Jade softly whispered. “You two managed to make it with nothing more than your promise to love and protect her. This baby … it didn’t ask for this any more than I did.”
“No, it didn’t.”
“Who am I, Kat? I’m twenty-three years old, a nurse, I have an apartment, a car, over fifteen thousand dollars in the bank, the start of a decent pension, and I’m not in any sort of serious relationship. I have to cope with this no matter what I choose—that’s become painfully clear. There’s no easy way out. And ending the pregnancy might be the one thing that destroys me once and for all.”
Reaching for a tissue, Kat blew her nose. “I’m so sorry we can’t make this easier for you.”
Jade blinked, a strange sense of numbness blanketing her. “I’ll probably never be the same person again, regardless of what I choose. Maybe this baby is the one innocent thing in this whole ugly mess. Who am I to decide whether it lives or dies?”
Kat blinked, her damp lashes flickering, and affectionately squeezed her knee. “You’re the definition of strength, Jade. Whatever you choose, I know you’ll come through this one way or another. Think about it a little longer and when you’re sure, we’ll be there for you. No judgment, just love.”
“Thank you.”
The front door opened and Kat stood as Tyson came into the living room, Mia running in after him. “Momma!”
Kat held out her arms and, as if she had wings, Mia flew into her embrace as she squealed with laughter. “Hey, princess. I missed you.”
“I missed you more!”
Jade listened as Mia detailed her week at her grandparents’ and asked what souvenirs they’d brought her. As Kat went to the kitchen to retrieve a bag of foreign treasures for her daughter, Mia gave Jade a hug she desperately needed and then climbed onto Tyson’s lap and kissed his dark, bald head.
When Kat returned, she, Mia, and Tyson sat together opening gifts on the floor. The family moment unfolded with perfect chaos. Like a voyeur, she took vicarious pleasure in their joy, coveting the magic within their intimate family that outsiders didn’t often see.
Tyson tickled Mia and she giggled, her musical laughter a balm to Jade’s battered soul. “Tyson, can I call you Daddy now that you’re married to Momma?”
“You can call me whatever you want, princess.”
Mia smiled, gripping both his dark cheeks and pressing her brow to his. “Okay, Daddy.”
In that moment all the puzzle pieces seemed to slide into perfect order. Here was Tyson, in love with not just Kat, but her daughter as well, making what seemed the perfect family. Yes, Mia’s father was in their lives, but a year ago he wasn’t and Kat still managed to find her happily ever after. Maybe there was a happily ever after for everyone, no matter what circumstances needed to be crossed to get there.
Her hand slowly slid to her abdomen, pressing ever so slightly as a sense of warmth enveloped her. That was her baby in there, no one else’s. Years from now, no one would question her. She could just be another single mom. A strong mom. And, like Kat, she wanted to love and protect her baby better than anyone else ever could.
Kat’s gaze connected with hers and she stilled. Jade slowly nodded and her friend smiled. Knowing she had her support solidified Jade’s decision. She wasn’t just pregnant. She was going to have a baby. Making that decision, feeling that she actually had a choice, was the most in control emotion she’d had in days.