Distractions
Dina
Twenty-one questions? I send the text from my office desk, just to say he’s on my mind. And he is.
Ryder Cole Davenport—I got his name off the business license hanging in his office—stays on my mind.
Two days after my long talk with him, I still don’t know how I feel. What I do know is I trust Ryder not to hurt me.
Favorite color? The text pings from my phone, and I smile.
Yellow. Yours?
The response is immediate. Black.
Figures. His Camaro is black and red.
The day goes on with us playing this game of question and answer via text as I work.
There is this insecurity that runs deep inside me that screams to run and shut him out. Then I think about the way he makes me feel with one single look. He makes me feel … deep. He gives me hope I thought I lost. Can I walk away from what could very well be the best thing to ever happen to me?
My mind goes back to my mom.
“Dina, your dad, honey, he didn’t date me with the intention of marrying me and having this life. No, Tommy lived right beside me my whole life, and I just knew he was more than what could be seen on the outside. My daddy told me to stay away from the hellion next door. Tommy said he was born to give my daddy hell for taking out his daughter. He was a rebel.”
“Ain’t no rebel gonna be able to date me.”
Mom laughs. “Probably not, but baby girl, that rebel has a heart of gold.”
“How did you know he was the one?”
“I didn’t.” She smiles. “Truth is, Dina, I just had to trust. He could read me better than I could read myself.”
My mind comes back to my own situation. I just have to trust sometimes.
No matter what the future holds for us, he will forever be the one who helped me when I was at rock bottom.
He makes me feel safe. Since my parents’ passing, I have lived in fear. I went from being afraid to live, to being afraid to love. Ryder has given me hope again, life again, and dare I say, love again.
Time will tell on the last point.
My night goes on like any good day and ends with a goodnight call from Ryder that has me wishing he was here.
When morning comes, I arrive at the office to an extremely frazzled Maggie. Her office is torn apart, the contents of her purse dumped out on the desk, and she’s red in the face in frustration.
“Maggie, what’s wrong?”
“I need to order the linens and place cards for the humane society auction, but I can’t find my company credit card anywhere, and I mean anywhere.”
I know Maggie, and I know how she feels about disorganization. Everything has a place with her, and she puts everything back from where she gets it. Therefore, this is driving her absolutely crazy.
I have lost cards before, so I don’t think much of it. I simply hand her another card to use. “Use the Amex. The card will turn up; no worries.”
I decide to wait to cancel the other card in case she finds it. After all, this is Maggie; she’s never lost one before, so I’m sure it will turn up.
Maggie lets out a frustrated sigh of defeat and goes to work, ordering what she needs for the charity event.
A little while later, she comes into my office. My first thought is she found the card or she has work needs. As a result, I’m surprised when she begins to cry.
“Dina, I think Brayden is cheating on me. I don’t know what to do.” She drops her head in her hands, her shoulders rising and falling as the sobs overtake her.
I don’t know what to say. Brayden and Maggie have been together for almost four years, and he still can’t get enough of her. They rarely argue, and he looks at her with eyes that are full of love and passion. There is no way he’s cheating. I just can’t believe that.
I can only hope it’s not true. However, now that she’s brought it up, it’s possible, given how he’s been acting lately.
“What makes you think he’s cheating?” I ask, unable to mask my shock. Maggie is not one to overreact. She isn’t dramatic. She is and always has been the calm in my life.
She chokes on a sob. “He was gone all night last night, saying he had to work, but I went by the shop around nine, and he wasn’t there. I called, and he wouldn’t answer. He hasn’t been interested in alone time with me in months. Suddenly, sex almost seems like a chore for him. I just don’t know where it all went wrong.”
I’m left in stunned silence, realizing things may not be what they seem.
“Maggie, he works all day, nonstop,” I try explaining, wanting to talk my best friend off the ledge of despair she’s climbing. “He was probably gone for coffee and dinner when you went by. As for the last few months, Ryder’s business has been crazy busy, even before Ryder left.” I like Brayden. I like Maggie with him, so I don’t want to see them fighting … or worse. “The man is probably tired by the time he gets in. I think you’re feeling disconnected because he’s been so tired. Once Ryder gets back, I’m sure things will get back on track for you and Bray.”
She instantly smiles, like she just needed my reassurance. “I’m such a mess sometimes. You’re right, Dina. He’s given me no reason not to trust him. I’m just being needy. Thanks for making me feel better.”
I know Brayden loves her, so I don’t understand her sudden self-doubt in their relationship. Not only that, but I have never seen Maggie insecure over anything. She always exudes confidence. It’s like she has it running out of her pores. Of course, there is so much going on around both of us, so maybe that’s what it is.
***
Ryder
Valerie seems to be handling things much better. During her last counseling session, the doctor told me this wasn’t my fault and to try to be at ease with the situation. We were able to clear the air about my mistakes and the effects they had on her. She’s on the road to facing her own demons and moving beyond laying the blame now.
I have never been to counseling before. I’m a typical guy who doesn’t want to admit to needing or wanting help. However, this experience wasn’t too bad, maybe because it wasn’t focused on me.
“Hello, Ryder,” Elizabeth, her counselor, greets me. “Take a seat.”
In my usual fashion, I sit in the chair across from the couch Valerie is on. After the first session, I learned not to sit beside her. I’m not here to comfort her. I’m here to help her find her own strength.
“Hey, Ryder,” Valerie says softly.
I nod at both women.
“Tell Ryder why he’s here today, Valerie.”
There are tears in her eyes as she studies me. “I’m okay now.” The words are soft but strong. “I have a long road ahead of me, and you have been away too much for me. It’s time I let you go and let go of what I wanted for us. My recovery is about me, and I have to focus on myself, get to know myself, and not anyone or anything else.”
“I’m glad to hear this, Valerie,” I say, truly relieved that this is coming to a close for me.
“Maybe we can be friends one day?” she asks with hope.
“Val …” I warn. “I don’t want to give false hope about anything. Shit with us was toxic for you; I see that now. I won’t be that man for you again. I won’t be your reason to fail at sobriety.”
“I understand,” she says somberly as her shoulders slump.
“Take care of yourself and your family,” I say, looking at her, and then at Elizabeth, who just watches Valerie.
“Get home, and when I get my life straight, maybe we can find a way to be friends. I really am sorry for the pain I’ve caused you, Ryder.”
“I’m sorry, too, Val … for so much.”
I stand and make my way out of the room without looking back. I can’t give Valerie any indication that I will continue the back and forth we have had for too long.
Today was goodbye. We are both ready to move on. I’m especially ready to get back home to Dina and see what the future holds for us.
We talk regularly and text constantly. No woman has ever captured my attention the way Dina has. I would write her love letters if she wanted them. For Dina, there’s no limit to what I would do to have another moment, a single chance with her.
Dina offers to pick me up at the airport, which I hope is a good sign. My flight arrives a little after eleven in the evening. I hope there are no delays. I don’t want to spend one more day away from her.
Dina and I need to talk before she takes me home. Given all that she has been through, I need her to understand what she means to me before anything goes any further, because I have every intention of being with her and having her in my bed.
Has she forgiven me for not telling her about Valerie sooner? Does she understand that I have changed? Does she realize what she has meant to me from the very first day we met?
I know what I want, and I’m not afraid to go slow and do whatever’s necessary to get it. This has been three years in the making. I’m not about to fuck it up when we are so close to having it all.