Chapter Eight
Short-Lived
After our first time, I thought would be … I don’t know, something different after waking up with Michael. I have never felt so at peace or so comfortable in my own skin than when I am with him.
This glorious man wants me, claimed me, and loves me. After going from feeling so alone to someone wanting me all to himself, who wouldn’t be happy?
Only, I find myself wondering: why me? It’s a mess of insecurity and emotions that keep me in my own head.
The morning-after euphoria is short-lived. I’m not naive enough to believe we won’t have challenges, but sometimes I feel like I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop, as the saying goes.
Trying not to borrow trouble, I cast my negative feelings aside and snuggle closer to my man. He’s the only man I have gone to bed with and woke up with the next morning.
“Dina, get off me; you’re hot,” he grumbles.
I let the sting of rejection settle in my belly. Then I get up, forcing myself to go about my day. Around ten, Michael wakes up and, with a quick kiss, leaves me. It’s like nothing happened.
How can he make my soul, my mind, and my body feel again, just to be so … so … nonchalant?
I thought this would be different. We are in love. How can I wake up the morning after and feel like I did something wrong?
Emptiness, it’s a feeling I’m far too familiar with.
This isn’t how I saw things going for us.
Little black dress, be damned.
***
Two days later, Michael sends flowers.
Picking up my phone, I call him.
“Hey, beautiful,” he answers.
“Beautiful is the flowers in front of me.” I sigh. This man confuses me.
“I’ve been a real jerk. I just …” He sighs. “I don’t know, but I wanna see you tonight and tell you where my head is.”
“Okay,” I say the word slowly as my fears creep in. Is he going to break up with me? Am I that bad in bed? What went wrong?
“See you around seven. I get off work at six thirty.”
“See you then,” I say, fighting back tears.
The day passes in a blur, and before I know it, he’s at the door.
Opening it, I’m blown away when he steps inside and plants a firm kiss to my lips.
“I love you,” he says with passion. “I don’t know how to deal with the way I feel for you. No woman has made me feel as special and given me their time and attention like you.”
I smile, feeling blissfully happy to be in this place with him.
“I love you, Michael.”
“Baby,” he groans, kissing me while backing me up all the way to my bedroom. “Gonna show you how much I love you.”
And show me he does.
***
Michael and I have been together six months now. We are settling easily into each other’s lives, practically inseparable. The only time we aren’t together is when we have class or Michael has to work.
His sexual appetite is insatiable. Having him in my bed nightly now is practically a requirement. He still has his own place, but he spends most of his time here. Most nights, I go to bed after an orgasm and wake up to start my day with another one. I have no stamina. He could have sex all night long, round after round, while I need sleep.
Maybe some time at the gym will help with that, and my other problems.
The other night, Michael pinched my thighs, saying, “It looks like the freshman fifteen waited to catch up to you.”
His simple statement awakened me to my poor eating habits and lack of exercise outside of our bedroom activities. My clothes don’t fit me any differently from when we started dating, but maybe my muscle tone isn’t what it once was. The more I think on it, the more I realize I do need to go back to the gym.
Hopefully, Maggie will want to go with me. I miss my best friend. To have this special time together for us would be good. I don’t see her much anymore since Michael doesn’t like us hanging out. He tolerates it, but we had an argument about it last week.
“You’re choosing her over me!” Michael screams, storming out of my apartment. He’s the one who showed up unannounced, expecting me to go to dinner with him, when Maggie and I already ate. He was supposed to be working late.
I ruined his surprise for me when I told him I wasn’t hungry. This got worse when I explained he could stay but Maggie and I were halfway into a movie already. It wasn’t about him versus her, yet he took it that way.
Since his time with me is limited by his school—a communications major—and work schedule, he likes to be alone with me when we are together. Even if Maggie is home when Michael is here, we stay in my bedroom. He feels like Maggie is too boy crazy and unfocused. He doesn’t want her immaturity to rub off on me.
Maybe I have shown her to him in the wrong light. Yes, Maggie is wild compared to me, but she’s fine and doesn’t hold back. I miss the times we had before my parents died, when I didn’t have a care in the world. I had to grow up, while Maggie maybe isn’t there yet. I don’t know. Regardless, Maggie has been with me through thick and thin. She has felt every bit of my pain.
And Michael is wrong about Maggie. She’s not boy crazy. No, she’s Brayden crazy, and I’m happy for her. She’s blissfully in love. Through the lack of attention I have given her, she hasn’t even noticed, too wrapped up in her boyfriend, as I am mine.
I just wish Michael would get to know her better. Then he could see she’s my rock. I told him my past; how her family has been such a support system. I don’t think he sees it since we don’t all hang out together. Michael just doesn’t understand.
He wants to be my rock. That’s why he cares so much about what I do and who I associate with. He wants to be the one to be there for me.
It’s hard for me, being stuck.
I miss my best friend, and I love my boyfriend.
Michael is all about our future, while Maggie and I will eventually go our separate ways. It’s bound to happen. She and Brayden are already serious, as are Michael and I. One day, probably sooner than I would like, she will leave me to go on with her relationship with Brayden. Michael doesn’t want me to be hurt and alone when that happens. He wants to be my comforter, protector, and go-to person for all things. Knowing this, I fall in love with him even more.
Still, I have allowed things with Maggie to slip and the void between us keeps growing. If we could start going to the gym together, maybe we could get some of our bond back. Maybe this will show Michael that she’s not a bad influence. He can see how focused she and I can be together when achieving a goal. Then he can see Maggie won’t take me from him. I can have time with my best friend and work away my jiggles as he calls them.
In fact, that’s my new nickname from Michael—Jiggles. At first, I didn’t know what to think. What woman wants to be called Jiggles? Now, however, I find it to be a cute endearment.
Sometimes I’m slow to see where Michael is coming from. He’s not putting me down, like I took it originally. He cares that I take care of my body. It’s this love he has for me, and this is one small way he shows it.
Michael’s parents divorced when he was younger. His dad left and never looked back. He says it’s because his mom didn’t keep his dad satisfied. According to Michael, his mom lost the best thing that ever happened to her when his dad left. She didn’t make his dad a priority. If I want Michael to stay, he has to be my priority. I don’t want to lose him.
Looking over his schedule, I see where I can work in some gym time without missing time with him.
Being with Michael centers me. I feel driven to please him and make this work. The void I felt before he came into my life is not a feeling I want to have again.
I won’t survive another loss. If it means my every waking moment is spent with Michael, about Michael, or for Michael, then so be it. I need him in my life.