Chapter Five
Taking a Chance
A chance dinner with Michael has brought me back to the land of the living. Maybe it’s time, maybe I’m finally ready, or maybe it’s destiny. Or, maybe it’s because he didn’t know me before my parents’ death. It gives us a fresh start. I’m not sure. All I do know is that what I feel right now is nice, I have smiled for the first time in a year, and there are butterflies in my belly at the thought of seeing him again.
My silent plea to not being alone has been answered.
In the last two weeks, Michael and I have talked daily. Conversation flows freely between us. It’s refreshing to be so comfortable around someone.
Is it the newness of it all that has me so giddy? Or is the connection we share that strong?
When I talk about my parents, it doesn’t faze him like most people. He doesn’t tell me he’s sorry. He doesn’t sit there, silently waiting for me to fall apart. He simply says, “Dina, I can’t imagine that level of loss.”
Let’s be real. No one can. Until you feel it, you can’t remotely understand it.
Tonight, Michael and I have a date. He’s taking me to dinner and a movie.
Nervous anticipation courses through me. It’s been so long since I have allowed myself to feel anything other than sadness and despair. I’m not sure what to do with myself. All these flutters and smiles are hard to settle.
Thinking of Michael instinctively brings on happy feelings, an involuntary reaction that shows on my face. Talking to him brings a comfort that’s long been missing.
Truth be told, I have never had this comfort from anyone but my family and Maggie’s. Sure, I have dated guys. Maggie and I both had fun giving the guys a run for their money in high school. We weren’t wild, per say—our dads wouldn’t have allowed it—but we definitely weren’t the type to settle down. We didn’t plan our futures based on being with a man.
Before the accident, it was great being away at school. Maggie and I were no longer under the watchful eye of our biker dads. My dad, Rocky, was an original with the Hellions Motorcycle Club, and Maggie’s dad patched in not long after they moved to the coast.
Anytime either of us went out, both our dads rallied together with their shotguns on the porch beside them. It was so embarrassing. It used to annoy the shit out of us both. Now, I can only sit here and wish my dad was still around to screen the guys for me. His mere presence was intimidating.
My dad wasn’t an overly tall man, but he was built and tattooed. He was also confident and fiercely protective. There was no doubt in my mind that, if a boy messed with me, my dad would handle it.
What would he think of Michael? Would he approve? My dad was perceptive. Are there things I’m missing? It’s all overwhelming. He’s been a gentleman so far.
Oh, Daddy, I’m happy, I think to myself.
The despair is creeping up into my heart and head once again. I can’t do this. I need to cancel. There is no way I can go out. No one is here to watch out for me like my dad did. How can I trust what I feel?
I don’t know how to balance living and them dying. I want to go out, but it scares me. Living scares me. I am completely torn up about how to push myself and not crumble under the pressure.
A knock at the door alerts me to the time. Dammit, I was daydreaming too long and now he’s here.
I make it out of my room to find Maggie with a baseball bat in her hand, directing Michael toward the couch.
“Sit. Let’s chat, Michael,” she commands while I stand in my doorway to observe.
“Hello, you must be Maggie,” Michael says, extending his hand in greeting.
“No.” Maggie shakes her head. “We’re not friends, son. We aren’t even acquaintances,” she begins in her version of a stern voice. “We’re here because you want to take my girl out.”
Michael nods in agreement, going along, but with an amused look on his face. I’m struggling to stifle my own laughter as I watch my best friend attempt to play the role of our dads’ as she pats the bat into one hand for emphasis.
“Dina is precious. She’s to be valued and treasured. She’s to be treated with the utmost respect, son,” Maggie states, continuing on with the same chat our dads gave every guy who ever came to take us out. “If you fuck up, you’ll face me. And son, you should know, I’m not afraid to go to prison for the ones I love. You can take her out, but you gotta know and abide by the rules.”
Maggie drops her voice into a deep, manly tone. “Number one: she is to be home by midnight. Not twelve o’ one, fucker, because twelve o’ one constitutes a new day. A new day would mean my precious was with you overnight. Overnight dates aren’t allowed. Midnight.” She nods her head at Michael, who nods back.
“Number two: you open every door for her. We live in the south, and that’s what gentlemen do for ladies. Our Dina is a lady. I’m not a fucking gentleman, so get that straight right fucking now. I will fuck you up if you fail to act like a gentleman with my precious.”
Tears well up behind my eyes as Maggie continues to recite word-for-word the speech our dads gave every single one of our dates. I feel my dad with me in this moment.
“Number three: you pay for every damn thing. If my baby girl wants the most expensive lobster on the menu, you pay for it without hesitation. If she doesn’t even eat one bite of it, you smile and know it was worth your money just to spend time with her. If she wants to stop at five stores for a specific candy bar that can’t be found, you stop at five stores, or even a sixth, if that’s what it takes. And you pay.”
Maggie lets out a sigh, then tightens her features again. “You take care of my precious. Number four: you don’t drop her off. Revert back to rule number two, son—you open every door. That includes the door returning her safely home. Are we clear, fucker?
“I’m not your friend. I’m your worst damn nightmare if you upset Dina. Got it?” Maggie swings the bat to point it at Michael.
I can’t stop the laughter. Seeing my very skinny, not at all scary looking, best friend give this speech is hilarious.
When my dad gave it, I would get nervous for the guys on the receiving end. Watching Maggie, it’s purely comical.
As I enter the living room, Maggie looks up at me and smiles. “Hey, D, Michael and I have been getting to know each other.”
“So I heard. That was, by far, the funniest thing I’ve ever seen.” I start to laugh even harder.
“What? You used to do the same thing when I bring a guy home,” she replies innocently. Before I can respond, she cuts her eyes back to Michael. “Okay, so maybe I’m not that intimidating, but if you mess with her, I have two brothers and a dad who will bring a wrath upon you that you’ll never see coming. She’s my sister. Don’t hurt her, and we’re good. Fuck up, and the Lawson family will fuck you up.”
The next thing I know, Maggie is wrapping me up in a big hug as she whispers in my ear, “He’s cute, D. Have fun. I’m so happy for you.” Then she takes off to her room, leaving me with a smiling and very handsome Michael.
Even sitting, you can tell he’s tall. Then again, most people are compared to my five-foot-four, hourglass frame. He’s wearing a black Polo shirt with khaki pants. He’s skinny, but not scrawny. His short, straight, blond hair looks like he ran his fingers through it quite a bit on his way over here. It makes me wonder if he’s as nervous as I am.
Standing up, he comes over to me and pulls me to him, holding me close.
I instantly relax in his arms, feeling warm, wanted, and safe. Maybe it’s me being alone for too long. Maybe it’s my heart longing for a connection. Or maybe it’s real. Whatever it is I feel with Michael, I feel so much it’s like I’m bursting. I want to get to know him; spend time with him. He’s attractive and doesn’t look at me with the sadness everyone else seems to.
***
As for first dates, I can’t complain about this one. Dinner goes great. The conversation between us flows easily and the movie passes in a blur.
As we make the ride home from downtown, I can’t stop the questions in my mind. Do I invite him in? What does he expect? It’s been so long since I dated anyone, even for a casual night out. I’m at a loss when it comes to what to do, what to think, or what will come next.
He follows all the rules and has me home with five minutes to spare at the front door.
As I unlock it, I look over my shoulder at him. “Do you want to come inside?”
“I’d love to, but I want to take things slow.” He sighs, his face is tight like he’s fighting a battle with himself. “There will be more nights for me to come inside.”
I smile up at him, thinking he really is too good to be true. We are in college; most guys would not only want to be inside my apartment, but inside me.
The first semester before my parents’ accident, I went out all the time. I was a bit wild, Maggie and I together, which meant double trouble. Since the accident, everything has changed.
Michael is refreshing. He’s not like the guys I had before. He’s being respectful of not only my body, but my emotional needs.
Refreshing.
Reaching up, I gently stroke his cheek with the back of my hand. Then he leans down and, with a featherlike touch, his lips tenderly make contact with mine. The connection sends a pulse from the top of my head to the tips of my toes.
This simple kiss breathes new life into my meager existence. I feel alive.