The Secret Is Out
Maggie
We arrive at Carolina Medical Center and are immediately greeted with paperwork and Deputy Jones.
“Where’s Brayden? Is he okay? Can we see him?” I rush out the minute I see the officer.
Deputy Jones puts up his hand, silencing me. “The man driving your car is being treated. He is stable with no life-threatening injuries, but is pretty banged up. We need some information before you can see him.”
“His name is Brayden Eugene Holmes. He’s my boyfriend,” I inform the officer so he can quit referring to Brayden as “the man driving.” Brayden isn’t a nobody.
A young nurse named Jamie interrupts to give us what seems like a mountain of paperwork. Ryder helps me answer the questions then hands Jamie his business card and the insurance card for the policy he has on all his employees.
“Whatever the insurance doesn’t cover, just send a bill to the garage,” Ryder tells her. Brayden won’t like the help, but right now, I’m thankful for it.
In all the distraction of paperwork and hopes of seeing him, I forget about Deputy Jones, until he stops up when we make our way back to the emergency department.
“Miss Lawson, here is a business card for the people you will need to contact about your car. You’re responsible for the towing and storage.” “How bad is it?” Ryder asks, and I brace myself for the worst.
“Your friend,” Deputy Jones addresses me, “slammed into a concrete construction divider on Interstate 85 at an extremely high rate of speed. He’s lucky he has no serious injuries. I’ll be honest, I don’t know if any of your car can be salvaged. There were no other cars involved, so you’re just left with the responsibility of your car and insurance. We’ll be in touch, as we do have some questions for Mr. Holmes.”
High rate of speed? I mean yes, the car will go fast, but why would Bray be in a hurry? Where was he going? Why was he driving so fast? I have so many questions, but more importantly, I want to see Brayden and know he’s okay.
When we finally get back to see him, I’m not at all prepared. His face is so swollen he is almost unrecognizable, and the bruising has already started.
I gasp.
“We are waiting on him to wake up a little more and the swelling to subside to assess the full extent of his injuries,” the nurse, Jamie, explains.
“Does he know what’s happened? Is he okay, really?” I stammer.
“He’s stable. He’s banged up, but despite the speed involved in the accident, he’s gonna be fine. There’s no sign of serious head injury. The facial swelling and bruising you see is from the airbag. We want to do a CT scan to make sure, and we have done bloodwork.”
I sit down by his bed. This is all so much to take in at once.
I’m holding his hand as he starts to wake. .
He opens his eyes, blinking a few times, then looks straight at me. “I love you, Maggie. I’m sorry,” he says in a scratchy voice.
I start to cry, unable to stop myself.
Dina walks in then. She doesn’t speak, only goes over to sit on Ryder’s lap. I know she hates hospitals, so this is probably rattling her nerves to the core. Sitting here, seeing someone I love so much just lying in a bed with machines making noises.
The doctor enters right behind her with a very stern expression. “Mr. Holmes, I’m going to ask you this one time and I expect you to be completely honest with me. How long have you been using drugs?”
***
Brayden
There is no avoiding it now. It’s time to come clean. I see the shock on Maggie’s face, while Dina immediately looks down like I broke something in her.
Ryder’s face. Ryder is pure rage.
Man up. There is no way out, I prep myself mentally.
“On and off since I was fifteen. Actively with no attempt at stopping? For the last ten months. And since you’re going to ask,” I sigh out, completely numb and void of emotion, “yes, I’m a daily user.”
Maggie immediately starts to cry uncontrollably beside me.
It kills me to know I hurt her so badly. I never meant to let it become a daily habit. I had it under control.
Ryder shakes his head, muttering. “Shit, man, I had hoped Valerie was lying. Why didn’t you tell me, dammit!”
“I have to turn your toxicology report over to the police,” the doctor says sternly, then walks out, leaving me to face those closest to me.
Maggie is sobbing into her hands, not looking or speaking to me. I wouldn’t want to look at me, either. I fucked up.
Dina stands up, yet remains silent. She merely looks away. Then her eyes meet mine. I can’t deny the look of hurt as she pulls out her phone and begins dialing.
So much for her respecting the hospital’s no cell phone rule.
“Page Wendy Carmichael, please. It’s Dina Fowler calling,” she clips into the phone.
Who the hell is Dina calling?
There is a pause, and then Dina begins, “Wendy, I’m sorry to bother you outside of office hours. I need you to represent a Mr. Brayden Eugene Holmes. He totaled a car driving under the influence.” There is a pause as she listens to this supposed lawyer she knows. “I don’t care what the costs are; you get his ass in rehab.” She pauses again, and I assume it’s to listen to the reply. “Thanks. I’ll be in touch.” She disconnects the call, and then Ryder is holding her.
I know he’s piping hot mad, yet remaining calm for Dina’s sake.
I already learned what a temper she really has, but never have I seen so much tension, anger, and sadness roll off her all at once. Dina is easy going. She’s the girl everyone can hang out with.
For a while, she stands there, almost as if it’s all becoming clear to her. Then she looks at me with what I can only assume is hatred in her eyes. It cuts deep, knowing this will impact Maggie.
“You sorry piece of shit, my parents died because of a selfish bastard just like you,” Dina starts, and I fight to take it, knowing I totally deserve it. “You guys just care about your high, your buzz, your escape. You get behind the wheel of a car with no regard to the innocent lives you affect. You are so beyond lucky no other cars were involved or that Maggie wasn’t with you.”
I never thought about other people. What if I had hit another car? I could have killed someone.
For the first time, I can say with certainty, my addiction is out of control.
She stands up straighter and steps toward me with determination. “Let’s be clear, I don’t give two shits what your issues are; you’re going to rehab! My attorney is going to arrange everything, so get your shit straight, Brayden, and fast! You’re better than this. Maggie deserves better than this.”
“I’d never put Maggie at risk!”
“You have no idea what you’ve done. Your addiction will explain it all away for you in your mind. I can’t lose her! I’ve lost too much. You want to be in her life, get clean.”
Before I can respond, she looks at Maggie, her demeanor visibly relaxing. “Maggie, I love you, and I’m here for you always.” She digs out her keys and hold them out. “Here are the keys to my car if you want to stay. I, however, need to get out of here. Call me later.”
She leans into Ryder, whispering what sounds like, “Please take me home. I think I’m going to be sick. This hits too close to home.”
Neither of them say goodbye as they leave. Maggie still won’t stop crying or even look at me, much less speak. Now I’m left lying here, unable to put thoughts together, unable to think about what is going to happen next.
Thank you, Doctor I-don’t-give-a-damn-about-patient-confidentiality for putting my business out there. Now I have a rehab issue to face. Plus, I’m sure my pain meds will be cut off now that they have found a shit load of cocktails in my system.
Usually I stick with pills, anxiety meds mostly, with pain killers at bedtime. Lately, though, I have been desperate—uppers, downers, mood enhancers, and anything else you can imagine to escape the ghost. In fact, if they did a hair test, I couldn’t even begin to remember what’s been in my system in the last thirty days. I’m not proud of it. I would even do it again in a heartbeat.
No one knows the hell I face at every turn. They all just judge me, like they would handle it so differently.
Dina knows loss, and her loss cuts deeply. I would never take that away from her. Nevertheless, she can’t understand the loss that should have been me. No one can.