Ready
Kenna
I have been with my parents three days now, and not one word from Jake. I know I need to reach out. My parents are right; I have been far too hard on him. Dina and Maggie both say he’s quieter than usual, but okay.
I miss him. I miss us.
Deciding I need some air and time to contemplate, I take a walk on an area of the Pasquotank River. It has always soothed me. Taking in the pine trees, the water, and the overall sounds of nature, I feel at peace in a way I haven’t in a while.
My mom is right; Jake has kept every promise he made to me that day on the dock. We were young and naive to the world and to what goes into real, long-lasting relationships, yet he has held true to every innocent promise he made all those years ago.
He’s provided for me and has always made sure I was protected. We bought the house next door to Ryder so someone he trusted would be there when he couldn’t. He’s supported my dreams, my goals, my aspirations, following me where I wanted to go. He’s loved me, cherished me, and honored our love.
Never has another woman crossed his mind in the sense of a different relationship. I can’t even say that. Foolishly, I allowed myself to wonder what a relationship with another man would be like. Furthermore, I allowed that thought to cause a bigger drift between Jake and me.
Lost in my own thoughts, I keep walking. When I finally look up, I’m standing in front of Jake’s aunt’s house, and memories flood me of a much younger Jake.
When he first came here, he was so angry. Even at school, you could sense that he was a boy on edge. Yes, he did well in school, played sports, and worked hard at his afterschool job. Underneath the day to day, however, there was a deep anger permeating in his eyes. Regardless, Jake was always in control, never letting his temper get too out of hand.
Once we started dating, his eyes softened and the anger dissipated. He always told me I saved him from himself. He was truly mad at the world, lost, but in our relationship, he found his place.
He has always called me his home. He once told my dad he was born to take care of me, to be with me. Firmly rooted in this belief, Jake has given me everything … while I took it all greedily, even asking for more.
It dawns on me that Jake has given me everything I have ever asked for without hesitation, yet I made it not enough.
It has never been that Jake doesn’t love me enough. It’s been my selfish need for more. I not only asked, but I practically demanded the one thing from him that he’s always said he couldn’t give me. Not only have I necessitated this, but I slowly hurt the man I love in the process.
He wants to give me a marriage, yet he has hang-ups, ones I knew of from the beginning. Instead of calling me out on my self-interested desire, he’s been fighting within himself to keep me happy.
Happiness—real, deep down happiness—can be found in acceptance and contentment.
I have no reason to complain. Jake is a good man. He’s kind, considerate, caring, loving, intelligent, passionate, devoted, courageous, honorable, committed, focused, brave, and sexy as hell. Women would love to have a man like him.
People get married and still don’t manage to have the devotion and love that I have from Jake, so why have I allowed myself to get so wrapped up in a title? I have the real relationship at home. Whether I have a piece of paper legally making Jake my husband or not, he is in every other way possible.
***
Jake
The buzz of the machine is whirling through my ears as the needle pierces into my skin, pushing the ink through to bring my tattoo to life. The pulsing, the irritation, and the noise all consume me and take me to a place out of my head.
The ring is now resting in my bag outside in the truck. I’m ready to give Kenna everything she’s ever dreamed.
Sophia’s voice brings me out of my thoughts.
“So, I get the words, and I obviously understand the initials, but why puzzle pieces? Just curious.”
“Kenna and I fit together like two pieces in a jigsaw puzzle,” I answer. “She was made to fit me, complete me. The words, ‘She holds me beyond forever’ are just that—she holds me down and has from the beginning and will through the end. She tames my wild, keeping me grounded and focused.”
Sophia looks up from her artwork, smiling. Then she wipes the excess ink and blood away. “You’re sure about her initial with yours inside the puzzle piece? Because I’ve been tattooing for years, and names and initials are a huge commitment.”
Grinning, I answer in complete confidence with my decision, “Yeah, and so is the ring I have waiting to give her.”
“No shit! Really?”
“Yes to all of it. That’s why only her first initial. Soon, she will have my last name.” Saying it, I’m proud. It’s not suffocating anymore; it’s comforting.
I flinch a little as Sophia hits a tender spot.
She laughs. “It’s a good thing you plan on going all the way, then. With this tat’s location, any woman giving you a blow job will have Kenna’s K in their face.”
I laugh, thinking about that. Yes, looking at it, I realize the puzzle pieces are low in the V of my hip, slightly to the left. The two pieces are connected together with a K inside one and J inside the other. “She holds me beyond forever” is written in small script around them.
Now I begin to wonder what Kenna will think. I never got ink without her being present. Sophia has done all my recent work, except the angel on my chest and praying hands on my right shoulder blade. My tribal piece that wraps my left shoulder and upper arm, the eagle on my right arm, the Chevy Bel-air hood piece from the late fifties on my back are all Sophia’s designs. Harrison is now sporting some work by Sophia, as well. Thinking about it, she’s inked all of us except Kenna, who remains a blank canvas. Even Maggie and Dina have ink from Sophia.
She finishes up, still smiling.
Once I’m gooped up, bandaged, and ready to go, Sophia asks, “Are you going to get her now?”
“That’s the plan. Thanks, Sophia.” I hesitate. “And not that it’s any of my business, but Harrison is a good guy underneath it all. Give him a chance,” I say, giving her a little boost about whatever it is Harrison and her are building together.
“Go on, Jake,” is all she says.