“Do you work today, Hazel?”

 

It’s Saturday. I never work on Saturdays. But for some reason I hesitate telling Liam this. It’s clear that Liam is falling for me, and I can’t say that I don’t feel the same way. There’s just something keeping me from taking the final leap into whatever this relationship is.

 

My first guess would be that I’m scared of being cheated on because of the way things ended with Scott, but then again, I’m no therapist. Liam has been nothing but good to me so far, though, and I love being around him. I love how free I feel to just be myself—with all my good, bad, and very dirty parts included in that whole package.

 

I know I’m being irrational by hanging back just to protect myself, when he’s given me no reason to think he’d do anything to hurt me and has only been good to me— and mind-blowingly good to me in bed. So, I do tell him that I’m available for whatever plan he’s brewing.

 

“I thought we could get some coffee and walk through Central Park. Get to know each other a bit better. If you want, of course. I understand if you’ve seen enough of my ol’ mug for the week,” he tells me.

 

I really appreciate how much he takes my feelings into consideration, suggesting I could even grow bored of his sculpted face— which would be impossible.

 

“I could go for a morning coffee.”

 

We walk through Central Park in silence for the most part, until Liam blindsides me with a question I had sort of already given him the answer to the night before. He takes a sip of his hot coffee before asking me, “Have you given serious thought to quitting that job you hate and working on your art full time?”

 

“Full-time artists are starving artists, and I, for one, am not a fan of starving,” I tell him.

 

“No, of course, I understand that. But I think it’s important to understand that nobody gets rich or feels truly happy by not following their dreams.”

 

This isn’t news to me. I’ve told this to myself many times, but the last thing I want to do is risk having my roommate kick me out because I don’t have any regular income to help pay for the apartment, even if it means I could spend my days until then working on paintings, which is what I want to do the most. Law isn’t my passion, art is. But art doesn’t pay unless you’re super lucky or cater to a very general audience— such as the rich moms I’ve been selling to on Etsy, and even that isn’t exactly lucrative.

 

Since I first picked up a pencil, I’ve been made fun of for pursuing a career in art, with everyone claiming I wouldn’t make any money doing that. And to my dismay, I’ve yet to disprove anybody who ever told me that. Sure, I’ve been making money selling “art” online, but I’d hardly consider it true art.

 

Liam doesn’t see things the same way I do, though. He traveled to another country to make his dreams come true. Sure, he has his parents’ money as a safety net, but regardless, he could have just lived out his life in luxury, but instead came to make his fantasy a reality. I wish I could be bolder and braver, like he is.

 

Law is what pays the bills for me, but Liam isn’t wrong when he says pursuing what you’re passionate about is what will make you happy. Since Liam makes me happy, I want to give serious thought to his idea about pursuing art— but, I can’t do it right now because I don’t see a way to follow through, so, I decide to change the subject.

 

“Enough of conversations full of wishful thinking or depressing things,” I announce. “Can I draw you, Liam?”

 

He throws his eyebrows up and giddily agrees to it. Though at first he doesn’t take the task too seriously, after giving some instruction to just act natural, he sits down on a bench and feeds some pigeons.

 

I pull out my sketchbook from my purse and start with the shape of Liam’s body. I draw a very minimal skeletal figure of Liam as a base and focus of the sketch. After six months of filling my sketches with rage and sadness, I’m finally able to relax my wrist and delicately trace my pen along the pages of my sketchbook. In just a matter of minutes, I complete my sketch of Liam and wave him over to come check it out.

 

Once more, he throws his eyebrows up, but this time says nothing. He stares intently at the sketch, like a caveman inspecting fire for the first time.

 

“This is bloody incredible!”

 

I try to accept the compliment coolly, but I can feel my cheeks beginning to blush. More surprising than his appreciation for the drawing in his likeness is just how much he likes it. He’s showering me with compliments but I can tell he’s holding back. He is truly blown away by the sketch.

 

I’ve already cried in front of Liam an embarrassing amount, but I feel tears working their way out again. Not once did Scott react this way towards my artistic abilities. Some days, he even acted annoyed that I spent my time honing my talent. What made my blood boil was that he always referred to art as my “hobby,” and when I’d tell him that I eventually wanted to make it a career, he’d laugh in my face and say that was impossible.

 

Liam just continues to show me how he is a much better man than Scott could ever be. In bed, in conversation, and in support of my dreams. As much as I hated having my heart broken by Scott, especially in the way that it had to happen, what with the fucking my best friend and whatnot, I can’t say I miss him. He never treated me well, and had I stayed with him, not only would he have most likely cheated on me again, but I never would have gotten the chance to meet Liam. I have no reason to distrust Liam. He has done nothing but show me love and support and lifted my life from the joyless, sexless rut that I had been in for the past six months.

 

I don’t know if I’ll be brave enough to bring up the idea first, but I’m leaning more and more towards the thought of starting an official relationship with Liam. It’s very clear that he’s falling for me and I do feel the same way about him.

 

But considering this— whatever it is— started out as a farce, it’s hard to tell if he really does want to be in a serious committed relationship with me. The sex is great, conversing with him fills my heart with joy, and he’s just an all around great guy.

So what am I waiting for?