Chapter 8
When Kina woke up, she felt bad. Maybe she had taken it too far. Yes, she was upset with him, but was it enough to warrant sleeping in the spare bedroom? There was nothing that could be done about it now. The night was over, and she hadn’t slept next to Jacob.
She heard Jacob and Nate downstairs in the kitchen and walked down to join them. When she walked into the kitchen, Jacob glanced up at her. He didn’t come to her and kiss her the way he usually did. Kina went over to Nate in his highchair and kissed him on the cheeks. He squealed and gurgled, his little hands tangling in her hair. She laughed, unable to stay angry with the toddler around. Nate was such a ray of sunshine.
Nate already had a bowl of pureed fruit and yogurt in front of him. Jacob had already taken care of him, giving him breakfast. He was still upset, though. Kina couldn’t blame him. She had slept in the spare room, after all.
Kina sat down in the breakfast nook and watched Jacob feed Nate. Jacob was such a good father, dedicated and caring, doing everything a father should do. Yes, he was away a lot of the time, but when he was home, he threw himself into his parenting completely. It was one of the good things about him. There were a lot of good things about Jacob, Kina thought. Just looking at him, his blond hair cropped short, his eyes full of emotion, she could think of a million and one reasons why she married him.
Like the fact that he had been committed to her from the start. Like the fact that he wanted to take care of their family, no matter what. Even the things that happened in his past, his run-in with the law and his assault charge, came from a good place. He had attacked a football player because the man had said something bad about his girlfriend at the time. The fact that it had been true was a moot point.
Kina knew that she had a good man. She didn’t want to fight with him.
“Did you sleep okay?” Jacob asked after they sat in strained silence for a while.
“Yes, I did. Thank you.” More strained silence.
Jacob took a deep breath, like he was preparing himself. “I’m sorry,” he said. Kina blinked at him. “I don’t want to fight with you,” he continued. “I’m sorry it went that far.”
Kina nodded slowly. It means a lot to her when Jacob was the first to apologize. As great as he was, he had a lot of arrogance and pride, and she was very often the first person to say that she was sorry.
“It’s okay,” she said. “I’m glad you feel this way about it. I thought we were going to go back and forth about this for days, but if you see where I’m coming from, and you agree—”
Jacob shook his head. “What do you mean?”
“I mean your apology,” Kina said. “The whole moving thing is so unnecessary, getting between us when we don’t need this right now.”
Nate made a mess of his bowl, knocking it over, and Jacob interrupted the conversation to clean it up. It was endearing, attractive, and hot even.
“I don’t think you understand what I’m saying,” Jacob said when the chaos was under control. “I haven’t changed my mind. I still want to move. I’m just so sorry that we fought about it.”
Kina blinked at Jacob. Was he really going to keep going at this? She had felt bad when she woke up that she had chosen to sleep in a different room, but deep down inside, she had hoped that it would change his mind. Was it manipulative? Yes. But she didn’t want to move, and now, he was still on the topic.
“So, we’re going to go look at more houses, decide which one you like, pack up our lives, and move to a new place where we have to create new memories?” she asked. “A place that doesn’t belong to us the way that this one does?”
Jacob sighed, exasperated. “Why can’t we just talk about it, Kina?”
Kina’s face was void of emotion, her whole attitude distant and switched off. He hated when she became like this. If you wanted to talk about anything with her, this was not the attitude to do it in. Most of the time, Jacob and Kina could figure things out. They were happily married, with a child and another baby on the way. They had made things work until now. But Kina had her off days, and when she did, she was very difficult.
It looked like today was one of those days.
“There’s nothing to talk about,” she said.
Not one of those days, Jacob thought. He walked to the fridge and prepared another bowl of food for Nate. It was easier to focus on the trivial things, the small things that needed to be done around the house, than the big things that were difficult to figure out. They were both quiet as he moved around the kitchen. Kina wasn’t eating, he noticed, but he wasn’t going to say anything about it.
“Let me,” Kina said when he put the new bowl in front of Nate. She got up out of the breakfast nook, and Jacob let her take over.
The atmosphere was strained again, the silence growing between them until it was deafening. The only sound in the room was the gurgling noises Nate made, eating and spitting, happily unaware of how difficult things were right now. He wouldn’t even know if he was in a new house or not. This was solely between Jacob and Kina.
Jacob looked at his wristwatch. “I have to get going. I have training with the boys.”
Kina nodded, not looking at him. “Let me know when you’re on your way back. Just so I know.”
Jacob nodded. He walked to her, planting a kiss on her cheek before he left the kitchen. No matter how much they fought, he still wanted Kina to know that he loved her more than anything. All of this–a new house, a great neighborhood–was for her and Nate. He wanted his family to have the best. Why couldn’t she see that he was trying to take care of them and let it be?
When Jacob was gone, Kina could breathe easier. It wasn’t always this strained when they fought, but this was a bad one. It hadn’t turned into a screaming match or anything, but somehow, he felt farther away than ever. She hated it when they were so distant from each other, especially if he was in town. He was physically away from her often enough.
But she didn’t want to buckle on this. Jacob wasn’t trying to understand how she felt. It was important to her that he cared about her feelings, not just about what he wanted. She understood that he was trying to take care of his family, that he wanted them to be safe and happy and comfortable. What he didn’t seem to understand was that she had all of that already.
After breakfast, Kina took Nate to change his diaper before she set him up in the playroom. She looked around. The room was still a work in progress, a vision that she had when Nate was older. The walls were painted red and blue, the beige carpet plush, with box shelves and cabinets against the walls. These would be filled with toys and books in due time as Nate developed a taste in what he liked. If they moved now, Kina would have to start all over again. Everything in this house was ready–the baby room, the playroom, her and Jacob’s offices–and it felt like a shame to have to start from scratch.
Kina watched Nate in his play pen when her phone rang. Lauren’s name flashed on the caller ID, and she was relieved that it was her friend.
“I can’t tell you how good it is to hear from you,” she said into the phone.
“You wouldn’t believe it, but you’re not the first person to tell me so this week.” Lauren laughed.
“Are more people crying on your shoulder?” Kina asked. “Because that’s what I want to do.”
“What’s wrong?” Lauren asked. She sounded concerned. Lauren was a great friend, always ready to listen, always ready with good advice. In the past two years, Kina had gotten as close to her as Sadie was. It was easy to see why Sadie and Lauren were such good friends. Lauren was made of all the right stuff.
“Jacob wants to move,” Kina explained. “He wanted a new house close to the schools that we want Nate and the new baby at eventually, but I don’t see the point of doing it now. He’s so serious about it, we’re actually fighting.”
“I take it that you don’t want to move?” Lauren asked. “Only at this moment, or ever?”
“I don’t know. I haven’t really thought that far. All I know is that I don’t want to move right now. I’m happy here. Nate was born in this house, and Jacob and I got this place together. It’s the first thing we really did as a serious couple.”
“Don’t you think that maybe that’s the problem?” Lauren asked.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, maybe you don’t want to leave because you’re sentimental about the place. Am I right?”
Lauren was right, Kina realized. Of course, she was. Lauren was very seldom wrong. This was about sentimental value, about memories, about the house being the first step Jacob and Kina had taken together. She didn’t just want to leave it behind like it meant nothing. When she said as much, Lauren listened quietly until she was done.
“I don’t think Jacob sees it that way,” she said. “I think he sees you buying a bigger home, accommodating a bigger family, as another step as a team. He’s not leaving anything behind. He’s building on what you already have.”
Kina hadn’t thought about it like that. Lauren had nailed it on the head. Kina really was attached to the house.
“Don’t see it as throwing memories away,” Lauren said. “See it as creating more. Does that make sense?”
Kina nodded, even though Lauren couldn’t see her. “It does,” she said. “I feel like I went about it wrong. I was quite rude to him, pregnancy hormones and all of that, but it’s not an excuse. What do I do now?”
Kina knew that she shouldn’t really have asked Lauren a direct question about it. Lauren was there to listen, but ultimately, Kina would be the one that would have to figure it out with Jacob.
“The only advice I can give you is the advice I give everyone that asks me,” Lauren said.
“And what’s that?”
“I would suggest that you speak to your husband. The only way to fix anything is to talk about it until you can sort it out. You and Jacob love each other. The whole world knows it. Arguing over something so small, a misunderstanding because you didn’t tell him exactly how you felt, is the worst reason to lose something as fantastic as you have.”
Kina nodded. Lauren was right.
“Thank you,” Kina said. “I have to go.”
“Before you do, I wanted to ask you about Saturday’s party. You two are coming?”
“We’ll be there,” Kina said before hanging up.
Kina had to wait until after Jacob’s practice before she could speak to him. She didn’t wait for Jacob to come home, though. She packed Nate in the car and drove to the training center, waiting for Jacob in the parking lot. When he finally came out, she got out of her car and waited for him. He walked to her, and she put her arms around his neck, pulling him as close as her pregnant tummy would allow.
“I’m sorry,” she said. “I’m scared to leave because I feel we’ll leave everything we created together behind.”
It might not have been the best place to say it, but she couldn’t wait any longer. She had been wrong, and she felt bad.
“Baby, we will always have each other and everything we created together.” When he said it, put his hand on her stomach. “I love you.”
“I love you, too,” Kina said.
“We’ll find the right one, okay?” Jacob said.
Kina nodded. She kissed Jacob, determined to trust him.