It appeared that Blithe had other plans in mind, though. She was an intelligent, precocious girl who seemed wiser than her years.
“Paige?”
“Yeah, sweetheart?”
“Did you know my mommy?”
Blithe’s question caught me off-guard as I laid her down in her plush princess bed.
“Why do you ask?”
“Just wondering,” Blithe said.
“You know you can talk to me about anything, right?” I asked.
“Yeah.”
“Even why you asked that question,” I said.
Her beautiful blue eyes fluttered up to me, pulling me in as she sighed and heaved her little shoulders. I was in the process of adopting her, and I couldn’t believe that I’d actually have a child of my own. It wasn’t something I’d planned on, but nothing in life ever is. I was very happy to be becoming a mom even though it was a completely different way than I had ever dreamed possible.
“I’m really happy you’ve been here.”
“Well, I’m happy I’ve been here, too,” I said.
“Daddy’s really happy with you, and I think you’re awesome. I just wondered if you knew my mommy so you could tell me stories or something.”
My heart sank at her explanation, even though I knew she was trying to pay me a compliment.
“You wanna know what I do know about your mother?” I asked.
“What?”
“I know she had to be a wonderful woman in order to raise a daughter like you,” I said.
“You think so?” Blithe asked.
I nodded. “I know she must’ve been strong because she went through childbirth. And she raised you on her own for a little while, which takes a lot of mental fortitude.”
“What’s that?” she asked.
“It’s like physical strength, but with your brain,” I said.
“So, her mind was strong.”
“Exactly,” I said. “Your mother was strong physically, strong with her brain, and very smart.”
“How do you know she was smart?” she asked.
“Because you’re smart, and you know you don’t get that from your father.”
Blithe giggled as she wiggled down into the covers. “Paige?”
“Yeah?”
“Could I get one of these canopy things for my bed at home?” she asked.
“If you get one at home, then this one won’t be as special,” I said.
“Why not?” she asked.
“Well, sometimes things are special and fun because we don’t always get to do them. Like going to the movies or going to a waterpark. If you did them all the time and it became part of your routine, the special would be ruined.”
“Are you sure that’s how that works?” she asked.
“Think about it this way: remember when you first time you went to the park?” I asked.
“I think so, yeah.”
“How did you feel about it?”
“It was awesome!”
“Now, think about the last time we went to the park,” I said. “How did you feel then?”
“Cold,” she said.
“What else?” I asked.
“Weird,” she said.
“Why weird?” I asked.
“I don’t know. The swinging just wasn’t fun, I guess.”
“That’s because you go all the time. The special wore off because you do it so much. I bet if you took a two-week break from the park, swinging would be fun again.”
“Two weeks?!”
“You don’t have to,” I said, giggling. “It’s just an illustration.”
“A what?”
“An example,” I said. “But that’s why this canopy is so special. Because your grandpa got it for you and you don’t see it every day. If we got you one for the house, then Grandpa’s wouldn’t be special anymore.”
I saw understanding roll across her features, but it sank my stomach. I wanted to get her one. I wanted to get her whatever she asked for, but finances were tight right now, and I had yet to sit down and make another budget for us.
Zach had no idea that Kent had to give me money last week to pay for Blithe’s medicine when she was sick, and he sure as hell didn’t know that Kent was the one paying for the gas to get us to and from his house. He was always saying he didn’t want us to have to rely on his father but I also wasn’t sure how we’d make it with the small amounts he allowed himself to take from the trust.
He’d be sick with guilt and infuriated at our current circumstances if he knew. And this was something I was going to have to rectify.