I woke up the next morning with the best ache in my bones. The sun was just beginning to shine through the windows, and I felt a familiar body stirring next to mine.
Paige rolled over and sighed, her arm searching for me before it wrapped around my waist. I slowly opened my eyes and focused on her, studying the parts of her body I could see poking out from beneath the covers. I cradled her next to me and allowed myself a moment.
Just one moment to soak up her warmth.
I needed to get back to my cabin so I could get ready for work, but I didn’t want to leave Paige alone in this hotel room. I thought about calling off work, taking a sick day, and lying here until she woke up.
I thought about what it would be like to wake her up with me between her legs. I thought about what her morning scent would taste like on my tongue.
Would she enjoy waking up with an orgasm? Would she enjoy my cock fucking her awake?
I wanted to figure it out, but I knew I couldn’t.
I wanted to talk with her. I wanted to wake her up and ask her how she was feeling. As I gazed upon her sleeping form, I couldn’t bring myself to do it. This was temporary, and the both of us understood that.
She was here on vacation, or for work, or for whatever other reason she had, but she didn’t live here. She lived nine hours away, and shit like that never worked. Fuck, it hardly worked when people were nine minutes away.
But nine hours? Nope.
I would need her next to me, with me, all the time. I was fucking smitten. It didn’t sound like a word to describe a rough, hard guy like me, but it was pretty damn accurate.
There was no sense in prolonging the inevitable. Taking the day off work would just delay what was coming, and then I’d have to watch her drive away, back to her world. A world in a city I’d never venture back to as long as I was alive and kicking.
The longer I lay there with her in my arms, the angrier I became. This was absolute bullshit. It felt like punishment for whatever the hell I’d gotten wrong as a child.
I pulled myself away from her and watched her turn over onto her stomach, her beautiful body splayed across the mattress as more of her came into view. I allowed my eyes to trail along her skin one last time, committing every last bit of her to memory before I left.
Before I left her to live the life she was destined to live.
I hoped she would discover her passion. I hoped she would go home and resolve whatever it was that was plaguing her. I hoped she would find someone better than me to make love to her in all the best ways possible. I hoped the best for her as I slid on my coat.
I picked my helmet that I’d tossed into the corner and looked back one last time before I left. Instead of going to my house I simply drove around until it was time for work.
If I went to my cabin, I wouldn’t resurface. I would lose myself in my research again, and I wasn’t sure I would ever allow a woman to penetrate its walls again.
I made it to work by eight-thirty and was ready to take my mind off things. I was still in the warehouse, still splitting wood in half and hauling it onto the backs of trucks. The monotonous work and the strenuous nature of it helped to take my mind off Paige, but by the time lunch rolled around, she was back on my mind again.
“Caden, could I talk to you about something?”
“What’s shakin’, bacon?” Caden asked.
I shook my head. “How many energy drinks have you had already?”
“Do you wanna talk or not?”
“Sorry,” I said. “It’s just shit with Paige.”
He turned off the machine he was working with and gave me his full attention. “So, what happened? The two of you bang, and she sucked or something?”
“You’re a dipshit, you know that? I told her about my fucking father.”
Caden whipped his gaze up at me. “You did what?”
“I told her about my father. And my mother.”
He whistled softly. “Goddamn. How did that happen?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know. I told her about them because I wanted her to know I had her back. You know, when she came back into town all distraught—”
“And you comforted her with your dick? Yeah, yeah. I remember. I’m just floored. You don’t ever talk about your father. Hell, you shut me up whenever I make some snide remark about him.”
“I know. And the thing was, it was easy to tell her. I wasn’t angry or upset. It wasn’t hard, and I wasn’t sad. It just was what it was.”
“Holy shit, dude,” he said. “You’ve got it bad for this girl.”
“But it can’t work, right? I mean, she doesn’t live here. We both knew this going in.”
“Did you?” he asked.
“What the hell does that mean?”
“You knew she was from Seattle, right? That had to be one of those first date topics.”
“Second date, but yes,” I said.
“But you still continued to talk with her while she was in town.”
“Yeah,” I said. “Damn. Why the fuck did I do that?”
“Look, I’ve never met her, but I do know this. I’ve never seen you fall for a woman this hard before. Hell, I’ve never even known you to go on a fucking date, and I’ve known you for how long now?”
“Eighteen years.”
“Right, too goddamn long. And in that time, never once have I seen you go out on a date.”
“That’s not true,” I said.
“Name one woman you’ve actually taken out on a date besides Paige.”
“What about that one woman with the long legs and the… shit, what color was her hair?”
“Are you fucking with me right now?” he asked.
“No, I’m serious. There was one other woman, I’m telling you. Long legs, slender body, delicate features.”
“Welcome to every girl I’ve ever seen you take home from the bar.”
“Fuck. Her eyes were brown, maybe?”
“The fact that you can’t remember her tells me she wasn’t important. What color are Paige’s eyes?”
“Green,” I said. “But I just saw her last night. That doesn’t mean anything, just because I can’t remember a woman’s eye color.”
“Where is she from?” Caden asked.
“Seattle, but she grew up in Spokane.”
“Did she ever tell you what happened with her parents?” he asked.
“She wasn’t too sure, but she knew her mother was a junkie. She assumes it was her father that dropped her at—why the fuck does any of this matter?”
“The last woman you went on a date with, you can’t even remember. When was the last time you could tell me the name of a woman you fucked before you kicked her out of your house?”
I racked my brain for answers to his question, but I came up empty-handed. What did that say about me as a man?
“My point is, she’s got you in knots, and it’s a good look on you. But if you want to keep her, it’s gonna take work. And it starts with you making things right with her.”
“How are they not right?” I asked.
“Did you wake her up before you left? Or did you throw down the ‘I’m too broken’ excuse and leave without saying goodbye?”
“In my defense, she left me high and dry the time before.”
“Do you really want her last memory of you to be you getting even with her?” he asked.
Shit. Caden was right.
“How the fuck do I make something like this right?” I asked.
“Take your sandwich to-go. Ride over to her hotel room and find her. Then, tell her what happened this morning. Be honest with her like you were last night. You didn’t seem to struggle with it then. Why should you struggle with it now?”
“When the fuck did you get to be so smart?” I asked.
“You always call me smart. Are you just now starting to believe it?”
The shit-eating grin on Caden’s face made me laugh. I grabbed my sandwich and munched on it as I strode out to my bike. He was right. I needed to make things right with Paige. I needed to make sure we were on the same wavelength, and if we were, then we could go from there.
If I was just a fling for her, then I’d get over it. I always did. It was how my life had gone up until this point.
But if we were on the same wavelength and I wasn’t just a fling, then we were going to need to figure out what the fuck to do next.
I sped over to her hotel and rushed up the steps. I didn’t have the patience to wait for the elevator, and my veins were coursing with adrenaline. I thought about scooping her up in my arms and kissing her before I did anything, proving to her through my actions that I was sorry for leaving without saying anything.
But when I got to her door and knocked, there was no answer
I pounded my fist against the door until someone from a different room stuck their head out into the hallway. They gave me a nasty look, and I held my hands up in surrender.
My chest started to swell with panic. The worst-case scenario was now starting to dawn on me. I had been so preoccupied with how I would greet her that I didn’t stop to think about what Paige would’ve thought when she woke up alone.
I jumped my way down the steps and jogged to the front desk, hoping someone would tell me she was still here.
“Can I help you?” the man asked.
“Yes, I was just in room 204 with a young woman. Paige? I came by to drop something off for her, but she’s not answering. Could I leave it with you to give to her?”
“You can, but we’d have to mail it to her. She checked out this morning.”
My heart fell to my toes, and I could feel every ounce of confidence I had trickling out onto the floor beneath my feet.
“Well, if that’s the case, then I can just do that. I figured I’d catch her before she left.”
“You missed her by about two hours, sir. Is there anything else I can help you with?”
“No, but thank you for your time.”
I walked out to my bike in a daze. The sun seemed to shine a little dimmer, and the sky didn’t seem as vibrant as I remembered. My legs felt like they were going numb as I straddled my bike, and as my eyes fell to the black bullet between my legs, a thought ran through my mind.
I would never be able to get on my bike and not long for her arms around my waist.
“Fuck.”
I’d allowed her to paint my life with her colors. I had given her permission to make memories that would etch themselves into the walls of my mind, and now there would be things that triggered her memory, like taking a shower, eating at Dick’s, or straddling my bike.
She peppered just enough in my life for me to feel her absence, and I had no fucking clue what to do with that information.
I was officially in new territory, and like the rest of my life, I was entering it alone.