Grizz became a little bolder in the bedroom after that night, but he still never pressed me. He also started insisting I sleep in the nude like him. I always made sure I had a towel wrapped around me as I climbed into bed, and once I was under the covers I would take it off. This didn’t provoke or anger him, though. He thought it was funny and would just shake his head as he wrapped his arms around me and pulled my backside up against his front.
I actually slept very comfortably in Grizz’s arms. Maybe a little too comfortably. One particular night, not long after the Willow incident, I was enjoying an especially erotic dream.
I was dreaming about the night I lost my virginity to Grunt. The only difference was that I was not drugged and I was thoroughly enjoying our lovemaking. “Nights In White Satin” was playing in the background. He was on top of me and inside me, and his thrusts were rhythmic and I was meeting him each time. I felt his breath at my ear and he was saying to enjoy it, to let go. I had a quick and powerful orgasm. So intense it actually woke me up.
I was disoriented at first, not remembering where I was or who I was with. I was on my back and looked over to my left. And there was Grizz, smiling like the cat that ate the canary. He had his hand between my legs and was still touching me.
I pushed his hand away and sat up, aghast. “Stop it. What do you think you’re doing?”
“Lighten up, Kit. It’s not the end of the world if you let yourself enjoy it a little. Was that your first one?”
“That is none of your business!” I spat as I lay back down and rolled onto my side.
He pulled me against him, and I could hear him chuckling as I tried to fall back to sleep. But I was worried. Why was I dreaming about Grunt?
I spent the rest of the week in a crush-induced fog. I couldn’t get that dream out of my head. I found myself making excuses to be near Grunt. I continued to borrow books, play chess and ask to listen to his records. He would let me hang out in his room when he wasn’t there, and once or twice I tried on his jacket and checked myself out in the bathroom mirror.
It was funny. I felt so differently than I had the first night I tried on Grunt’s jacket. The night I got Gwinny. It was different now. I liked how I looked in it, and I wondered if I would ever get to ride on the back of his bike. I even started to fantasize I was there to be with him, not Grizz.
After a couple of days of making excuses to be in Grunt’s room to listen to his music, I found a brand new stereo system set up in number four. Grizz told me to borrow some of Grunt’s records until he got me my own. You would think I would be excited to have my own stereo, but I found myself disappointed that the main reason I had to hang out in his room had been taken away.
The fog lifted soon enough. It was a Saturday morning a few days later. Grizz told me he had to spend the day away from the motel. He said I could go off the grounds again with Grunt, but not to familiar places and to make sure I wore the baseball cap and sunglasses.
I was elated. This was perfect. I would ask Grunt to take me to the beach. With the thousands of girls my own age, I was certain I would blend in even if I didn’t wear the baseball cap and sunglasses. I put on my yellow bikini and cutoff shorts, slipped my feet into sandals and put my hair in a high ponytail. I headed for Grunt’s room.
I had my hand raised to knock on his door when it swung open. I stood there with my hand still in the raised position. Grunt was coming out of the room and stopped short when he saw me.
“Hey, Kit. You here for books, albums or chess lessons?” he said, laughing.
Grunt was not alone and I had obviously interrupted a private joke. He had his left arm slung around the shoulders of a girl.
Before I could answer him he said, “Kit. This is Sarah Jo. Jo, this is Kit. Kit lives here with Grizz.”
I thought I saw a flash of recognition in Sarah Jo’s face. Did she place me as the girl who went missing back in May?
She held out her hand to take mine and said, “It’s so nice to meet you, Kit. I cannot believe how much you look like my friend, Kelli. She just moved to North Dakota. I’m supposed to go visit her sometime this summer. You could be her twin sister.”
As she spoke, I sized her up. She was tiny. I mean, all the women at this motel seemed to be of small stature, except for Chicky who was on the voluptuous side, but this girl wasn’t little. She was miniature. She must have been only four foot eleven. She had a cute figure and seemed very well proportioned for someone so small. She had brown hair with gold highlights, blue eyes, a nice tan and a sprinkling of freckles on her nose.
She was adorable. It was hate at first sight.
“Jo is Fess’s daughter.” Grunt was saying. “She’s your age. You should have a lot in common.”
She giggled then and looked up adoringly at Grunt. “Can Kit go with us to the beach? We don’t have to take your bike. We can take your car.”
“Yeah, sure. Kit, wanna come? Looks like you’ve already got your bathing suit on.”
“Uh, no, I was actually just coming down to pick out some books if it’s okay,” I stammered.
“Oh, please come, Kit. It’ll be fun,” Sarah Jo begged.
Was she really this sweet or was it an act? I’d already been fooled by Blue’s wife, Jan. I wasn’t sure how I was feeling and didn’t trust myself to spend the day with them.
“Maybe another time. I’ve got a bad headache and the sun probably wouldn’t help,” I lied.
“Well, don’t read too much, then.” Grunt gave me a funny look that said he wasn’t sure if he believed my excuse. “Reading won’t help a headache. But I don’t keep the door locked. Help yourself.”
Then he turned to Sarah Jo. “C’mon, Littlin. Got your helmet?”
“Right here,” she said as she held it up with her left hand. Her right arm was draped around his waist. She waved to me as they started to walk away. “I’m sorry you don’t feel good. Maybe another time?”
“Yeah. Sure. Definitely.” I answered as they walked off, leaving Grunt’s door open.
Definitely never, I thought, staring through the open door without going in as I tried to figure out what I was feeling.
I wasn’t really troubled by her cuteness. I was cute too. Her blue eyes and bubbly personality didn’t really bother me either. I was always receiving compliments about my big, brown eyes. People always told me how smart I was. I closed Grunt’s door and continued to think about it as I made my way back to number four. I heard Grunt’s bike start.
And I stopped dead in my tracks. That’s what bothered me so much. Sarah Jo was wearing his jacket.
* * * * *
I spent the rest of the day keeping myself busy, grateful I hadn’t made a fool of myself in front of Grunt. He had a girlfriend. I don’t know why it’d never occurred to me that he might.
I had Chowder help me hook up some hoses, then took Damien and Lucifer down into the empty pool and bathed them. They loved it. Moe showed up sometime around one o’clock and I asked her if she could take me shopping. She looked at me skeptically and I told her Grizz had given me permission to go with Grunt. I didn’t see why it wouldn’t be okay if she took me to a couple of places. She motioned that she would and to give her ten minutes. That was enough time for me to go back to number four, check on Gwinny, change clothes, grab my hat and sunglasses and get some money.
Grizz had recently showed me where he kept some cash in case I ever wanted any. This was the first time I’d used some. My eyes widened when I realized the amount of money I was holding and had no choice but to take a hundred dollar bill. There was nothing smaller.
I met Moe back at her car. She drove a Volkswagen Bug. Naturally, it was black. I told her I needed bras. That was one article of clothing that hadn’t shown up at the motel. I also wanted to get another bathing suit. We headed north to the Pompano Square Fashion Plaza, which was north of Fort Lauderdale and not really familiar to me.
I went to JC Penney for the bras and was surprised that I found a bathing suit there, too. It was late June, and the bathing suit selections were usually picked over by this time of year. I settled on an orange and turquoise bikini that fit my top better than the yellow one Jan had given me. I encouraged Moe to try some things on, too. I had never seen her wear anything other than black T-shirts and black jeans. She just smiled and shook her head.
I asked her if we could find a grocery store on the way back and she nodded and took me to a small, family-owned store. It wasn’t in a really good part of town but I wasn’t afraid; I was just worried what Grizz might think if he knew where we were. Was I subconsciously trying to please him? But the grocery shopping was quick and uneventful, and before I knew it, we were heading back toward the motel.
We were back on State Road 84 heading west when she took a left. I realized we were heading into the small town of Davie. I asked her where we were going, and she reached into her ashtray, took out a small key and dangled it. Then it occurred to me. We were going to the post office to check the mail. I found this very interesting. I was curious to see if anyone else received mail besides Grunt.
Soon enough we pulled up and parked at a small building. I asked if I could go in, too. She shrugged her shoulders like “why not?” and I followed her in. We were in a small vestibule area that housed the boxes. I leaned up against a counter that was there for customers to use. I turned around and noticed there was a bulletin board above it. I took note of the lost dogs, horses for sale, babysitters and cleaning ladies for hire.
I heard Moe approaching and was just turning to follow her out when something caught my eye. It was an old missing persons flyer, yellowed with age. The girl in the picture seemed familiar. She had long black hair, parted down the center. Other than that, I couldn’t tell what it was that made me think I knew her. Then it dawned on me and my jaw dropped as I read:
$25,000 REWARD
Missing Person
Last Seen November 12, 1969
Miriam Parker
Aged 20
It was Moe.
* * * * *
I completely forgot about spying on the mail Moe had picked up. I followed her out to the car and got in. I must have been unusually quiet because she kept glancing at me as she started the car. I was speechless. I couldn’t think of what to say. That poster was printed six years ago, and it said she was twenty years old then. So she was twenty-six now. Her real name was Miriam Parker. I think that and her age were the first personal things, other than her missing tongue, that I learned about Moe.
There was a huge reward offered for her return. That amount of money is a lot today. It was really significant back then. That told me she was loved. That someone missed her. How many times had she been at this post office to get the mail? Surely she knew that poster was there. Maybe she didn’t. It was crammed in between a lot of different flyers. I wondered if she was from Davie. If she was, would she feel comfortable going in the local post office? Of course, with her short hair and heavy makeup, I doubted she would be recognized. Had she been kidnapped? Was her family threatened like mine?
I wanted so bad to ask Grizz, but wasn’t sure if I should. I could always ask Grunt, but I was still dealing with mixed emotions concerning him. If she had been with the gang since the time she went missing, that meant she would have arrived at the motel about the same time Grunt did. I wonder what he knew.
We drove off and she took some side roads. We were really in the heart of Davie now, and we turned off onto an unpaved road. We followed a fence for what seemed like a long time. On the other side of the fence was beautiful, green pastureland. I noticed horses in the field.
We pulled over at a shady spot. There was a gigantic ficus tree on the other side of the fence, and two horses were under it. She smiled and pointed. I looked at the horses and then at her.
“You like horses?”
She nodded and smiled. Then her smile faded and she didn’t look sad, but wistful. Like she was thinking about the past.
“Did you used to have horses?” I asked, pressing further.
A small nod this time. She never took her eyes off the big brown one.
“Did you have a horse that looked like that one?”
I looked from her to the brown horse and back again and I instantly knew. She didn’t have a horse that looked like this one. This one had been hers. We had just stepped into her past and I was honored and saddened at the same time that she had let me be a part of it. Again, I didn’t know what to say. She shifted the little bug into drive and made a sharp U-turn. We headed back to the motel.
As I carried my groceries into number four, I told her I was cooking dinner and she was invited. She carried my JC Penney bags for me and left them on the couch. I didn’t hear her leave.
I put the change on the dresser and went to feed the animals. After that, I put away my new bras and bathing suit and set to work in the kitchen.
I don’t know if I mentioned I could cook. As I got older at home, I’d taught myself. I was pretty good. I guess it was survival instinct. Vince and Delia usually ate something at Smitty’s or brought home take-out from a fast food restaurant. Early on I’d grown tired of macaroni and cheese, tomato soup and take-out, so I experimented. I knew I was a good cook based on Vince and Delia’s occasional requests.
This was the first time I found myself wanting to do something nice for someone at the motel. Up until this point I’d made small meals for myself, sometimes Grizz. He never asked me to cook for him and he lived mostly on take-out from one of the many bars he owned. I’d give Moe a small grocery list and she provided the basics every week. I’d been living off of cereal, grilled cheese and BLT’s. I was ready to cook again.
So here I was at the motel, whipping up spaghetti and meatballs from scratch. I made everything except my own pasta. I hadn’t thoroughly surveyed Grizz’s kitchen, so I realized too late that I didn’t have a strainer for the pasta. I found Chowder and he quickly made me a homemade strainer with some leftover screening. It was crude, but it worked. I thanked him and told him dinner would be at seven.
That’s how Grizz found the three of us. Moe and I were sitting on the couch. Chowder was in the recliner. We were holding our plates and eating and laughing at something Chowder had said.
“What smells so good?” Grizz asked as he laid some paperwork on his desk.
“Best damn spaghetti and meatballs I ever ate is what smells so good,” Chowder replied.
“From where?” Grizz asked.
Chowder now had a mouthful of food and motioned toward me with his empty fork.
Grizz looked at me. “You had somebody take you for take-out? Hope you saved me some.”
“I made it. Moe took me grocery shopping. There’s plenty. Help yourself.”
“Good, cause I’m half starved,” he said as he headed into the kitchen.
Chowder started to get up to let Grizz sit down, but Grizz motioned him back and indicated for me and Moe to scoot over. We made room for him on the couch. The four of us sat there in companionable silence and enjoyed the homemade meal.
Chowder and Moe eventually went back to their rooms, and I started to do the dishes. I thought I heard Grizz fiddling with the stereo. I was right. Before I knew it, Barry White’s sexy voice was belting out a tune. Grizz wanted to listen to Barry White? I stiffened for just a second then let myself relax. I had my hands in the hot, soapy water and was really enjoying the music when I felt Grizz come up behind me. He slipped his arms around my waist and softly kissed the side of my temple.
“Kit, I don’t know how much longer I can wait for you, honey. I’ve tried to be patient. To give you space. Just so you know, that’s not like me.”
My hands stilled. “I’m a little scared, Grizz. Actually, more nervous than scared.” I tilted my head up to him, hands damp. “I know you have experience. I have none. I’m afraid you’ve built me up in your head to an ideal I can’t live up to. I don’t want to disappoint you.”
Until that very moment I didn’t even know the extent of my feelings. But I recognized there was truth in what I said.
I was falling for Grizz.
I still can’t explain the Grunt thing. Maybe it wasn’t real. Maybe it was all in my head because of the dream. I didn’t know. It didn’t matter.
Because while I was talking, Grizz was kissing my neck and I was letting myself enjoy it. I closed my eyes and leaned into him.
“You could never disappoint me, baby and I don’t want you to have experience. Everything you need to know you’ll learn from me,” he said as he turned me around and kissed me. “Only me.”
I wasn’t a very practiced kisser, either, but I was able to take his lead and kiss him back the way he wanted. I was leaning into him now, and if what was pressed against my stomach was any indication of his feelings for me, then I must have been doing something right.
“I’ll go real slow with you, baby. I promise.”
I was heady with emotion. I didn’t think about Grunt. I didn’t think about Sarah Jo. I didn’t think about the kidnapping, Johnny Tillman, fence guy, Moe. I was lost in the man that was holding me and kissing me.
I stopped him, took him by the hand and led him back to the bedroom. He was right.
It was time.