My experience with Grizz was better than I ever expected. He was gentle, he was caring, he was patient. So different from the man I watched lead a notorious motorcycle gang.
The rest of the summer passed uneventfully. I signed up for the same high school correspondence course Grunt took. I fell into a domestic routine of cooking and cleaning. I spoiled the animals. Every evening after dinner, Grizz and I played chess on a little set that I bought on one of my shopping trips. Afterwards, he’d go to the pit while I read, did homework or practiced my guitar.
I never asked Grizz about his business and he never offered up any information, either. I rarely, if ever, went to the pit at night, but I knew he had to. In addition to just hanging out there, a lot of business was conducted around the fire. There were always people coming and going.
Two or three times I went with Moe to get the mail in Davie, and we made the same stop under the ficus tree each time.
I think I was happy, but restless. Something was bothering me. I struggled with my faith. There was serious guilt about having sex out of wedlock. I didn’t realize how much it bothered me until one evening in August.
Grizz and I were in bed and we were getting ready to make love. He was on top of me and kissing me. He slowly started to make his way down my body teasing me with his tongue and light kisses. Every time he went lower, I scooted lower, causing him to have to inch his body lower. Just as he was making his way below my belly button, he stopped what he was doing and looked up at me.
I was leaning up on my elbows, eyes wide. I’d been watching him.
“Damn it, Kit, what are you trying to do?”
“What do you mean? I’m not doing anything. What are you doing?”
“I’m trying to get to your pus—”
“Eh, stop it! Don’t say it. I hate that word. It’s so vulgar. Just don’t, please.”
“Kit, I’m laying here with my ass hanging off the end of the bed. Would you mind telling me why you won’t let me down there?”
“It’s just too personal.”
He looked at me strangely and started to crawl up to face me. “What do you mean too personal?”
“Look, I just think that you having your face in my…my—” I could tell he was getting ready to finish my sentence. “Don’t say it!”
With my right hand I absently played with the earring in his left ear and continued. “Having your face there is the most personal thing I can think of between a man and a woman. Even intercourse doesn’t seem as intimate compared to that.”
There, I finally said it.
I had avoided oral sex with him ever since that first night, after the spaghetti dinner. It was never an issue. He was true to his word about taking things slowly with me, and he never pushed me. When I thought he might try something like this, I purposely distracted him. When I had my period and thought he might want oral sex, I avoided him. I guess it was a miracle I’d held him off this long. I was very good at providing distractions. I didn’t fully understand myself the reason why until this moment. I did my best to explain.
“Look, Grizz. Thanks to Grunt, I will never be a virgin on my wedding night.”
He interrupted me before I could continue. “Kit, I’ve never told you how sorry I am about that. I never should’ve had Grunt do that to you. I wasn’t thinking straight. You know, I’m bigger than that damn stick. I thought it would hurt you less and I didn’t want to hurt you even a little. That’s why I let Grunt take care of it. I never cared about a woman before.”
He looked away from me then, and I realized how much it cost him to say that. That was the first and last time I heard Grizz express regret for anything.
“That’s not what I’m trying to get at here,” I said, cheeks flushing. “What I’m trying to say is I need to save something of myself for when I do finally get married one day. There has to be something I can give my future husband that is his alone. Does that make sense?”
I looked at him pleadingly and he didn’t say anything. An emotion showed on his face I had not seen yet. I was unable to read him. He dropped his forehead so it rested on mine. I wrapped my arms around his back and started to kiss him.
We made love that night and I fell asleep grateful he didn’t press the issue.
I thought the matter was dropped until two days later. He told me he was taking me somewhere special and to dress nicely.
I didn’t have any dress clothes, so I wore a nice sundress and sandals. He wore new jeans and a dress shirt. We got in his Corvette and headed for the beach. I pestered him the whole way. What were we doing? Why the surprise?
I was a little disappointed when we pulled up in front of Eddie’s tattoo parlor. I told him I didn’t mind waiting in the car, but he said to come inside. His business here had to do with me.
It had to do with me, all right. Apparently, Eddie was also an ordained minister.
That day I became Mrs. Richard David O’Connell. I was six months shy of my sixteenth birthday.