We were both sad about losing that baby, but we also agreed I should go back on the pill. There would still be children in our future. We would move into our new home. I would get my degree. Life would go on.
And it did. I never went back to the motel after moving into our home, but of course, Grizz had to. Chowder was now living in our old rooms. Monster had moved into one of the rooms, as well.
I decorated our new home. I took care of Damien and Lucifer. They were getting up in years, and it was obvious they’d slowed down. We had friends over for dinner. Grunt and Cindy came regularly. He was now a successful architect with a high-end firm on Las Olas Boulevard. Grunt and I became close a year or so after he moved in with Cindy. Strange as it seems, we spent a lot of time together. I think it was because Grizz wasn’t jealous since Grunt had been with Cindy so long. I think it was hard for Grizz, but he knew the key to keeping me happy wasn’t going to work if he kept me to himself. My friendship with Grunt was nice, comfortable, safe. I’d also become closer to my college friends, Carter and Casey. I spent a lot of time with them, as well. Sarah Jo was a regular at our dinner table after she graduated college and settled back in Ft. Lauderdale. She was married, too, and had stayed friends with her old boyfriend, Stephen, and his wife, April. They were all regular guests in our home. So were Anthony and Christy, our friends from the west coast of Florida. Even Sam and his girl-of-the-month came over once in awhile.
Chowder only came for Thanksgiving. I finally got to make that turkey, and Jan didn’t seem to mind turning over the reins. She was so busy with her job that she actually seemed to be relieved and happy to let someone else do the cooking.
And that is how the next few years rolled by. They were filled with friends, travel, concerts, taking care of our home and animals, long motorcycle rides and as close to domestic bliss as you can get. Our home was on a couple of acres and we had neighbors, but they weren’t close by. Still, I didn’t want people to be afraid of us. The only rule I had, and Grizz agreed: no gang business at our home.
Of course, our lifestyle was based on an illusion. When you look at it truthfully, I wasn’t really even married to Grizz. Ann Marie Morgan was, but let’s face it, I wasn’t Ann Marie. Our income, which had grown significantly with good and honest investments, was still based on money earned from illegal activity. A lot of it. Grizz had his hands on everything in South Florida at that time: prostitution, drugs, car theft, gambling, blackmail, loan-sharking. He had been sincere about turning the gang over to Blue when I had gotten pregnant, but with the miscarriage soon after, he saw no immediate reason to retire. And so the money rolled in. I never asked, but you can’t be with someone for all those years and not have a sense of what they were up to. I picked things up here and there. I wasn’t naïve, but I allowed myself to pretend I was.
I knew our lifestyle was built on a foundation of criminal endeavors, but as long as I wasn’t involved, I was able to forget it. I’d stopped balancing the checkbooks and monitoring the investments a few years back. It was turned over to an accountant. I pretended when my husband left for work in the morning that his job didn’t involve crime. I’d taken a part-time job with a small accounting firm in Miramar. I didn’t have to work, and I had a really difficult time convincing Grizz to let me, but he eventually did. I needed to work just to have some purpose in life.
As soon as I got my degree, I’d told Grizz I wanted to get pregnant. If having children was going to influence Grizz to give up the gang life, I wanted to have a baby as soon as I finished school. He agreed, and so I went off the pill. Unfortunately, it didn’t happen as quickly as I’d hoped. A year after graduating college, I still hadn’t conceived.
What I didn’t know during this time was that Blue and Jan’s marriage was falling apart. He’d caught her cheating, more than once, with attorneys she’d met on the job. Jan was attractive and always looking to better herself. Being married to the second-in-command of a motorcycle gang didn’t hold as much appeal as it once did. She wanted more. I was surprised she’d cheated on Blue. I’d have thought she’d have been scared to cross him, but she wasn’t.
Blue came to the house one day and told us the story. I was right to think she should’ve been afraid. I remembered a hit-and-run incident about four months earlier. Jan was walking to her car in a grocery store parking lot. She drove a nice car and always parked far away from the store entrance to avoid careless dings from someone who might’ve parked next to her. She was carrying two bags and fumbling with her keys, looking down as she walked, when a car out of nowhere hit her. The driver fled, and she was knocked unconscious and didn’t remember anything. It was a miracle she was only banged up and that nothing was broken. Based on the speed the car was going, it was a miracle she was alive.
Blue didn’t take her indiscretions lightly. I realized as Blue told us his tale that the hit-and-run was far more than that—he’d ordered an actual hit on her. I also knew he would’ve needed approval from my husband before doing so. I shivered.
Blue continued with his tale and said he’d finally had enough and kicked her out. Told her he would be seeking custody of the boys. Grizz grilled him about exactly how much Jan knew about the gang. Blue said he never told her anything. She didn’t even know about the night he took Grunt.
Grizz nodded. “Okay, so what harm can she do us, if any?”
The unspoken question, of course, was, “Can she tie the hit-and-run and anything else illegal to us?”
“I suppose she could have someone dig into our personal finances, but then she’s only implicating herself, I would think,” Blue told him. “Other than the fact that I have a motorcycle and a jacket, it’s all just speculation on her part. I don’t think anyone would touch it. As far as custody, she may be getting free legal advice, but the firm she works for specializes in estate taxes and stuff like that.”
I interrupted here. “Blue, Jan knows some things. She told me in detail about Moe’s early life and how she came to the motel. How she lost her tongue. She told me who lived at the motel, who didn’t live there. She even knew about the night I got Gwinny. If you didn’t tell her that, who did?”
“I don’t know,” Blue looked at both of us, bewildered. “Honest, Grizz. Maybe when Chicky or Willow came over when she was pregnant and off her meds? Remember when we had the girls stay with her once in awhile? I guess she could have heard stuff then. But I didn’t tell her where Kit came from or anything like that. Hell, she’s never even been to the motel. Doesn’t know any real names. Not even mine. I married her under an alias.”
Grizz glanced in my direction. I looked down. He knew what I was thinking. He’d married me under an alias. At least Jan got to marry Blue with her real name.
Grizz didn’t say anything for a minute. I could tell he was seriously thinking about this. He then asked Blue, “Do you think she talked to Willow, other than when Willow was there to keep an eye on her?”
“I guess it’s possible. Fuck, I honestly don’t know.” Blue gave me a sidelong glance. “Sorry, Kit. Know you don’t like the cursing. It’s a habit.”
More silence from Grizz. I knew Grizz trusted Blue implicitly and was trying to figure out if he had a mole. But with Willow’s intense hatred of me, it was very possible that she had been the one who communicated with Jan. Maybe she thought she would find an ally in Jan. There was no way to be sure. Jan would certainly never say, and Willow had been dead for years.
“And you want custody of Timmy and Kevin?” Grizz asked.
“Yeah, I want my boys, Grizz. I can’t give up my boys.”
“Okay then. I trust you. Go ahead and fight for your boys. If the gang comes up in any way, shape or form, I want to know immediately. Is that understood? You tell her that. You let her know what that means.”
“I will. I’ll tell her and she’ll understand. I’ll fight for my boys fair and square. The gang stays out of it. You have my word.”
The conversation ended, and it was the last I heard about Blue and Jan’s divorce and custody battle for awhile. She’d tried remaining friends with me, but I couldn’t bring myself to continue seeing her. I suspected she wanted to be friends with me for other reasons. Maybe she feared more retaliation from Grizz and knew a friendship with me would help her case. Maybe she just wanted to know what I knew, which was nothing. If Blue was telling Grizz things about the divorce and custody hearings, Grizz wasn’t telling me. I just figured it was in everyone’s best interest for me to stay away from her.
That was how I coped with all of it. Always had. I stayed away physically and emotionally.
* * * * *
It wasn’t until the custody hearing that things started to get really nasty. The divorce had been finalized months earlier, and Blue and Jan were sharing joint custody of the boys. Blue told Grizz that it looked like things were going to turn out in his favor. The motorcycle gang was brought up in the custody hearings, but with no proof, Jan was practically laughed out of the courtroom. Blue’s attorney attacked with a vengeance, bringing up Jan’s battle with mental illness and adultery.
I think that this lulled Blue and Grizz into a false sense of security where the gang was concerned. They figured she wouldn’t be able to do any harm now.
But I guess Jan couldn’t take it anymore. She finally pulled an ace out of her sleeve like she’d done so many years earlier, when Blue was going to leave her and she suddenly got pregnant.
This time it was different, though. This time, her ace would have a ripple effect that couldn’t be measured. It would destroy people. A lot of people.
Jan decided it was time to tell the world about Guinevere Love Lemon.